Do u like me? cuz i rilly like you. ur HOXXXT!



EDIT: Theredpill's poll made me irrationally angry for some reason. When voting, keep in mind I likely look down upon you for no reason, and think you're stupid

You've got a big ass, and i like that.

I know a girl that could change your name too: Bitten off wang. Would you like to meet her????

You were my favorite Iceman, and your disdain doesn't affect my unconditional love.

Hey Wingmaster, I don't have 50BB downswings at 10/20, so I guess I'm better than Jesus. But we all knew that anyway

No thanks. I already had a shortlived relationship with a girl who has permanently picked up the nickname "Bloody Handjob." And none of that is untrue. I can't remember if I've told that story yet, but if anyone wants to hear it, lemme knows

Wang

sounds gory

Jesus was looking for someone like you to improve his game, he hates 50 BB downswings. PM me if you're interested in tutoring.

I wang

I'm saving this for the future so i can quote it out of context.

Oh man, that's a damn fine idea. I hope KDawg says something really gay to me soon....

Wang

We need to start polling and releasing Poster Approval Ratings.

this i have to hear

you should add a "i dont know you well enough to vote" option

i voted yes, but i havent seen you around a lot.

And I love Wang too if indeed he is the former Tom Kazanski

Wang, you are probably my favorite poster here.....some priceless stories. If you ever stop by Grand Rapids, first round of drinks is on me.

Might as well fire off the Bloody Handjob story, while I have time:

It's Freshman year of college. One of my girl friends introduced me randomly to the girl who lived next-door to her in the all-girl dorm. (I'd be remiss if I didn't mention I was attracted to her partly because she lived in an all-girl dorm. Not sure why.) Her name was Jenny, she was very good looking, and she was a dancer. Which means she was ungodly flexible, and schooled in the ways of body-movement.

Which means I wanted to hump her.

So we hung out a few times, mostly around mutual friends, and she flirted and I ran my woefully inadequate game, and I thinks he bought it for some reason. Nothing had really happened, yet, but then she invited me to her sorority formal. If none of you have ever been to a date-party or other Greek function, it's basically just an excuse for girls to ask out random guys, dress up, and get slutty for an evening without feeling guilty. I wasn't in a fraternity or anything, and had never been to one of these before, but a good friend of mine kindly explained the situation; I went into the night fully expecting to finally get to at LEAST second base. Third base was an option, but I wasn't getting my hopes up.

The party/dance was fun, for a dance anyway. I'm not much of a dancer, and she's a pro, so I just basically stood around and clapped my hands while she shimmied up and down around me. My only job was to remain flacid all night, which I admit was pretty difficult. I had to extricate myself from a few close situations after she got drunk and a little more- shall we say- "rubby."

So we get on the bus to go back home, and the atmosphere is... it's fucking weird man. EVERY SINGLE couple on the bus- without exception- was making out 10 minutes into the hour-long ride. Now, I'm a classy guy, and I'd never hooked up with this girl before, so I was feeling a little awkward. I was pretty sure I was blowing it, and Jenny was getting anxious. I just COULDN'T convice myself to stick my tongue down a girl's throat on a nasty bus.

Then, the theme from Ghostbusters came on over the radio, and I said, "Aw, hell naw. I gotta get after it now." So we made out the rest of the way home.

We got back to my dorm room, and had a few drinks with the couple (her best friend and mine) that we went to the formal with. I had to take care of a little business (small-time drug deal among friends... story for another time), and then the other couple went to bed. My roommate was due back, soon, so Jenny suggested we go to her place (in the all-girl dorm, where girls walk around in towels, and pillow fight, etc.), as her roommate was out of town.

We got to her place, and started fooling around. She was being flexible, and I was being awestruck, and then she looked at me and said, "Just so you know, I don't give blowjobs." I kept my head up, even though I was massively disappointed. At least that meant I was definitely picking up a tugjob. I can deal with a tugjob, if I have to; I'm a classy, mature, respectful and reasonable gentleman.

So, finally, she gets to it. And it just wasn't working. It... it just wasn't very good. It wasn't going anywhere, and when she asked if I wanted her to stop, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I told her to keep going. Well, she kept going for a while, but I finally had to make her stop. I lied, and said something about having a bad case of whiskey dick, and we rolled over and went to sleep.

I got up in the morning, put back on my suit and tie, and limped home. I had the ABSOLUTE worst case of blue balls ever, and the 5 minute-walk back to my dorm was just the worst thing ever. I was hobbled, and I wasn't happy about it. I finally got back to West Quad, and I had to use the head. I got in there, approached a urinal, unzipped... and reacted in horror. My underwear was STUCK to my wang. I hurriedly unbuttoned and lowered my pants, and saw a very large, very RED/COPPER stain.

I nearly vomitted.

I don't know if she used sandpaper or what, but somehow she actually- very very literally- rubbed my dick raw. To the point of bleeding.

I cleaned up, but for the next 2 weeks, everytime I snagged a boner, the cut reopened, and the whole ordeal had to be repeated. I actively avoided porn and all sex-imagery of any kind (no television), but morning-wood was my downfall.

Anyway, I was so mad at her that I discreetly leaked the story, and she picked up the nickname "Bloody Handjob." She never forgave me for it, and never touched my penis again.

Wang

You got it, man. I'm hoping to relocate ASAP to Kalamazoo, MI. And I'm a degenerate, and never pass up a drink.

Fuck that bitch. Leaking that story had to be done regardless if you liked her or not

1) no blowjobs
2) red copper flesh wound on dick
3) massive case of blue balls


Yea... it had to be done

Yet another hilarious story. The fact that you made your move to the Ghostbusters theme song is the icing on the cake, though I would have been 10 times more impressed if it was the Beverly Hills Cop theme song. I too am a degenerate, and never pass up a chance to get drunk/talk about music and such. Hit me up if you ever come through this way.

I wang in my pooper(does that work :-) ). IIRC, this is derek posting right, well, whichever one of the icemen this is, when I get back to chicago, there needs to be a get together there to which massive drunkenness will ensue(and since I will be able to smoke at that point, mark and I can fully share war stories)

How many Icemen are there? Count me in on any massive drinking/smoking extravaganza, as I am only 2 hours away from Chi-town, and am always looking for a reason to go there.

Dude, what a fucking idea.

Yeah, this is Derek, and I'm totally in. Finding new people to get delinquent/poisoned with is always a good time. This fits in absolutely perfectly with my intense desire (see: "What Music are you listening to" thread) to create a few ULTIMATE ROAD TRIP cds.

Seriously, when you get back, I'm totally there.

Holla atcha Wang

I have a CD book filled with nothing but road trip compliation CDs.... this latest one is the 22nd in the collection. I don't know if I was the Mark that KDawg was referring to when he talked about trading war stories, but I would totally be down if there will be a night of heavy drinking in Chi-town.

you have the best stories man


that sucks...i cant even imagine

you know what war stories I'm talking about :wink:

my dick literally hurts at the thought of this

Ha, yea I do....I just wasn't sure if you were referring to me or not. Yea, let me know when you are coming to Chi-town or Michigan. I'm always up for trading a few war stories.

well, I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled in a couple of weeks, so I'll be in wilmette then for that, but, I will be out of comission. I'm going to be back in chicago full time for the next few years in at least 9 months(so, I should go find a chick to knock up and skip out on her, lol, things that I will say when drunk)

Right on. Not sure what state Wilmette is in or where exactly it's at....

wilmette is a land unto itself known as the north shore. I'm like ten miles north of the loop(when back in wilmette)

best typo ever

i think the forum should take up a donation. we'll use it to by alcohol and send to iceman, with the intent on creating as many stories as possible.

Shit, bitch, I ain't got no job; save up money and if I'm in your town I'll get drunk with you and let you create your own stories. If you get me drunk (pint of Popov, Litre of Diet Mtn. Dew, and some beer), I'll give you exclusive RIGHTS to the stories.

Hell, buy me a 2 dollar draft and you can have'em all

Wang

you mix with diet mt. dew? interesting.

I am also curious about this. Please elaborate