The History Channel has a two-hour documentary on a plot to steal the corpse of Abraham Lincoln and ransom it in exchange for a pardon for some guy the kidnappers knew and $200,000 cash.

As one historian pointed out, there were a few holes in this plan: it would take them about ten days to two weeks to travel to where they intended to hide the body, but only a couple of days before the news would hit papers nationwide, and in the days before hotels, they would have had to stop overnight at taverns and inns, where somebody miiight notice the humongous fancy coffin in their wagon and the distinct reek of ex-president, miiiight have seen the inch-high headlines, and miiight be smart enough to put two and two together.

Valid point, but I see a bigger problem.

Kidnappers: Give us $200,000.
Victim (Mary Todd Lincoln? US Govt? I'm not sure who they meant to contact): Or what, we'll never see him alive again?

Okay, maybe they try a threat:

Kidnappers: For every day you don't give us the money, you'll receive a package containing a body part.
Victim: So if I hold out long enough, I'll get him all back? Okay, but you'll be out postage.

I think I see why this crime didn't catch on.

steal reagan's body and threaten to have sex with it every day

you'll get paid

and if not - what fun you'll have anyway

If I had to do that, I'd rather have Kennedy. He was better looking and probably died with a hard-on, since he had a more or less perpetual one anyway.

Kennedy was better looking than Reagan? In their prime? I don't think so. Reagan was a fucking Hollywood star.

Reagan was "probably" better looking at death too, since he still had his head fully in place.

yeah but kennedy was fucking marilyn monroe!

After he was already President.

You raise a good point.

Even in his prime, Reagan wasn't much. Brylcreem just doesn't make me cream. And Reagan was only a movie "star" because the real men like Clark Gable, Jimmy Stewart, and Tyrone Power were off fighting the war. He managed not to serve a day in the greatest struggle of the 20th century.

Something I didn't know (and most probably don't either), Stewart rose from Private to Colonel during the war and eventually achieved the rank of Brigadier General in the reserves.

Impressive.

Don't let your aversion toward Republicans skew your perception. Reagan wasn't much? Puh-lease.

You're quite the cheeky monkey lately

You guys are a good influence on me.