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Hobbes
QUOTE (Bizzle @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 2:06 PM) *
Either Royal is typing a novel, or he left the posting window open.


It was the first one apparently.

Great post Royal. You can change your title to "idiot" as well...
Royal_Tour
i dont care who u are at the time, trying to mack a 20 year hottie when your 17 and awkward is not the easiest thing to build yourself up for.!!
Timdog1010
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 1:13 PM) *
i dont care who u are at the time, trying to mack a 20 year hottie when your 17 and awkward is not the easiest thing to build yourself up for.!!


Hey, if you've read any of this thread today you know that you don't have to explain yourself to us!
Randy Reed
forever????
Bizzle
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 5:13 PM) *
i dont care who u are at the time, trying to mack a 20 year hottie when your 17 and awkward is not the easiest thing to build yourself up for.!!

Notice the one day only titles that many of us have.

I think Ouch-8s is the only one who hasn't posted a story in this vein yet.
Hobbes
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 2:13 PM) *
i dont care who u are at the time, trying to mack a 20 year hottie when your 17 and awkward is not the easiest thing to build yourself up for.!!

QUOTE (Timdog1010 @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 2:15 PM) *

Hey, if you've read any of this thread today you know that you don't have to explain yourself to us!

QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 1:51 PM) *

wow. you and hobbes are definately neck and neck on biggest teenage moron.

I like it.


Royal_Tour
lmao!!


this is my uber dork home
Ouch-8s
QUOTE (Timdog1010 @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 1:49 PM) *
I'll bet Royal has some good "I blew golden opportunities in high school' stories...


I know I've seen Golden, but I've never seen a poster with the screenname Opportunities around...
Timdog1010
QUOTE (Ouch-8s @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 1:20 PM) *
I know I've seen Golden, but I've never seen a poster with the screenname Opportunities around...


golden opportunities = redpill99
Trustno1
This is post high school so it is even more pathetic.

I went out on a date with this girl, dinner drinks then back to her place. We were talking on her couch about some big trip she just took and led me to her room where her photo album was to show some pictures. We sat on her bed and she started talking about how tired she was and wanted to go to bed.

So I told her goodnight and let her get some rest.

On the way to my car it hit me. Needless to say that I never called her again out of pure humiliation.
Timdog1010
Ok kids (if there's anyone left out there) I'm heading home.

If you know any high school boys please show them this thread. Let's make a difference out there people.

I'm out.
Hobbes
QUOTE (Timdog1010 @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 2:27 PM) *
If you know any high school boys please show them this thread. Let's make a difference out there people.


You guys are just begging for a FYP...
Trustno1
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 4:01 PM) *
wow, tim.
alright I'm gone. wish me luck not getting hit by a freaking tornado.



Tornados suck and blow
Hobbes
QUOTE (Trustno1 @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 2:27 PM) *
So I told her goodnight and let her get some rest.

On the way to my car it hit me. Needless to say that I never called her again out of pure humiliation.


The moral of all these stories is that teenage boys can't read between the lines.
Royal_Tour
F- that!!!

i want them to go through the same puberty awkward phases that i had to go through.
Ouch-8s
QUOTE (Bizzle @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 2:16 PM) *
Notice the one day only titles that many of us have.

I think Ouch-8s is the only one who hasn't posted a story in this vein yet.


Sorry, I've been in and out of the thread all day. You see, I'm not actually at work today. I just want to not have 15 pages to have to read tomorrow :have work to do but I'll be quiet about it from now on face:

Junior year of high school. I become good friends with one of the other guys at school, who has a hot older sister who is a senior. She is that "sister that all his friends want to get it on with". But being a senior, she has little to do with any of us, espcially me as I am the "never gonna bang anyone remotely that hot" friend.

Fast forward two years, I'm in university. Turns out that Ouch-8s and Hottie Older Sister end up at the same school, and actually live just down the street from each other. We start to hang out, drive each other back and forth from our hometown, etc. One day we are watching a movie on TV when her roommate comes home and wants to watch something else. So HOS suggests we finish watching the movie on the TV in her bedroom. Sure, thinks me. She stretches out on the bed with me, watches the whole movie, I make NO MOVE because she is one of my best friend's sister, and besides, while I have improved since highschool (after all, by now I have had sex with, like, at least four women) she is still way out of my league. At the end, she says, "That was kind of disappointing." I reply, "Really? I kinda liked the movie." She looks at me like I'm retarded (probably right) and we never spent much time together again after that.

If I could change my title, I would. I don't often think back to my university days with regret, but that day... Oh man. I coulda had HOS.
Hobbes
QUOTE (Ouch-8s @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 2:35 PM) *
At the end, she says, "That was kind of disappointing." I reply, "Really? I kinda liked the movie." She looks at me like I'm retarded (probably right) and we never spent much time together again after that.


Hahahaha. I could tell anyone who knows me that story as my own and it wouldn't be doubted for a second.
Bizzle
QUOTE (Ouch-8s @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 5:35 PM) *
If I could change my title, I would. I don't often think back to my university days with regret, but that day... Oh man. I coulda had HOS.

Well done. I love that you acronym'd her name.

And with that, I am out. Same time, same place tomorrow.
Royal_Tour
baaaaahahahahahahah!!!!!!!


but, alas.. that story sadly reminds me of another "i suck at life" story of my own with a friends girlfriends sister.

I'l fill u guys in tomorrow., if u ask nicely, man, i seriously sucked at life, thank god im a sexual predator now.
Hobbes
QUOTE (Royal_Tour @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 3:01 PM) *
baaaaahahahahahahah!!!!!!!
but, alas.. that story sadly reminds me of another "i suck at life" story of my own with a friends girlfriends sister.

I'l fill u guys in tomorrow., if u ask nicely, man, i seriously sucked at life, thank god im a sexual predator now.


a grade-A sexual predator?

mrdannyg
ok i waited a bit to post to let everyone appreciate the Dinosaurs comic at the bottom. also because it took me the first couple hours just to catch up on this thread.

seriously, this thread might be one of the most crazy-funny-awesome things in history. you guys are all huge dorks like me, but not in the "i'm a sad dork who spends all his time on the internet and has no friends way," which is awesometastic.

i'm reading that day-by-day baseball thing, so i might get to some favourites. also i'm a huge baseball fan, so all you non-baseballers have one more annoyance.
about the dodgers - izturis is great defensively, and took some time at 2B while with the jays. he would be a significant upgrade to anyone else on the dodgers. don't see why he wouldn't be willing to switch.
to whoever mentioned i like the jays (bizzle?)- there's definitely a few on this forum. we'll have to organize a game sometime.

long posts are -EV, so i'll be back in a few with some high school anecdotes. mine aren't great, but some of your guys' made me feel better, so i can do the same.
Hobbes
On "tell stories about how dumb you were with girls in high school" day, check this out:

Today's Top 10 Posters
Member..........Joined...........................Total Member Posts...........Posts Today...........% of today's posts
Hobbes...........October 27th, 2005.......2,650.................................87..........................3.12%


Sad, really.
mrdannyg
updated:

Hobbes October 27th, 2005 2,654 91 3.23%

not that sad though - as you will read i sucked in high school, but i don't really suck any less now, so at least you guys have the advantage of currently being sexual predators. i think i'm making progress, but baby steps...
maybe if I do TP/MT (simultaneously PM/WL of course) this summer, i can get sunglasses and call myself a "pro" and snag some floozies.


on to the post (which i typed out before the above):

oh sorry i'm so late and not being part of the antics. im at school (for another couple weeks) so i don't work too much. feel free to hate me for that, but i have no job lined up for the summer, and that's not really better than working.

Before an interleague game in Toronto against the Blue Jays, Mets first baseman Carlos Delgado refuses to stand to acknowledge the Canadian national anthem in protest of Canada's being boring.

Tragedy strikes the St. Louis Cardinals when diminutive second baseman David Eckstein drowns in the dugout when two inches of water gathers during a rain delay.

For a home game against the Rockies, the Giants honor reliever Merkin Valdez by giving away a free merkin to the first 20,000 fans over the age of 12.

is it weird i know what a merkin is?


ok high school story time. i have pretty much none because i never even got much interest lady-wise. to start high school i switched from enriched program to regular stream, so everyone knew me as an ex-gifty. plus i'm about 3 feet tall and high school was only 3 years for me since it starts one year late in my area and i finished a year early.
so basically i sucked. through sheer luck, i didn't manage enough interest to screw them up.

sad one:
basically, my friend and I hung around with these 3 girls every weekend for awhile. one a real fat *****, one a cool good-looking stoner, and the other a quiet, but very cool quiet redhead with some guns. well my buddy is real outgoing, so generally him, the fat ***** and the stoner would be going a bit nutso, and i'd hang out with the redhead. cool redhead was also a big hockey fan, so we'd usually watch the Leafs. i should've known any girl willing to watch 6 hours of hockey without a complaint with me on saturday night was a keeper.
well about two months of flirting take place, with some combination of me not knowing what to do, not knowing she's interested and having no balls.

the capper - her name is Cara, and I call her Caramilk, which leads to most of the flirting. one night i bring over a caramilk bar, but when we go to eat it, its all melty. i remark its getting all over our hands. she says "but i bet it feels good to have Caramilk all over your hands, right?" then as i look for a clever remarks, starts licking the caramilk off my fingers...so i cleverly say "yeah" and get up and grab a dishcloth.

that one is sad though, because after months of this flirting and near-misses, my idiocy is just getting too ridiculous that even i know. finally there's a party at my buddy's, and its obvious this is make-or-break. we hang out for a bit, but i'm scared shitless. finally, they mention leaving soon, and i don't even come upstairs to say bye or convince them to stay. 10 minutes later, her friend comes out and tells me Cara needs to talk to me. I go out and she's crying in the car because i wouldn't say goodbye. we supposedly made up, but it was never the same after. still feel bad about that one.

funny one:
around grade 9-10 my best friend and I hung out often hung out with a group that included my younger brother (one year younger) and a bunch of his friends (his age). after driving my brother and the other guys away with our older guy coolness, we basically ended up hanging out with about 6 girls, so had our pick. my buddy likes one girl, but too pussying to ask her out.
one of the girls is a big sports fan and another is hilarious, so i have some good friends in the group. not really among those is a quiet blond girl. pretty good-looking though. so i give my friend my friend the ultimaturm, that i'll ask her out the next day if he doesn't ask his girl out that night. sure enough, he pussyings out, so in my one cool move of all-time, i actually follow through. i ask her out. so now we're going out.
apparently, i was unaware that "going out" involved anything other than going over to one of their places, watching movies and the shitting we did every weekend before that. after two months of nothing interesting happening, i don't call her on her birthday, and she dumps me the next day.

funny part is i see her a couple years later when she has a soccer game at my school. since that's the closest to sex i've gotten in high school, i stay after to watch it. she has filled out and is friggin gorgeous. she's got 5 inches on me now, but is tall, blond, athletic, with great boobs - a jessica simpson look, though obviously not quite as staggering. she's so happy i remember her, she stays to hang out with me even though her team leaves. i tell her my parents are gone for a week, and she tells me she's really sweaty after the game and needs a shower. i tell her my friend has a phone, and i'll grab it so she can call her mom to pick her up.
WTF?

finally, the dirtydutch one:
around 16 or so, my buddy was "seeing" this whorebag of a girl. she was pretty cool, and me and her were good friends - basically me and her would hang out while my buddy played video games, then he'd bang her and i'd play video games. this was cool, because i was a pussbag and would've have known what to do with this girl.
so one night we're going to sleep over at her house - i know she has two beds in her room, so we'll all be in there, so i tell her to bring a friend for me. she's told me about a hot friend of hers, so that's what i'm expecting. we get there and that friend was not available, so the girl for me is this tiny girl who looks about 9. supposedly 15, but not even through puberty. and not in a cute way, but with lots of baby fat. so we're going to bed, and the other two are obviously fooling around about 8 inches away. i'm not sure what to do, or even if i want to do anything, but she gets things started, in an awkward "sarah told me to do this first" way.
so we're fooling around for what seems like hours (it was). she says she's experienced, but its obviously her first time also, but unbelievably, i seem to be doing a good job. so she's got off a few times, but when its my turn she's just gumming it up like she's eating a popsicle in a snowstorm. no friction at all. finally i just roll over to go finish myself off, and she tells me to grab a condom from Sarah.
well even i could figure that one out, but i tell her Sarah is asleep (despite actually being able to hear slurping noises). i don't really feel bad about that one since i think she was 14 and obviously did not know what me getting a condom would really entail. still, would've been nice to SIIHP.
:penis and brain not working together face:


ok, i apologize for the longest post in friggin history. had to catch up, and i promise not to do it again. hopefully at least you all have some entertainment when you get to work tomorrow morning.
Hobbes
QUOTE (mrdannyg @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 4:08 PM) *
about the dodgers - izturis is great defensively, and took some time at 2B while with the jays. he would be a significant upgrade to anyone else on the dodgers. don't see why he wouldn't be willing to switch.


There's no question he would be an upgrade defensively over just about anyone in the league, but he's a terrible hitter and the Dodgers have Jeff Kent at 2nd, Rafael Furcal at SS, and Nomar at 1st, so there's no place for him. Except that Nomar got injured in the first game, so if Nomar were out when he got back, Izturis could play 2nd and Kent 1st.

QUOTE (mrdannyg @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 5:18 PM) *
sad one:
the capper - her name is Cara, and I call her Caramilk, which leads to most of the flirting. one night i bring over a caramilk bar, but when we go to eat it, its all melty. i remark its getting all over our hands. she says "but i bet it feels good to have Caramilk all over your hands, right?" then as i look for a clever remarks, starts licking the caramilk off my fingers...so i cleverly say "yeah" and get up and grab a dishcloth.

funny one:
i tell her my parents are gone for a week, and she tells me she's really sweaty after the game and needs a shower. i tell her my friend has a phone, and i'll grab it so she can call her mom to pick her up.
WTF?


Those are awesome.
Demonde
When I was 15 and a freshman in high school, I ended up dating and banging (repeatedly) my friend's SILF (18-year-old Senior at the school). I was really proud.

But now we're pissed at each other for some reason, I'm not sure why. But I was the man for a while. She's hot.
tyfgine
^^^^
this is mesmerizing.
kers2
QUOTE (Hobbes @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 7:25 PM) *
There's no question he would be an upgrade defensively over just about anyone in the league, but he's a terrible hitter and the Dodgers have Jeff Kent at 2nd, Rafael Furcal at SS, and Nomar at 1st, so there's no place for him. Except that Nomar got injured in the first game, so if Nomar were out when he got back, Izturis could play 2nd and Kent 1st.


I'm really not expecting anything out of Nomar. I would take that infield with Kent at 1st, Izzy at 2nd.

How long before they call up Guzman????
tyfgine
Kill some extra time at work by reading this article about Mike Matusow, it's pretty interesting:

Link
kers2
****ing aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa



I hate Tuesday mornings
mk
Como estan, bitches?
RhinestoneCowboy
I like the fact that this thread practically stops at 5pm.

Power went out at work at 3pm, so I left at 3:30 yesterday. It was nice.

Today will be filled with work intermingled with homework for my class today...I heart procrastinating
mk
Chris Ferguson was just on CNBC talking about the online gambling legislation. It was great. One of the mentally retarded anchors, Joe Kernen, was trying to argue that because you are unable to physically see your opponent during online play all the skill is removed from the game and it's just gambling. Ferguson countered with, "I actually proved that online poker is a game of skill two years ago when I took $1 and turned it into $20,000." To which Kernen replied, "[Crickets chirping...]"
leftygolfer
Estoy aqui.

Had a Finance Committe Meeting to attend yesterday afternoon...I am on the Board of a large non-for-profit. Effin State of IL. Bunch of tightwads.

Lot to catch up on bastages.
keith crime
QUOTE (mk @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 4:30 AM) *
Chris Ferguson was just on CNBC talking about the online gambling legislation. It was great. One of the mentally retarded anchors, Joe Kernen, was trying to argue that because you are unable to physically see your opponent during online play all the skill is removed from the game and it's just gambling. Ferguson countered with, "I actually proved that online poker is a game of skill two years ago when I took $1 and turned it into $20,000." To which Kernen replied, "[Crickets chirping...]"


Maria Bartiromo would have said it was rigged
mk
QUOTE (keith crime @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 7:44 AM) *
Maria Bartiromo would have said it was broccoli.

FYP
ShakeZuma
well hello whore bags

QUOTE (Timdog1010 @ Monday, April 3rd, 2006, 5:27 PM) *
If you know any high school boys please show them this thread. Let's make a difference out there people.

wow tim, vacation at neverland ranch catching up with you?



and danny and everybody else, great stories. we're some sad ****s
RhinestoneCowboy
Team Brocolli may get a spot in the heads up challenge. Here's to playing for a lottery draft pick...
ShakeZuma
I'm instantly convinced that my forum title is the best ever
Bizzle
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 9:15 AM) *
Team Brocolli may get a spot in the heads up challenge. Here's to playing for a lottery draft pick...

Did you get an email back from the organizers? I haven't heard from my captain whether anyone did or not.
Habs Fan
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:05 AM) *
we're some sad ****s


That much is true.

I love tuesdays because it's Poker Night at my place.
Timdog1010
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:05 AM) *
wow tim, vacation at neverland ranch catching up with you?


yeah... I meant that in the best possible way...


Ever have one of those inexplicable insomnia nights?

I slept from 4 -6:30 this morning.

No idea what happened.

Wasn't stressed or excited about anything...

Now I'm tired and cranky.

Someone cheer me up with a horribly awkward story from their high school years...
keith crime
we didn't have doors on our stalls and i had a bad stomach - does that help?
leftygolfer
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:05 AM) *
everybody else, great stories. we're some sad ****s



Shake...not sure about that title change.

You planning on any trips to Vietnam to see Gary Glitter?
Habs Fan
QUOTE (RhinestoneCowboy @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:15 AM) *
Team Brocolli may get a spot in the heads up challenge. Here's to playing for a lottery draft pick...


Why the ****ing have I not been invited to join the team?

I'm a heads up specialist, you know.
Timdog1010
QUOTE (keith crime @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:21 AM) *
we didn't have doors on our stalls and i had a bad stomach - does that help?


touche.
RhinestoneCowboy
QUOTE (Bizzle @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 8:18 AM) *
Did you get an email back from the organizers? I haven't heard from my captain whether anyone did or not.


Daniel listed the unstickied thread in the league forum some teams that may get spots. So far he has 20-some "unofficial" teams that are probable to get a spot and team brocolli is listed. Not many people have signed up, so if you are a regular you will probobly get your spot.
Habs Fan
Important News

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/31/ebay_box_sale/
leftygolfer
QUOTE (Bizzle @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 5:18 AM) *
Did you get an email back from the organizers? I haven't heard from my captain whether anyone did or not.


http://www.fullcontactpoker.com/poker-foru...showtopic=56077
RhinestoneCowboy
QUOTE (Habs Fan @ Tuesday, April 4th, 2006, 8:24 AM) *
Why the ****ing have I not been invited to join the team?

I'm a heads up specialist, you know.


If you're serious, I could use a teamate..
Royal_Tour
good morning you over paid sacks of shittings
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