Full Version: I Called In Sick Today
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3009, 3010, 3011, 3012, 3013, 3014, 3015, 3016, 3017, 3018, 3019, 3020, 3021, 3022, 3023, 3024, 3025, 3026, 3027, 3028, 3029, 3030, 3031, 3032, 3033, 3034, 3035, 3036, 3037, 3038, 3039, 3040, 3041, 3042, 3043, 3044, 3045, 3046, 3047, 3048, 3049, 3050, 3051, 3052, 3053, 3054, 3055, 3056, 3057, 3058, 3059, 3060, 3061, 3062, 3063, 3064, 3065, 3066, 3067, 3068, 3069, 3070, 3071, 3072, 3073, 3074, 3075, 3076, 3077, 3078, 3079, 3080, 3081, 3082, 3083, 3084, 3085, 3086, 3087, 3088, 3089, 3090, 3091, 3092, 3093, 3094, 3095, 3096, 3097, 3098, 3099, 3100, 3101, 3102, 3103, 3104, 3105, 3106, 3107, 3108, 3109, 3110, 3111, 3112, 3113, 3114, 3115, 3116, 3117, 3118, 3119, 3120, 3121, 3122, 3123, 3124, 3125, 3126, 3127, 3128, 3129, 3130, 3131, 3132, 3133, 3134, 3135, 3136, 3137, 3138, 3139, 3140, 3141, 3142, 3143, 3144, 3145, 3146, 3147, 3148, 3149, 3150, 3151, 3152, 3153, 3154, 3155, 3156, 3157, 3158, 3159, 3160, 3161, 3162, 3163, 3164, 3165, 3166, 3167, 3168, 3169, 3170, 3171, 3172, 3173, 3174, 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3673, 3674, 3675, 3676, 3677, 3678, 3679, 3680, 3681, 3682, 3683, 3684, 3685, 3686, 3687, 3688, 3689, 3690, 3691, 3692, 3693, 3694, 3695, 3696, 3697, 3698, 3699, 3700, 3701, 3702, 3703, 3704, 3705, 3706, 3707, 3708, 3709, 3710, 3711, 3712, 3713, 3714, 3715, 3716, 3717, 3718, 3719, 3720, 3721, 3722, 3723, 3724, 3725, 3726, 3727, 3728, 3729, 3730, 3731, 3732, 3733, 3734, 3735, 3736, 3737, 3738, 3739, 3740, 3741, 3742, 3743, 3744, 3745, 3746, 3747, 3748, 3749, 3750, 3751, 3752, 3753, 3754, 3755, 3756, 3757, 3758, 3759, 3760, 3761, 3762, 3763, 3764, 3765, 3766, 3767, 3768, 3769, 3770, 3771, 3772, 3773, 3774, 3775, 3776, 3777, 3778, 3779, 3780, 3781, 3782, 3783, 3784, 3785, 3786, 3787, 3788, 3789, 3790, 3791, 3792, 3793, 3794, 3795, 3796, 3797, 3798, 3799, 3800, 3801, 3802, 3803, 3804, 3805, 3806, 3807, 3808, 3809, 3810, 3811, 3812, 3813, 3814, 3815, 3816, 3817, 3818, 3819, 3820, 3821, 3822, 3823, 3824, 3825, 3826, 3827, 3828, 3829, 3830
RT, still no pm?
QUOTE (leftygolfer @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:26 AM) 
Whew. First time I went through, I didn't see my team on the list. Got a little scared.
QUOTE (leftygolfer @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:21 AM)
Shake...not sure about that title change.
You planning on any trips to Vietnam to see Gary Glitter?
You planning on any trips to Vietnam to see Gary Glitter?
its from one of the dinosaur cartoons. its in the thread somehwere.
This question is for Hobbes:
Could I get a tax write-off for my $500 entry fee into the heads-up challenge as it will most likely be a charitable donation?
Could I get a tax write-off for my $500 entry fee into the heads-up challenge as it will most likely be a charitable donation?
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 8:26 AM)
The Q&A is ****ing hilarious.
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:27 AM)
good morning you over paid sacks of shittings
You're up early. No post-coital coma for you?
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:27 AM)
If you're serious, I could use a teamate..
I would totally play.
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 8:36 AM)
I would totally play.
The final selections will be made this weekend. If I get a team we can talk then.
QUOTE (mk @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:28 AM)
RT, still no pm?
Sorry, I'm still trying to figure some stuff out, but i have all your pm's so it will be easy to comminicato
Bizz- Ya, i've gotta crack to books here at work, sucks!, took 5th last night in a MTT
Blinds were 15k/30k i had 150k chip leader had like 350k, short stack had about 100k.
i was BB with KJc. all folds and SB completes, which seems pointless at this stage, so i push.
he calls with A,4 off., and wins, baaah.
QUOTE (Bizzle @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:29 AM)
Whew. First time I went through, I didn't see my team on the list. Got a little scared.
Who are you pairing up with?
*Edit* Never mind, it's gotta be Copernicus' team.
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:39 AM)
Sorry, I'm still trying to figure some stuff out, but i have all your pm's so it will be easy to comminicato
Bizz- Ya, i've gotta crack to books here at work, sucks!, took 5th last night in a MTT
Blinds were 15k/30k i had 150k chip leader had like 350k, short stack had about 100k.
i was BB with KJc. all folds and SB completes, which seems pointless at this stage, so i push.
he calls with A,4 off., and wins, baaah.
Bizz- Ya, i've gotta crack to books here at work, sucks!, took 5th last night in a MTT
Blinds were 15k/30k i had 150k chip leader had like 350k, short stack had about 100k.
i was BB with KJc. all folds and SB completes, which seems pointless at this stage, so i push.
he calls with A,4 off., and wins, baaah.
Easiest jam ever.
QUOTE (ajs510 @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:40 AM)
Who are you pairing up with?
Copernicus and therrinn were the first two to approach me, so I am going with them. Copernicus' (or is it Copernicus's?) winrate in HU sit-n-gos at the 50 and 100 level is pretty astounding, so I feel good about our chances.
I wanted to play in the heads-up challenge, but getting on a schedule is nearly impossible, so I don't think I'd be a very good teammate. I'll be supporting HoosierAlum (my would-be teammate) in spirit.
QUOTE (Timdog1010 @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:19 AM)
Someone cheer me up with a horribly awkward story from their high school years...
Here goes.
Freshman in college. Take the younger sister (junior in high school) of a friend of my bros to a James Taylor concert.
Nice time. First base, no problem. Ride home, left hand on the steering wheel and right hand where it should be. 2nd base , going along fine.
Go back to my house, no one home. Cool. Start at it. Right hand starts the move to third base, slide in safely, steal third. Take a little break. Start back at it. I thought I got the steal home sign from my coach, so I start to get ready. Faak, catcher blocks the plate. I am out. OK, no problem. Take her home.
Her older sisters are having a party. Go inside for a beer, hang out for a half hour or so. Get up to leave and on my way out I see her older sister totally eyeing my package. I am thinking, WTF, I don’t have a stiffy right now. Is my zipper open? As I am walking out the door, I look down at my pants and there is a huge wet spot. Yep, I must have, how can I say it…been a little premature with her little sister an hour earlier and had been walking around with my mess and didn't have a clue.
To this day, I cannot look her older sister in the eye.
QUOTE (leftygolfer @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:59 AM)
Freshman in college. Take the younger sister (junior in high school)
What's the math on this?
In Canada it would be about 18-13 and you would be a sicko.
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:02 AM)
What's the math on this?
In Canada it would be about 18-13 and you would be a sicko.
In Canada it would be about 18-13 and you would be a sicko.
juniors in high school are 13 in Canada? Whaaa?
probably 18/16.
wet spot. wow bro, thats a terrible one.
QUOTE (leftygolfer @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:59 AM)
Yep, I must have, how can I say it…been a little premature with her little sister an hour earlier and had been walking around with my mess and didn't have a clue.
Yeah, you just threw yourself in the running with Hobbes and whoever else.
Royal, didn't you have a story to regale us with?
Is there a baseball equivalent for "finishing" early while rounding 3rd and heading for home? I don't think it would be the catcher blocking the plate...
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:12 AM)
Is there a baseball equivalent for "finishing" early while rounding 3rd and heading for home? I don't think it would be the catcher blocking the plate...
I got the idea that the younger sister blocked the plate.
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:12 AM)
Is there a baseball equivalent for "finishing" early while rounding 3rd and heading for home? I don't think it would be the catcher blocking the plate...
I think he meant she was wearing a chastity belt.
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:12 AM)
Is there a baseball equivalent for "finishing" early while rounding 3rd and heading for home? I don't think it would be the catcher blocking the plate...
remember in Major League (I think, maybe the second one) where the guy slid to the base but stopped like 3 feet before it?
I think thats about the equivalent.
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:12 AM)
Is there a baseball equivalent for "finishing" early while rounding 3rd and heading for home? I don't think it would be the catcher blocking the plate...
It would be the baseball equivalent of Babe Ruth ordering beer and hot dogs from the vendor while standing on 3rd base.
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:15 AM)
remember in Major League (I think, maybe the second one) where the guy slid to the base but stopped like 3 feet before it?
I think thats about the equivalent.
I think thats about the equivalent.
nh
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:06 AM)
juniors in high school are 13 in Canada? Whaaa?
probably 18/16.
wet spot. wow bro, thats a terrible one.
probably 18/16.
wet spot. wow bro, thats a terrible one.
19-17
WS...tell me about it.
I immediately washed my pants when I got home. Didn't want mommy aksing any questions.
:neverhappenedagainface:
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:14 AM)
I think he meant she was wearing a chastity belt.
Hopefully not one like this-
Edit: Arg, pissed that the image went away. Gimme a minute to find another one.
QUOTE (Bizzle @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:14 AM)
I got the idea that the younger sister blocked the plate.
Bingo.
Chastity Belt?...this was the 1980's not the 1880's.
I just can see it now. At the first FCP convention it's gonna be something like
"lefty...the guy who blew his load with some girl after a James Taylor concert"
I remember you.
QUOTE (Bizzle @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:14 AM)
I got the idea that the younger sister blocked the plate.
Why did she need to block the plate when he was already tagged out in between 3rd and home?
::i like shake's better face::
yes, i have many more stories.
I'm such a doosh
P.S. did anyone see that party poker thread with the small guarantees.. Jesus that made me sick to my stomach.
To go in an opposite direction from yesterday, heres a time when i actually got some poon.
as mentioned once before, haha i think its in a sig. somewhere on here. I was fooling around with a girl while watching a movie.
she went downtown and startin to gob the knob.. anyways, i had to fart, and it was kinda awkward, so i was slowly tryin to release while she did her thing.
anywyas, bad timing for a yawn/stretch spazz'em to come, as i was in mid-release i spazzed and "ppffffffrrrr". right then and there ripped so loud too
all i could do was blurt out "heeey yoooh" hahaha i had no clue why i said that, but thats all i could think of to break the odd situation
I'm such a doosh
P.S. did anyone see that party poker thread with the small guarantees.. Jesus that made me sick to my stomach.
To go in an opposite direction from yesterday, heres a time when i actually got some poon.
as mentioned once before, haha i think its in a sig. somewhere on here. I was fooling around with a girl while watching a movie.
she went downtown and startin to gob the knob.. anyways, i had to fart, and it was kinda awkward, so i was slowly tryin to release while she did her thing.
anywyas, bad timing for a yawn/stretch spazz'em to come, as i was in mid-release i spazzed and "ppffffffrrrr". right then and there ripped so loud too
all i could do was blurt out "heeey yoooh" hahaha i had no clue why i said that, but thats all i could think of to break the odd situation
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:29 AM)
P.S. did anyone see that party poker thread with the small guarantees...
Yeah, that thread gave me a huge boner.
Link?
NM, found it right at the top of general....wow
NM, found it right at the top of general....wow
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:32 AM)
Link?
http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...showtopic=56159
overlays get me excited.
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:29 AM)
heeeeyyooo!!
awesome.
I've thought about doing that on purpose before.
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:34 AM)
awesome.
I've thought about doing that on purpose before.
I've thought about doing that on purpose before.
Farting while releasing?
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:43 AM)
Farting while releasing?
just while a girl was down there. I'd never do it on purpose, but its one of those thoughts you have sometimes like "I wonder what would happen if iI did this..."
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:51 AM)
just while a girl was down there. I'd never do it on purpose, but its one of those thoughts you have sometimes like "I wonder what would happen if iI did this..."
It's alot worse if you do it while she's tossing your salad.
Boner
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:55 AM)
It's alot worse if you do it while she's tossing your salad.
oh, wow. don't quite know what to say to that.
this threads going pretty slow today. what, is everybody actually doing work or something?
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:51 AM)
just while a girl was down there. I'd never do it on purpose, but its one of those thoughts you have sometimes like "I wonder what would happen if iI did this..."
So... you weren't kidding when you said you were bad with women, huh?
QUOTE (Timdog1010 @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 10:57 AM)
So... you weren't kidding when you said you were bad with women, huh?
POW! right in tha kissah!
nh
QUOTE (Timdog1010 @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:57 AM)
So... you weren't kidding when you said you were bad with women, huh?
Yeah but he's great with men.
I mean, so i've heard.
actually, women generally like me when they first meet me. its just that I have a wonderful knack for quickly changing their minds.
sweet, I made it!!! I missed the list until Bizzle pointed it out. Guess it's time to start the hunt for teammates. Anyone interested?
Okay, I was busy pretty much all day yesterday not making money, so I never had the chance to chime in with a hilariously embarrassing story of my own, but I don't want to be left out. This story is mostly hilarious and not so much embarrassing to me now, but it was really, really embarrassing at the time. This is long, but worth it I think, so bear with me.
During our freshman year of college, one of my best friends from high school who went to Northwestern had his parents' big house out in the suburbs all to himself because his Dad often travelled for extended periods of time for his job, but they would always keep the house in Chicago. So needless to say, over every holiday break, absolutely insane parties took place. I'm talking like the kind of parties you see in the movies. People playing drinking games with straight vodka, keg stands, tons of people hooking up, the occasional nerd getting up in front of everyone to sing Paradise City...you get the idea. So one of our favorite pastimes in the morning after said parties was to collect all the garbage (generally anywhere from 5 to 20 garbage bags full of mostly beer cans and bottles of hard liquor), and we would load all the trash into my buddy Jay's crappy Buick, drive down the street to the house of this kid who we hated because he was a massive tool, and we would then open all the trash bags and dump them all over his lawn, sometimes taking a few extra seconds to drive through the front yard at an exorbitant rate, churning up grass and mud. We did this maybe 10 times. Well, as one can imagine, his parents were something less than thrilled with having their nice suburban lawn turned into a landfill every weekend over Christmas break. So after the 10th time, this kid's mom had had enough, and she actually went through all the trash, trying to find some piece of evidence that could lead her to the culprits of these heinous acts. Well, she found something. Apparently, one of my friends (Jason) had written down a list of things for his older sibling to pick up from a liquor store and it had his name on it. Now, being that this was a friendly neighborhood community, the landfill mom knew Jason and his older brother, so she was able to determine who they were without needing a last name. She also knew that Jason was friends with my friend who hosted the parties, and after seeing his car there, she decided to crash the next party. Okay, this woman turned into the incredible ****ing hulk. She started trashing shit. She was pushing my friend who hosted the parties and was just ****ing SCREAMING at him. Apparently just staying downstairs wasn't enough for her. She went upstairs and started opening doors, grabbing kids and taking them all downstairs. Well, I'm sure you can half-guess where this is going. I happened to be quite inebriated and I was upstairs in one of the bedrooms, performing what I'm sure was terrible cunnilingus on this girl I had hooked up with a few times. Now in my drunken state, I somehow thought it would be a good idea to keep the gum I had been chewing in my mouth while performing said act. You can imagine my surprise at seeing a 40-something woman barge into the room, shouting. I naturally let the gum fall out of my mouth, right down into the forest. I was so freaked and so embarrassed I just got up, ran out of the room and drove home soon after. The next day the girl called me and was like, "Thanks for the present last night. I had to cut it out."
The horror, the horror.
During our freshman year of college, one of my best friends from high school who went to Northwestern had his parents' big house out in the suburbs all to himself because his Dad often travelled for extended periods of time for his job, but they would always keep the house in Chicago. So needless to say, over every holiday break, absolutely insane parties took place. I'm talking like the kind of parties you see in the movies. People playing drinking games with straight vodka, keg stands, tons of people hooking up, the occasional nerd getting up in front of everyone to sing Paradise City...you get the idea. So one of our favorite pastimes in the morning after said parties was to collect all the garbage (generally anywhere from 5 to 20 garbage bags full of mostly beer cans and bottles of hard liquor), and we would load all the trash into my buddy Jay's crappy Buick, drive down the street to the house of this kid who we hated because he was a massive tool, and we would then open all the trash bags and dump them all over his lawn, sometimes taking a few extra seconds to drive through the front yard at an exorbitant rate, churning up grass and mud. We did this maybe 10 times. Well, as one can imagine, his parents were something less than thrilled with having their nice suburban lawn turned into a landfill every weekend over Christmas break. So after the 10th time, this kid's mom had had enough, and she actually went through all the trash, trying to find some piece of evidence that could lead her to the culprits of these heinous acts. Well, she found something. Apparently, one of my friends (Jason) had written down a list of things for his older sibling to pick up from a liquor store and it had his name on it. Now, being that this was a friendly neighborhood community, the landfill mom knew Jason and his older brother, so she was able to determine who they were without needing a last name. She also knew that Jason was friends with my friend who hosted the parties, and after seeing his car there, she decided to crash the next party. Okay, this woman turned into the incredible ****ing hulk. She started trashing shit. She was pushing my friend who hosted the parties and was just ****ing SCREAMING at him. Apparently just staying downstairs wasn't enough for her. She went upstairs and started opening doors, grabbing kids and taking them all downstairs. Well, I'm sure you can half-guess where this is going. I happened to be quite inebriated and I was upstairs in one of the bedrooms, performing what I'm sure was terrible cunnilingus on this girl I had hooked up with a few times. Now in my drunken state, I somehow thought it would be a good idea to keep the gum I had been chewing in my mouth while performing said act. You can imagine my surprise at seeing a 40-something woman barge into the room, shouting. I naturally let the gum fall out of my mouth, right down into the forest. I was so freaked and so embarrassed I just got up, ran out of the room and drove home soon after. The next day the girl called me and was like, "Thanks for the present last night. I had to cut it out."
The horror, the horror.
QUOTE (mk @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 7:11 AM)
I had to cut it out."
Winner
Ditto
QUOTE (mk @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 11:11 AM)
The horror, the horror.
wow man, just wow.
that is definately NOT when you want someone barging in.
I don't think very many people would have blamed you for punching the psycho in the mouth. Granted, I'd take a shotgun to your buddy's Buick after about the 2nd time, but there's no reason to interupt a little teenage playtime...
Serves the chick right for not shaving though...
Serves the chick right for not shaving though...
QUOTE (leftygolfer @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 6:59 AM)
To this day, I cannot look her older sister in the eye.
remember in Major League (I think, maybe the second one) where the guy slid to the base but stopped like 3 feet before it?
I think thats about the equivalent.
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 7:15 AM)
remember in Major League (I think, maybe the second one) where the guy slid to the base but stopped like 3 feet before it?
I think thats about the equivalent.
Clearly the best analogy.
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 7:29 AM)
anywyas, bad timing for a yawn/stretch spazz'em to come, as i was in mid-release i spazzed and "ppffffffrrrr". right then and there ripped so loud too
all i could do was blurt out "heeey yoooh" hahaha i had no clue why i said that, but thats all i could think of to break the odd situation
all i could do was blurt out "heeey yoooh" hahaha i had no clue why i said that, but thats all i could think of to break the odd situation
Funniest story ever.
QUOTE (mk @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 8:11 AM)
"Thanks for the present last night. I had to cut it out."
Serves the chick right for not shaving though...
QUOTE (ajs510 @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 8:26 AM)
Serves the chick right for not shaving though...
Need your help.
"Dookie V" is being put out to pasture or until at least Duke gets knocked out of the NCAA tourney next year.
I am going back to Phil Mickelson aka the original leftygolfer avatar.
I need to come up with a witty location in the "from" category
My thoughts:
1. Amy Mickelson's stud muffin
2. Amy Mickelson's boy toy
suggestions/comments/concerns
"Dookie V" is being put out to pasture or until at least Duke gets knocked out of the NCAA tourney next year.
I am going back to Phil Mickelson aka the original leftygolfer avatar.
I need to come up with a witty location in the "from" category
My thoughts:
1. Amy Mickelson's stud muffin
2. Amy Mickelson's boy toy
suggestions/comments/concerns
Hobbes you should change your title to QUOTING MACHINE
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 8:32 AM)
Hobbes you should change your title to I HAVE NOTHING ORIGINAL TO ADD
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