I'm bored and haven't been as entertained as of late by some of these threads.... plus I'm looking forward to hearing some stories.

This one was about my friend,
He was parked in an empty parking lot at the time with his girlfriend at the times. They were hanging out and smoking weed, his gf then decides to start to go down on him. As he is laying in his seat, he is blinded by a bright spotlight. Before he could get his bearings, a cop was rapping at his window. He puts the joint by his shifter, rolls the window down and before he could utter a word the cop told him to get out of the car. Afraid to make any movements, he gets out of the car with his di.ck hanging out of his pants. The cop gives him a once over and asks why his hands are covering his crotch. My friend says "Oh i forgot to wear my belt so I'm holding up my pants." Since he smelled the weed he thought my friend was hiding something and asked him to move his hands. As soon as he did this the bottom up his shirt raised up and his wang stood up saluting the officer. The officer just stared at him baffled and shook his head. My friend then confessed what was going on, that he was smoking and what he and his gf was doing. The cop just gave him a warning but before he let them go he took my friend by his car and gave him a 10 minute lecture telling him that it is disrepectful to have his gf do that to him in the car. He told my friend that if it was his daughter and he found out he would chop the guys di.ck off.
- I hope you guys can top this, I think its pretty embarassing but maybe you got something better.

Was it his daughter?

and by "true story about my friend" you of course mean "true story about me", right?

What else would he mean?

I once passed out midshit, and my roommate brought his girlfriend back and it smelled like puke+poop.

haha no really it was about my friend, I would say me if it was really true.

In a high school track meet I was kickin *** in tha lead in the 200m and my legs turned to spaghetti and i just face plant rolled like that "Special" person in the Garth Brooks - Standin outside tha fire video. The thought of at least like 80+ people simultaneously laughin at me still makes me shudder

It was like somthin outta some lame 80s movie.

in high school, all of the seniors gave a 12 minute talk to the class. During my friends (and I do mean my friends, not mine) talk, he had to sneeze. He had to take a little pause but the sneeze didn't come out. Then about 2 minutes after that, the sneeze came out and everyone could see his snot come out. Everybody started laughing and then the best part was he was missing two out of the 8 pages of his talk. He couldn't read the conclsion but the teacher felt bad and still gave him a good grade

When I was around 17, I went to bed early around 9pm. I usually sleep in my boxers, and that night was no different. At around 3am, I awoke in my bathroom sitting on my toilet with my head on the sink. At first, I thought that maybe I had been dropping the kids off at the pool. However, I then realized that I was now fully clothed.


How and why, I doubt I will ever know.

thats awesome, I actually starting laughing after I read that.

In high school my friends and I got drunk at our buddy RJ's house. Long story short, when I woke up the next morning, I went in to take a piss and there is RJ, naked in a bathtub full of water, and shit and piss and puke. Pretty funny. Unfortunately we could not find a camera.

He had no explanation.

This was a mildly entertaining story untill the last sentence, then it was funny.

Two Things.

1. http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...showtopic=77115

2. In college, myself and four friends moved into a 9 bedroom house. This house had been a frat house, but they lost their charter. We got it on the cheap. It was huge, ten foot ceilings, two living rooms, two kitchens, lots of room.

Two of my roommates were in a frat, so naturally we had lots of parties that frat guys came to. This can be beneficial, because frat guys usually bring frat girls. We had a party one night about this time of year. We were on our second keg and were getting out of hand.

Our back staircase trails the back corner of the house. That is, our back staircase goes up four steps, turns 90 degrees left, and continues up to the second floor. Remember this.

An important frat guy decided that he would try to hook up with a freshman who showed up. He got her to this back staircase. They went to the top of the stairs, where she started to go down on him, with her butt facing down the stairs.

Just then, the cops came in the back door. There was mass hysteria due to the younger crowd, and everyone started screaming and running out the front and out the windows. Evidently, this girl was quite surprised to hear that cops were in the house, so she stepped back. And promptly fell down the stairs, putting her head threw the wall at the bottom and continued down the remaining four stairs, knocking herself out with her pants at her ankles.

Well, Mr. Frat guy decides now would be a good time to laugh. And laugh some more. Not go and help the girl, but laugh. Her friends bust in and see her, and then they start laughing. By this time, the girl had come to and wasn't very happy. She crawled out the window nearby, ripping her pants on a nail on the way out.

We didn't see her again.

This story is reproduced from a thread I started awhile back. It's one of my favorite stories told at my expense:


Okay, I just told this story to some friends of friends a while back, and I thought I'd share it with you all. Because it shows exactly how stupid I am.

My junior year of college, I lived in a 5 man house, and all our best friends lived next door. We all got along fabulously, and we could get pretty crazy.

We had one game we'd kinda play, called "made ya look". The goal was to catch somebody looking at something disgusting, usually your own *** or testicles. It was a fun game, and if you looked, got surprised, and flinched, you got punched on the shoulder. Just a stupid game.

Well, one night I was watching a Pistons game with 7 or 8 guys, all good friends, having a few beers before a girl I knew was supposed to stop by to pick up some dinner/hang out. This girl was a real catch. She was a year older than me, really smart, very mature, and waaaay too pretty for me. Generally, she was out of my league. She was a bit of a nit, but I figured I could loosen her up. Until then, I kinda wanted to keep my crazy-ass friends away from her so they couldn't scare her away. Her name was Kathy

Anyway, I'd been nailed 3 or 4 times at "made ya look" that night, and it was really starting to piss me off. Everyone was ganging up on me. It was pick on Shimmering Wang night, I guess. So I formulated a plan, a coup de tat if you will (and if that's how that phrase is spelled).

I went into the kitchen and thought to myself, "What can I do that will so shock and disgust a room of 20-something half drunk men/animals? I know!"

I have a gigantic ball-sac. My testicles are reasonably large (everything else down there is pretty normal looking), but the sac itself is freakish overkill, like wrapping two Grade A eggs in a potato sack. Seriously.

So I have this maneuver. In highschool I used to steal people's cameras at parties when they got drunk and passed out, and I'd pull my sac up over my junk. And take a picture.

So, I dropped trow, pulled my mutated ballsac up over my equipment, and just before I stepped out, I said, "Hey guys, check this out."

And just as I leaped into the family room, I shouted "FLYING SQUIRR-...."

Everyone in the room dropped their jaws, looking mortified beyond belief.

I turned slightly to my left, and there sitting was the beautiful, now horrified, Katherine. She quickly picked her jaw up off the floor, stood up, crossed her arms, looked at me with unabashed disgust plain on her face, and said, "You're sick. Don't call me." She walked out of the house and out of my life forever.

(shrug) Fuck her if she don't get it. I got drunk and snagged a handjob from the girl 4 houses down.

Cheers,

The Shimmering Wang

I opened this thread when I saw Wang was the last poster.

didn't disappoint. I Wang.

I've got an embarassing story about gkunit120.

This one time, he said "i wang"

Come on, you know you laughed...

i did laugh

my favorite part

Coup d'etat.


<-------------- Not trying to be a jerk, just being helpful.


P.S. Nice story. If she doesn't laugh at that then she's lame anyways. If she falls over laughing and still wants to hang out with you, you should probably marry her.

Actually, after I wrote this story, I looked it up. I even remember being sure there was an apostrophe in there somewhere. I was on a roll as I was typing, and unwilling to break stride.

Thanks.

As to your post script: I met a girl who I played beer pong with a lot in college. She was pretty, and fun, and surprisingly interesting. When I played with my friends, I used to just whip my nuts out as a distraction method, and- let's be honest here- I was vainly proud of my stupid-mutant balls.

Well, when I played with this chick, I obviously tried NOT to expose myself. You know, because that's all sick and shit. One of my friends, trying to set me up or turn me into a massive pussy, said something about my "patented psyche-out move."

Now, if there's one thing I don't have, it's pride. Or common sense. Or a self-preservation instinct. So I turned to my attractive female partner, apologized, and- with great flair and showmanship- extracted my testicles from my button-fly jeans. My partner, without missing a beat, got on her knees and opened her mouth a few inches from my sac.

Shaken, my opponents missed both shots, and we closed the game on our turn, with my nuts still exposed at her request. I had an inappropriate boner that I had to tuck under my belt.

Sadly, she was (obviously) too big a tramp to be marriage material, but she is still one my favorite people on the planet.

Wang

Can I get her number?

No. But you can have some pictures of the skank:








You know, if she ever saw this, she'd be furious. Then again, I'm pretty fucking hammered right now, so... (shrug) Who cares?

Wang

Wang is going to PWN this thread.

This thread seemed to have Wang written all over it from the get-go.

Can't belive i didnt remember this one earlier

My ex and I had borrowed her parents video camera for a "school project" (she was goin to a community college 4 teacher's aid). I won't go into the sordid details but lets just say there was a little nose candy and alot of explicitness in this so called school project.

Being completely stupid we left the tape in the camera and went out of town for a weekend. Her dad stopped by to pick up the camera and my roommate saw no harm in returning it to daddy dearest. So when we find this out we're all like " NO **** YOU F"N TARD" ( not his fault tho ). A few days later the ex goes to her parents place and her dad pulls her aside, gives her the tape and says, " I think this belongs to you". I didnt go for obvious reasons and it took me a good month and a half to get the nerve to face her dad. Nothin was said but to say the least our relationship was a little different after that.

I laugh about now cuz the psycho beeyatch is outta my life (why are all the really good lays crazy?).

I effin love your stories man im sure you've got more

"Thank you sir may I have another"
- FMJ

Is it still a double post if its like a day apart??

I've posted a few of them around here and in the blogerino. I think if you search for threads with "Shimmering Wang" in the title you'll find a few crappy stories I've shared.

So I'm a junior in high school at a not so big school. I was 4 days from being revelled in a popularity contest known as the Student Body elections, and was just about to be sworn in as my high schools next president. We are in Junior (soon to be senior) class meeting electing our class representatives and I was personally full of all kinds of ego.

We're in a second floor classroom in a building built in the 1940's. Windows open from the bottom and hinged at the top with no screens. Had the standard 3 dollar mini blinds covering them. This is also where I should mention I was still a little high from a lunch hour "snack".

Somehow, blinds get ripped off the window. I propose that since the teacher is not yet there, we hang them from the window lock and see how far we can swing them back and forth. Of course I forgot the fact that this classroom was directly above the principals office.

When he walked into the room I was actually hanging half out the window. I was proverbially caught with my "hand in the cookie jar". I was still pretty quick with my convo with the principal, in front of my whole class of course.

"Tucker, what do you think you are doing?" he asked.

"Giving a physics lesson, Why?" I retort, as I remove myself from the window.

"Right, what lesson is this?" he asked knowing the most science I had completed in school was the obligatory biology.

"Swinging big **** out of windows" too which I was showered in laughs.

After the meeting in his office, the call to my parents and tonguelashing of a "disappointed principal" I was sent home to return the following day and spend the whole day in in-school suspension.

This "in-school suspension" at my school was spent in a small room, about 8x8 feet with a standard desk in the middle of the room and a counter against one wall with a working sink for who knows what. I always assumed it was for cleaning up after a "study" session between teachers or students. A night of drinking and plenty of ideas had me show up to school with a couple of screwdrivers, phillips and flat.

After lunch I went about taking all the screws out of everything. I would leave a couple in slightly to make sure that things looked normal when touched but definitely would fall apart to any touch. Everything was done including the doorknob to the door to get in.

I took off about 15 minutes early, as the door was to the main hall and there were no teachers to see me leave. I pulled the door shut and hauled *** out of there knowing the trouble that I would be in if I hung around. The next day was great too.

I get to school with a pocket tape recorder. He obviously immediately pulls me into his office and begins berating me.

Some actual phrases he used were:

"You are a loser. Just because these idiot kids voted for you to be the president doesn't mean you are better than them. It just means that even a village full of idiots needs a leader."

"I will own your life if you cross me again. You have no idea how much control over your life I have within the reach of my fingers."

"You're gonna be just like your father. A nobody from Idaho with no future without a job." (On a sidenote I thought this was the funniest comment of all as my real dad, this man never knew. My stepdad, whom he was referencing didn't have a job, perse. He was a retired steel plant foreman who created a line of hunting stoves and accessories that has made probably 5 times the money this principal has over the span of his whole life. Obviously the kind of guy you don't want to pattern your life around)

So, I get outta the room and off to my two week out of school suspension with my little tape. I wait off the rest of year from bringing the tape back to school. Outside it was becoming quite the spectacle, as figured since this was such a small town. People were talking about the tape and I was walking around town pretty damn proud of myself. This principal tried to get me expelled for my senior year along with trying to take away my presidency. Teachers who liked me stood up for me though, and to this day I thank you Mr. Barber and Ms. Vezina for loving the humor.

I kept that tape all year, knowing it would come in handy sooner or later. On the day of my graduation, almost 13 months later was when I could use it in my favor. I had to speak at the graduation for 15 minutes. I am quite an accomplished speaker when I prepare, but for this I thought the tape would be enough.

After about a 5 minute introduction thanking everyone with the generic pleasantries, I open up telling some history of me in that school and what I thought about things. Of course this story began to be retold. After the aforementioned dialogue was retold, I reach into my pocket, pull out the recorder. Stop, turn around and wink at this principal.

In what I can say was only a stroke of karma brought on directly from Big Guns upstairs, This principal stood up and yelled "wait a minute". Only problem was his trousers weren't used to his fat *** moving so fast and they split right down the seam in the rear just like in a bad 80's movie. The teachers, sitting around him and the students sitting to the left of him heard and saw this happen and began to laugh. Which brought in the some 500 or so in the auditorium to laugh at the sight of his face on the big screen camera.


This is probably one of the best things to happen in my life. If I ever get around to it I will figure out how to get the video off VHS to my PC to post on Youtube. Hope you guys enjoy.

thats great.
i wish i was there at the graduation speech.

haha good story, you youtube it up and let us all know when we can see it!

hahahahahaha, that's great.

Embarrassing story:
I woke up this morning and came to work.

Is that killing ya or what? HAHAHAH LOL GHAHAHAA LOL

GOSH!

lookin 4ward to it

i would like to see this story on youtube