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#1 Roll the Bones

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 10:38 AM

1. When did Jesus get crucified?a. At the 3rd Hour (9am), on Friday, the morning of Passover.b. Shortly after the 6th Hour (noon), on Friday, the day before Passover.c. He didn’t really get crucified, his identical twin Thomas Didymus did.d. He didn’t really get crucified, he only appeared to be crucified.e. We don’t know for sure, since the gospels disagree irreconcilably.e. We don’t know for sure, since the gospels disagree irreconcilably.Note: According to the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark and Luke), Jesus was crucified at 9am on Passover; John insists it was in the afternoon the day before Passover. To make matters even worse, they all say this was on a Friday. Later Christian sects argued he was never crucified at all; it was just a spiritual ruse2. What supernatural events occurred at his death?a. An earthquake hits Jerusalem (actually, two); strong enough to break stones.b. Supernatural darkness covers all the land.c. The sacred temple curtain spontaneously rips in half.d. A mass resurrection of all the Jewish holy men, who crawl out of their graves and appear to many in Jerusalem.e. All of the above, depending on which Gospel you read.e. All of the above, depending on which Gospel you read3. What historical evidence do we have for those supernatural events?a. Every major ancient writer of the time worldwide mentioned them.b. Many important writers in Judea discuss them.c. Several writers in Jerusalem mention them.d. No one mentions them, but we do have archeological evidence for them.e. There is not a single lick of evidence for any of them, written or otherwise.e. There is not a single lick of evidence for any of them, written or otherwise.Note: Incidentally, though we have no historical evidence for any of these spectacular events, oddly we do have historical accounts for much less interesting incidents including the antics of other, lesser, would-be messiahs during the same time period when the Gospels say Jesus’ fame was spreading like wildfire throughout Judea, Galilee, and beyond to the Decapolis and Syria4. How many women went to the tomb?a. Three: Mary Magdalene, James’ mother and Salome.b. Two: Mary Magdalene and “the other Mary.”c. Lots: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, James’ mother Mary and other women.d. Just one: Mary Magdalene.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.Note: a. Three: (according to Mark)b. Two: (according to Matthew)c. Lots: (according to Luke)d. Just one: (according to John)5. What did they find there?a. A young man, sitting inside the tomb on the right.b. Two men, standing inside.c. Two angels sitting on each end of the bed.d. An armed guard of Roman soldiers standing watch, when suddenly a great earthquake occurs, and an angel descends from heaven, his face blazing like lightning and his clothing white as snow; the Roman guards are utterly terrified and all faint dead away; the angel rolls away the stone and sits on it.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.Note: a. A young man: (according to Mark)b. Two men: (according to Luke)c. Two angels: (according to John) d. Guards/Earthquake/Blazing Angel/Romans Terrified: (according toMatthew)6. What happened after the visit to the tomb?a. The women ran away in terror and never told anyone what they saw.b. Jesus appears, is initially mistaken for the gardener, and then is tenderly reunited with Mary.c. The women tell the disciples, who don’t believe them.d. Peter runs and beats everyone to the tomb; or possibly gets beaten by one of the other disciples.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.Note: The women running away in terror and never telling anyone is the original ending of Mark, which stopped at ch. 16, verse 8; the rest of the chapter was one of two endings which were added much later. John tells the story of Mary coming alone and mistaking Jesus for the gardener. Luke has the women run and tell the disbelieving disciples, but then has Peter change his mind and run to the tomb. John has Peter and “The Beloved Disciple” both run to the tomb, and has Peter lose the race – so obviously, the beloved disciple (who is supposed to be the real source of John’s Gospel) is the best.7. Where/when did the risen Jesus first appear to the disciples?a. On a mountain in the Galilee (60-100 miles from Jerusalem), just as the angel told them he would.b. We don’t know; we aren’t told anything after the women run from the tomb.c. He appears to two followers (not disciples) on the road to Emmaus (seven miles from Jerusalem)d. He materializes in a locked room in Jerusalem as the disciples are at dinner.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.e. No way to know, since none of the Gospels agree.Note: Matthew has Jesus meet his disciples on a mountain in the Galilee. Mark’s gospel originally ended at the empty tomb with no appearance of Jesus. Later an ending based on Luke’s was added. Luke has Jesus appear first to Cleopas and another unnamed follower on the road to Emmaus before he appears to the disciples, which of course begs the question: Who the hell is Cleopas, and how does he rate? John, as we saw, has Jesus appear first to Mary before he magically interrupts the disciples’ supper – but not all of them; he has to come back a week later to convince Doubting Thomas8. When/Where did Jesus ascend back to heaven?a. Jesus returns to heaven on the same day he arose, right after dinner, from a room in Jerusalem.b. We don’t know exactly, but it’s at least 8 days after the resurrection, when the despondent apostles have gone back to being fishermen on the sea of Tiberias.c. After his resurrection, Jesus spends at least 40 days of teaching his disciples in Jerusalem before ascending to heaven from the Mt. of Olives.d. Jesus didn’t ascend into heaven; he met his disciples in the mountains of Galilee and told them he would be with them always.e. We don’t really know; Luke is the only gospel writer who actually mentions the ascension.e. We don’t really know; by the way, Luke is the only gospel writer who actually mentions the ascension.Note: Mathew ends his gospel with Jesus still on the mountain in Galilee with his disciples. John ends with the disciples instead returning to being fishermen again, and Jesus appearing to them at the sea of Tiberias. Neither gospel mentions an ascension. Mark originally ended at 16:8 with no account of the ascension either, but the ending tacked on by later editors followed Luke and had him ascend right after dinner the same day of his resurrection, though Mark’s dinner takes place in Jerusalem and Luke’s in nearby Bethany. Strangely, Acts 1:9-12 (also written by the author of Luke) contradicts all four gospels by telling us Jesus was around for forty days (!) (with no reaction from the public or his enemies who executed him!) before he ascends to heaven from the Mt. of Olives9. Who wrote these gospels, anyway?a. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John – I mean, come on, it says so right there.b. Actually, none of the gospels even claim to be written by eyewitnesses – all were originally anonymous and written at least a generation later.c. Well, it’s more like the end of first century for Mark and sometime in the early to mid 2nd century for the others, if you must know.d. Hold on – Not only that, but Matthew and Luke just reworked Mark gospel, adding their own material and tweaking Mark’s text to better fit what they thought it should say.e. Get this – if all that weren’t enough, all the Gospels have been edited and added to by later editors, and for the first 200 – 300 years, we have no way to determine how faithfully the originals were preserved.e. Get this – if all that weren’t enough, all the Gospels have been edited and added to by later editors, and for the first 200 – 300 years, we have no way to determine how faithfully the originals were preserved.Note: Technically all of these are true, except for a.10. Where does the word “Easter” come from?a. From the Aramaic word for Passover.b. It originally was “Eastern Holiday” – referring to the Passover celebrated by Jews in the eastern part of the Roman empire.c. From est ova, Latin for “Where are the eggs?”d. From an ancient Celtic pun that means both “Bunnies” and “Chocolate.”e. from Eastre/Eostre, the pagan Goddess of Springe. from Eastre/Eostre, the pagan Goddess of SpringNote: Only e) is correct; The rest are pure lies. Fun fact: The goddess Eastre (a.k.a. Eostre) may be a later variant of the Mesopotamian goddess Ishtar/Astarte, though some scholars suspect the medieval St. Bede just made her up
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#2 Balloon guy

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 10:59 AM

What is the likelihood that these 'problems' being answered will be accepted by the people who bring this up even thought they are told the truth?0%, even though their own insanity shows itself because they try to make two important points that cancel each other out.1. If the Bible is truly the Word of God then these problem have answers.2. Since the Bible was written by man, then the only conclusion we can derive is that complete and utter fools made the first drafts of these Gospels, and not one Christian for hundreds of years was smart enough to 'fix' these errors. ( which makes it extremely unlikely of being true since at the time probably 1 in a couple thousand people was capable of writing, which makes it almost a miracle that there were dozens of scholarly elites that conspired to invent the Gospels using hundreds of prophetic writings in the Jewish books for the sole purpose of ....(this is where it gets really tricky since ALLLLLLL those early church fathers died horrible deaths after living lives of poverty and persecution for what they knew to be a lie ) the sole purpose of fooling people for no outward gain)So by rehashing the tired old arguments that have been trounced for centuries, you in fact reinforce the Gospels.Thanks.
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#3 Mercury69

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 11:04 AM

After a cursory scan, I think "E" is the answer for all of the questions...
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#4 Balloon guy

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:52 PM

View PostRoll the Bones, on Monday, April 25th, 2011, 11:38 AM, said:

9. Who wrote these gospels, anyway?a. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John – I mean, come on, it says so right there.b. Actually, none of the gospels even claim to be written by eyewitnesses – all were originally anonymous and written at least a generation later.c. Well, it’s more like the end of first century for Mark and sometime in the early to mid 2nd century for the others, if you must know.d. Hold on – Not only that, but Matthew and Luke just reworked Mark gospel, adding their own material and tweaking Mark’s text to better fit what they thought it should say.e. Get this – if all that weren’t enough, all the Gospels have been edited and added to by later editors, and for the first 200 – 300 years, we have no way to determine how faithfully the originals were preserved.e. Get this – if all that weren’t enough, all the Gospels have been edited and added to by later editors, and for the first 200 – 300 years, we have no way to determine how faithfully the originals were preserved.Note: Technically all of these are true, except for a.
Case in point:If you are correct than how do you know A isn't the correct answer?You claim that you know that the original writings were 'anonymous'...how? You would need the originals to make this claim.You also claim that the originals were changed..how? See above.In fact you guys really just need them to be untrustworthy so you can therefore declare that they are not worthy to be trusted. But your own methods to cast doubt actually lend credit to two things: One you guys really don't know so you need to spread your bias thickly over the facts, and two you guys are afraid.Once you accept this specific question's answer as being correct: Please to return to the other questions and ask yourself how anyone would know what you are claiming. I mean you guys are claiming to 'know' what happened using books that were written anonymously hundreds of years later and changed many times, and yet you guys 'know' what actually happened with enough authority to declare the current Gospels as being incorrect.You guys must have 'another' source for your knowledge, I wish you guys would share it.
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#5 Balloon guy

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:58 PM

Also you should note that the Christians here did not mock you guys about your holiday 24 days ago.Psalm 14:1
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#6 brvheart

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 01:09 PM

Randy: All of these "points" have easy answers, even though the site you copied them from says they are a "smoking gun".
CAPITALISM: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. - Ron Swanson ---> Video:Ron's Pyramid of Greatness Picture: Poster Size


View PostSuitedAces21, on 20 August 2012 - 11:14 AM, said:

tilt you suck.

View PostEssay21, on 25 February 2013 - 08:32 PM, said:

titly suck a dick bitch

#7 Balloon guy

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 01:22 PM

Although 10 is probably the right answer, it was a common practice of the Catholic church to replace pagan festivals with church ones to help ease the transition from their hell bound pagan ways into the light of eternal forgiveness.In the process they ended up being corrupted themselves at times.But I'm a protestant so its not on me, but I still think the Catholic faith is way more beneficial for humanity than it has been harmful.Heaven will have many people in it who will agree with me.
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#8 brvheart

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 02:08 PM

View PostBalloon guy, on Monday, April 25th, 2011, 4:22 PM, said:

Although 10 is probably the right answer, it was a common practice of the Catholic church to replace pagan festivals with church ones to help ease the transition from their hell bound pagan ways into the light of eternal forgiveness.In the process they ended up being corrupted themselves at times.But I'm a protestant so its not on me, but I still think the Catholic faith is way more beneficial for humanity than it has been harmful.Heaven will have many people in it who will agree with me.
Whoa whoa whoa, buddy. Now you're just being crazy.
CAPITALISM: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. - Ron Swanson ---> Video:Ron's Pyramid of Greatness Picture: Poster Size


View PostSuitedAces21, on 20 August 2012 - 11:14 AM, said:

tilt you suck.

View PostEssay21, on 25 February 2013 - 08:32 PM, said:

titly suck a dick bitch

#9 SuitedAces21

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 02:48 PM

baloony got real defensive, real quick.

View PostDavid_Sklansky, on 27 May 2014 - 06:26 PM, said:

For sure. I can extrapolate from your posts here that you would be an imaginative film maker and dynamic lover.

#10 BaseJester

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 04:03 PM

View PostBalloon guy, on Monday, April 25th, 2011, 4:58 PM, said:

Also you should note that the Christians here did not mock you guys about your holiday 24 days ago.
What? We had a holiday? Did you get me anything?
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#11 vbnautilus

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Posted 25 April 2011 - 11:00 PM

View PostBalloon guy, on Monday, April 25th, 2011, 2:22 PM, said:

Although 10 is probably the right answer, it was a common practice of the Catholic church to replace pagan festivals with church ones to help ease the transition from their hell bound pagan ways into the light of eternal forgiveness.
This is one of the worst things christianity has done to human life. They stole from our culture the practice of celebrating meaningful natural events and replaced it with the worship of man-made constructs. Ironically this is the true meaning of idolatry that moses was warning about - when you cease to worship the thing in itself (nature) and instead worship your concept of it (god). I find it horribly sad that for millions of christians it is more important to focus on the idea of some guy coming back to life 2000 years ago than it is to appreciate the actuality of life returning here and now. This rebirth unfolding in front of us is not only a real part of our lives, it is a reflection of the cyclical nature of the natural forces that infuse everything. Perhaps nothing reveals the misguidedness of christianity more than the way it regards nature worship.

#12 ShakeZuma

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 03:56 AM

View Postvbnautilus, on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011, 3:00 AM, said:

This is one of the worst things christianity has done to human life. They stole from our culture the practice of celebrating meaningful natural events and replaced it with the worship of man-made constructs. Ironically this is the true meaning of idolatry that moses was warning about - when you cease to worship the thing in itself (nature) and instead worship your concept of it (god). I find it horribly sad that for millions of christians it is more important to focus on the idea of some guy coming back to life 2000 years ago than it is to appreciate the actuality of life returning here and now. This rebirth unfolding in front of us is not only a real part of our lives, it is a reflection of the cyclical nature of the natural forces that infuse everything. Perhaps nothing reveals the misguidedness of christianity more than the way it regards nature worship.
god you are such a hippie

View PostAmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:

one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon

#13 vbnautilus

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:22 AM

Posted Image

#14 Balloon guy

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 09:37 AM

View Postvbnautilus, on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011, 12:00 AM, said:

This is one of the worst things christianity has done to human life. They stole from our culture the practice of celebrating meaningful natural events and replaced it with the worship of man-made constructs. Ironically this is the true meaning of idolatry that moses was warning about - when you cease to worship the thing in itself (nature) and instead worship your concept of it (god). I find it horribly sad that for millions of christians it is more important to focus on the idea of some guy coming back to life 2000 years ago than it is to appreciate the actuality of life returning here and now. This rebirth unfolding in front of us is not only a real part of our lives, it is a reflection of the cyclical nature of the natural forces that infuse everything. Perhaps nothing reveals the misguidedness of christianity more than the way it regards nature worship.
HAHAHAHHHHAAAAYou have decided that there is an inherent necessity for cultures to keep all their practices based on ignorance of nature.While at the same time holding the world view that change is necessary for all life.Its like you are so scared of Christianity you will become a paranoid schizophrenic to hide from it.Oh..BTW, human sacrifices were one of the things the South Americans practiced to 'celebrate meaningful natural events'I am going to go out on a limb and assume you didn't mean those 'celebrations of meaningful natural events?' Just the things like celebrating that the sun was in the sky for the longest amount of time for a whole year?AND double LOL for calling the worship of God a 'man made construct', while defending the ... actual mad made constructs they replaced.Double LOLLLOOLL
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#15 Roll the Bones

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 09:55 AM

View Postvbnautilus, on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011, 3:00 AM, said:

This is one of the worst things christianity has done to human life. They stole from our culture the practice of celebrating meaningful natural events and replaced it with the worship of man-made constructs. Ironically this is the true meaning of idolatry that moses was warning about - when you cease to worship the thing in itself (nature) and instead worship your concept of it (god). I find it horribly sad that for millions of christians it is more important to focus on the idea of some guy coming back to life 2000 years ago than it is to appreciate the actuality of life returning here and now. This rebirth unfolding in front of us is not only a real part of our lives, it is a reflection of the cyclical nature of the natural forces that infuse everything. Perhaps nothing reveals the misguidedness of christianity more than the way it regards nature worship.
I've always felt this way but I just finished, A Short HIstory of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, and for a science novice like me it was amazing, super fun and interesting. The real take home message was that we really don't appreciate how uniquely lucky we are to actually have a planet that supports life, and that we really don't appreciate it or work towards preserving it like we should. It really brings into focus how little we know about our past and past species and what we are doing to current ones. I do believe religon has had alot to do with that perception. I mean, why worry about it when there is a heaven?
As Eric Idle wrote: You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

#16 vbnautilus

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 10:04 AM

View PostBalloon guy, on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011, 10:37 AM, said:

You have decided that there is an inherent necessity for cultures to keep all their practices based on ignorance of nature.
Explain to me how celebrating spring is based on ignorance of nature.

Quote

While at the same time holding the world view that change is necessary for all life.
Noticing that life is constantly changing is not the same as holding that change is necessary for life. Sticking your head in the sand and pretending that life does not change, is however necessary for christianity.

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Oh..BTW, human sacrifices were one of the things the South Americans practiced to 'celebrate meaningful natural events'I am going to go out on a limb and assume you didn't mean those 'celebrations of meaningful natural events?' Just the things like celebrating that the sun was in the sky for the longest amount of time for a whole year?
I do not agree with your characterization of human sacrifice. However, valuing one non-christian practice clearly does not mean that I value all non-christian practices.

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AND double LOL for calling the worship of God a 'man made construct', while defending the ... actual mad made constructs they replaced.
I don't see how the rebirth of life in spring is a man-made construct.

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HAHAHAHHHHAAAADouble LOLLLOOLL
When you catch your breath I have another one for you: Notice how the christians have tried to replace a symbol of fertility because they fear their own natural sexuality. The bunny is the symbol of spring and new life because rabbits -- well, they eff like bunnies. Interesting that the christians replaced the rabbit with a guy whose entire family never had sex. No surprise you guys have so many issues when it comes to sex.

#17 Mercury69

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 10:13 AM

Clearly, the bunny thing goes a ways back. Here is a vintage pic:Posted Image
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#18 Balloon guy

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 10:14 AM

View Postvbnautilus, on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011, 11:04 AM, said:

Explain to me how celebrating spring is based on ignorance of nature.
Explain how people don't celebrate spring since the Catholics stopped them?Case in point

Quote

Noticing that life is constantly changing is not the same as holding that change is necessary for life.
So you no longer want evolution to exist. How's that working for ya?

Quote

Sticking your head in the sand and pretending that life does not change, is however necessary for christianity.
Hum...I guess I don't get how this has any chance of being based on reality. Thereby making it stupid.Good job on being stupid.

Quote

I do not agree with your characterization of human sacrifice.
Humans...are killed...as a sacrifice....what's to disagree with?

Quote

However, valuing one non-christian practice clearly does not mean that I value all non-christian practices.
Will grant you the value of this statement.

Quote

I don't see how the rebirth of life in spring is a man-made construct.
Everything man does...would properly be called....man made....at least in the world I live in.

Quote

When you catch your breath I have another one for you: Notice how the christians have tried to replace a symbol of fertility because they fear their own natural sexuality. The bunny is the symbol of spring and new life because rabbits -- well, they eff like bunnies. Interesting that the christians replaced the rabbit with a guy whose entire family never had sex. No surprise you guys have so many issues when it comes to sex.
Cause if there is one thing that Catholics are known for...its being childless.Congrats on your celebration of April 1st.
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#19 Balloon guy

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 10:16 AM

View PostRoll the Bones, on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011, 10:55 AM, said:

I've always felt this way but I just finished, A Short HIstory of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, and for a science novice like me it was amazing, super fun and interesting. The real take home message was that we really don't appreciate how uniquely lucky we are to actually have a planet that supports life, and that we really don't appreciate it or work towards preserving it like we should. It really brings into focus how little we know about our past and past species and what we are doing to current ones. I do believe religon has had alot to do with that perception. I mean, why worry about it when there is a heaven?
Honest question.Do you really think mankind has any chance of not destroying itself and or its planet eventually?Even if there are many many people who are brought to the love of life as you are claiming, there only takes one guy to 'push the button' or drop the vial of ebola in the right place.
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#20 vbnautilus

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 10:39 AM

View PostBalloon guy, on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011, 11:14 AM, said:

Explain how people don't celebrate spring since the Catholics stopped them?Case in point
Well they go to church and listen to some egomaniac blathering about jesus instead of running through fields of flowers in their brand new jellies.

Quote

So you no longer want evolution to exist. How's that working for ya?
Definitely the mechanism by which life changes is itself changing. For one thing, our own will is now a part of the equation.

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Humans...are killed...as a sacrifice....what's to disagree with?
OK mister anti-human sacrifice, what do think jesus was?

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Everything man does...would properly be called....man made....at least in the world I live in.
The cycle of life dying and regrowing is a natural process, not a man-made one. Spring is not something that man does. Spring shopping, ok certain men do that.

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Cause if there is one thing that Catholics are known for...its being childless.
Somebody has to supply the priests.




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