Posted 08 March 2007 - 12:22 AM
As good as I play online, I think I really show some skills in live poker.When I get to the casino, I always valet my ride. That way if I hit a big score I can have the security of knowing that I won’t get rolled in the parking lot. Plus I always try to flash my valet card when I sit down to get some table credits.For those of you that are one dimensional and only play online, I will give you some free pointers. Write these down if you want to be looked at as a player and not a fish. Plus they will respect your raises more. 1. Always bring $1 bills to tip the water girl, I am very big on tipping the water girl. I guess there could be water boys, but I’ve never seen one. I think most casinos have policies about girls and water. When she comes around remember, water is free! You’re already up once you take the first drink, which is nice.2. Go directly into the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror to get yourself together. Chant something positive like: “I am the river man, or practice your acceptance speech for the final table win you are going to give when you win! Try to keep it to 5 minutes max or you can miss out on some good action.3. Walk around the room like you are looking for a ‘good’ table. Whenever you see anyone with a really big stack, say things like: “Nice stack”, or “Here’s my ATM for tonight”.4. Never wear sunglasses, that is such a rookie move. Do you ever see Daniel Negreanu wear glasses? Okay once when he was playing High Stakes Poker and lost like a million, which proves my point.5. Try to have a really flashy sweater, Johnny Chan has a real good line on good sweaters, so does Tyler.6. When you talk to the person with the sharpie, use cool poker words like; What are they spreading tonight? Or What’s the maximum I can buy in for? This way he will signal the real good players to watch out for you7. Try to play the $3/$6 tables, this is where the fishing is good! If you are lucky enough to get a good $3/$6 table don’t be afraid to buy in for like $100 or even $120. It’s worth it.This should give you enough ‘room presence’ to keep the sharks away, and get respect for your raises.I always play the first hand, because I want the table to think I am a bully right from the start. This is a great way to get paid off when you flop a really good flush draw or top pair.Last night I played live and I had a good night if you know what I mean.I sit down at this totally fishy $3/$6 table, buy in for $150 (That’s how good it looked) First thing I did was asked the dealer what cards are hitting tonight. If you know that the 3s or 4s are hitting you can be sure to play hands with those cards. Otherwise you have to pay attention for like an hour to figure out the hot cards. Some casinos consider this the ‘card counting of poker’ and will ban you so be cool about it.So I sit down and ask the dealer for the hot cards and he gives me the old “Aces and Kings are winning a lot” line, which they are trained to do to prevent people in the know from rolling through their casinos. Okay, I got to figure it out myself. Then I say to the table: “I’m just her to have fun guys, lets not get upset if anyone wins or loses okay?”I do this to make them think I am some tourist that just rolled into town and wants to lose his money. Then I ask if we can raise the stakes to throw them off. The other people start himing and hawing cause no one wants to look like a cheapskate. If the table ever agrees I back pedal because I don’t really want to raise the stakes, I mean it’s $3/$6 already, how high do we need to go?By now I have established myself as a player and get a few looks from some of the older guys. I know they are thinking “Better watch out for this guy” and “I should respect his raises”So I get dealt AK off first hand and I’m 3rd from the big blind, so I have position on half the table and I can really pull of the classic check raise on the other half. The guy under the gun calls and I say: “Want a cane with that limp?” as I raise to $6. Man if this was online I could really laugh out loud after that line, but in public you need to act cool. The limper was a big guy and I think I pissed him off so I gave him the “I’m a player too” look to let him know we were cool. I’m pretty sure he got it.Table folds to button who calls, and so does the big blind and the limper. Flop comes 3 7 J with two spades. First guy checks and I show my AK and muck. The dealer does his standard whine about other players etc. but he has to, even though he knows that it was the right move. I flip out a dollar bill, and make sure the valet ticket shows and throw the dealer his ‘hush’ money. I can expect good cards from this dealer now. Someone won, I didn’t really pay attention since I had just set up the whole table perfectly and can steal them blind for the rest of the night. Man I was feeling good.I fold till I’m in the BB and look down at 78 spades, sweet. There is a raise and a reraise so I act reluctant as I call, then call the capped pot. Man this is going to be good. Flop comes 677…ZING I check, and the first raiser bets, the second guy calls and I smack down with the check raise. This play can be misused, but in the hands of a player it can be really really good. They both call, suckers. Turn is a 3, so I check again hoping to get in another check raise, but they both checked. So I missed a chance at two more bets. River is a Q and I lead out like, oh this Q is what I was waiting for. The first guy folds and the second guy makes a crying call with KK. Bam my biggest pot in weeks.I try to be cool as I rake in this monster pot, there like a couple hundred in there I think, so I tip the dealer his buck and give him the : “Thanks” look. See that earlier tip really paid off for me already. Plus now I know that 7s are the hot card so I am WAY ahead at this point. I am really hoping that someone says something smart to me cause I will totally use the best line in poker: “Shh I’m stacking your chips” This one is gold, but it looks like I am going to have to wait.Couple hands later I get 5 spades and 2 diamond. Now some people think that since they add up to the hot card you should play them, but I am totally not superstitious and muck that right away. Too bad cause the flop had a 4 and the turn had a 3, we never got to the river cause chicken little folded to a bet so I’ll never know if I would have won another monster. I told the guy next to me about it but he didn’t have a clue cause he just looked at me like he didn’t understand.I fold for the next 4 or 5 hands, limp in with KJ and hit my J on a 7 A J flop, but I get sucked into this by some donkey that plays A9. I mean so what if you’re the small blind, ace rag is for donkeys. Total hoover hand for me there.Some idiot calls for a new deck so now the 7s are not hot anymore, and I didn’t feel like arguing about the deck change since I am the big winner so far. But I did take a few minutes to look at the new cards really close to make sure there were no marks or extra cards. It slows down the game but I think the rest of the players respect me for looking out for them.After about 20 minutes I think it’s okay to leave with my winnings without looking like I am cheap, so I call for the chip guy to bring me some racks, a lot of them. I fill up two full racks and have 3 left over so I flip them to the big guy to let him know we’re cool, then head over to the cashier. I don’t know why but she somehow pulled a fast one on me and only gave me like $200, but I mean that big pot alone had more than that, so I’m not sure what happened there. I call the manager over naturally but they totally ganged up against me and I only got to keep the $200.Oh well, I’m up and I can head home knowing that once again, I am a winner.I got a speeding ticket on the way home cause I wanted to catch the new High Stakes Poker, but that’s life. I tried the standard: “Just coming home after grinding out a win at the tables “ line but I guess he doesn’t play poker cause I still had to sign for the ticket.
I use my cigar smoke as idiot repellent
Most bad government has come out of too much government. Thomas Jefferson