I want to know if any of you guys have had this happen to you. I dont think it can happen to women but if it has, enlighten me...

I just went to pee and as soon as I started going the stream split into 2 streams and completely missed the toilet on both sides. It looked like a V and I couldnt/didnt shut off the valve, I just tried to ride it out and hope for the best. After about 7 seconds and a lot of pee on the floor the flying V was dismantled and my pee stream became one again and actually went into the toilet.

I have no idea how this happened and it made me laugh, just curious if this has happened to anyone else. I have never claimed to be normal lol

it happens to me from time to time.

i like to push down really hard so the pee comes out firing out with a lot of pressure. if there's anything inside the toilet, i usually aim for it and try and destroy it. most of the time, its some piece of toilet paper and i completely demolish it with my super pressure powered pee

btw, how many times does everyone jiggle it after the finish peeing? i do about 3-4 jiggles then wipe it with toiler paper just incase. I sometimes even wash it when i'm with my g/f just incase she wants to go down on me



teneight

It usually happens rite after sex or a self rub

+1

I just wanted to be able to say I was in on this thread.

Ahh, the Harry Potter pee as it has been titled by Harland Williams. It does happen, though rarely....and teneight, I don't put a number on how many times I jiggle afterwards, just as many times as it takes so that I don't get a piss stain on my boxers. Which is still better than living a skid.

Damn I need to listen to more stand up. I have only seen bits and pieces of a Harland Williams stand up and never heard him mention that. Had to be pretty hilarious.



I dont count the shakes, and I do not care to look down to see if there is any left so I can wipe it with toilet paper. You just have to go with your gut on that one.

I usually get it after sex as well. I've never had it wide enough as to miss the toilet on both sides though. That's quite the feat. I really wish urinals were normal occurences in the household though. I love not having to aim.

Edit: I laughed to myself when I first saw the title of this thread. I thought it was going to be about Mighty Ducks.

TMFI

Seriosuly... WTFMI

What? You mean someone on a poker forum telling you they wiper their dick after they pee is a little more information than you cared to know?

I can't understand why/how.

Yeah, I've had the flying V, it sucks usually I end up having to pick which stream makes it into the toilet.

Anybody ever had the sprinkler? I used to get it when I was younger, the pee goes everywhere, it's like a garden hose that's set on "shower". That one demands some hefty clean up after.

Yeah, when this happened too me. I usually put a P.I. on my girlfriend or wife at the time.

Usually, antibiotics will clear it up in a couple of weeks.

OK, I'll get all scientific, because this is a problem I had a little under a year ago. In 8th grade, some kid tried to kick me in the nuts, but he missed a little too high. I thought sweet for a minute, but it would've been better to get kicked in the balls.

The injury caused an injury inside my penis, and therefore scar tissue developed inside the urine stream. This causes a split, as well as a burning sensation, which does not feel good. I lived with it for a while, before I finally got help. I had to have surgery on it, and had to have a cathater inserted for 4 days. Unfortunately, after that, I had to insert a cathater into myself everyday for a few months to clear the stream.

The reason some of you see it after sex is that some of the ejaculate likely gets "stuck" in there, causing a split stream.

As I read this I just sat here going "OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH"

Did you at least kill the kid who kicked your penis?

I went to a different high school, so I actually have never seen the kid who did it since. However, his name is Ben Hoffman, and he likely still lives in Saginaw Michigan. And yes, it is a fate I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Honestly though, who kicks someone in the balls in 8th grade?? He had to be an immense pussy who couldnt fight because kicking in the balls is outlawed after you're 10 I'm pretty sure.

Also, to quote Sandler in the "Respect" skit...

Ben Hoffman?? HE'S FUCKIN DEAD!!

Hey man... When I was in 7th grade I was playing soccer, and a fat kid took a running start and tried to clear a ball that was about waist high. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and caught it his size 12 square in the crotch. I immediately lost conciousness, and when I got to examine the situation a little, I found that I had one knocked back. KNOCKED BACK. (shudders visibly)

There should be laws about doing damage down there. Very strict, harshly punishable, laws.

Wang

It seems that some of the ladies should sit down.

I'm not too far away from Saginaw, if you would like me to give Ben a belated jumpkick to his cash & prizes for you next time I am there, Zim.

Eh, I'm only probably about 20 minutes away from his house, just never bothered to hunt him down I guess.

Very interesting....



This reminds me of an incident involving a freshly cleaned toilet and a year's supply of peanut butter I won a few years ago...



I correctly identified a series of short songs on a radio contest and recieved 8 cases of Jiffy peanut butter via UPS one day (chunky of course). The combination of eating 2-3 jars daily along with a few loaves of bread created a serious case of constipation, which seemed to last forever (looking back... it couldnt have been for much more than a month or so... )

Anyway, when the day arrived to evacuate the contents of my bowels, it was both sudden and massive. The wife had just cleaned the downstairs toilet with "Tidy Bowl" (the little man didnt survive... joke for you older guys) and had failed to flush the blue toxic chemical remains down.


As I sat down and tried to get comfortable on the still wet seat, the fumes from the cleaner burned my eyes and nose, causing even more sweat to build upon my forehead ( I had dreaded this moment for a long time) Now, as the contractions of the baby sized turd got closer together, I began the breathing technique recommended by the doctor that lives down the street. On the verge of passing out, the giant mass of doo finally ripped free, plunging into the bowl with a force equal to the meteor that killed the dinosaurs so long ago.


Just a split second after impact, the skin burning blue chemicals reacted by sending a spray directly at my anus (exit only Ron... sorry) which had barely survived the crisis in the first place (I now chew peanuts a lot better)


The pain and burning almost stopped after the third bag of ice melted I was sitting on, and the paramedics claimed they could assist me no further, so I climbed down from the roof and tried to act normal in front of the large crowd gathered in the front yard.


So...





The next time you pee in two streams, just be thankful that is your only problem... (and never accept peanut butter as a prize for anything!)

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

...then all the suffering was worth it :shock:

I thought this was gonna be about Might Ducks V, the prison years

the funny thing to me is that i have no balls, and no penis, so therefore i have no problems such as this. any of this, trust me. at least you guys can stand to pee in virually any location of your choice, pretty much any time you want (i am jealous). however, be glad you dont have to wonder what it feels like to push an 8 pound watermelon out of your crotch, which, in circumference, does not seem physically or mathamatically possible. i have to give birth, but i am trying to delay as long as possible, especially since my husband seems to want 6 kids. coming from a catholic family, that seems normal. its the kids coming from my vagina that is abnormal.

I named my movement Bubba...

i've actually missed so bad after sex that i had a stream going down the wall to my left.

i had to pee so bad that i just let it ride, and it never corrected itself.

that took a lot of TP to clean up.

...just wet the bed and blame it on her






works for me

i did that once and tried to blame it on the dog.

"i don't have a dog"

...sigh

This all reminds me of the scene from Me, Myself, and Irene when he goes to pee and it just sprays all over the wall. Oh man, what a great scene

i was actually going to mention that in my last post.

over the years, my ass has taken a pounding.

I really hate it when you get too comfortable while peeing and you accidentally get your hand or pants or something in front of the stream so it not only gets all over you, but on the floor as well. My cat was rubbing against my leg once and her tail got in the way.....that one made me laugh

beans-n-icewater needs to post some of his stories more often.

he is clearly my fav. poster



teneight

For the Record, if you shake more than twice its considered masturbation.

I hate when you got a flying V or a stream that shoots off to the side instead of straight and you're pissing all over the floor, then when you go to correct it to get it in the toilet, it corrects itself and starts shooting normally but now due to your correction it's now shooting on the floor again! :x

This is the absoloute funniest thing I have ever read!!

I was thinking the same thing.

I was all ready to debate coach Bombay's coaching abilities, or lack thereof...

I had to bump this one because of what happened this morning...





I rolled into Vegas about midnight, and after posting a few items on here, went down to the Plaza for a little blackjack.



After a few (12-15) Crown-n-Cokes, I staggered up to pee. The bathrooms are in the back by the poker "room" and about halfway there, I determined that it was questionable if I would make it there before urinating myself.


So I started walking faster, then jogging, then running....



By the time I reached the bathroom, I had my "junk" pinched off thru my jeans, feeling a random squirt or two in between strides...




By the time the urinal was in sight, it was all over...




I started peeing approx 8 feet from the urinal, sending twin streams in the general direction of the fixture, (still walking briskly toward it) but never hitting the intended target...




Thank God the place was empty (except for a 75 yr old restroom attendant), cause by the time I stopped in front of it, my bladder was empty. So I shook, flushed, and calmly turned around and left as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.



The attendant never said a word.



true story....

I was wondering if I was the only one...lol

This made me think of "Eddie Murphy Raw" where he's telling the "kicked him in the ding ding" joke as a little kid.

i love you beans. keep the stories coming