Oh. My. God. I'm just flabbergasted right now, and I have to tell somebody...

So I went to the bar last night, got all hammered, and then came back to my place with a couple friends. We drank some more, smoked some cigarettes, and went to bed at like 7AM, with the living room (like always) in a state of complete disarray. In my experience, it's pretty much Standard Operating Procedure to pick up the Morning After, and my housemates have always agreed. Since I was hanging out with one of my housemates, I thought nothing of it.

NextDay:

As it turns out my OTHER housemate's mother randomly drove all the way across the state the night before, because Jerry was sick. She made him soup, then SLEPT IN HIS ROOM, and continued to take care of her baby the next day.

So Jerry yells at me because the house was a mess when he got up, and demands that I apologize to his mother, because she cleaned it up. I just absolutely refused, and told him that we all make a mess almost every night, and it's not my fucking fault his mom was in town, and to shut the fuck up about apologizing to his mother, who doesn't even live here.

Then she walked into the room.

Jerry'sMom: "Derek, we need to talk."

Derek: "Yeah?

Jerry'sMom: "Were you smoking cigarettes in the house last night, Derek?"

Derek: "Yeah. I was all hammered."

Jerry'sMom: "Well, I thought.... Derek, this is a non smoking house. If you continue to smoke cigarettes in the house, Jerry will have to move out, and I'll no longer pay rent. He has a history with asthma, and what you're doing is very inappr-"

Well, at this point a vein started popping out of my head, and I lost my goddamned mind. This woman, who doesn't even fucking live here, is threatening me, in an attempt to alter my behavior? IN MY HOUSE??

Derek: "I have a better idea. Shut the fuck up. Oh, and if I can't smoke cigarettes in the house, then I have some rules of my own. Rule One: Shut the fuck up. Rule Two: Jerry can't smoke weed in the living room, 3 times a day, every day. Rule Three: Jerry can't deal drugs in the house. He has to do it on the porch, or in his car. Rule Four: Jerry smokes weed every day, and I have never seen him cough, use an inhaler, or experience any kind of negative side effect, so shut. The Fuck. Up. Lady, your son is 23 years old, and you drove down here last night because he had a cold. You're a joke."

Her jaw dropped to the floor, and she had to leave the house because she was scared I was going to hit here.

Oh, and Jerry sat there the entire time listening to his mother rant, and never said a single word. There were a few words I was looking to hear. Namely, "Shut the fuck up."

Where does this rank on the gayness scale? Being an actual homosexual male is like a 100/100, but I think this just shatters the whole thing. Gotta be like 167/100, fully two-thirds gayer than actually being gay.


Wang

That is a great story. I don't know why, but this line really cracked me up.

what a great story....

I agree 100% with you Wang...you were not in the wrong, what you did was completely and totally correct. She might pay the rent, but she doesn't live there.

And if he's so stupid to open his own mouth to defend his own mother, than I'd say, look, I'm happy to send him on his merry way.

What an idiot.



This was the funniest and best part of this post btw...I was laughing so hard...

The worst part of the story is that the guy's mom is paying his rent. That is incredibly lame.

But on the other hand, it is never cool to tell someone's parents that their kid is a drug dealer (unless they already know). You should know better than that, pissed or not. Overall, she probably had it coming though.

true, **** move selling out your roommate for being a dealer

Not to pile on, but, yeah..one thing to be like.."Hey, your son smokes pot.." and it's another to be like, "Hey, your son deals drugs.."

I don't think you were unjustified, though.

Great story!

I love how you told your buddy's mom to shut the **** up and he did nothing.

So, yeah, it was silly for him to expect the house to be clean when his mom comes without warning.

It's lame that he's 23 and she pays his rent.


You are should be able to live in your own house the way you please provided you work it out with your roomate-NOT his mom.


It's lame that she's that hyper-protective of him and had the audacity to suggest she would make him move out. (Solved by him paying his own rent.)

That being said, she didn't verbally abuse you so you should've been more polite to her.

I like you Wang. You crack me up. I think you overreacted, though with all the swearing and yelling or whatever. If she was actually frightened of you, you went to far. Everything you said could've been expressed in a firm way without being abusive to a woman you hardly know.

I feel exactly zero guilt for verbally abusing Jerry's mom. No way the way I behave in my OWN house has anything to do with someone who doesn't live there. She needed to mind her own damn business, and stay the hell out of mine. If my housemate had politely requested I not smoke in the house, it never would have happened again.

I feel a little bad about the drug-dealing remark, but she already knows about it, and I was just as mad at him for being a little bitch.

If I could go back and do it again, I'd probably leave out the drug dealing remark (low blow), but keep the profanity. I'd probably add a little more fuel to the fire by calling her some other nasty words, too.

Wang

good luck with the roommate search

nah the story remains the best when all you're doing is throwing the son under the bus

You are a rebal Wang

actually thats a joke

this lady sounds like a complete *****.

to tell you not to smoke in your house is way out of line.

you have a gift my friend

Is that Jerry Carmichael's mom? She's got to be like 750 years old.

Gold

How can he not afford his own rent if he is dealing drugs? Is he really bad at it?

Seriously, I enjoyed that part the most. Another great story Wang.

If anyone ever talked to my mother like that they'd get beaten within an inch of their lives. Period.

What a dumb c*nt though. Nh.

QFT.

I think this story becomes totally different if your roommate manned-up to confront you about smoking in the house... if it even bothered him. But since his mommy did it for him and had no right to, your behavior was *almost* justified. I'm a firm believer in being tactful, even when being disrespected, but to each his/her own.

i was thinking the same thing...

In related news I know where to score an O for $52.89 and half a cake.

Cause hes not trying to make a profit hes trying to smoke for free.

I heart Wang in Bill O'Reilly mode. Rule 1: STFU. lololololol.

Question: How does Jerry stand up being that he has no backbone?

Fair enough. Maybe he should start selling more so he can pay his own rent.

I love that you are going to make him deal drugs on the porch or in his car.

Wang, will you have my baby?

Seriously, I would have stone cracked your cranium with a cinder block in your sleep if you talked that schitt to my mom.
*L*T*

No he will not.

Back off my man, bitch.

She'll get medieval on your ass.

Word.

I would have beat my own ass if I let my mother pay my rent, spend the night with me when I was sick, and try to lay down rules in my house.

I LOVE the idea of him dealing drugs from the porch. It's significantly more dangerous for everyone who lives here.

(Jerry, holding half oz. above head) , "Okay, so here's all that dope, man."

(DirtbagMan hands Jerry wad of bills), "Alright, then. Here's the money I owe you for the weed."


Derek, from inside: "Fine, fine, fine. I'm a fucking moron, and you win."




(pause)




Derek: "Can I smoke cigarettes in here now??"

Jerry: "....no."

Derel: "Fuck!"


(sigh)









TurdFerguson gets it. I have very little self-respect.... actually, I have ZERO self-respect...

But if my mom paid my rent, yelled at my roommates, and and treated me like I was 11, I'd probably snip my nuts off.



Wang

I'm confused. Did Wang ***** out the Mom or did Derek? Or are Derek and Wang the same person? After this and Memento, my time frame is completely skewed.

Derek is Wang's alter ego

Where you been?

your public is clamoring for you.

ok, 'clamoring' is a strong word, but still...

If you only sell weed to try and smoke for free, you are not a dealer.

I just don't picture myself "clamouring" for wang...

It's funny when people don't get shit

Also, I'm mildly offended, Merc