18 replies to this topic

[turd ferguson]

This thread has a fairly simple premise. Create your own hypothetical from the following question: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar? I predict that hilarity and sacrelige wille ensue. I'll start.Would Jesus walk on water for a Klondike bar?

[Hobbes]

Oh that chocolate coated ice-creamloaded thick and rich, no room for a sti-ickwhat would you do-oo-oo for a klondike bar?

[fryer98]

WWJD doesn't mean "Who wants Jack Daniels?" :shock:

[RhinestoneCowboy]

Would Jesus fold KK preflop for a klondike bar??

[turd ferguson]

RhinestoneCowboy said:

Would Jesus fold KK preflop for a klondike bar??

Jesus never folds KK preflop except to Phil Helmuth.Would Jesus feed the 5,000 with a single Klondike bar?

[ShakeZuma]

would jesus create a klondike bar so sweet that even he could not eat the whole thing?

[econ_tim]

would jesus tell chuck norris that a roundhouse kick is not the most effective way to kill someone for a klondike bar?

[turd ferguson]

econ_tim said:

would jesus tell chuck norris that a roundhouse kick is not the most effective way to kill someone for a klondike bar?

Jebus said:

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.

[RhinestoneCowboy]

Homer Simpson said:

Save me Jebus!!!

[avsfan]

turd ferguson said:

Would Jesus walk on water for a Klondike bar?

Create them. :roll:

[KowboyKoop]

Jesus was sitting in his apartment one day, surfing the net and padding his post count on the "Offical Up Your Post Count" thread when he heard a grumbling in his stomach."God damn son!!! I'm hungry as sh*t!," said Jesus. "I could sure go for a snack!" Jesus went to his refrigerator and looked inside."What the f*ck!?!?! All I have left is some leftover meat loaf! Who the f*ck likes leftover meat loaf?? I'm talking about the food, not the singer....I can never get enough of Meat Loaf. TWO OUT OF THREE AIN'T BAD!!!! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE...BUT I WON'T DO THAT!!!"Jesus checked his pockets for some loose change. Perhaps he'd find enough to buy a McRib sandwich at McDonalds..but alas, all Jesus came up with was 42 cents and a coupon for a burrito at Taco Bell. However, everyone knows that Taco Bell's burritos give Jesus diahreea, so that was a no-go. Just then, Jesus heard a knock at the door. Jesus opened the door and beheld Osama Bin Laden. "Hello," Bin Laden remarked, "sure is a nice day today, especially since I just had me the bestest snack in the world!!""Bestest??" Jesus replied. "What a dumb sh*t you are." "Never mind my poor grammar...my father didn't hug me enough as a child. Anyways, I have the solution to your hunger issues. This delicious Klondike Bar I have here in my pocket...oh snap, it's the bomb," Bin Landn exclaimed. "How did you know I was hungry??" Jesus questioned."I was listening through the walls...your voice really carries..Jesus. Anyways, back to the topic at hand...do you want this Klondike Bar? It is really good and will surely fill you up for an hour or so""You bet your ass I do, mother f*cker!!" Jesus shouted. "Hand that sh*t over.""Ah ah ah..just a second. I'll give you this Klondike Bar ONLY if you convert to Islam. I know this will be a tough decision for you, so I'll give you a few minutes to think about it...you know, since you are the leader of Christi....""I'll do it," Jesus remarked immediately. "Give me that Klondike Bar. I's bes hungry as a motha'!!"Wow, that quickly.....huh..that's cool. Well....alright, here you go, here's your Klondike Bar.""Foshizzle." Jesus ate the Klondike Bar and after his second and last bite...he smiled in satisfaction."That didn't really fill me up very much..it wasn't very big..but it was pretty delicious. All praises be to the Allah!!!""YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D!!!" yelled Bin Laden.Just then, Ashton Kutcher emerged from behind Jesus's couch and screamed.."OOOHHH SNAP SON!!!!!! YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D!!! YOU CONVERTED FROM YOUR RELIGION, THE RELIGION YOU LEAD, YOU CONVERTED FROM CHRISTIANITY TO ISLAM...JUST FOR A MOTHER F*CKING KLONDIKE BAR!!! WHAT THE F*CK!?!??!?"Just then, Jesus Christ..in his lowest and most embarrassing moment...thought back to what he learned on FCP..decided to pull a "teneight" and said "Oh...uh...er...I wasn't serious when I converted....just joking...hehe...uh......yeah....kidding.""What a p*ssy," Ashton Kutcher remarked.

[turd ferguson]

avsfan said:

turd ferguson said:

Would Jesus walk on water for a Klondike bar?

Create them. :roll:

I don't get it.

[avsfan]

Yeah you got a point he is jeevis and not god. Jeevis needs more magical powers.

[NortonFan]

Would Jesus let the Jews at him again for a Klondike bar?

[snowmannn]

[quote="turd ferguson"][quote="RhinestoneCowboy"]Jesus never folds KK preflop except to Phil Helmuth.quote]Wrong. Jesus only folds KK preflop to Chuck Norris.

[turd ferguson]

avsfan said:

Yeah you got a point he is jeevis and not god.  Jeevis needs more magical powers.

Jebus still has some pretty badass powers. Do you think he would turn water into a Klondike bar a la John 2:1-11?

[avsfan]

Only if he shared it. :-)

[tyfgine]

Jesus: "For my next miracle, i'm going to turn this glass of water into ... FUNK!"

[7upncider]

fryer98 said:

WWJD doesn't mean "Who wants Jack Daniels?" :shock:

can i have one????