Looking for some advice/help.

My fiancee continues to be harassed by her ex. Early in our relationship, he would call her 10-20 times per day (sometimes consecutively when she wouldn't answer). It eventually got to the point where she had to block around 6 different phone numbers that he tried calling from. He tried contacting her family and friends and even called me a couple of times trying to tell me not to talk to her anymore. She's had to block about 6 different e-mail addresses that he's attempted to use. When he contacts her, he frequently will cuss her out and try to make her feel guilty even though he's clearly in the wrong. Briefly, he got his third DUI while they were dating (having not informed her of the other ones), is an alcoholic, and saddled her with around $30k in debt.

Recently, he decided to create a defamatory myspace profile pretending to be her and soliciting guys, so that she's started getting messages, IMs, and e-mails from random people. Myspace was informed of this through a form but haven't taken action yet to remove it. She's considered filing a restraining order, which is what I wanted early on, but the more I've looked into it, the less helpful it appears to be, and it's probably not worth the hassle. I've attempted to avoid any sort of direct confrontation with the guy, because I haven't wanted to give him any sort of validation for his continued interjections. He seems to have moved from delusional into spiteful at this point. It's causing her unnecessary stress. Any ideas on course of action?

Here are his arrest records:
http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=04007164
http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=05075840
http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=07071687
http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=07054149

His myspace profile is myspace.com/jbr0ck81 (but with an 'o' instead of the '0'...I'd prefer this not get google-traced).

I'm considering posting his e-mail and phone number.

Restraining order is a pain but it might be your only effective option......beyond hiring a "guy" to break his "knee-caps".

If you have any friends or family who are/know a good attorney, I would consult them.

Just keep in mind, if you fight fire with fire and get a bunch of people to harass this guy back it may blow up in your face and merely escalate the situation.

Suggestions

You're welcome.

yeah, you should trick this guy into meeting you in Louisiana and then unload a whole .22 clip into him. Let's call that Option B.

I agree that the restraining order is a pain in the ass, but the guy does have a history of crime, it may be effective. He probably doesn't have a choice but to honor it seeing as he's a career loser.

In what county do you reside? Look for a court website in your county. There is an informative website about protective orders for the county where I live. I recently consulted it and helped a friend get a protective order against an ex, but she was in a physically abusive relationship, so it was a slam dunk. I'm not sure how your state handles phone harassment. You should do a little research about her legal options.

Here's what she does:

IGNORE ... completely.

Do not EVER answer the phone to ANY number she doesn't recognize.

If that doesn't work... begin to compile evidence. Messages... print out the MySpace evidence... save all text messages and emails.
File restraining order and then file small claims for harassment.


If none of that works... I know a guy that can fix it. He goes by the name "wolf". He is the Cleaner. He makes things happen.

Do What Nikki says about the county web site.. Verbal Harrassment can turn physical when he gets frustrated enough with her ignoring his messages and calls. He is apparently "not all there" and there is no rhyme or reason why people do the things they do.

If anything all the police department in the area and ask what can be done to protect her.

Yup. Use the legal system.

That, and he'll leave her alone if she never responds to him.
He'll move on to someone else.
So, she must never, ever respond in any any way.
Not even to say please leave me alone.

Life lesson.

EDIT: besides, with his track record and probation status, it looks like he's headed for some hard time within 8 months or so.

i'm pretty sure you are using those air quotes wrong. unless by "guy" you mean a pet lizard, and "knee-caps" is code for phone. is that what you mean? a lizard is going to break his phone? i'd just hire a guy to break his kneecaps.

Yeah, except it's come to light that when you have a protective order, the police don't actually have to protect you.

Great courts we have.

Yeah, there's some reluctance there.


Well, fortunately/unfortunately, he's in Tampa, she's in Chicago for the next couple of months, and I'll be in Atlanta pretty soon. He doesn't have a driver's license because it was suspended for several years (though I understand he's probably still driving). Anyway, I'm not really clear where we'd file it. Also, from what I read, there often has to be proof of fear of physical harm and you have to show up in court and get the other person to show also.

And based on his record of ignoring the law, I'm not sure what good it would do other than establishing some sort of paper trail.

As for the no response route, that was what I advised her originally. She hasn't responded to him at all in several months.

Wait, Cobalt has a fiancee?

Pretty obvious brag post if you ask me.

(Just kidding. Congrats, man)

Also, I echo the above. Ignore + restraining order + Don Corleone if necessary

Yeah, I think the legal system is the way to go with this, though it is being a pain in the ass. My gf actually filed a police report on her Ex, things got a lot better after that with the harassing phone calls, emails, etc.

I like this. Though I don't think Cobalt is the type.

It's always the ones you don't expect

Restraining Order without a shadow of a doubt. Then start a record of his harrassment and go to police with it. Since he has a pretty extensive record he can get himself into trouble.

i had no idea that Chrozzo did this sort of thing. huh! the more you know.

At the very least a restraining order starts a paper trail showing the harassment. That really should be your only route. And the person that said completely ignore and not to respond to anything was spot on.

Seems like it would be pretty easy to get a restraining order put on him by the police. Have you not checked into this yet?

Don't date girl with crazy ex's that have been in jail. Oh...too late for that now hehe

Mark

talk to this guy

In Indianapolis if there has ever been a sexual relationship and he has made threats, she has grounds for an order. It has to be served to him, but there is only a hearing if he tries to contest the order. Also, like someone else said, she likely has grounds for a civil suit for damages to her reputation and emotional distress. She could have a lawyer write him a very firm letter, maybe?

The key is to document in detail every time there's an incident. I agree that it's a pain in the ass to go through all the legal hassle, but it's much more effective when you can point out the exact details of every incident. Save emails, copy anything from the myspace page, note how often and at what times he calls, etc.

Lot of work, but on the bright side you get to pretend you're on Law & Order.

He WANTS attention - even negative attention. Restraining order is OK - but it sort of validates him as still having an effect in her life. The Jackie Childs joke account actually gets this one right. Get a restraining order then from that point forward - She needs to completely stop ANY direct contact with him. No response directly to him EVER - under ANY circumstances. Change her phone numbers and email addresses. Make sure all friends and Family know NOT to give any contact information to this DB.

If he does contact her - she needs to hang up without a single word - and then contact the authorities and inform them that he has violated the RO. She must never again acknowledge his existence. Any bickering with him, any comments like "you suck", anything just validates his feeling that he is in control. If (when) he physically confronts her, you, friends, family, walk away and call the cops. Not even one single word. If you get worried he is going to cause physical harm - well use your own judgement - I'm not going to get into how I'd handle that.

it just sounds like the guy is a immature bitch, i would just leave him alone and ignore him until he get violent.

does this loser sound like he has any money to his name? If not, a civil suit is a waste of time.

oh. i don't know if this is standard, but the telco here has a 'call trace' feature. if someone gets a oscene/harassment call, they dial it immeidately after to get a permanent trace added. this is useful down the road for documentation to the police.

Yeah, suing's just not going to do much good. He's broke, which is reassuring in the sense that he can't afford to really stalk her.

Also, as I said before, she has not responded at all to him in several months, and he seems to have given up on the phone call route.

The guess is that he's trying to befriend people with the myspace account and then give them her e-mail/IM. I guess we need to just change that?

Finally, y'all keep saying restraining order, but I have no idea where it'd be filed.

This guy obviously wouldn't give a rats ass about a restraining order. I mean THREE dui's? He didn't get the whole drink and drive thing did he?

How did he saddle her with $30K in debt?

I'm with the ignore him crowd though he does look a little like Ed Norton Jr in Fight Club and could be a crazy pycho killer in the making. But don't be worried, we know Matt Damon around here.

Have her go down to her local precinct in Chicago and explain to them what is going on. Theyll be able to help her. It is important that she starts creating records of what he does/has done so that there is a paper trail. Id have her change her phone #, email, and whatever else she has that he has contacted her through also.

this is good advice. take it.

If he's not calling any more, then he's definitely going away. Let him go away.

Have her change her email. Get myspace to block the page he's using, but honestly, he'll just keep popping new ones up until he gets bored with it.

Legal types: is there some way to file a complaint, rather than an order? I'm thinking that if he gets an order, he may restart the calling, but if there's just complaints filed and he doesn't know about them, he won't restart. But you do need to start an official documentation trail. Bottom line: talk to the cops. Get their advice. Take it.

Let the games begin!

On a more serious note, I know someone who had a family member being harassed by an ex-boyfriend, a drug addict. It ended up in a bloodbath, in the news. The girl killed, he killed himself but not before killing uncle and aunt. Their kid(3years old), who now lives with the person I know, saw the all thing.

Take this kind of things very seriously, which means making all that is possible within the law to protect your girlfriend.

If you can contact Jigsaw, do so. He loves games as much as chrozzo loves hi's.

dude seriously?

i can't believe you're letting this have any effect on your life. he calls too much and he makes a fake myspace ZOMG. have her change her number and all her email accounts. solved.

don't be the woman who has to run screaming into the other room because there's a daddy long legs on the wall. be the man who just handles it.

LUV-d

Take him to this guys home game.

I don't see how changing phone numbers, emails, and instant message accounts hasn't already happened


That guy's facial hair got progressively worse with each arrest.

Heres what you need to do.

A) Contact a lawyer and consult with them your legal options, including a RO and possible grounds for a civil suit.

Contact his family and notify them of the situation and let them know you have contacted a lawyer. Tell them to talk to their son or he's going off to jail. (last part might not even be true, but you have to do this forcefully and you need to throw out a legal threat)

C) Start considering options that are a little outside the law. I'm not saying kill the guy, but consider things that could hurt him in his current position. Anything you can do that can hurt his wallet is good. Also, anyway you can alienate him is good. The point is to let him know that you two are not to be ****ed with and if he does decide to **** with you it's going to hurt him.

D) As poker players we all know some shady characters right? I'm sure you know a broke degen that would do pretty much anything for 1k. Well, send him down to Tampa.

You're an idiot.

Don't get defensive until you ask yourself if I might be right.



IT'S YOURS!

3 DUI's in a short period of time suggests that he's a retard who doesn't learn easily... Precisely the sort of person who you should be concerned about.

Get your concealed carry permit and a restraining order. Don't "wait" to compile the evidence- do it all, right now. Print out the myspace pages, record and save any vm messages, save any other documentation that 'works against him' and put it in a big folder (you're going to need it at the hearing- trust me, shit like that's worth its weight in gold in front of a judge)

If you find yourself in a position where you have to blaze him, the restraining order works heavily in your favor to prevent an indictment. Just make sure to mention somewhere at the hearing that she's in fear for her life, he's made threats, etc.

Lots of stupid, stupid advice here. I'll add my own.

I had to help my sister deal with a guy who wouldn't leave her alone.

I tried talking to him asking him to not contact my sister, but it didn't work. We went to court and filed a temporary restraining order. This was good for 14(maybe 10?) days, until a hearing scheduled at that time is held to either dismiss the order, change it, or make it permanent.

We had no other information other than his cell number and employment information. They took it, and the same day delivered the restraining order to him at his place of employment. The order covered all aspects of contact, and spelled out the penalties (misdemeanor with escalating penalties) for breaking the order. They considered it domestic violence and didn't charge her for a filing fee or delivery of the papers.

14 days later and he never showed up for the hearing, which automatically makes the restraining order permanent. If he had shown up he could argue why it shouldn't be allowed.

We had phone records, recorded conversations, and enough other correspondence that the judge told us our case was airtight. He had a criminal history too, and we never heard from him after that.

It's worth it to file a case. What other way are you going to show a history or pattern of stalking, unwanted contact, etc.?

Good luck.

i really hope you're trolling, because if not this is the most ignorant thing I've seen posted from an FCPer ever... and I have a lot of posts.

Just list out this guy's profile:

1) Several previous arrest records
2) Ex
3) Drug/Alcohol problem
4) Obsessive behavior
5) Thirst for revenge
6) Desolate poor


Now, let's reference the formula for a stalker serial killer:


1) Several previous arrest records
2) Ex
3) Drug/Alcohol problem
4) Obsessive behavior
5) Thirst for revenge
6) Desolate poor




also, Cobalt, this is a repeated message from an earlier poster, but as tempting as it is to take counter-vengeance on the guy, it can only worsen the situation. If anything were to happen to him, true or not, he will likely blame her and act "accordingly". Nothing short of law enforcement or death will help this situation.

so has anybody heard from misterb lately?

Cut his freakin' moby head off!

He said it better with the paper trail creation and stuff. Someone's cranky.

You should have a He-Brew......

It's probably because it's early in the morning and I'm a bit loopy, but for some reason this phrase was the funniest thing I've ever read. I love how everybody's automatic reaction is to throw up our collective hands and just accept the fact that we have to kill this guy. I'm trying to picture the scene in my head. I see Cobalt walking with his gf and this guy coming at them from across the street. Cobalt then just says, "Awww, screw it," takes out his semi-automatic gun (which is much scarier because it's semi automatic) and blows the guy away. Done and done.

"If you find yourself in the position where you have to blaze him..."

Man, I'm going to be laughing about that all morning.

"I have a good job dealing with mortgages. Quit your job and live with me." Little while later "...yeah, so about those deals...can you pay the rent? The car? The electric bill? My legal fees? etc.?" She cared for him, so she felt she should help support him.


It hasn't been affecting my life so much as hers. And, the phone isn't an issue anymore. The defamatory profile with private photos that led to spawned harassment were kind of an issue. Fortunately, myspace has removed the page.


navy and I are cool. =)

Thanks for all of the advice, guys.

If you plan to go this route, make sure you check state laws about recording conversations when all parties don't know it's being recorded. It's illegal in some states to do this.

That is all.

I believe it is only illegal to record a conversation to which you are not a party, do not have consent to tape, and could not naturally overhear. You need the consent of at least one party involved in the conversation. I think you can legally record any conversation in which you are involved. It may or may not be allowable in court.

Befriend an officer if you haven't already and plant 8 pounds of weed in his vehicle.

It'd be easy in my case, I would just put a few Ma Deuce rounds in him and say he was a terrorist.