The office was silent except for the occasional splash echoing at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey. The echo was getting a little too loud for my liking; I don’t like loud noises. Unless it’s coming from my Colt .45. My name is Ace Spade. I’m a private eye.

I wasn’t working a case tonight, but I was in no mood to leave. See I know this dame, pretty thing, blonde hair, blue eyes, but like all dames, she talks a lot. Like I said, I don’t like loud noises. The ringing phone only confirms this.

I consider picking it up, maybe somebody needs my services. I could use the money and the distraction. I talk myself into answering the phone. It was a mistake.

The dame is lighting into me again. Seems another of her friends conned some poor sap into a proposal. Brings the number up to 7 or 8 now, all with diamonds. I’m not winning this battle on my own; it’s time to for me to find some better company.

When things get rough, there’s always one place I can go. The name says it’s a club, but I like to think of it as therapy. Liquid therapy. No music here, just some more suckers like me. There’s a reason this place is just like me, I own it. It’s even got my name on it: Ace’s Club.

I feel safe here until the dame shows up. Just walks in and throws a couple small diamond rings onto the table in front of me. I’m a tough nut to crack, but she knows just how to do it. I pretend I don’t care. Truth is, those little diamonds scare me. I think about turning to run, but I’m not finished yet. Let’s see how far she’s willing to take this.

She throws it all out there. Says I better dump her now if I’m not willing to follow through on my promises. I gotta hand it to her, she’s got guts.

I take things outside. We don’t need any witnesses to this. I say let’s take a walk, down by the water. It’ll be more romantic I say. She never sees it coming. I pull my friend out, pump two bullets into her, and dump her in the river.

She won’t find another diamond down there either.

Bi s for Boring

C is for Crap

D is for Donkey

fyp

E is for El Guapo

R is for Ranger.

A is for Animal.

Yes, it's animal.

That's why he's the duke. He's a-number one.

I liked it... or not?

Yes, he should definitely be banned for this. For sure.

I liked it.

Except that it was about poker.

Why did it get moved out of general poker?

If its a chick I don't find it boring at all.

W is for WTF?

C is for close thread please

would have been better if it were by "Duke Manatee"

shut up plz

I laughed.

LMAO

at least do it right

H is for hi

BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHA

As an exercise in style, I found this work achingly effective. A is for the next Auster. Three and three quarter stars.

Im not smart enough to reply in this thread

This is great.

H is for Homp.

P is for Plagerism(sp)

Who you callin a homp, homp?

So what if its not original. The use is great.

I was talkin about Homp, homp !!

lets not have to go over this again..ok?

To the author: Raymond Chandler is rolling in his grave right now, so please stop pis[size="2"][/size]sing on it. Maybe this story would have passed in high school but in the real world, full of elitist literature snobs such as myself, this amateurism will not fly. Expect a bearded ham on your next birthday.

Oh. If Canuck was reffering to the OP, then I retract my statement. I was reffering to George Plimpton.

I am confused.

Lets pretend I never posted in this thread.

That's my name



I don't get the story. He metioned clubs, spades, and diamonds, and then at the end there was a great chance to say he shot her in the heart, but he passed on the opportunity. So disappointing.



Also, it sucked.