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Heard Any Good Jokes?


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I heard this joke in a bar the other nite thought it was funny and wanted to share. Add on some more.A vampire walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks what do you want and the vampire says "hot water" The bartender says "Hot water!? I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and goes "I'm making tea."

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This is a repeat threadbut i heard one"Butt sex is like spinach. If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't enjoy it as an adult."

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This is a repeat threadbut i heard one"Butt sex is like spinach. If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't enjoy it as an adult."
David Williams musta loved Popeye as a kid....
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Jesus walks into a hotel, puts 3 nails on the counter and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

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Two guys are at a train station. One of the guys comes back from the counter looking a little sheepish and hanging his head. His buddy asks him what's up. He says "oh man, the most embarassing thing just happened. I went up to the counter to buy our train passes and there was a woman behind the counter who was very atractive and quite busty. So when I went to ask for the passes I said 'Two pickets to Tittsburgh please!' Man you should have seen the look she gave me!"His buddy takes this in and responses with a laugh "That's so funny, I had a very similar thing happen to me just this morning. I was sitting at the breakfast table having my coffee and reading the paper, I meant to ask my wife to pass the cream but instead I said 'You crazy B itch you ruined my life!'

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What's the different between you and a Mallard with a cold?One's a sick duck... I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.

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What's the different between you and a Mallard with a cold?One's a sick duck... I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore.
ROFLMAO I love that joke
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What do you call Baines that plays every day?Daily Harold(Harold Baines)yeah that sucked. :club:

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Jesus walks into a hotel, puts 3 nails on the counter and says "Can you put me up for the night?"
This one needs visuals but ill try and explain it.What do you call this? (Stand straight up and hold arms out to your side)A really **** way to spend easter.
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This is a repeat threadbut i heard one"Butt sex is like spinach. If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't enjoy it as an adult."
Wrong.Did you hear about the Gay guy who was fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job?
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How do you keep a dog from humping your leg??Answer---->Pick him up and suck his dick.
That's the funniest thus far on this thread....
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What's the difference between Jesus and an oil painting? You only need one nail to hold up a picture.

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Little Timmy got a new bike for Christmas, and took it out for a ride. He got around the block, and a mounted police officer stopped him. "Did Santa bring you that bike?" he asked. Little Timmy grinned and said "Yes sir!" The officer wrote him a ticket and said "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector on that bike." Timmy looked up at him and said "Did Santa bring you that horse, mister?" The officer decided to play along "Yes, he did." "Well, tell Santa next year to put the d ick on the bottom of the horse."

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Two Islamic Terrorist sneak into the United States and meet up in a crowded resturant in a big city. As one of the terorist started to talk about what they would do next the other terrorist said hey man don't speak Arabic fool! We have to fit in.........speak Spanish!

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