Stopping Harassment

[CobaltBlue 662]

Looking for some advice/help.My fiancee continues to be harassed by her ex. Early in our relationship, he would call her 10-20 times per day (sometimes consecutively when she wouldn't answer). It eventually got to the point where she had to block around 6 different phone numbers that he tried calling from. He tried contacting her family and friends and even called me a couple of times trying to tell me not to talk to her anymore. She's had to block about 6 different e-mail addresses that he's attempted to use. When he contacts her, he frequently will cuss her out and try to make her feel guilty even though he's clearly in the wrong. Briefly, he got his third DUI while they were dating (having not informed her of the other ones), is an alcoholic, and saddled her with around $30k in debt.Recently, he decided to create a defamatory myspace profile pretending to be her and soliciting guys, so that she's started getting messages, IMs, and e-mails from random people. Myspace was informed of this through a form but haven't taken action yet to remove it. She's considered filing a restraining order, which is what I wanted early on, but the more I've looked into it, the less helpful it appears to be, and it's probably not worth the hassle. I've attempted to avoid any sort of direct confrontation with the guy, because I haven't wanted to give him any sort of validation for his continued interjections. He seems to have moved from delusional into spiteful at this point. It's causing her unnecessary stress. Any ideas on course of action?Here are his arrest records:http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=04007164http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=05075840http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=07071687http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.as...isp/bn=07054149His myspace profile is myspace.com/jbr0ck81 (but with an 'o' instead of the '0'...I'd prefer this not get google-traced).I'm considering posting his e-mail and phone number.

[CaneBrain 97]

Restraining order is a pain but it might be your only effective option......beyond hiring a "guy" to break his "knee-caps".If you have any friends or family who are/know a good attorney, I would consult them.Just keep in mind, if you fight fire with fire and get a bunch of people to harass this guy back it may blow up in your face and merely escalate the situation.

[CBass1724 1]

SuggestionsYou're welcome.

[CaneBrain 97]

SuggestionsYou're welcome.

yeah, you should trick this guy into meeting you in Louisiana and then unload a whole .22 clip into him. Let's call that Option B.

[outsider13 0]

I agree that the restraining order is a pain in the ass, but the guy does have a history of crime, it may be effective. He probably doesn't have a choice but to honor it seeing as he's a career loser.

[Nikki_N 17]

In what county do you reside? Look for a court website in your county. There is an informative website about protective orders for the county where I live. I recently consulted it and helped a friend get a protective order against an ex, but she was in a physically abusive relationship, so it was a slam dunk. I'm not sure how your state handles phone harassment. You should do a little research about her legal options.

[Jackie Childs 0]

Here's what she does:IGNORE ... completely.Do not EVER answer the phone to ANY number she doesn't recognize. If that doesn't work... begin to compile evidence. Messages... print out the MySpace evidence... save all text messages and emails.File restraining order and then file small claims for harassment. If none of that works... I know a guy that can fix it. He goes by the name "wolf". He is the Cleaner. He makes things happen.

[Smacciemac 3]

but she was in a physically abusive relationship, so it was a slam dunk.

Do What Nikki says about the county web site.. Verbal Harrassment can turn physical when he gets frustrated enough with her ignoring his messages and calls. He is apparently "not all there" and there is no rhyme or reason why people do the things they do. If anything all the police department in the area and ask what can be done to protect her.

[mtdesmoines 2]

I agree that the restraining order is a pain in the ass, but the guy does have a history of crime, it may be effective. He probably doesn't have a choice but to honor it seeing as he's a career loser.

Yup. Use the legal system. That, and he'll leave her alone if she never responds to him. He'll move on to someone else. So, she must never, ever respond in any any way. Not even to say please leave me alone.Life lesson.EDIT: besides, with his track record and probation status, it looks like he's headed for some hard time within 8 months or so.

[qyayqi 12]

Restraining order is a pain but it might be your only effective option......beyond hiring a "guy" to break his "knee-caps".If you have any friends or family who are/know a good attorney, I would consult them.Just keep in mind, if you fight fire with fire and get a bunch of people to harass this guy back it may blow up in your face and merely escalate the situation.

i'm pretty sure you are using those air quotes wrong. unless by "guy" you mean a pet lizard, and "knee-caps" is code for phone. is that what you mean? a lizard is going to break his phone? i'd just hire a guy to break his kneecaps.

[Suited_Up 2]

In what county do you reside? Look for a court website in your county. There is an informative website about protective orders for the county where I live. I recently consulted it and helped a friend get a protective order against an ex, but she was in a physically abusive relationship, so it was a slam dunk. I'm not sure how your state handles phone harassment. You should do a little research about her legal options.

Yeah, except it's come to light that when you have a protective order, the police don't actually have to protect you.Great courts we have.

[CobaltBlue 662]

Just keep in mind, if you fight fire with fire and get a bunch of people to harass this guy back it may blow up in your face and merely escalate the situation.

Yeah, there's some reluctance there.

In what county do you reside? Look for a court website in your county. There is an informative website about protective orders for the county where I live. I recently consulted it and helped a friend get a protective order against an ex, but she was in a physically abusive relationship, so it was a slam dunk. I'm not sure how your state handles phone harassment. You should do a little research about her legal options.

Well, fortunately/unfortunately, he's in Tampa, she's in Chicago for the next couple of months, and I'll be in Atlanta pretty soon. He doesn't have a driver's license because it was suspended for several years (though I understand he's probably still driving). Anyway, I'm not really clear where we'd file it. Also, from what I read, there often has to be proof of fear of physical harm and you have to show up in court and get the other person to show also.And based on his record of ignoring the law, I'm not sure what good it would do other than establishing some sort of paper trail.As for the no response route, that was what I advised her originally. She hasn't responded to him at all in several months.

[LongLiveYorke 38]

Wait, Cobalt has a fiancee?Pretty obvious brag post if you ask me.(Just kidding. Congrats, man)Also, I echo the above. Ignore + restraining order + Don Corleone if necessary

[TrueAce13 18]

Yeah, I think the legal system is the way to go with this, though it is being a pain in the ass. My gf actually filed a police report on her Ex, things got a lot better after that with the harassing phone calls, emails, etc.

[Acid_Knight 2]

yeah, you should trick this guy into meeting you in Louisiana and then unload a whole .22 clip into him. Let's call that Option B.

I like this. Though I don't think Cobalt is the type.

[Suited_Up 2]

I like this. Though I don't think Cobalt is the type.

It's always the ones you don't expect

[krup24 0]

Restraining Order without a shadow of a doubt. Then start a record of his harrassment and go to police with it. Since he has a pretty extensive record he can get himself into trouble.

[Ouch-8s 5]

i'm pretty sure you are using those air quotes wrong. unless by "guy" you mean a pet lizard, and "knee-caps" is code for phone. is that what you mean? a lizard is going to break his phone? i'd just hire a guy to break his kneecaps.

i had no idea that Chrozzo did this sort of thing. huh! the more you know.

[RDog 0]

At the very least a restraining order starts a paper trail showing the harassment. That really should be your only route. And the person that said completely ignore and not to respond to anything was spot on.

[NoSup4U 0]

Seems like it would be pretty easy to get a restraining order put on him by the police. Have you not checked into this yet?Don't date girl with crazy ex's that have been in jail. Oh...too late for that now hehe ;)Mark

[Ouch-8s 5]

talk to this guy

[Nikki_N 17]

Yeah, there's some reluctance there.Well, fortunately/unfortunately, he's in Tampa, she's in Chicago for the next couple of months, and I'll be in Atlanta pretty soon. He doesn't have a driver's license because it was suspended for several years (though I understand he's probably still driving). Anyway, I'm not really clear where we'd file it. Also, from what I read, there often has to be proof of fear of physical harm and you have to show up in court and get the other person to show also.And based on his record of ignoring the law, I'm not sure what good it would do other than establishing some sort of paper trail.As for the no response route, that was what I advised her originally. She hasn't responded to him at all in several months.

In Indianapolis if there has ever been a sexual relationship and he has made threats, she has grounds for an order. It has to be served to him, but there is only a hearing if he tries to contest the order. Also, like someone else said, she likely has grounds for a civil suit for damages to her reputation and emotional distress. She could have a lawyer write him a very firm letter, maybe?

[dolfan 0]

The key is to document in detail every time there's an incident. I agree that it's a pain in the ass to go through all the legal hassle, but it's much more effective when you can point out the exact details of every incident. Save emails, copy anything from the myspace page, note how often and at what times he calls, etc. Lot of work, but on the bright side you get to pretend you're on Law & Order.

[Pot Odds RAC 23]

He WANTS attention - even negative attention. Restraining order is OK - but it sort of validates him as still having an effect in her life. The Jackie Childs joke account actually gets this one right. Get a restraining order then from that point forward - She needs to completely stop ANY direct contact with him. No response directly to him EVER - under ANY circumstances. Change her phone numbers and email addresses. Make sure all friends and Family know NOT to give any contact information to this DB. If he does contact her - she needs to hang up without a single word - and then contact the authorities and inform them that he has violated the RO. She must never again acknowledge his existence. Any bickering with him, any comments like "you suck", anything just validates his feeling that he is in control. If (when) he physically confronts her, you, friends, family, walk away and call the cops. Not even one single word. If you get worried he is going to cause physical harm - well use your own judgement - I'm not going to get into how I'd handle that.

[pt special 0]

it just sounds like the guy is a immature bitch, i would just leave him alone and ignore him until he get violent.