Mmm . . . alcohol, the sweet nectar of the Gods, or God depending on your religious beliefs. How to determine what your religious beliefs are:
1. You believe in one God if on every Sunday you go to an extravagant house, and sing hymns about a man walking on water and turning water into wine.
2. You believe in multiple Gods if you drink goats' blood.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand, alcohol. Everybody loves alcohol and if you don't you should be poked with a sharp stick. The poking would continue until you either: Died of massive blood loss, or became a full-blown alcoholic. There are really only two types of people in the world; people that drink for taste, and people that drink to lose all inhibitions. I belong to the latter group. There's nothing like going to a crazy party and waking up next to the porcelain throne only to find that your eyebrows are missing and you have the words "I Love Weiner" written on your forehead in permanent marker.
Recently, scientists have begun doing studies regarding the effects of alcohol using monkeys. One scientist was preparing some beer for one of the monkeys. The monkey began to shriek and holler. Which is what monkeys do; especially when someone is trying to give them alcohol. The monkey, with fear in his eyes, looked at the man and said, "Sir, I do not wish to partake in the drinking of beer. For I am afraid it will have a dire effect on my brain functioning and I will lose my eyebrows." Of course everyone knows monkeys don't speak English (they speak Italian) so the scientist proceeded to give the monkey alcohol.
After a few drinks the monkey entered into Stage 1 of alcohol intoxication. There are four stages of alcohol intoxication. They are:
1. Buzzed- You begin to get a little dizzy, and a moronic grin somehow finds its way onto your face.
2. Drunk- An increased level of dizziness, the grin remains, and your speech becomes impaired.
3. Sedated- This is the stage in which you lose all inhibitions. Your speech and vision are both highly impaired, and the women you once thought were trolls begin to look like Halle Berry. Your ability to drive a race car improves dramatically. Notice I said race car; not any average car you would find on the streets of America. If you were to drive one of these cars you would surely get into an accident, and your insurance premium would increase by a bajillion percent.
4. Dead- You die, not recommended.
As you can clearly see the stage to be in is Stage 3. Stage 1 and 2 offer nothing more than a silly grin and dizziness. In Stage 4 you lose your life, which is not fun, or so I've heard. At least in Stage 3 you may get the opportunity to drive a race car, and you will only lose your eyebrows; which actually grow back. Well, at least mine always do.
Full Version: Something Crappy I Wrote
QUOTE (SuperJon @ Saturday, October 14th, 2006, 3:49 PM) 
Mmm . . . alcohol, the sweet nectar of the Gods, or God depending on your religious beliefs. How to determine what your religious beliefs are:
1. You believe in one God if on every Sunday you go to an extravagant house, and sing hymns about a man walking on water and turning water into wine.
2. You believe in multiple Gods if you drink goats' blood.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand, alcohol. Everybody loves alcohol and if you don't you should be poked with a sharp stick. The poking would continue until you either: Died of massive blood loss, or became a full-blown alcoholic. There are really only two types of people in the world; people that drink for taste, and people that drink to lose all inhibitions. I belong to the latter group. There's nothing like going to a crazy party and waking up next to the porcelain throne only to find that your eyebrows are missing and you have the words "I Love Weiner" written on your forehead in permanent marker.
Recently, scientists have begun doing studies regarding the effects of alcohol using monkeys. One scientist was preparing some beer for one of the monkeys. The monkey began to shriek and holler. Which is what monkeys do; especially when someone is trying to give them alcohol. The monkey, with fear in his eyes, looked at the man and said, "Sir, I do not wish to partake in the drinking of beer. For I am afraid it will have a dire effect on my brain functioning and I will lose my eyebrows." Of course everyone knows monkeys don't speak English (they speak Italian) so the scientist proceeded to give the monkey alcohol.
After a few drinks the monkey entered into Stage 1 of alcohol intoxication. There are four stages of alcohol intoxication. They are:
1. Buzzed- You begin to get a little dizzy, and a moronic grin somehow finds its way onto your face.
2. Drunk- An increased level of dizziness, the grin remains, and your speech becomes impaired.
3. Sedated- This is the stage in which you lose all inhibitions. Your speech and vision are both highly impaired, and the women you once thought were trolls begin to look like Halle Berry. Your ability to drive a race car improves dramatically. Notice I said race car; not any average car you would find on the streets of America. If you were to drive one of these cars you would surely get into an accident, and your insurance premium would increase by a bajillion percent.
4. Dead- You die, not recommended.
As you can clearly see the stage to be in is Stage 3. Stage 1 and 2 offer nothing more than a silly grin and dizziness. In Stage 4 you lose your life, which is not fun, or so I've heard. At least in Stage 3 you may get the opportunity to drive a race car, and you will only lose your eyebrows; which actually grow back. Well, at least mine always do.
1. You believe in one God if on every Sunday you go to an extravagant house, and sing hymns about a man walking on water and turning water into wine.
2. You believe in multiple Gods if you drink goats' blood.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand, alcohol. Everybody loves alcohol and if you don't you should be poked with a sharp stick. The poking would continue until you either: Died of massive blood loss, or became a full-blown alcoholic. There are really only two types of people in the world; people that drink for taste, and people that drink to lose all inhibitions. I belong to the latter group. There's nothing like going to a crazy party and waking up next to the porcelain throne only to find that your eyebrows are missing and you have the words "I Love Weiner" written on your forehead in permanent marker.
Recently, scientists have begun doing studies regarding the effects of alcohol using monkeys. One scientist was preparing some beer for one of the monkeys. The monkey began to shriek and holler. Which is what monkeys do; especially when someone is trying to give them alcohol. The monkey, with fear in his eyes, looked at the man and said, "Sir, I do not wish to partake in the drinking of beer. For I am afraid it will have a dire effect on my brain functioning and I will lose my eyebrows." Of course everyone knows monkeys don't speak English (they speak Italian) so the scientist proceeded to give the monkey alcohol.
After a few drinks the monkey entered into Stage 1 of alcohol intoxication. There are four stages of alcohol intoxication. They are:
1. Buzzed- You begin to get a little dizzy, and a moronic grin somehow finds its way onto your face.
2. Drunk- An increased level of dizziness, the grin remains, and your speech becomes impaired.
3. Sedated- This is the stage in which you lose all inhibitions. Your speech and vision are both highly impaired, and the women you once thought were trolls begin to look like Halle Berry. Your ability to drive a race car improves dramatically. Notice I said race car; not any average car you would find on the streets of America. If you were to drive one of these cars you would surely get into an accident, and your insurance premium would increase by a bajillion percent.
4. Dead- You die, not recommended.
As you can clearly see the stage to be in is Stage 3. Stage 1 and 2 offer nothing more than a silly grin and dizziness. In Stage 4 you lose your life, which is not fun, or so I've heard. At least in Stage 3 you may get the opportunity to drive a race car, and you will only lose your eyebrows; which actually grow back. Well, at least mine always do.
shhhhhh. Go back to bed.
If you're going to take the time to write like this, you should probably get some self-respect and start a blog.
You may reply with "I'm not narcissistic enough to have a blog".
Well that's a ridiculous response. How do you know if you don't even try? You may be surprised.
You may reply with "I'm not narcissistic enough to have a blog".
Well that's a ridiculous response. How do you know if you don't even try? You may be surprised.
Wow..... that was indeed somewhat crappy.
QUOTE (RodReynolds @ Saturday, October 14th, 2006, 9:26 AM)
If you're going to take the time to write like this, you should probably get some self-respect and start a blog.
You may reply with "I'm not narcissistic enough to have a blog".
Well that's a ridiculous response. How do you know if you don't even try? You may be surprised.
You may reply with "I'm not narcissistic enough to have a blog".
Well that's a ridiculous response. How do you know if you don't even try? You may be surprised.
I am now considering starting a blog myself.
I believe in one entry I can accomplish what you only claim to do:
QUOTE (JoeyJoJo @ Saturday, October 14th, 2006, 1:55 PM)
I am now considering starting a blog myself.
I believe in one entry I can accomplish what you only claim to do:
Main Entry: gen·er·a·tion
Pronunciation: "je-n&-'rA-sh&n
Function: noun
1 a : a body of living beings constituting a single step in the line of descent from an ancestor b : a group of individuals born and living contemporaneously c : a group of individuals having contemporaneously a status (as that of students in a school) which each one holds only for a limited period d : a type or class of objects usually developed from an earlier type <first of the...new generation of powerful supersonic fighters -- Kenneth Koyen>
2 a : the action or process of producing offspring : PROCREATION b : the process of coming or bringing into being <generation of income> c : origination by a generating process : PRODUCTION; especially : formation of a geometric figure by motion of another
3 : the average span of time between the birth of parents and that of their offspring
I believe in one entry I can accomplish what you only claim to do:
Main Entry: gen·er·a·tion
Pronunciation: "je-n&-'rA-sh&n
Function: noun
1 a : a body of living beings constituting a single step in the line of descent from an ancestor b : a group of individuals born and living contemporaneously c : a group of individuals having contemporaneously a status (as that of students in a school) which each one holds only for a limited period d : a type or class of objects usually developed from an earlier type <first of the...new generation of powerful supersonic fighters -- Kenneth Koyen>
2 a : the action or process of producing offspring : PROCREATION b : the process of coming or bringing into being <generation of income> c : origination by a generating process : PRODUCTION; especially : formation of a geometric figure by motion of another
3 : the average span of time between the birth of parents and that of their offspring
Wow, I'm stupid. It took me about half an hour to finally get this joke.
This was response I was planning:
----------------------------
Hey JoeyJoJo, usually when I don't understand a joke I just ignore it. But when someone with the funnies makes a joke, I know that it is worth finding out why it is funny, even if it makes me look foolish. So please, do you mind making me look like an idiot and explain the joke. What do I claim to do? Also, sorry for potentially ruining the joke, due to your explanation.
----------------------------
Conclusion: RodReynolds is dumb.
Edit: Your joke no longer makes sense. That's gotta make you feel stupid.
QUOTE (RodReynolds @ Saturday, October 14th, 2006, 1:58 PM)
Edit: Your joke no longer makes sense. That's gotta make you feel stupid.
It is a dumb joke, but why doesn't it make sense?
EDIT: Damn, I just realized I was quoted.
RodReynolds - 1, JoeyJoJo - 0.
Wow.
QUOTE (RodReynolds @ Saturday, October 14th, 2006, 4:58 PM)
Wow, I'm stupid. It took me about half an hour to finally get this joke.
Oh, I think I get it. I'm assuming that your blog says something about defining a generation or something. I've read it before but I'm too lazy to check to make sure that's the joke.
Edit:
Upon reading Ron's two newest blog entries, I have decided that his blog is without question the best blog on the internet.
Double edit:
Link
Yeah, this made me burst our laughing. The comments that this post got were priceless.
Link
Yeah, this made me burst our laughing. The comments that this post got were priceless.
QUOTE (LongLiveYorke @ Saturday, October 14th, 2006, 3:51 PM)
Double edit:
Link
Yeah, this made me burst our laughing. The comments that this post got were priceless.
Link
Yeah, this made me burst our laughing. The comments that this post got were priceless.
That was great.
I loved the LINK part.
QUOTE (LongLiveYorke @ Saturday, October 14th, 2006, 6:51 PM)
Double edit:
Link
Yeah, this made me burst our laughing. The comments that this post got were priceless.
Link
Yeah, this made me burst our laughing. The comments that this post got were priceless.
I posted my results at a math forum also
http://mathforum.org/kb/message.jspa?messa...13&tstart=0
More of the same type of comments, you may find it amusing too.
QUOTE (RodReynolds @ Sunday, October 15th, 2006, 8:58 AM)
I posted my results at a math forum also
http://mathforum.org/kb/message.jspa?messa...13&tstart=0
More of the same type of comments, you may find it amusing too.
http://mathforum.org/kb/message.jspa?messa...13&tstart=0
More of the same type of comments, you may find it amusing too.
Interesting. I expected them to start asking for it to be "locked up" and to post dancing "locks" and to beg for you to die and such. And then I expected a few pictures that have been edited with words to in a clever way indicate that you should die or in some way demonstrate your inferiority. And then I expected about a page of "QFT"s after all that. And maybe a comment or two saying, "fold preflop" even though they know that it has nothing to do with poker.
Oh well, I guess I'm just spoiled here.
I was waiting for a punchline.
I'm making coffee right now.
It's a blend of shade grown Costa Rican, Jamacian, and Hawaiian.
At a critical stage in the slow roasting process, the beans are then smoked. This helps seal the oils in the beans and brings them to their peak flavor. They even pack the beans while warm right out of the roaster.
Seriously, the best coffee I've ever had.
"The Steaming Bean" check it out if you love coffee.
It's a blend of shade grown Costa Rican, Jamacian, and Hawaiian.
At a critical stage in the slow roasting process, the beans are then smoked. This helps seal the oils in the beans and brings them to their peak flavor. They even pack the beans while warm right out of the roaster.
Seriously, the best coffee I've ever had.
"The Steaming Bean" check it out if you love coffee.
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