I was just discussing masterbation references with someone and I was curious what your best one was.

since I suck at poker now, this is all I have to offer. Sorry

My favorites are:

Taking care of business (for the polite and proper crowd)
punchin the munchkin
floggin the dolphin
jerkin the gerkin
smacking little Johnny behind the ears
playing with the little man in the canoe (for the ladies)
spanking the monkey
waxing the carrot
peeling the banana (I just make that one up)



What else ya got FCP? Make me laugh.

My roommate always says he's going to "rub one out"

yeah, I forgot about that one. It's old school.

Fire one off.

"pulling the goalie"

Awaken the bacon
Bashing the bishop
Calling down for more mayo
Make the bald man cry
Polish the lighthouse (in the bath)

feeding the geese...

it's a bit obscure.

I believe this is more appropriate for a couple who have decided to attempt pregnancy....

My favorite is prolly 'The four-knuckle shuffle'

choking the gopher
slamming the ham
pounding the rocket
chalking the cue
smacking the cracker


Female masturbation ones are funnier, though

guilding the lily
flipping the switch
saucing the taco
juicing the mango

Yes, it is for people trying to get preggo.

For got about this one
compliments of Dice

Knuckle shuflle on my piss pump.

First laugh out loud of the day. Thanks Ron.

I won't argue it, up here it refers to the subject, the Trailer Park Boys can't be wrong.

DOUBLE CLICKING THE MOUSE
TICKLING THE CLAM

Jay Mohr calls it "flickin the bean" for women.

What about having a date with Rosie (Palm & her 5 sisters)...

... or when you do it with the other hand - 'the stranger'...

I believe "the stranger" refers to when you sit on your hand until it goes numb before you get down to your business.

"Strangling the N.azi."

"Playing some pocket pool."

"NOT holding the mayo."

"Gonna butter the bread."

Wow - that's going the extra mile...

...and, yes, I will be trying that right after work.

Shaking hands with the unemployed

Mensch

EDIT : found this at sexuality.org

Masturbation- mas-tur-ba-tion n. -- Excitation of one's own or another's genital organs, usually to orgasm, by manual contact or means other than sexual intercourse. —mas-tur-ba-tion-al or mas-tur-ba-to-ry - adj. —mas-tur-ba-tor n.: onanism; to jack off; Anna palm; auto-eroticism; backstroke; baming your wang with the rest of the gang; bean wiggling (female); beat the meat; beat off; beating off; beat your meat; bleed the lizard; bonking your bologna; bop the bologna; bopping your bishop; buffing the purple helmet; burp the worm; bust a nut; catching a nut; check the oil; choking the chicken; choke your chicken; circle jerk (group masturbation); corralling the tadpole; diddling; diddling the box; doing the dishes; feeding the ducks; feel up; feelie; finger blasting; fingering; fingerlingus (for females?); finger blast; finger ****; finger jabbing; fist ****ing; five finger lingo; five finger knuckle chuckle; five knuckle shuffle; flogging the bishop; flog the dolphin; flog the friar; flog your log; flogging your pride; Franny and her five sisters; getting off get excited; get wet; grab the bozac; grease your pole; grease the monkey; hammer hands; hand car; hand jive; hand job; hitchhiking under the sheets; home job; honking his root; humping off; jack your dick; jag off; jack off; jerking off; marching German soldier; milking the lizard; "Nothing Mom!"; one-eyed Kate; paddle the pickle; palm it; Sally palm; piddley diddling; playing with one's self; pocket pinball; pocket ping-pong; pocket pool; pound your pud; piddle the pud; piddle; polish the pud; play with yourself; playing the skin flute; playing with peter; pound your pud; punching the munchkin; pound your pud; pud wacking; pull your pud; pulling your pecker; pulling your puppet; red eye Pete; rosy palm; dating Rosy Palmer; Rosie Palmer and her five friends; to rub off (to masturbate, a female term, used by females); rub one out; rubbin' a chubby; Sally fist and her five sisters; sanding it; scratch the crack (female); shake the snake; self-pollution; self abuse; Shangra-la; shining your helmet; skin your bone; slap your dong; slapping the salami; smack Johnny behind the ears; solo; solitary vice or sin; spankin'; spanking it; spanking the monkey; spank your shank; sparring with the heavy bag; stroke it; stirring the soup (female); stroke the lizard; stroking the muscle; toss off; talking to Henry; Tilly and her four friends; tooting your root; toss-off; tossin' Tony; touckie-feelie; trip to the john; tuggin' on it; tug-o-war with the Cyclops; twiddle a speed bag; twiddling; two finger tango; using the 10-inch black beauty; yank your doodle dandy; wack your squack; walking the dog; wanking; waxing your carrot; wax the dolphin; waxing your pole; waxing the soldier; wack-it; whack off; whacking off; whacking the weasel; wham the ham; whip it; whip your whillie; whittle the wood; wiggling the bean (female); with my imaginary lover; wrap five around woody; yanking; yanking the chain.


Gotta love fingerlingus and "Nothing, Mom!"

Mensch

I should dig out my Beavis and Butthead Ensucklopedia...one I remember is Junior Olympic Pole Vaulting.

raising the flag
milking the snake
shining the jewels
scratching the palm

Before going on a date you must "Get rid of the easy one"

good God Herr Mensch :shock:

For chicks: Jilling Off

As in Jack and Jill, GET IT?? BAHAHAHA......ok, I'm done.