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I Called In Sick Today


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#184421 El Guapo

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Posted 12 May 2011 - 03:04 PM

View PostTheraflu, on Thursday, May 12th, 2011, 4:01 PM, said:

It's gotta be easier to screw single women than married women, right?
Especially if you are the one married to them.

#184422 Skeleton Jelly

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Posted 12 May 2011 - 03:06 PM

View PostSBriand, on Thursday, May 12th, 2011, 1:49 PM, said:

I asked her what type of apartment he was interested in and she said she didn't know but he was a single man, 45 years old, 6 ft tall...I stopped her and told her the price of all three apartments because I don't know why she thought I needed all that info to figure out which apartment he wanted.
This part was really funny to me.

#184423 ShakeZuma

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Posted 12 May 2011 - 03:33 PM

I'm so glad we have some people in customer service in here. pretty sure if I had to go back to that I'd end up like the dude in falling down within a month.

View PostAmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:

one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon

#184424 hank213

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Posted 12 May 2011 - 03:38 PM

I'd like to order breakfast please.Here's one of my favorites from dealing with a wunderkind college student.My company processes tuition payments and I was explaining to him that he had a returned payment fee because the payment request was returned as insufficient funds. So he comes back with the brilliant response "So my payment won't go through unless there's money in my account?"
Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

#184425 speedz99

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Posted 12 May 2011 - 06:39 PM

I bet he got under a 1400.
You got a date Wednesday, baby!

#184426 Dawson Leery

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Posted 12 May 2011 - 06:49 PM

View Postspeedz99, on Thursday, May 12th, 2011, 7:39 PM, said:

I bet he got under a 1400.
...on the new scale
QUOTE (El Guapo @ Saturday, April 25th, 2009, 11:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
LOL. Dawson doesn't use condoms. He is immune to STD's and has impeccable control over his sperm as to only impregnate on command.


#184427 loogie

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Posted 12 May 2011 - 10:22 PM

I'm considering starting to call people fahgs (pronounced 'fogs'). Maybe farg.

#184428 loogie

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 05:56 AM

And now that it's morning, I'm no longer considering it.

#184429 runthemover

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 07:12 AM

I eat stickers all the time dude!

#184430 El Guapo

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 10:07 AM

Beans?

#184431 brvheart

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 10:17 AM

View PostEl Guapo, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 1:07 PM, said:

how the hell would all that work be worth it? That is the dealings of a man without flood insurance.
CAPITALISM: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. - Ron Swanson ---> Video:Ron's Pyramid of Greatness Picture: Poster Size


View PostSuitedAces21, on 20 August 2012 - 11:14 AM, said:

tilt you suck.

View PostEssay21, on 25 February 2013 - 08:32 PM, said:

titly suck a dick bitch

#184432 Skeleton Jelly

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 11:56 AM

View Postbrvheart, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 11:17 AM, said:

how the hell would all that work be worth it? That is the dealings of a man without flood insurance.
Insurance doesn't actually work like in the State Farm commercials.(I had to sing the jingle in my head before I knew which insurance agency those commercials were for.)

#184433 Ron_Mexico

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 01:37 PM

Vegas was fun. Had the best dinner of my life compliments of Mr. Tom Colicchio and Co. Only played poker twice. Played more BJ and Three Card Poker and Wheel of Fortune than anything. Perpetually lost at Mandalay. Won or broke even everywhere else. Got shot to the tip of the Stratosphere. WOWHello all
I make $31,000 dollars a year and I have a home.

#184434 Skeleton Jelly

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 01:40 PM

View PostRon_Mexico, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 2:37 PM, said:

Had the best dinner of my life compliments of Mr. Tom Colicchio and Co.
What did you have?By the way, while you've been gone Wang has impregnated multiple women and been sent off to jail for a few years. Same ol', same ol', you know?

#184435 Tiltinagain

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 01:44 PM

View PostSkeleton Jelly, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 2:40 PM, said:

What did you have?By the way, while you've been gone Wang has impregnated multiple women and been sent off to jail for a few years. Same ol', same ol', you know?
This was fantastic. So much so that it is my new sig.You're welcome. Or, I'm sorry. Depending on how you look at it.

View Postfrautotenkinder, on 22 May 2014 - 09:20 PM, said:

I am not comfortable with vaginas and lunch meats being in the same metaphor. Anything besides saying or implying that is an improvement.



speedz99 said:

Fine...when god dies, I'll be ok with people being upset on facebook.


#184436 Ron_Mexico

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 01:52 PM

View PostSkeleton Jelly, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 5:40 PM, said:

What did you have?By the way, while you've been gone Wang has impregnated multiple women and been sent off to jail for a few years. Same ol', same ol', you know?
for real? How do we know this is true?Also, I wrote a mini, nerdy dinner report in the Top Chef All Stars thread.
I make $31,000 dollars a year and I have a home.

#184437 Ron_Mexico

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 02:16 PM

I really effing enjoy having the Playboy channel on my cable box. Nudity whenever.
I make $31,000 dollars a year and I have a home.

#184438 brvheart

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 03:25 PM

View PostSkeleton Jelly, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 2:56 PM, said:

Insurance doesn't actually work like in the State Farm commercials.
I'm confused as to what you are trying to imply.
CAPITALISM: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. - Ron Swanson ---> Video:Ron's Pyramid of Greatness Picture: Poster Size


View PostSuitedAces21, on 20 August 2012 - 11:14 AM, said:

tilt you suck.

View PostEssay21, on 25 February 2013 - 08:32 PM, said:

titly suck a dick bitch

#184439 ShakeZuma

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 03:55 PM

View Postbrvheart, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 7:25 PM, said:

I'm confused as to what you are trying to imply.
I think what he means is that insurance doesn't return everything to exactly the way it was, so he probably wants to actually save his stuff instead of getting a check a month or two later. plus he probably doesn't have flood insurance.

View PostAmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:

one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon

#184440 El Guapo

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Posted 13 May 2011 - 04:18 PM

View PostShakeZuma, on Friday, May 13th, 2011, 4:55 PM, said:

I think what he means is that insurance doesn't return everything to exactly the way it was, so he probably wants to actually save his stuff instead of getting a check a month or two later. plus he probably doesn't have flood insurance.
Plus it was a great excuse to use a backhoe and burn up some gash dern fuel.




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