"When Mario Lemieux stepped on the ice in his first NHL game and scored his first NHL goal, he quickly surpassed Burgess Meredith as the greatest Penguin of All-time"

-- Jay Greenberg.

These are from a Scottish Manager called Gordon Strachan who now manages Celtic but has managed several premiership teams:

On Wayne Rooney...

"It's an incredible rise to stardom; at 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."



Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"

Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]



Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?

Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there.



Reporter: "Gordon, what will you take from today?"

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yoghurt to finish, the expiry date is today.



Reporter: There goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?

Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.


Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?

Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. So I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick - down negative man, down.


Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?

Strachan: No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless.


Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?

Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.


Reporter: "What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?"

Strachan: "I don't do impressions"


Reporter: So Gordon, any changes then?

Strachan: No, still Scottish, 5ft 6, ginger and a big nose!


Gary Lineker: So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you play?

Strachan: If I was English I'd top myself!


Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?

Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure.


Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?

Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?


Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?

Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.


Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?

Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.


Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?

Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Classic.

Yogi Berra:

"They woulda had him at Second, but he slud."

that was really hilarious stuff, thanks.

I liked this one

Casey Stengel testifies to Congress about baseball's anti-trust exemption. Instead of saying anything relevant he rambles on for about a half hour about his career in baseball. Congress is mystified.

Next, Mickey Mantle was called and Kefauver asked, "Mr. Mantle, do you have any observations with reference to the application of antitrust laws to baseball?"

Mantle: "My views are just about the same as Casey's."

Charles Barkley - See why I hate white people

Babe do you know that you made more money than the president last year

Babe Ruth: Well, I had a better year than he did

Leo Durocher - Nice guys finish last

Mike Tyson - I'm gonna eat your children

Mike Tyson - "I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."

Mike Tyson - "I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian"

Mike Tyson - "I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

Basically anything that comes out of Mike's mouth

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.
Casey Stengel


The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.
Casey Stengel


Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
Satchel Paige

My all time Favorite

Muhammad Ali - I ain't got nothing against them Viet Cong

Mike Tyson- You better sit down, or I'll cut you like a fish

Ken Shamrock-- In the TUF 3 series... He is a walking quote and maybe one of the funniest guys I've ever heard.

I'm gonna spank your ***
"I'm gonna beat you into a living death"
"Reach out and touch me Tito"
"I won't be disrespected"
I didn't become the first UFC Heavyweight Champion by walking away"
"B*TCH MONKEY"
I'm gonna smash your little head

Jeremy Roenick: I'd like to know where Patrick was in Game 3, probably up trying to get his jock out of the rafters.
Patrick Roy: I can't hear what Jeremy says, because I've got my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears.

"The other team could make trouble for us if they win." Yogi Berra

- Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical - Yogi Berra

- You can observe a lot just by watching - Yogi Berra

- You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't come to yours. - Yogi Berra

- Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded. - Yogi Berra

- Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat. - Bob Uecker

- The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait 'till it stops rolling and pick it up! - Bob Uecker

- With the Brewers down, 8-0 - "Well, a couple of grand slammers and the Brew Crew is right back in this one! - Bob Uecker

- When I played, I used to barely put my batting hemlet on my head, so when I ran down the line and it flew off, it made it look like I ran really fast - Bob Uecker

- The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing - Dizzy Dean

- The only reason we're 7-0 is because we've won all seven of our games. - David Garcia

- When I began playing the game, baseball was about as gentlemanly as a kick in the crotch. - Ty Cobb

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Joe Theisman

some gems from Tug Mcgraw

upon signing a new lucrative contract "ninety percent of this money I'm going to spend on good times, women, and Irish Whiskey. The other 10 percent I'll probably waste."

when asked if he preferred natural grass to Astroturf, "I don't know -- I've never smoked Astroturf."

I wish modern day athletes had the balls to say things like that, too bad we're so PC now

I am almost positive that was Bill Lee...............


However, when Tug Mcgraw was with the Phillies and they were playing in the World Series - late in the final game the Phils were up 1 and a ball was hit a mile - going just foul by inches.

Bob Boone clammored out to the mound, handed Tug a new ball, mumbled something and jogged back. McGraw struck the guy out on the next pitch. Next batter flew out and the phils won the series.

After the game Mcgraw was asked what words of inspiration Boone had uttered.

It turned out Boone handed him the ball, looked him in the eye and said:

"Exciting game isnt it?"

And went back to his position...........



A Couple from Leo DeRoucher

"Left handers over there.........Righties over there..........the rest of you come with me."

"Ok, everyone line up in a circle."

source: baseball-almanac.com, they could be wrong.

This thread amuses me, the Theisman quote, the Berra quotes, they are awesome -- Bill Simmons has a huge stockpile of great quotes, unfortunately they are all under "ESPN Insider" status now, if anyone has it posting a copy here would be cool

"Me. Whee!"

i just read bill lee's autobiog i think his quote was i don't want to play on anything horses can't eat

how about Joe Montana's epic huddle words of inspiration in the super bowl

"hey look its John Candy!"

"They come at me, I come right back at 'em..... I'm a F@$&ing soldier!!" Kellen Winslow, Jr

"I'm gonna retire you motherf@$$er!" Tito Ortiz to Shamrock

"And Larmer takes a dump at centre."

-- Bob Cole doing play by play during a Chicago/Toronto game