This is a (crappy) Thread. The (crappy) Thread rules are as follows:

1. If RodReynolds posts in the thread it is officially over and anyone who posts after him is dead to me.
2. Gay jokes are NOT allowed.
3. Rule 2 can and should be ignored.
4. If anyone but chrozzo posts a "Hi" or a "weeeeeeeee" I will literally rip their face off.
5. No talk about Boston sports teams. Fuck you all.
6. Lolli is only allowed if she posts the pics of her cheerleading days.
7. Every fifth post must pay homage to Mr. Zimmerlin by quoting one of his many GENIUS POSTS.

hi

you're a fag

are bowel movements allowed

Who didn't see that coming?

Musings Fom A Man Who Is Anticipating Being Asked To Write A Script For A Science Fiction Movie Set In The Future

To begin with, I’ll BRAINSTORM. This means just throwing out ideas even if you THINK THEY’RE STUPID. I’ll tell you what’s really stupid. A paralyzed midget trying to LIFT A HEAVY PIANO.

Or a regular man trying to lift that same piano, ON JUPITER.

If I decide to go with the theme man vs. machine, I’ll do it in a way that causes the viewer to question THE PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS he may have about MACHINE INTELLIGENCE. You thought robots couldn’t cry? Meet Stanley, THE CRYING ROBOT. That’s all he does.

If the movie should be a hit, I’m not going to automatically agree to a sequel. I plan to MAINTAIN MY ARTISTIC INTEGRITY by agreeing to their conditions only if they promise to PAY ME MORE THAN THE LAST TIME.

yes. but only if you have two girls and a cup.
The russians probably.

You just broke rule 7 in your own thread.

You fail.

Q: What do you call a Japenese slap boxer, whose dad has diarrhea?
A: A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

NO! You FAIL! You forgot about the edit button.

Q: What do you call a Japenese slap boxer, whose dad has diarrhea?
A: A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.

Aren't you RodReynolds?

Steal that from Shaver?

This is a (crappy) Thread. The (crappy) Thread rules are as follows:

1. If RodReynolds posts in the thread it is officially over and anyone who posts after him is dead to me.
2. Gay jokes are NOT allowed.
3. Rule 2 can and should be ignored.
4. If anyone but chrozzo posts a "Hi" or a "weeeeeeeee" I will literally rip their face off.
5. No talk about Boston sports teams. Fuck you all.
6. Lolli is only allowed if she posts the pics of her cheerleading days.
7. Every fifth post must pay homage to Mr. Zimmerlin by quoting one of his many GENIUS POSTS.

And if I dont post said pics?

Musings From a Man Who May Be Asked To Organize The Halftime Show At The Superbowl, Last Minute.

I have very few connections IN THE INDUSTRY. I do not know why you asked me do this. I’m clearly OUT OF MY ELEMENT.

You can spend all day feeling SORRY FOR YOURSELF, but you still have a job to do. Get on the phone, make some calls. I’d bet DOM DELUISE IS STILL AVAILABLE.

If SCIENTISTS CAN BE BELIEVED, then the earth is over 150 years old and made almost completely from a mixture of goat hair and the EXACT OPPOSITE OF LUST.

I don’t know what THAT MEANS EITHER.

And if I dont post said pics?

yes. but only if you have two girls and a cup.
The russians probably.

I hadnt got that far. But Im sure it will involve whips and chains and some choking.

Tom Brady is so hot

I would post a link to the original before there was 2 girls and a cup, but 2 porn links in one day may get me banned.

Then Im all about breaking rules!

If you're Chinese and you hear a man reciting poetry in Japanese, I think it's OK TO BE CONFUSED. Even still, if you're honest with yourself, you'd have to wonder WHAT IS THAT GUY TRYING TO SAY?

No one is obeying rule #7.

I knew you would be. Thats why I took the Viagra 30 minutes ago. I popped one, I popped two, I've been eating them like skittles.

I know, its bullshit.

YOU PEOPLE ARE RUINING MY (crappy) THREAD!

This is not making my horrendous day any better knowing you need to pop the little blue pill to get it up for me.

This is not making my horrendous day any better knowing you need to pop the little blue pill to get it up for me.

Or, is it "crapy"?

Especially when he gets it up for Emma so fast.
Wow that probably didn't help either did it?

Fun facts about iceberg lettuce:
Iceberg lettuce is not a viable alternative to CHEMOTHERAPY.
My wife learned that THE HARD WAY.

Especially when he gets it up for Emma so fast.
Wow that probably didn't help either did it?

Dead to me.
I was already told today that Im fat and unattractive. I was holding a knife at the time. I regret not using it.

I swear to God, I will drive to Minnesota and have sex with you right fucking now. Just say the word.

I swear to God, I will drive to Minnesota and have sex with you right fucking now. Just say the word.

You're a fuckin sabateur, thats what you are.

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Suck it, Trebek.

"RAAAAAAAAAAPE!"
Is that "the word"?

Thats almost tempting but instead I'll just drown in self pity.

Dead to me.

Believe me, it wont take very long. You can get back to the pity party after Im done.

Musings From A Man Who Would Like To Be In Charge Of The Next NASA Launch

If one of the astronauts fall out ON THE WAY UP, I don't think it will be TIME TO START PANICKING. If two fall out, I'll ask someone to CHECK THE MAIN HATCH. It's probably STILL OPEN.

That was my responsibility? Looks like I'm in some SERIOUS HOT WATER, once again.

If I forget where we're going, I'll be very vague in DIRECTING MY SUBORDINATES. Ok fellas, let's go a little bit higher, but not TOO HIGH. This seems JUST ABOUT RIGHT. I'll be taking off now. I've decided, just now, to take HALF A VACATION DAY.

Youre suppose to be making me feel better.. not being the oxy to my vodka, darlin.

Hey suited, if your going to drive up and SIILP could you pick me up on the way? I wanna watch Lori make you go limp.

Hey suited, if your going to drive up and SIILP could you drop off some Chinese at my place, I tip well!

Youre suppose to be making me feel better.. not being the oxy to my vodka, darlin.

I actually had Chinese for lunch. But anything for you, you know that. What do you want, a spicy eggroll?
Sorry babe, just being honest. It will be an awesome couple of mintues though. When I bring it, I bring the the thunder.
Thanks ThreeJ, I knew I could count on you.

Bastard, Josh!

I actually had Chinese for lunch. But anything for you, you know that. What do you want, a spicy eggroll?

I can't believe it took me this long to reply in this thread..

I'm naked, BTW

thanks, I think i'll go choke on a razor blade now.
adios!

Did someone say choke? Dogpatch, your services are required.

Thanks ThreeJ, I knew I could count on you.

I like iceberg lettuce so much, I don’t even consider buying other lettuces in the supermarket, NO MATTER THE COST. This in turn causes FINANCIAL STRESS.

I like iceberg lettuce so much, it causes STRAIN in my relationships with my loved ones.

I like iceberg lettuce so much, I rarely if ever get enough COMPLEX CARBOHYDRATES, leading to MINOR HEALTH PROBLEMS.

I like iceberg lettuce so much, I would consider working on an iceberg lettuce farm, FOR FREE.