serge, on Friday, September 18th, 2009, 6:47 PM, said:
i found you...no more aloneness.LOL at the links to the pictures..I guess this was PRE Facebook..no one will read this..so what the hell.
It was when the madness overtook me. I could no longer trust my senses. I could no longer trust my desires. Had I imagined it, an oasis, a mirage, a reprieve from the infinite darkness and nothing. Did my body even remember that it longed for human contact? I had separated into two. My mind curled up and closed away. My body going through the motions, feeling pain, hunger, thirst, eating, drinking, sleeping. I no longer dreamed. Or was I no longer ever awake? This must be what happens during the deepest of meditations. The separation of the physical from the abstract. But I did not find enlightenment there, I found dark eyes that never blinked, that looked back at me, that knew what I knew and everything more, and I was afraid. And yet I no longer knew fear, for I had seen what was at the end of the tunnel. I lived and eternal purgatory. I longed for hell, for the ability to feel. But that was long gone. I was the moss on the rocks. I grow, I exist, but I am not I am.I could go for miles in these endless caves, I could be a great explorer, I could be Magellan and these caves the sea, and my body the vessel, and I could conquer all. But when I'm gone, my story will be lost, for these caves lack scribes. They are too dark, too deep, and have long forgotten how to remember. They are static. The limestone is hard, and I can not leave my mark. I break nails trying; the scratches fade. How long do bones last? How long into the water drips over me, and my calcium becomes part of the rock? Will me as a rock be softer? Will someone be able to leave their mark on me? Will I be a vessel of remembrance? Is my all to be given so that another may not be lost? Am I Ozymandias? Who will behold, and who will despair? My kingdom is a vacuum, and I, it's sovereign, am lost.