that is all

as long as it wasn't in the champagne room... cus there is no sex in the champagne room...

milestone ladies and gentlemen - a thread mocking my own thread. i guess i must mean something around here, finally.

that being said, not particularly funny.

I didn't even put two and two together... but felicidades anyways...

well i'm way more proud of this fcp rite of passage than i am of the subject of mine own thread.

i guess its just been a baller week. except the whole thing with the girl who i really like and who also really likes me but who led me on hella hard trying to get me to tell her how much i like her, only for her to say that shes still emotionally attached to the guy who goes to USC now and doesn't want a relationship with a senior who's leaving at the end of the year, after i sent her this long email, as per her request, outlining all the reasons that she is the most amazing girl i've ever met. and my streak of horrible luck with girls continues....still relationshipless and playless throughout high school despite my academic prowess, musical, and humorous nature. i'm not ugly either.

wow talk about a thread hijack.

It's so sick that it's sick.

yeah, getting into stanford is pretty nice... however the chick is not... your 17-18 going to stanford, I'm sure there's plenty of chicks waiting to drop their pants for you and your huge... brain...

Naturally. Congrats on having arrived.

Is her name Accolades, by any chance? Because it would be nice if this little thread came full circle, and I'm a big fan of closure...

Don't tell women you like them so much, except after you've spooed on their face. After you've spooed on their face, you have a 30 second window to tell them all that garbage. At 31 seconds, take it all back and start over.

It's almost impossible to believe that this didn't work.

Email is the new diamonds bro

I lol'd

Up next is a mix tape of all the songs she reminds him of

Hahahahahahahahaahahahahaha.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I had to call my gf over to read that. Seriously, the funniest thing I've read all day. LOLOLOL.

I sure hope they teach smooth at Stanford

I didn't. She denied me. Didn't even defer, just straight up denied me.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1215065salad1.html

Haha, I was thinking the same thing...

k let me back up a bit. okkkkkkayyyyyyyyy. because this really shoulda worked. we were talking on aim. she is in my european history class, ok? here are some tidbits of the conversation, verbatim:

zoe: "i wanna ask you a question because i feel bold. bold = tight. i am curious as to why i catch you staring at me in AP euro, or if you even are. if so, i am extremely flattered. please provide insight."

me: "well thats a pretty bold question....i mean, aesthetically speaking, i'd rather look at you than anyone else in there, but you're also right in my line of vision [she sits right across from me] and i guess i stare at a lot of people [which is true]. is that enough?"

zoe: "okay, so its not because you are madly in love with me or anything?"

[wow]

me: "lol, no." (didnt quite know what to say there)

zoe: "okay, just checking. damn, my ego deflated a little bit there "

after a few minutes....

me: "well, no one else is online, but i dont really know what to say." (we had acknowledged the awkwardness of the moment already)

zoe: well, i have something to say. i am gonna go downstairs and eat some chocolate, and then wash my extremely attractive self with some lotion, and then curl up into bed with a book."

me: "sounds good, ok"

zoe: "if you feel you want to say anything else, feel free to email me. i'm sorry for making this awkward."

me: "its all good, no worries, ok"

we are talking a little bit....

zoe: "oh my god, i need sleeeeep."

me: "hey, i ain't making you stay."

zoe: "yeah you are...you're the one who makes me feel good, and bad when i have to sign off."

me: "well i guess its in my best interest to keep you here, but if i really cared i'd make sure you got some sleep, so sign the **** off."

zoe: "okay, goodnight rubes...ix cube." [my name is reuben]





so it took me a long time to get up the courage to write her that email, but she asked for it, and it seemed hard to imagine based on that conversation that she didnt want me to stick it in her. everyone i told said the same thing.

by the way, i hate you guys.

From "if you feel you want to say anything else, feel free to email me." you inferred "her request, outlining all the reasons that she is the most amazing girl i've ever met" ? Are you serious?

Also, Reuben isn't a good name. Change it.

Well at least you tried - but despite the convenience of text, e-mail, and phone - conversations like the "why you are so wonderful" one should always be done in person. Women admire boldness and confidence (but not arrogance), so if anything, she would give you lots of credit for having the guts to say those type of things to her face without knowing how she would respond. And if she doesn't appreciate it, then one of her friends will, so it could be good for a beej either way.

sounds like a huge cunt. get her drunk, stick it in her dumper, and be done with it.

or, for other ways to demean women, ask misterB. dont tell him about the whole email thing though, he wont stop laughing long enough to type.

Sounds like she wants you to **** her.

MrB is too busy learning the fine points on how to back-penis someone, I doubt he has the time to help here.

you just don't make friends with salad

sorry, i should finish my story. the next morning, after i send the email, she calls me and we meet for lunch at noahs. there she tells me how sweet my email was, how she saved it, how i am definitely someone she'd like to date, how she likes me "a lot", and then goes into all the reasons that it wont work because of god damn andrew.

so i'm like whatever thats fine, but i obviously feel no closure. so the next day we have another aim conversation, which is much more serious and which i have saved on word. you guys wanna see it? its too long, forget it. anyway, my first question was "if you knew all along that nothing was gonna happen between us, why did you go so far out of your way to get me to tell you that i liked you?" to which she replied something like "well, i was pretty sure you were into me but i wanted to make sure that all our feelings were out on the table before we could proceed." so i told her that it was annoying because i felt so ridiculously led on by the whole thing, and how i shouldnt have sent that email. and she replied that the email was incredibly sweet and flattering and that i shouldnt be embarrassed at all, and basically told me that her decision has absolutely nothing to do with me, which is true. if you want the entire convo, pm me and we'll make it happen.

we both like each other and we know it, and nothings going down. that suxorz. to IQcrash, she in fact did want me to send the email, so i did follow her request, so since i aint getting any from teh ladies, suck my balls.

lol Thankfully you're only 17ish and will eventually learn how women work.

Bit of advice, you don't stand a chance with this one anymore, move on.

Just 'cause she dances GoGo that don't make her a ho, no.



Augmented:

Pick a new girl. You are on the friend ladder. If she were truly romantically interested in you and not just your ability to stroke her ego, you would be ****ing her by now.


The Ladder Theory

I've been spreading the gospel of the ladder theory for many years now; are you one of my converts or did some other brave missionary introduce you to it?

Thank goodness someone else said it too.

The actual well thought out document with illustrations was introduced to me by a good guy friend (who is totally on my friend ladder, but he doesn't pine for me so that's okay. He is also a good friend of my huband's).


Girls sort of know about the ladders deep down, which is what keeps guys like augmented from getting some from the hot, smart, friendly, tease ***** girl for whom he pines for all four years of high school. The ladder theory guy just figured it out and put it out there in the hopes that other young guys won't humiliate themselves for the rest of time over teenage girls that ultimately won't give them serious consideration because they want to date jerks who treat them like crap.

i've got one main problem with the ladder theory, and i will express that as a question:

how many women end up in long-term relationships and/or marriage with guys they do, or would, consider friends?

aka, what's of primary importance in a relationship to a women - romance/sex/etc, or friendship?

i don't know the answer btw.

Really?

i think that OP needs to get a picture of a happy family and paste his and her faces on it, frame it and give it to her.. if that doesnt work I would suggest a trip to Sandals in Jamaica.

lol

niiiiiiice



You seem like a nice guy.

Stop talking to this girl immediately. Ignoring her is literally your only chance of getting your dick wet. If she never comes around, then fuck it. There will be plenty of girls at Stanford that were geeks in high school and will revel in your attention.

Good luck.

thanks guys. this really does help, and though i dont agree with all of it given certain things about her that i know and you dont, it helps me see things differently. i'm currently thinking about this hot senior who likes me but is a total raging hippie vegetarian dike who tries to impose her will on others. shes hot though.

if you can hook up with her and not get attached, go for it.

well met



listen to this man, this is the best way to get your wick dipped. he gets more ***** than you'd believe.



do it. girls like that have self-confidence, but are usually easy to manipulate too, so its best of both worlds. as long as you don't let her impose her will on you with any consistency, that's a good spot to get your money in. if she's used to pressuring others, she may allow a boyfriend to exercise control over her.

and no, i don't know what i'm talking about.



damnit

You're like a little puppy. You're gonna get walked all over by women.

Have fun.

Wow... just when I thought this couldnt get any funnier...




To be fair, he is pretty much the sexiest man alive







OK boss, here's the deal. Have you ever seen this movie? Its a classic (lots of boobs, funny stereotypes, etc.)




You need a little less "Ricky Lipman" and a little more "Jake Wyler"

its like something out of a really bad chick flick