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I Called In Sick Today


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#73341 IQCrash

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 04:33 AM

View Postajs510, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 2:08 AM, said:

Good stuff, but I'm going to have to read the rest of it when I wake up in the afternoon. You should seriously look into writing crime novels or something of the like. You have a very natural flow in your writing style, and you're one of the only people in this thread who's ever been able to make me read every word they wrote in a long post). I'm Adam, BTW, I don't think I was really here when you started posting.
Thanks for the compliment, much appreciated. Wait until part 4 of the story and then tell me what you think.And I'm Dan, and now we know each other. Wanna hug it out?

#73342 MisterB

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 04:38 AM

View PostIQCrash, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 7:33 AM, said:

Thanks for the compliment, much appreciated. Wait until part 4 of the story and then tell me what you think.And I'm Dan, and now we know each other. Wanna hug it out?
Umm yeah, how much longer do I have to wait?Im like glued to it, I need it like you need another 8ball, like a 10yr old needs a new harry potter, like ronmexico needs a royale with cheesewhens the 4th installment?
QUOTE(JoeyJoJo @ Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007, 7:21 PM) View Post
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#73343 IQCrash

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 04:46 AM

View PostMisterB, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 4:38 AM, said:

Umm yeah, how much longer do I have to wait?Im like glued to it, I need it like you need another 8ball, like a 10yr old needs a new harry potter, like ronmexico needs a royale with cheesewhens the 4th installment?
I'll work on it shortly, some other stuff came up that I needed to deal with.So you likes?

#73344 MisterB

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 05:00 AM

View PostIQCrash, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 7:46 AM, said:

I'll work on it shortly, some other stuff came up that I needed to deal with.So you likes?
Very very much soLike Adam, it's one of the very few long posts I've actually read.
QUOTE(JoeyJoJo @ Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007, 7:21 PM) View Post
MisterB - Tired of getting b-bombed? Well now you can return the favor! With MisterB in the calendar, you'll have at least 30 days to practice your technique. A vote for MisterB is a vote for big belt buckles everywhere.

#73345 ajs510

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 05:26 AM

View PostIQCrash, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 7:33 AM, said:

Thanks for the compliment, much appreciated. Wait until part 4 of the story and then tell me what you think.And I'm Dan, and now we know each other. Wanna hug it out?
Sure, as long as I get first reach around!Oh yeah, I'm still up. Had to go shovel the entire goddamn atmosphere out of my driveway this morning so my girl could go to work. For however many bullets we dodged last week with the weather, Mother Nature is making Rochester her personal bitch this morning.

#73346 IQCrash

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 05:41 AM

View Postajs510, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 5:26 AM, said:

Sure, as long as I get first reach around!Oh yeah, I'm still up. Had to go shovel the entire goddamn atmosphere out of my driveway this morning so my girl could go to work. For however many bullets we dodged last week with the weather, Mother Nature is making Rochester her personal bitch this morning.
lol Deal.Hope you can stay up, parts 3 and 4 are incoming shortly.

#73347 ajs510

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 05:53 AM

Ya'll need to check out the new video blog before it gets deleted. Goddamn hillarious, I have no idea what he could have been thinking.

#73348 leftygolfer

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 05:57 AM

View PostKDawgCometh, on Tuesday, February 13th, 2007, 2:49 PM, said:

wine update
thanks. How about a wine forum? I know that JJJ would aprreciate another forum.

View Postdms26, on Tuesday, February 13th, 2007, 9:22 PM, said:

hahaha that's how I read it at first too, probably because of Mexico always talking about the Jews
and Chinks and Wops and Micks and Gays and

View Postturd ferguson, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 12:39 AM, said:

Turd update
GL man. You are young and have plenty of life left to figure what you want.

View PostIQCrash, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 2:39 AM, said:

IQ story
I don't remember any previous story about fing up young love, but afer reading this. You win.
QUOTE (speedz99 @ Monday, May 4th, 2009, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find you all to be unfunny and annoying.

Ok, I think I'm going to venture out of the house for the first time in a few days. A round of golf in the sun will do me some good.


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#73349 RhinestoneCowboy

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:02 AM

View Postajs510, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 7:53 AM, said:

Ya'll need to check out the new video blog before it gets deleted. Goddamn hillarious, I have no idea what he could have been thinking.
Wow. I watched the first 2 minutes and had to turn it off. F'ing rediculous...
QUOTE(Shimmering Wang @ Monday, January 1st, 2007, 1:49 PM) View Post
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i fucking got 4th in the tilt mulligan and 2nd in the bodog 100k... life fucking tilt


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#73350 IQCrash

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:06 AM

View PostRhinestoneCowboy, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 6:02 AM, said:

Wow. I watched the first 2 minutes and had to turn it off. F'ing rediculous...
He's lost his mind, lol

#73351 KDawgCometh

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:24 AM

wow is all I have to say in regards to my catchup, i really don't know where to begincaleb, you're making the right decision. There always comes a time where you have to decide to start getting on with lifeIQ, um wow, that's some obscenely sobering shit so far. I really don't know what to say, other then its mad interestingso, I finally stopped procrastinating and finished a stupid paper that is due in an hour. It's really weird being awake at 6 am when you're just waking up. Usually when I'm up that early its cause I haven't gone to bed.
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#73352 IQCrash

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:26 AM

No sooner than I hit the road for California, Natalie (the young hottie) and I start talking on the phone. A lot. We talk on the phone several times a day during the course of my eight day drive to California. It took me eight days because apparently I hadn't screwed up everything quite enough yet, so I decided to stop at every casino that was even remotely close to my path down Interstate 40. Tunica? No problem. That weird little indian place in bumblefuck? Been there. Naturally, I kept this all to myself. Telling Natalie and my parents that the drive was taking longer than expected because I was tired and strung out, so I wasn't able to drive for longer than a few hours a day.Of course, I couldn't keep the lie going once I hit Las Vegas and my remaining $6,000 was no more. I had to ask my parents to wire me fourty dollars gas money to finish the trek from Vegas to Los Angeles.Yes, I was that bad off. Natalie and I still spoke several times a day.I finally made it home and my parents treated me like a weird new puppy for the first couple days. They weren't too loving, but very understanding at the same time - if that makes sense. It didn't hit me at the time, though it should have, but my parents had moved from our original house to a new apartment with a spare bedroom that had all my old stuff in it. Insulting? Foreshadowing? All I knew was that I never expected to be living at home again in my mid twenties. It was crushing for the ego, but I had to get clean and find my way again.Natalie had agreed to not do cocaine anymore, as I told her that I wanted her to quit as well. She said she did, and as far as I know, she didn't do any while I was gone - but she liked to drink. Heavily. She was an awful drunk most of the time, and it didn't take long for me to see she had a huge drinking problem. One night, maybe a few weeks after I had gotten back to Los Angeles, she and I had started talking about her visiting in January. The original excuse was that it was an easy way for her to return my dog and just fly with him here. That didn't last long, however, because just a few days later, while drunk, she told me she loved me while over the telephone. This relationship, whatever you wanted to call it, had a very high school feel to me. The whole talking on the phone every single day, missing each other crap - it wasn't me. But I guess I needed something to occupy my mind while I cleaned up, though - so I went along with it. Apparently I loved her too.Keep in mind, besides the fondling on the couch and some making out, this girl and I hadn't even slept with one another yet. She had a seizure before I could get to that.Anyway, I decide to run with my own firm and to hell with the consequences. Sure enough, within a week, I had my first client and there was no looking back after that. I was making money again, I hadn't touched drugs or alcohol for several months, and Natalie and I were "in love" and she was coming to visit very soon.There were no available hotel rooms the day Natalie arrived (none in a part of town where I wanted to stay, anyway) so the first thing we did when she got into town was go back to my place and fuck. And when I say my place, I mean my parents house - with my father in the living room. It was very surreal. And weird. And dirty. At least the next night we'd have a hotel room.So we go out the first night and we get pretty drunk. I mentioned previously that she was an awful drunk, and now you'll see why.We're at one of my old watering holes in Los Angeles and the bartender is being very friendly, giving us one free shot for every one we purchase. Things are going great. Suddenly, she storms out of the bar and starts walking down Hollywood Blvd at one in the morning. If you're at all familiar with this town, this is NOT a good idea. I go after her and try to find out what's wrong, but she won't talk. She just keeps stating that she's worthless and I should leave her there.Oh Jesus. What have I gotten myself into now.I calm her down and drive her back to my parents place. When we get there, she says she has something to tell me. She tries to tell me how she's worthless because she slept with someone before coming out to California to see me. I try telling her that we hadn't even slept together at that point yet, and she lived three thousand miles away. In fact, I continue, if I weren't so involved with my business and staying clean, I'd have gone out and banged a broad or two myself. That should have been the end of it.It wasn't.Now she's telling me I need to hit her because she's so worthless. She's grabbing my hand and trying to hit herself with it. My parents are in the very next room, and this chick is getting louder and louder. I turn on the music to try and at least drown some of it out. She's getting more and more belligerent by the minute, demanding I be a man and hit her. Much to my dismay, I was strangely turned on by all this. So much so that I finally flipped her over and just stuck it in her pooper. Not to get terribly graphic, but we're going at it pretty hard in a location you shouldn't exactly storm like it's Normandie fucking Beach if you know what I mean. Next thing I know, she starts grabbing my hand and choking herself with it. Now I like me some damaged goods just as much as the next guy, but was this really the time for it? But Fuck it, I ran with it. It was exciting. We finish off by going ass to mouth, and I go to bed wondering if I now absolutely love this girl, or hate her. I decide it's both.The next day, while she's showering as we prepare to leave for our hotel, my mother tells me that she could hear everything last night and would appreciate it if I didn't do that in the house anymore. I think it was the first time I'd blushed in many, many years. I said "Okay mom. Sorry." And we never spoke about it again.The following night, as we're once again out and getting quite drunk, we decide to get some cocaine. I had no contacts in LA since I had just moved and hadn't done any since getting back, but if there's anything there's no shortage of here, it's drugs. We went to the one place you can score yourself some coke in any town, any day of the week - a strip club. Within the hour we had a guy meeting us on Laurel Canyon drive in his spiffy new Mercedes handing us two 8 balls.If this wasn't enough, she wanted to try it the way I had been doing it before I moved, and asked me to get us some new syringes. I did.We spent the next two days high as can be, and you couldn't even begin to imagine how disgusted I was with myself. I had my business going, I was doing great - and in one night, it all went down the drain. Even after she left, I continued using. In my parents house. I was doing drugs at home now.Miraculously, I kept up with my business just fine. I convinced myself I could keep the drug use under control while I maintained a normal life otherwise. I would crank out all the work I would need to within the first couple days of the week, and spend the rest of it high. I eventually stopped, and I can't exactly tell you why I did. I just woke up one day and could barely move my arms again they were so bruised and bloody, and decided I'd had enough. Again.Natalie came out for one other visit, but at that point it was just a formality. We'd fooled ourselves into thinking we could have a normal relationship and I would continue to grow my business with her as my assistant. She was to leave school and come live with me in California. We found ourselves a great townhouse, and not a few months after her original visit, I was helping her drive out to California - but on one condition:We wouldn't do drugs anymore. We wouldn't even drink.Believe it or not, once we moved in together, we didn't touch drugs a single time. Unfortunately, I was completely miserable. Turns out that the sex fiend I thought I'd moved in with didn't exist outside the alcohol-space continuum. It was like I went from a cat in his mid twenties having fantastic sex every night of every day to an old married guy who had to convince his wife touch his pecker once a week, if that. If you haven't been able to tell already, I can put up with a lot of garbage - but not having sex is not one of them. By the end of the first month I knew this was a huge mistake. I absolutely loathed this girl. Instead of just cutting our losses quickly, though, we did what any disfunctional couple would do in our situation - we lived in mutual hatred of one another. Having promised not just my parents, but myself as well, I couldn't turn to drugs this time. For now, that lifestyle was out of the question. That didn't mean I couldn't piss away my money gambling, though.I spent countless hours and days in the casinos, not playing poker, but the table games and slot machines. So much so that the neighborhood casinos quickly upgraded me to high roller status and gave me whatever I wanted. This put even more strain on our already-doomed relationship, because she absolutely hated gambling. I had to eventually start lying to her and tell her I was in day-long meetings when in reality I was gambling away thousands upon thousands of dollars on a weekly basis. Thank god business was good.Our relationship got worse and worse, and eventually, it was obvious that this would not work out like my past bad relationships had - you know, where I simply just become an evergrowing asshole until they leave me. I had to put aside my complete inability to break up with a girl and just bite the bullet on this one, and dump her myself.We had set a sex date for one Sunday morning (yes, we were literally putting fucking DATES on when we'd have sex at this point) and, as usual, at the last minute she said she wasn't in the mood. And just as the words "This isn't going to work, you need move out" were about to leave my lips, she said:"I think I'm pregnant."To Be Continued (Last piece to the story coming up)

#73353 mk

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:29 AM

didn't think i'd have the patience to read turd's or IQ's stories, but those were some real page turners.turd - gl sir. it takes courage to do what you're doing - something i have none of - so i applaud you.IQ - you either have a really vivid imagination and have watched a lot of movies, or you're a pretty effed up dude. and yes, if these stories are even 5% true, you won't really fit in here. too much tang.

#73354 IQCrash

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:32 AM

View Postmk, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 6:29 AM, said:

IQ - you either have a really vivid imagination and have watched a lot of movies, or you're a pretty effed up dude. and yes, if these stories are even 5% true, you won't really fit in here. too much tang.
This story is 100% accurate and true. No implied joke this time, I just took the cue from Turd to share something.The final installment will be posted shortly, working on it now.

#73355 leftygolfer

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:36 AM

I just had a Ding Dong from our vending machine.I think I like HoHo's better.
QUOTE (speedz99 @ Monday, May 4th, 2009, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find you all to be unfunny and annoying.

Ok, I think I'm going to venture out of the house for the first time in a few days. A round of golf in the sun will do me some good.


Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become your habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character; it becomes your legacy.
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#73356 KDawgCometh

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:39 AM

it's valentine's day Brag/Beat time Brag: one of the places I order wine from is offering free shipping today for the 04 tognibeat: I'm not getting the money that I'm supposed to get for another 10 daysBrag: I finally have a GF for valentines daybeat: she's in italy right nowbrag: She hates valentines daybeat: it's because her mom died on valentines daybrag: I'm gonna have a bottle of 05 Amon-Ra tonightbeat: there are no beats, its Amon-Ra
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#73357 JoeyJoJo

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:45 AM

Good luck with all of that, turd.I think these responses best sum up how I feel about it.

View PostKDawgCometh, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 6:24 AM, said:

caleb, you're making the right decision. There always comes a time where you have to decide to start getting on with life

View Postmk, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 6:29 AM, said:

turd - gl sir. it takes courage to do what you're doing - something i have none of - so i applaud you.

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#73358 ajs510

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:45 AM

View PostIQCrash, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 9:26 AM, said:

Oh Jesus. What have I gotten myself into now.
You have no idea how many times I've asked myself this very question, and I'm atheist. Great stuff Dan, unfortunately I need sleep. Or Burger King. Maybe sleep, *then* Burger King. A very good morning to all.

#73359 MisterB

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:47 AM

View Postleftygolfer, on Wednesday, February 14th, 2007, 9:36 AM, said:

I just had a Ding Dong from our vending machine.I think I like HoHo's better.
Leftygolfers on his way to looking like lefty golferIQ- thats pretty ****ed up man, but damn what a great story. Im thinking Ben Affleck for the lead role> thoughts?edit*- Since Im snowed in, I get to do laundry. So im going through the DvD collection of the wife and realize she has **** for movies. So I settled on Constantine. And I ated 473mL of Brownie Batter by the co. that bought Ben and Jerrys. No laundry done yet
QUOTE(JoeyJoJo @ Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007, 7:21 PM) View Post
MisterB - Tired of getting b-bombed? Well now you can return the favor! With MisterB in the calendar, you'll have at least 30 days to practice your technique. A vote for MisterB is a vote for big belt buckles everywhere.

#73360 mk

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Posted 14 February 2007 - 06:50 AM

maybe the thread should be re-titled "E! True Hollywood Stories: Valentine's Day" just for today.




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