6 replies to this topic

[AmScray]

So I was in Neighborhood X that has a large "greenbelt" type area with a lake, marsh, etc. Apparently, there were a bunch of turtles out due to the recent warm weather and some neighborhood boys- probably aged 10-12- were out collecting a few of them up in a plastic washtub. So, they're out meandering about in the marsh, laughing and joking like boys do, when some hag neighbor lady (who;s a known hard-core envirotard) comes out and starts positively screaming bloody murder at them. I could make out fragments of what she's saying- "ecosystem" this and "environment" that...

I'm watching this from about 50/60 yards away, coincidentally enough standing next to their house. They (boys) come running (without their turtles), damn near in tears, and burst into the house.

A few minutes later, dad comes out- steaming mad- and sees me standing there smoking. He asks me if I saw what happened, so I tell him precisely what I saw and in addition to that, precisely how I felt about the whole thing. That cnut bullied the boys who weren't doing anything wrong, simply because she has some moronic, distorted view of the world that holds the simple act of boys catching turtles is gravely 'harming the environment'.

Dad nods to signal that he figured as much, goes back into the house, collars both boys who at this point are reluctant to go back and says "Lets go. We're going to catch some fucking turtles..." I mention that it's been quite a while since I've gone to catch turtles and if he didn't mind, I'd like to go myself. He says "please do".

So, we all walk back up to the marsh and find their washtub. Empty. OK, no biggie, we all start looking around for turtles... Within minutes, there are turtles to be had.

Boy 1: Three turtles
Boy 2: Two turtles
Father: Two turtles
AmScray: One Turtle.

Father looks over his shoulder and notices enviro-hag peering out her bay window with a sour look on her face, talking on a cordless phone. He directly flips her the bird and angrily dares her to come outside and interrupt HIM catching turtles. She doesn't. About fifteen minutes later, a PD car rolls up to the edge of the marsh. Two cops get out and walk over to us. Apparently, the gunt reported that we were in the marsh "stomping on turtles for fun". We explained what had happened and the two cops just laughed and left. A few minutes later, after everyone was turtled out, we decided to leave. Dad said each boy was allowed to have one turtle a piece and that later, they would go on craigslist and find tanks so they could be kept as pets.

As we were leaving, she comes out on her patio and starts screaming in such a way that I can only describe it as the sound people make when they're dying or about to die. Gutteral, visceral, plaintive- almost inhuman... "YOU ARE BASTARDS"
"YOU ARE BASTARDS!"
"BASTARDS!"
"BASTARDS!"
"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-STAAAAAAAAAARDS!

[Love4hockey]

Whenever I talk to a environmental nut case I always suggest that he should kill himself. I then go on convincing him that he is damaging the Earth just by living and the only way for him to help the environment is to die and turn back into soil. No one has taken me up on it yet.

[SuperJon]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GgNznIG7rQ

[strategy's_touch]

how did you let a boy out-turtle hunt you by a factor of 3?

god, have some pride

[Balloon guy]

When I was 8 or 9 we went to Durham SC to visit my cousins who lived on some lake.

They wanted to show this city boy how to catch a snapper turtle, so we took an empty milk jug, a long rope and two steel leaders with a big hook and fixed on some chicken gizzards.

Canoed out to the middle of the lake, and tossed it in, then went inside.

Few hours later we went back and saw that the milk jug had moved a considerable distance, so we climbed into the canoe to get our turtle. Me and the youngest cousin were in the small canoe, while my older brother and two of the older cousins were in the big one. They grabbed the jug, and started reeling in the line and sure enough a good size turtle was hooked.

As it got closer to the boat, my cousins started yelling at my brother to not bring it in the canoe, but to keep it away with the oar and they would tow it in.

So the turtle started eating the oar, with my brother asking what to do and me and my youngest cousin are laughing. They almost tipped the canoe trying to save the oar, and my brother falls in. He swims like it's a pool of piranha back to shore, while me and the youngest cousin are laughing away. I think he did it in 3 strokes total.

So we get to shore, and my cousins pull in the turtle, which I guess was about 35 pounds?..pretty big turtle for me from California.

Now they are going to show me how country they all is and show the proper way to kill a snapper. They get a stick and wave it in front of the turtle's head to get him to bite, which he does, and pulls it right into his shell. So they get a bigger stick, their plan is to stretch the neck and then cut its head off. Well after 15 minutes of them not having the strength to pull a big turtle's head out, they come up with a doozy of a plan.

So they drag the turtle out in the back woods, and the oldest cousin leaves and returns with a .357

Yep, they pointed the barrel into the shell and blasted that turtle to hell and back. Blew out the shell, etc.

So they bring it back, with my uncle soming to see what's with the shooting, and here's my cousin with a bloddy mess of a snapping turtle.

Couldn't make the soup they had promised us, or show us the proper way to clean the shell for the wall...but they showed that turtle.



The neighbors around the lake never complained once.

Guess they don't care about the environment as much in SC

[Tactical Bear]

Seriously. You only caught a single turtle? I respect your honesty, since if you'd given yourself 3 turtle-snags, nobody would have thought twice.

I've been a supreme faggot since my youth, and would never have been comfortable chasing turtles or anything like that. I pretend to be "environmentally conscious," but I'm really just terrified of wildlife. I'm an Al Gore environmentalists. "Just because I'm a hypocrite doesn't mean I'm not right."

[grocery_mony]

As a peace offering you should drop off a nice batch of turtle soup.


Creole Turtle Soup Recipe

Roux:
1 Cup Unsalted Butter
1/2 Cup All Purpose Flour

4 Tbsp Usalted Butter
1 lb Turtle Meat Cut into 1/2 inch cubes
1 1/2 Cup Onion, Finely Diced
1 Cup Celery, Finely Diced
1/4 Cup Green Onion, Finely Sliced
2 tsp Garlic, Minced
2 Fresh Bay Leaves
1 1/2 Cup Fresh Tomato, Diced
1 Qt Beef Stock
1 Pinch Cayenne
1 Pinch Ground Allspice
2 Tbsp Fresh Thyme Leaves
1 Tbsp Fresh Marjoram, Chopped
Salt and Black Pepper to taste
1/4 Cup Fresh Lemon Juice
4 Tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
3 Tbsp Sherry
3 Hard Boiled Eggs, Whites diced, Yolks Riced
Lemon Slices
5 tsp Italian Pasley, Finely Chopped

Melt the 1 Cup of Butter in a heavy bottomed saucepan, whisk in the flour, cook to make a peanut butter colored Roux. Set aside. For more on making a Roux, click here.
In a large saucepan or dutch oven, melt the 4 Tbsp of Unalted Butter over medium-high heat, add the diced Turtle Meat and saute until nicely browned.
Lower the heat to medium, add both types of onions, the celery, and garlic. Season with salt and black pepper. Saute until the vegetables are tender.
Add the tomatoes, season with a little salt so they will break down, cook for 10 minutes.
Add the Beef Stock, Worcestershire, Cayenne, Allspice, and Bay Leaves. Bring to a boil, then down to a simmer. Simmer for 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally and skimming off any impurities that may rise to the surface.
Whisk in the Roux, simmer until thickened and smooth. Add the Thyme, and Marjoram, simmer for 15-20 minutes more.
Add the Lemon Juice, 3 tsp of the Parsley, and the riced Egg Yolk, heat through.
Serve garnished with Lemon Slices, Diced Egg Whites, and Parsley. Add the Sherry at the table, about 1-2 tsp per bowl.

Serves 4-6