My 13 simple rules for hockey parents everywhere


1. Under no circumstances will hockey practice ever be cancelled. Ever. Even on days when school is cancelled, practice is still on. A game may be cancelled due to inclement weather because of travel concerns for the visiting team, but it would have to rain razor blades and bocce balls to cancel hockey practice at your local rink. It's good karma to respect the game.
2. Hockey is an emotional game and your child has the attention span of a chipmunk on NyQuil. The hockey coach will yell a bit during practice; he might even yell at your precious little Sparky. As long as there is teaching involved and not humiliation, it will be good for your child to be taught the right way, with emphasis.
3. Hockey is a very, very, very, very difficult game to play. You are probably terrible at it. It takes high skill and lots of courage, so lay off your kid. Don't berate them. Be patient and encourage them to play. Some kids need more time to learn how to ride the bike, but, in the end, everyone rides a bike about the same way.
Your kids are probably anywhere from age 4-8 when they first take up hockey. They will not get a call from Boston University coach Jack Parker or receive Christmas cards from the Colorado Avalanche's director of scouting. Don't berate them. Demand punctuality and unselfishness for practice and games. That's it. Passion is in someone, or it isn't. One can't implant passion in their child. My primary motive in letting my kids play hockey is exercise, physical fitness and the development of lower-body and core strength that will one day land them on a VH1 reality show that will pay off their student loans or my second mortgage.
4. Actually, I do demand two things from my 10-year-old Squirt, Jackson. Prior to every practice or game, as he turns down AC/DC's "Big Jack," gets out of the car and makes his way to the trunk to haul his hockey bag inside a cold, Connecticut rink, I say, "Jack, be the hardest, most creative and grittiest worker ... and be the one having the most fun." That might be four things, but you know what I mean.
5. Your kids should be dressing themselves and tying their own skates by their second year of Squirt. Jack is 67 pounds with 0 percent body fat and arms of linguini, and he can put on, take off and tie his own skates. If he can, anyone can. I don't go in the locker room anymore. Thank goodness; it stinks in there.
6. Do not fret over penalties not called during games and don't waste long-term heart power screaming at the referees. My observational research reveals the power-play percentage for every Mite hockey game ever played is .0000089 percent; for Squirts, .071 percent. I prefer referees to call zero penalties.
7. Yell like crazy during the game. Say whatever you want. Scream every kind of inane instruction you want to your kids. They can't hear you. In the car ride home, ask them if they had fun and gently promote creativity and competiveness, but only after you take them to Denny's for a Junior Grand Slam breakfast or 7-Eleven for a Slurpee. Having a warm breakfast after an early morning weekend game will become one of your most syrupy sweet memories.
8. Whenever possible, trade in your kids' ice skates and buy used skates, especially during those growing years and even if you can afford to buy new skates every six months. Your kids don't need $180 skates and a $100 stick no matter what your tax bracket is. They will not make them better players.
9. Missing practice (like we stated above) or games is akin to an Irish Catholic missing Mass in 1942. We take attendance at hockey games very seriously. Last week, the Islanders' Brendan Witt was hit by an SUV in Philadelphia. Witt got up off the pavement and walked to Starbucks for a coffee, and then later played against the Flyers that night. Let me repeat that: BRENDAN WITT WAS HIT BY AN SUV ... AND PLAYED THAT NIGHT! Re-read that sentence 56 times a night to your child when they have a case of the sniffles and want to stay home to watch an "iCarly" marathon. By, the way Philadelphia police cited Witt for two minutes in jail for obstruction. Witt will appeal.
10. Teach your kids not to celebrate too much after a goal if your team is winning or losing by a lot. And by all means, tell them celebrate with the team. After they score, tell them not to skate away from their teammates like soccer players. Find the person who passed you the puck and tell him or her, "Great pass." We have immediate group hugs in hockey following a short, instinctive reaction from the goal scorer. I am proud of my boy for a lot of things, but I am most proud at how excited he gets when a teammate scores a goal. He is Alex Ovechkin in this regard.
11. There is no such thing as running up the score in hockey. This is understood at every level. It's very difficult to score goals and unexplainably exhilarating when one does. Now, if we get to 14-1, we may want to take our foot off the gas a tad.
12. Unless their femur is broken in 16 places, Mites or Squirts should not lie on the ice after a fall on the ice or against the boards. Attempt to get up as quickly as one can and slowly skate to the bench.
13. Do not offer cash for goals. This has no upside. Passion and love and drive cannot be taught or bought. I do believe a certain measure of toughness and grit can be slowly encouraged and eventually taught. Encourage your kid to block shots and to battle hard in the corners. It will serve them well in life.
Enjoy the rink. Keep it fun, keep it in perspective and enjoy the madness. In this digital world of electronics, you may find hockey to be the most human endeavor you partake in. Cell phones run on batteries. Hockey players run on blood. Blood is warmer. Welcome.


John Buccigross' e-mail address -- for questions, comments or crosschecks -- is john.buccigross@espn.com.

I sent this article link to our team manager (11-12 year old team), asking him to send it out to the tean but not say that I asked him to sent it. This one was the main reason I wanted him to send it out. Five minutes later, an email goes out to the team "Coach Tim suggests this article!", haha. Anyway...

I'm not sure what's worse, dads that help the kid get dressed or the ones that just stand there and watch and pack/unpack their bags. If that isn't bad enough, a few of them would stand around in the room while we talked to the team. I had to put a stop to that.

I'd like to write one for coaches. Having coached high level hockey, it's hard for me to shut up and say nothing to my son's tyke coaches (I HAVE, however said NOT ONE WORD ALL SEASON!). But there are a few things at every level of hockey that coaches could take to heart. Tim could probably add a few..

1) At practice, KEEP THEM ALL MOVING. Drills where one kid skates and 15 watch are a waste of time.
2) The puck at practice is NOT a reward. Just like basketball players should always be dribbling a ball, hockey kids should always have a puck on their stick. They will thank you when they're 13 and not getting their heads knocked off cos they can't carry a puck without looking down.
3) If you're the coach, then your kid is NOT the best player on the team. Even if he is, you can't treat him that way. If I had a dollar for every coach I ever saw who's kid was the first line centre, I could buy a first line centre. In the NHL.
4) Don't figure out your practices on the fly. Plan them. You dont want your kids going to school without doing their homework and being prepared, why is it okay for you?
5) For kids under 8, teach them skills, not systems. Any idiot can learn to trap. They need to learn to skate first.
6) WINNING SHOULD NOT BE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN IT IS TO YOUR KIDS.
7) Shortening your bench to win a game in house league should be illegal. A player wont remember who won that game in two days, but if you tell them they aren't good enough when it counts, they will remember that for their whole life.
8) Dont yell at the refs. Talk to them. They may miss the odd call, but your powerplay doesnt run at 100% either, does it?

Awesome article.

Very nice read. My son is in houseleague (12/13) and half the players still get their parents to tie their skates. About 1/3 get their parents to put their equipment on. I only tie his skates and told him he must learn to tie his own next year.

I personally love watching him play and I never take it seriously. I just enjoy my 3 cups of hot chocolate on a Saturday night.

These are the two that jumped in my head right away.

Everyone should play every position a young age. When I ref, the same 2 kids from each team take EVERY faceoff. Let another kid try!

The yelling at the ref thing always makes me laugh, at any age level. Especially if I'm in the stands and listen to the other things the same person says that shows the obviously don't know the rules.

Also, yelling at kids on the bench in a 9-10 year old game. Or after a goal on Sunday when I was reffing, I heard one coach say to the other "GET HIM OFF THE ICE NOW!" When I have a that messes up on the ice, I tell them what they did wrong and what they should do. Then ask if them if understand what I mean and understand why it's like that. Then, I usually make a joke to them to relax them. The only time I'll "yell" at a kid is when he's goofing off or being a general pain in the ass and told a few times to stop. The 3rd or 4th time comes with a little "yell".

Too many awesome points to single any out.

I think I'm going to write out my corollory to Buccigross' article and send it to him...