Ouch-8s
Thursday, April 6th, 2006, 11:58 AM
QUOTE (Randy Reed @ Thursday, April 6th, 2006, 12:49 PM)

Biggus Dickus
I like it better this way, I think:
FOLLOWERS: Look! There he is! The Chosen One has woken!
[slam]
[bam bam bam bam]
MANDY: Caleb!
[bam bam bam bam bam]
CALEB: Huuh. Hooh. Ooh! Mother. Ooh. Ha--
MANDY: Caleb!
CALEB: Hang on, mother! Shhh.
[clllunk]
Hello, mother.
MANDY: Don't you 'hello mother' me. What are all those people doing out there?!
CALEB: Oh. Well-- well, I, uh--
MANDY: Come on! What have you been up to, my lad?!
CALEB: Well, uh, I think they must have popped by for something.
MANDY: 'Popped by'?! 'Swarmed by', more like! There's a multitude out there!
CALEB: Mm, they-- they started following me yesterday.
MANDY: Well, they can stop following you right now. Now, stop following my son! You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
FOLLOWERS: The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!
MANDY: The who?
FOLLOWERS: The Messiah!
MANDY: Huh, there's no Messiah in here. There's a mess, all right, but no Messiah. Now, go away!
FOLLOWERS: Caleb! Caleb!
MANDY: Right, my lad. What have you been up to?
CALEB: Nothing, Mum. Um--
MANDY: Come on. Out with it.
CALEB: Well, they think I'm the Messiah, Mum.
[smack]
MANDY: Now, what have you been telling them?
CALEB: Nothing! I only--
MANDY: You're only making it worse for yourself.
CALEB: Look! I can explain! I--
[smack]
JUDITH: No! Let me explain, Mrs. Cohen!
MANDY: Who--
JUDITH: Your son is a born leader. Those people out there are following him because they believe in him, Mrs. Cohen. They believe he can give them hope-- hope of a new life, a new world, a better future!
MANDY: Who's that?!
CALEB: Oh! That's... Judith, Mum. Judith. Mother. Hmm.
[smack]
Aaaah!
FOLLOWERS: The Messiah! The Messiah!
MANDY: Ooooh.
FOLLOWERS: Show us the Messiah! The Messiah! The Messiah! Show us the Messiah!
MANDY: Now, you listen here! He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! Now, go away!
FOLLOWERS: Who are you?!
MANDY: I'm his mother. That's who.
FOLLOWERS: Behold His mother! Behold His mother! Hail to thee, mother of Caleb! Blessed art thou, Hosanna! All praise to thee, now and always!
MANDY: Ohhh, now, don't think you can get around me like that. He's not coming out, and that's my final word. Now, shove off!
FOLLOWERS: No!
MANDY: Did you hear what I said?
FOLLOWERS: Yes!
MANDY: Oh, I see. It-- it's like that, is it?
FOLLOWERS: Yes!
MANDY: Ohh. Oh, all right, then. You can see him for one minute, but not one second more. Do you understand?
FOLLOWERS: Yes.
MANDY: Promise?
FOLLOWERS: Well, all right.
MANDY: All right. Here he is, then. Come on, Caleb. Come and talk to them.
CALEB: But, Mum. Judith.
MANDY: Now, leave that Welsh tart alone.
CALEB: But I don't really want to, Mum.
FOLLOWERS: Caleb! Caleb! Caleb!...
CALEB: Good morning. I called in sick today.