214535 replies to this topic

[InternetExplorer]

yeah. I don't know. committing that conversation to paper, it really makes me sound like a douche. let me do your homework please, and by the way I'm smarter than your boyfriend. that's obviously not what's going on, but it sure reads that way. I would expect zero respect from a girl if I behaved that way, you know?I just can't hear a logical inconsistency like that and not say anything.

Bizzle, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 10:58 PM, said:

Sup fellas.

hi friend, welcome to the wasteland

[brvheart]

Good afternoon, Dr. Bizzle.

[strategy]

I had JUST gone to sleep about an hour ago. I was abruptly woken by thrashing outside, just underneath my window. angry cat noises, coyote howling off in the distance. I hear that one of my parents is up and hearing it too, so I go investigate. it's my dad.me: what is this noise?dad: cat [I make a hand gesture to signal that this is insufficient info] dad: cat.[both exit scene]sounds like this cat is fucked. either heat or some kind of predator. I tried to see but it's too close to the house. I can't ever have a calm, uneventful night. it's either some way too realistic dream that rips me out of unconsciousness, or some kind of animal encounter, or some work bullshit. I think I might be losing it because it's been one of those three, every night, for like a week now..

[brvheart]

If that cat's not at the vet at 7am, Speedz is gonna be pissed.

[ShakeZuma]

InternetExplorer, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 10:29 PM, said:

it's a two year relationship, live together, pets, yadda yadda. I'm not sure I would break that up even if I had the power. which I don't.

oooh, yeah one of those. I've got one of those at work too. probably the coolest/hottest combo of a girl I've ever known but she's all married and shit. oh and get this, she "loves" her husband. what a cunt, you know? oh well, bitches ain't shit etc. etc.

InternetExplorer, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 10:29 PM, said:

people get comfortable, even if they consciously know they're getting bumrushed.

oh no I don't think this is true at all

Bizzle, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 11:58 PM, said:

Sup fellas.

hey look at this guy

strategy, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 2:28 AM, said:

I can't ever have a calm, uneventful night. it's either some way too realistic dream that rips me out of unconsciousness, or some kind of animal encounter, or some work bullshit. I think I might be losing it because it's been one of those three, every night, for like a week now..

yeah not to be discouraging here or anything, but this is just your life now. I haven't had a good nights sleep since I was 22 or so. and since I haven't, you probably won't either. sleeping and bitches ain't shit, etc. etc.

[strategy]

so maybe I should start looking into suicide, huh?

[Saint Peter]

iZuma, on Friday, March 23rd, 2012, 6:05 AM, said:

I still don't know who st peter is. the poster I mean. well I don't know who the religious guy is either really but I don't care about him.

I know who you are

SuitedAces21, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 1:05 PM, said:

i will pray for your cock.

don't botherIt's Peter !

[iZuma]

strategy, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 9:37 AM, said:

so maybe I should start looking into suicide, huh?

eh, too much effort. plus you can't complain when you're dead, and I mean if guys like us can't complain, what else have we got.

[The Ocho]

So anyone else find it odd that DN does an Ask Me thread and all of the sudden there are droves of new posters?

[DJ Vu]

ShakeZuma, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 5:31 PM, said:

also, I was a little surprised to hear how poorly the bank president reacted to strat's comment. I mean strat phrased it poorly, but I don't think it was that horrible of a question for the prez to be like "gtfo doucheclown."

Yeah.

ShakeZuma, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 5:43 PM, said:

he doesn't even understand the words he's saying!

Heh.

InternetExplorer, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 5:51 PM, said:

only two more days. I'm gonna miss her quite a lot

Aww?

Ron_Mexico, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 6:40 PM, said:

Since you're leaving, you gotta nut up and ask her out. No ambiguity, no "lunch", nothing. Yo baby, dinner, you, me, Applebees

I love Hochman.

InternetExplorer, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 7:29 PM, said:

it's a two year relationship, live together, pets, yadda yadda. I'm not sure I would break that up even if I had the power. which I don't.

Yeah, I had a girl like this before. That didn't sound right. Anyway, she was great and we had been out for drinks (you know, in group settings) a bunch of times and it was driving me crazy. Then they had a big fight and she moved out and was staying with her mom and I swooped in and just happened to have a couple of tickets to a sporting event of the local professional franchise and I made my move and found out they "weren't that broken up yet."

Bizzle, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 8:58 PM, said:

Sup fellas.

Sup.

strategy, on Wednesday, March 28th, 2012, 11:28 PM, said:

me: what is this noise?dad: cat [I make a hand gesture to signal that this is insufficient info] dad: cat.[both exit scene]

I just want you to know that you're a #1 seed in my heart.

The Ocho, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 8:49 AM, said:

So anyone else find it odd that DN does an Ask Me thread and all of the sudden there are droves of new posters?

I find it the exact opposite of that.

[Sickinfo2]

So for putting up with my week long gambling spree, I decided to treat the ole lady to a couple days of pampering at one of the finer joints on the strip. A call to my dedicated host to iron out the details was all it took..."This is Benny""Hey Ben....I need a package""Beans?""Yep""Its three am...""Oh.... (chatter from the craps table)... alright Ill call you back in an hour or two""Nevermind... whos it for?""Me and the ole lady""Hang on.... (sounds of stuff on night table rattling around)....alright....how much trouble are you in?""Not much...just wanna do something nice, thats all""....so we're talking hookers or what?""No, no, no.... I aint done nothin""Ok....we'll go with that....when?""I dunno...Saturday and Sunday I guess""Ok....Ill set it up at the MGM...be there Saturday""You're the best""You are gambling at one of my properties now, right?""Of course""Yeah"So bright and early Saturday evening I grabbed the bag and bags for a weekend of quality time. After driving into the "secret" entrance behind the strip monstrosity, we pulled up to the valet at the Skylofts..."Welcome to the Skylofts, sir"(three men appear to assist with baggage, open doors, and help the wife out of the car)"Any bags today, sir?""Yeah....in the trunk"(Men run to back of car)"Up front here guys.... the guy who designed this thing intended for it to run backwards, I guess"(mean look from wife....the first of many)"Beans dont embarrass me""They should be the ones who are embarr...."(mean look)"Ok....Ill be nice""Thank you"The short walk to the registration desk was made where apparently seventy five percent of the worlds supermodels are stored for safe keeping behind the counter. One of the finest examples spoke and jarred me back to reality..."Welcome to the Skylofts....you must be the Icewaters!""Well....I am....I dont know who the hell this gal is"(mean look)"Mr. Ben has shared your itinerary with us and we have made all arrangements necessary for your vacation.....""You mind sharing what our plans are with us?"(mean look)"Of course, sir....here is a copy for your approval"(Beans hands copy to wife while continuing stare at supermodel)"We have you enjoying the penthouse this weekend....""You have any other selections up there?""We can offer a west end suite or a grand king....""Oh....rooms....I thought you meant magazines in the bathroom"(mean look) "Im sure you will be pleased with the penthouse, sir""Yeah...the room should do.... I just didnt approve of the kids magazine"(mean look)"Im more of a Swank guy"(meaner look)Yeah... its necessary to do something decent for the wife once in a while so I was on my best behavior. Only stole the towels and bathrobes as far as she knows

[Napa Lite]

So, now I have a new problem with having to bro-nod at work. Went out for drinks with our audit dept a few weeks ago and so now I'm bros with two of the dudes in audit. Problem is they are in the row of cubes just north of my cube row and they're both freakishly tall and seem to always be standing and so now whenever I get up from my desk I inevitably make eye contact with at least one of them since they're both taller than the cube walls. And do now its like, how many times do we have to acknowledge this? Once? Twice? Dependent on the time since last acknowledgement? Ugh, why did I ever decide getting to know co-workers would be a good idea. This is all Shakes fault somehow, I know it.

[DJ Vu]

Sickinfo2, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 9:05 AM, said:

"Well....I am....I dont know who the hell this gal is""Oh....rooms....I thought you meant magazines in the bathroom"

Amazing.

[iZuma]

Sickinfo2, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 12:05 PM, said:

"Ok....we'll go with that....when?"

I think this was my favorite line. napa your job sounds really boring. you should quit and go work at strat's parent's place.

[The Ocho]

I'm assuming the 308 is being driven.Napa and his 1st world having a job problems.

[iZuma]

so what would you do with 272 million bucks? also, you'd be pretty stupid not to buy a ticket, right? since this is one of the only times in history the full after tax cash option is higher than the odds.

[DJ Vu]

iZuma, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 10:25 AM, said:

so what would you do with 272 million bucks?

Quit my job. Beach house. Mountain cabin. Tiny giraffe.

[The Ocho]

iZuma, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 10:25 AM, said:

so what would you do with 272 million bucks? also, you'd be pretty stupid not to buy a ticket, right? since this is one of the only times in history the full after tax cash option is higher than the odds.

6 hour massages every day, by 6 different women at the same time.one on each foot and hands, one for the back and one for my head.pretty sure that would keep me busy for a few months.

[iZuma]

I tell ya what I'd do... I'd smother myself with brown mustard and relish... wait, that's not right. I would definitely be going to vegas first. if I survived that, it'd be off to hawaii. then who knows.

[Quacktastic]

iZuma, on Thursday, March 29th, 2012, 1:00 PM, said:

I tell ya what I'd do... I'd smother myself with brown mustard and relish... wait, that's not right. I would definitely be going to vegas first. if I survived that, it'd be off to hawaii. then who knows.

That's why they call you whiskers!