My life is a series of musical, academic, and intellectual triumphs largely unmatched by my peers, contrasted with insecurities about my shortness, skinniness, and paleness, and less frequently, depression and loneliness.

sorry if that sounds cocky, i guess this is just sorta what it is though. feel free to be obnoxious.

I made lots of brown.

My life is a volatile mix of booze, pills, love, hurt, loss, yearning, growth, hope and a desperate need for something bigger and greater to make me feel validated.

Hmmm...



He was a quiet man, one who observed the absurd things that were often missed by the chaos of modern day life and the "political correctness" that goes along with it, blending in with society like a rabbit burrowed in a remote desert den that pops up when you least expect it and says "Whats up Doc?"



It was either that or....



Beans??? Who the hell is that????

Did somebody say Vagina?

That's not one sentence. learn to count

Due to my intoxicated state, I missed that...


I meant to say...



Beans...WHAT the hell is THAT?




...its a common question that probably sums it up better anyway

My head is too big to wear hats.

Being really really really incredibly good looking.

- Jordan

I look really good too.

edit: REALLY good.

edit #2: like this girl looked at me yesterday and said i look good and i said " " like i didn't even say anything because i look cute and hot

I am the reason you wake up in the morning

... a mess.

I was going to reply to this, but I am drunkish, so I might get to deep and regret it tomorrow.\





dont make me link your myspace so that everyone can see you're a liar.

Zoolander quote Prty.





For me:

The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids who don't read good, and want to do other stuff good too.

The match is lit as the minions of darkness begin their march to the city.. fire, chaos, rebellion.. anarchy.. and now, complete silence.

What happened to me when I wasn't looking!

What is this, a center for ants?

It needs to be at least........three times that size.

Fu**ing Sweet

All fragments... go back to school you monkeys


My life is on the verge of breaking into something bigger, but i have no idea when or how it will as of yet.

haha lies! erronious!

- Jordan

I'm pretty popular on the internet.

My life has tremendous upside.

I'm all about the love.

I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

I'm a douchebag.

It's hard to talk about myself, but here are some things that have been said about me:

"a ruthlessly stabbing utopia"-- The New York Times

"a blindingly sharp voice of treason… and utopian, too"-- Suntrust Bank

"There's urban, there's urban and then there's Dutch! Utopia doesn't even begin to describe it."-- R. Kelly

"a pious exertion into lucidity. UTOPIAN!"-- The Atlanta Journal Constitution

"Sh1tty? No, utopian!"-- Dr. Phil

"Dutch's posts cure Cancer, Frigidity, Illiteracy and B1tchiness-- all problems exclusive to women"-- Hilary Clinton

"There is but one God. But if you count Dutch, there're two"-- Pope Benedict XVI


Wow, that's mind blowing. Thanks guys, I'm humbled.

This is quite clearly two sentences.

"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."


Heh. I know it is obviously more than once sentence, but it had to be said.

I love scotch...scotchy scotch scotch.

I'm good at everything i've ever tried.

My life is a ****ing grind.

He's right! He's absolutely right.

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

These pretzels are making ME thirsty

I choked on a gobstopper


FYP'ers here is your hayday

I'm a total bitch.

its okay, i like you

kinda

****. **** ****.

I actually was going to say something like this, but I would've needed to be more specific..

I'm good at everything I put effort into.

I suck at life.

I am continuously searching for something that may never have existed in the first place.

Im Living My Dream , In Vegas

I'm trapped in a glass case of emotion.

Instead of beating dead horses, I sell them to shady butcher shops.

Ouch, thank you for the correction....my bad Cap!

My life is a chaotic, procrastinating, cluttered loud mess with too many people in my face.

Aw, man, I'm drunk and a massive disappointment to everyone who has ever cared about me.