FB - fuking Buddy, the person you're cheating with.

edit: You can use this too if you suspect your SO is cheating on you.

1. Choose your FB carefully. The FB can't be too clingy or want too much of a relationship because you can't offer that. Don't pick someone you know you can't control or keep in check.
2. Call your cell phone company and tell them you don't want detailed billing because it includes a listing of incoming and/or outgoing calls on your bill.
3. Give your FB a same sex name in your phonebook. ex. If you FB is named Laura, list her as Stan in phonebook. Your SO will know if your over-protective about your phone
4. Work on a schedule with your FB. Tell him/her that you're really busy with work/school, so you think it'd be better if dates were scheduled in advance.
5. Keep spontinaety with your FB to a minimum.
6. ID and list your SO's (and his/her friends) favorite hangouts and stay away from them.
7. Keep it on the dl. The more high profile you and your FB are, the higher chance you have of getting caught.
8. Have a good reason for not answering the phone when you're with your FB and your SO calls. Its not always going to work, so sometimes you have to excuse yourself from your FB and return your SO's calls.
9. Get an email account your SO doesn't know about.
10. Clear IE's internet history and cookies after each time you use the computer.
11. Whenever you're going out with your FB, wear a different outfit and change back before you go back home to your SO.
12. Don't freak out and control your behavior. Your SO will notice if you start acting distant or get defensive when he/she asks "how was your day" or "what did you do today"
13. Don't neglect your SO. Keep him/her happy, suprise him/her every once in a while, don't drastically cut back on the time you spend with him/her. Make him/her think you'd never imagine cheating. Don't overdo it though.
14. Make sure your friends always have your back. Even though they may feel bad your SO, keep them aware of whom their loyalty should lie with.
15. I'm working late, or I have a meeting, or I have to do something with clients isn't going everytime. Try to meet your FB for lunch or during the workday sometimes.
17. If your FB finds out you're cheating (if he/she doesn't know already), make sure he/she knows to keep their mouth shut. If your FB is a girl, it won't be hard to crush her self esteem and tell her she didn't stack to your gf/wife.
18. Discover your SO's insecurities and flaws. If he/she finds out your cheating, exploit them as the reasons you cheated.

If anyone has more, feel free to add them

Teneight is the coolest.

Umm. New at this but..
RKIGS?

Nachooooooooooooooooooooo!

God awful. Lock it up.

you've reached your new thread limit.

Jenny McCarthy's article on how to cheat in FHM was better. This is all Dog101 stuff here. If you can't keep from over looking these things you don't deserve a FB in the first place.

FYP

A girl cheated on me once. When I found out, I told her I had a surprise for her. I made her a wonderful dinner at her place, complete with nice music, Fettucini Alfredo, and a few nice bottles of wine. Then I railed the shit out of her. When she passed out (didn't handle wine to well), I beat off on her back, took a picture with a digital camera, and stole all her money on the way out, leaving her sticky, alone, and without capital.

I used some of the money to get the picture printed out real big on nice photo-quality paper. I then sent the picture to her bone-buddy, with the caption "She's All Yours!" in big letters at the top, along with "That's Not Coconut" in smaller letters across the bottom.

I think they're still together, and might even be engaged.

Wang

How much did you get out of her?

wow. i wonder if he still has the pic?

Teneight, go get banned again. Please.

Just so everyone knows, this story is 100% not true. And the phrase "sticky, alone, and without capital" was used by a friend of mine.

You can read about the REAL "sticky, alone, and without capital" in my most recent blog entry at http://www.shimmeringwang.blogspot.com

Seriously, though, the girl that cheated on me... I did make her the really nice dinner and everything, throw her an intense anger-fuck, and then, immediately after I finished, get out of bed, and say, "I've always wanted to fuck a whore. And to think, I didn't even have to pay for it." (I spent at least 3 days crafting that line)

Wang

You shoulda done what you did in your story.

The Shimmering Wang is many things, but a violent sex-offender and small-time pornographer is NOT one of them. But only because I'm a coward. If it makes you feel any better, it crossed my mind, but completely defiling a 5'1" blonde whose mother I still keep in contact with just seemed to extreme. Also, as we had a group of mutual friends, I completely ruined her "nice girl" reputation by telling everyone that:

a) she'd given me a blowjob at Red Lobster

she had sex with me on the 4th of July twice in public, once in a car in broad daylight in her car in a Fifth-Third bank parking lot (spotted by an old man walking a dog) and later at the fairgrounds in South Haven (spotted by two cars full of kids, both of which honked)

c) she went down on me in FULL view 5 steps from a big steet in Ann Arbor (Packard, for those that know the area)

d) she got drunk and gave me handjob in her living room in front of her friends

e) later that night she completely honestly, and without even talking to me about it, proposed a 3-some to her hot housemate, who declined


So I didn't, like, take the highroad or anything.

Wang

She sounds crazy. As long as you got some sort of revenge, its all good.

I found out a girl was cheating on me once. Got her all ready, then reached over for a condom (we had been together for years and I was young and indestructible...). She asked what I was doing. As I started in, I looked down at her and said "Well, I know you're not a safe hole for me to stick my cock in anymore..."

Strange how Anger Sex can be so good.

That's awesome.

People always says "make up sex is the BEST!" But I disagree. I contend that the hate-fucking and revenge-sex are easily much better (though they tap into the same visceral emotions that make-up sex do).

A girl I was sleeping with got drunk and slept with an acquaintance of mine who I absolutely DETESTED (muscly-armed double-polo collars popped womanizing lecherous too-cool frat boy), and then lied about it to me. So I had revenge sex with one of her friends, knowing full-well she'd find out about it. The friend wasn't even that attractive, wasn't great in bed, and ended up causing me a huge headache, but it was probably the best sex I've ever had, because I was fueled by rage, and kept thinking about how AWESOME it was going to be when the first girl found out about it, and knew EXACTLY what I'd done and why I'd done it.

God, I shouldn't post so much. I'm awful.

Wang

It was completely off the cuff too. I had no idea what I was saying until it was out.

I actually felt really bad; that may be the meanest thing I have ever said to anyone before. The absence of much of a reaction from her spoke volumes though.

so u still did her, right?

Didn't everyone?

Yeah, It got sloppy in the end. She was pretty gobbed up, but in the end she took them all.

I dunno, she really didn't like frenchies. You sure we're talking about the same one? I'm talking about the brunette, not the blonde...