55 replies to this topic

[shydie]

TOP 5 WAYS TO APPEAR "PRO" New to the game but don't want others to know? no sweat. Here's what you do:1) Quote from Rounders every chance you get. Especially if someone asks you what you had in the hand that just ended. Be sure to say "i'm sorry john, but i don't remember."2) Talk loudly about how the WSOP was better when there were only 800 players instead of 2000+. Instant old school cred!3) Refer to poker pros by their first names only - instead of saying "phil hellmuth", just say "phil". this gives the impression that you actually know them.4) Get a business card that says: "your name - poker player." Wait, no, even better: "your name - PROFESSIONAL poker player."5) Lose a ton of money and act like it doesn't matter to you.

[Speedster240]

shydie said:

5) Lose a ton of money and act like it doesn't matter to you.

I'm going to be at the Bellagio next weekend...let me know which table you'll be at :wink:

[oldadmin]

:shifty:

[grdred944]

I like this post. Good topic and funny!Here in Vegas (as I'm sure is the case everywhere else these days) it's easy to see those trying to act like pros. They wear the 'poker uniform' of shades, hat, a shirt they bought online from allin.com, and have an ipod handy. They also stare you down on every hand even though they really don't know why they are staring. I love these people since they play like they see people play on TV.If you really want to 'act' like a pro, be detached. Act like you've been in the room before and it's just another day at the office.

[DiverDown4]

Funny post. A few weeks ago I was at a 5-10 table at Foxwoods and there were a few kids with notebooks that they wrote whatever in. They obviously played the part, but they were terrible! On top of that, they had huge attitudes, as to be saying, "my notebook means im a pro and better than you." One kid got mad at the guy sitting next to me for beating him in a rag hand. (the guy next to me actually was an awesome guy, he ended up being a wall street investment broker, $$$$). Anyway that pissed me off so I thought I would try to stick it to these kids. Right away I started playing trash hands, didnt care if i threw the money away. I hit everything in sight for about an hour and a half and took roughly 600 in that time, (I love kill pots). Anyway i played terrible, caught everything in sight and beat some real "pros." Haha, anyway thats my story. Later

[Rmoneymaker8]

There are a lot of people trying to act like pros. But u gotta think of it this way. This is like a big time sport. In baseball all the pros wear batting gloves and get frusterated when they strike out, they wear sweat bands and all that, well guess what the litle kids will do the same things as their basebal heroes. Thats what poker plers do. they see their favorite player and do everything he does. the fact is since a lot of pros wear all the shades and hats, the amatures will too. very funny post tho, i liked it

[tekn0wledg]

In continuation....6) Be sure to berate people who beat you on the river with 3-10 offsuit and tell them how foolish they are to play that hand.7) Be sure to act extremely displeased when the raising is capped in the 1-2 game

[shydie]

lol...3-10 os, that's good. 8.) Tell them you read "Phil Hellmuth's" book

[tekn0wledg]

LOL!9) Be sure to mention everything you've ever done in your life related to poker whenever writing an article or giving an interview. Examples include mentioning your books, videos, personal appearances, chip sets and clothing lines. Be sure to say it exactly like an infomercial.

[shydie]

ROFLMAO10.) Make sure you show up and hour late for your tournament, then make it a point to tell everyone that playing the first 2 to 3 levels is meaningless to you.

[DiverDown4]

you gota love hellmuth! haha

[314HxC]

This is awesome. I play a regular home game with the same 5 guys and every now and then some other friends or business associates will join our game and they only know what they see on tv. The best is when they are staring me down, and when I question them, they say "I'm looking for your tell." Im half-tempted to open an oreo to my ear every time they play.

[tekn0wledg]

11) When arriving late and/or getting moved between tables be sure to audibly great everyone you've seen on TV by first name regardless of whether or not you have ever spoken to him/her.12) Be sure to have some prop or another annoying item and/or personality trait that comes out only when the camera is pointed at you. All other times act like a normal human being who respects poker and your opponents.13) [this is for 314HxC] Be sure to stare at your opponent as menacingly as possible during all possible hands you encounter.14) Be sure to know the card room manager and floorman by their first names, if you have to make one up just to appear more knowledgable please feel free. Exclaiming something along the lines of "You acted out of turn! Let's get John over here. Floorman!"15) Be sure to ask for a pot count as regularly as possible, even when calling the blinds/antes.16) Be sure to look at your hole cards as if someone was watching via a small video camera imbedded in the railing of the poker table. Come up with creative ways to look at them. Such methods include, but are not limited to:a) the card snap - place your two hole cards one ontop of the other and take your fingernail of your thumb and violently snap up the top card and let it slam down on the bottom card. Then repeat for the bottom card.B) the two card bend - place your index and middle finer on the back of the hole cards and your thumb on the face of the cards and bend the cards as maliciously as possible and look at them for a good second or two.c) the protect the crown jewels - guard your hole cards like they were your bank atm pin! place both hands over them and peak into them like you were testing a glow in the dark sticker.17) Be sure to create new chip tricks to befuddle your opponents.18 ) Use key terms such as "gut shot", "drawing dead" and "tilt" to proclaim your table dominance.19) Creatively throw your chips into the pot in as many ways as possible. Such methods include, but are not limited to:a) the softball toss - toss your chips gently up into the air about 6-8" above the table surface and watch them slowly flip end over end until coming to a soft rest on the table itself. This works best when limping in from the button or small blind.B) the stack slide - slide your stack forward at a high rate of speed and let the topmost chip fall forward followed by the chip below it and such forth. A successful stack slide will appear to create a long column of chips on the table.c) the chip division - take an entire stack of chips and/or multiple stacks and break the stack down into four to five columns of equally sized stacks placed evenly apart. If you want to get creative for the viewers at home, create a pattern of stacks so the 'eagle eye' camera above can view your pretty picture. Smiley faces work best.20) When arriving late to a tournament be sure to look around frantically as if someone just called your name and walk as if you are heading to talk to someone else. Turn quickly back to your seat when the camera pans off of you.

[Cygnus]

Don't forget the "run to the rail and give high-fives to the croud" move...No seasoned professional leaves this one at home... :shock:

[shydie]

"You acted out of turn! Let's get John over here. Floorman!" LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! that just cracks me up! that's the best dood.

[shydie]

21.) scream "STRING BET!"22.) Rip up the cards and throw them at the dealer when you get sucked out on with 2 outs

[oldadmin]

314HxC said:

This is awesome.  I play a regular home game with the same 5 guys and every now and then some other friends or business associates will join our game and they only know what they see on tv.  The best is when they are staring me down, and when I question them, they say "I'm looking for your tell."  Im half-tempted to open an oreo to my ear every time they play.

:bubblelol:

[jomatty]

you guys forgot one very important proffesional move. everytime you lose a pot, dazzle everyone with you grasp of the odds. tell the entire table exactly how much of a favorite you were, while rolling your eyes, and trying to make the offending player feel properly chastised. show such disrespect that he will never dare try to draw out on you, the proffessional.ex: do you fxxxxxx realize you were a 23-1 dog to hit that six on the river!!!!! (very proffesional)matty

[tekn0wledg]

lol jomatty. I'd put a number 23 next to it....

[tekn0wledg]

24) when playing at the micro-limit tables be sure to tell people that your play professionally.