I just posted this in another thread, proclaiming that I didn't feel like starting a new one. But then I got bored...er:
http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_...ian_chat_rooms/
I'm stunned by how awesome these are. Stunned. I don't care if they're fake. I don't care if they're "not representative of most Christians." They're the greatest thing ever.
0
Even If This Thread Doesn't Already Exist, This Is Probably The Wrong Forum
Started by Dirtydutch, Jan 15 2008 10:32 PM
42 replies to this topic
#2
chrozzo
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Posted 15 January 2008 - 10:34 PM
hi
FCP CBO: Chief Beer Officer
I'm kind of a big deal.
I'm kind of a big deal.
#3
FARGOpokerND
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Posted 15 January 2008 - 10:48 PM
winner!!!!!!!
Athiests as a Majority
This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go **** a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!
The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.
ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men ****ing eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!
Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.
ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!
The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.
RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!
THE END
Scary, isn't it?
The Prince of Pain, GameTalk [Comments (341)] [2007-Jan-01]
Submitted by Savrin
Athiests as a Majority
This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go **** a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!
The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.
ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men ****ing eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!
Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.
ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!
The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.
RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!
THE END
Scary, isn't it?
The Prince of Pain, GameTalk [Comments (341)] [2007-Jan-01]
Submitted by Savrin
PS name: ADDILAC299
TILT name: ADDILAC299
AP name:NODAKNUTZ
TILT name: ADDILAC299
AP name:NODAKNUTZ
#4
FYP
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Posted 15 January 2008 - 10:58 PM
QUOTE (Dirtydutch @ Tuesday, January 15th, 2008, 11:32 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just posted this in another thread, proclaiming that I didn't feel like starting a new one. But then I got bored...er:
100's of wacky funamentalist christian quotes
I'm stunned by how awesome these are. Stunned. I don't care if they're fake. I don't care if they're "not representative of most Christians." They're the greatest thing ever.
100's of wacky funamentalist christian quotes
I'm stunned by how awesome these are. Stunned. I don't care if they're fake. I don't care if they're "not representative of most Christians." They're the greatest thing ever.
FYP
The plot is very good and it usually keeps the views interested and on the edge of his seat.
#5
jmkiser
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 01:22 AM
These quotes ARE legit.
I dare all of you to actually leave these forums and read some of the others.
Hell, start with Christian Forums.
Bg, Brvheart, Lois, etc... they sound like ****ing biological scientists compared to the nutjobs that you find on these sites.
Guys, this is exactly why I cringe every time you're happy that the religious right score a few points.
I dare all of you to actually leave these forums and read some of the others.
Hell, start with Christian Forums.
Bg, Brvheart, Lois, etc... they sound like ****ing biological scientists compared to the nutjobs that you find on these sites.
Guys, this is exactly why I cringe every time you're happy that the religious right score a few points.
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue. - Richard Nixon
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
#6
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 05:28 AM
wow, I don't think these are fake either. there's links at the bottom of each post to the original post and its context.
QUOTE
I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie
AmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:
one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon
#7
jeff_536
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:06 AM
I figured half of 'em are Loismustdie...
I wonder if Lois is an athiest, and that's why she must die?
I wonder if Lois is an athiest, and that's why she must die?
#8
jeff_536
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:08 AM
Okay, found my favourite. A little long, but well worth it:
What is called 'Science' today and 'scientists' consist of the same old gang of witch doctors, sorcerers, tellers of tales, the 'Priest-Entertainers' for the common people. 'Science' consists of a weird, way-out occult concoction of jibberish theory-theology... nothing good has ever come from 'science' --- In fact, technology is not in any way related to the web of idiotic scientific theory. ALL inventors have been anti-science. The Wright brothers said: "Science theory held us up for years. When we threw out all science, started from experiment and experience, then we invented the airplane." By the way, airplanes all fly level on this Plane earth!
The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)... but for a second can you imagine what these so-called 'scientists would have us believe --- If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH - A DREAM - A DELUSION - and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!
Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are 'tiny.' Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world... this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE... a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning "herd"... prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the "modern" superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: "It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories." Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?
What is called 'Science' today and 'scientists' consist of the same old gang of witch doctors, sorcerers, tellers of tales, the 'Priest-Entertainers' for the common people. 'Science' consists of a weird, way-out occult concoction of jibberish theory-theology... nothing good has ever come from 'science' --- In fact, technology is not in any way related to the web of idiotic scientific theory. ALL inventors have been anti-science. The Wright brothers said: "Science theory held us up for years. When we threw out all science, started from experiment and experience, then we invented the airplane." By the way, airplanes all fly level on this Plane earth!
The Fact the Earth is Flat is not my opinion, it is a Proved Fact! While all we need to know is that the Bible says the Earth is flat (Is.40:22, Ez.7:2, Dn.2:35; 4:10-11,20, Mt.4:8)... but for a second can you imagine what these so-called 'scientists would have us believe --- If the earth really was round, that would mean there arre people who are HANGING DOWN, HEAD DOWNWARDS while we are standing head up? But since the theory allows to travel to those parts of the earth where the people are said to hand head downward, and still to fancy ourselves to be heads upwards, and our friends whom we have left behind us to be heads downwards! LOL! What foolishness! TheWHOLE THING IS A MYTH - A DREAM - A DELUSION - and a snare, and, instead of there being any evidence at all in this direction to substantiate this popular theory, it is plain proof that the Earth is Not A Globe!
Also, be sure to know the Sun and Moon are about 3,000 miles away are both 32 miles across. The Planets are 'tiny.' Sun and Moon do Move, earth does NOT move, whirl, spin or gyrate (1 Sam.2:8, 1 Chr.16:30; Job 9:6, 38:4-6; Ps.96:10, 104:5, Is.13:10, Mic.6:2). Australians do NOT hang by their feet under the world... this is a FACT, not a theory! Also a Fact the Spinning, Whirling, Gyrating Ball World Planet, Globe Idea is Entirely 100% now and at all times in the Past, a RELIGIOUS DOCTRINE... a Blind Dogmatic Article of Faith in the Religion for the Blind unreasoning beast of prey. No earthly reason for a Sane, Upright Member of the Elite True Christians to subscribe to it. Also a Fact, today the Elite of Earth ALL live on the Flat World. Only the illogical, unreasoning "herd"... prefers the way-out occult weird theology of the old Greek superstitution earth a spinning ball! Both Copernecious and Newton, the inventors of the "modern" superstitions (400 year OLD modern) have said: "It is not possible for a Sane reasonable person to ever really believe these Theories." Thus sayeth Newton-Copernecious. What sayeth THOU?
#9
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:10 AM
It's pretty scary that people actually believe some of this stuff in this day and age. The world is flat, hahaha. What a bunch of hilljack morons!
My family was so poor, we'd go to Kentucy Fried Chicken and lick OTHER people's fingers.
#10
jeff_536
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:12 AM
Thanks Dutch..this thread is wonderful
Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.
Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.
Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
#11
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 06:36 AM
Love it.
On the same day that the Hindu abomination occurred in our Senate chamber, the 13th day of July 2007, the U.S. State Department Headquarters was attacked by what the Associated Press called killer wasps. These killer wasps are two inches long, and thousands of them have chosen to nest in the State Department building in Washington, D.C. It is being called a total infestation! I immediately thought of Exodus 23:28, which reads as follows: "And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite , from before thee." I must note at this point, that the three nations mentioned in this verse worshipped the gods of earth, wind, and fire, just as the Hindus do. This wasp infestation that occurred on the same day at the headquarters of the powerful State Department is a clear sign from the Almighty of judgment forthcoming. Where are the Christian ministers who should be sounding the alarm?"
StElsewhere, CARM [Comments (53)] [2007-Aug-07]
On the same day that the Hindu abomination occurred in our Senate chamber, the 13th day of July 2007, the U.S. State Department Headquarters was attacked by what the Associated Press called killer wasps. These killer wasps are two inches long, and thousands of them have chosen to nest in the State Department building in Washington, D.C. It is being called a total infestation! I immediately thought of Exodus 23:28, which reads as follows: "And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivite, the Canaanite, and the Hittite , from before thee." I must note at this point, that the three nations mentioned in this verse worshipped the gods of earth, wind, and fire, just as the Hindus do. This wasp infestation that occurred on the same day at the headquarters of the powerful State Department is a clear sign from the Almighty of judgment forthcoming. Where are the Christian ministers who should be sounding the alarm?"
StElsewhere, CARM [Comments (53)] [2007-Aug-07]
Solderz
Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you is determinism; the way you play it is free will.
Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you is determinism; the way you play it is free will.
#12
Ouch-8s
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 08:27 AM
Yeah, I read this yesterday. Aside from some of the ones already mentioned, I really liked the one that discussed the use of Plutonium as an EMP. Or the one where someone's young son obviously had a girlfriend, because she had left a magazine with pictures of naked men under his bed. Or the one where the father fears he has lost his gay son forever because he's going to die soon from gayness. Or the one....
You get the point.
You get the point.
I'm retired.
#13
renaedawn
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 08:58 AM
A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male prescence, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire.
That one is going in my sig.
*Edit - Or maybe this one:
To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible.
Damn, there are so many tantalizing choices for mockery, I just can't decide!
That one is going in my sig.
*Edit - Or maybe this one:
To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible.
Damn, there are so many tantalizing choices for mockery, I just can't decide!
I keep telling myself I'm moving on
Believing my heart was strong
But every step I take that leads me away
Just circles back to your door
Wishing I didn't love you
What I'd give if I could touch you
Wishing I didn't love you anymore
Believing my heart was strong
But every step I take that leads me away
Just circles back to your door
Wishing I didn't love you
What I'd give if I could touch you
Wishing I didn't love you anymore
#14
Don Giovanni
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 10:10 AM
people are so dumb
#15
ShakeZuma
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 10:16 AM
this one is just so freaking perfect:
QUOTE
If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.
AmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:
one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon
#16
JoeyJoJo
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 10:22 AM
QUOTE
When two guy's have sex they can only penetrate eachother through the crack which I think is disgusting because of all the crap that's in there. They both must face the same direction and thus one guy's twig and berries will be projecting from the two. Because no man has a vagina they can't become one flesh when having normal sex.
Women don't have Jimmy and his two buddies hanging around so they can't naturally penetrate each other and become one flesh.
Oral with dudes can't be natural because the legs will be poking out from different directions as will the ladies if they participate in oral sex.
Oral with the opposite sex still isn't natural because you still have the leg issue and often someone is further down if they are not on top of eachother.
Anal with opposites is still excluded from natural sex because once again your are sticking your think in a crap hole and a womans tits are usually projecting outward.
When the Bible is speaking of becoming one flesh it literally means that there is nothing sticking out in the clear and that the man and woman are facing eachother. Face to Face.
Women don't have Jimmy and his two buddies hanging around so they can't naturally penetrate each other and become one flesh.
Oral with dudes can't be natural because the legs will be poking out from different directions as will the ladies if they participate in oral sex.
Oral with the opposite sex still isn't natural because you still have the leg issue and often someone is further down if they are not on top of eachother.
Anal with opposites is still excluded from natural sex because once again your are sticking your think in a crap hole and a womans tits are usually projecting outward.
When the Bible is speaking of becoming one flesh it literally means that there is nothing sticking out in the clear and that the man and woman are facing eachother. Face to Face.
Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
#17
Don Giovanni
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 10:23 AM
QUOTE (ShakeZuma @ Wednesday, January 16th, 2008, 10:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
this one is just so freaking perfect:
haha i just read that one. he was soooo close to getting it.
#18
Balloon guy
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 04:35 PM
The hard thing to equate is that many of these people will go to Heaven and be told they were wrong about x,y,z.
It's like being stupid doesn't make it impossible to go to Heaven.
But can you you be too 'smart' to go to Heaven?
hmmmm
It's like being stupid doesn't make it impossible to go to Heaven.
But can you you be too 'smart' to go to Heaven?
hmmmm
I use my cigar smoke as idiot repellent
"The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected." G.K. Chesterson 1900
"The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected." G.K. Chesterson 1900
timwakefield, on 18 April 2012 - 10:38 AM, said:
Things are only rights because the government decides they should be rights.
#19
SuitedAces21
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 04:47 PM
QUOTE
Gravity: Doesn't exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.
I await your rebuttal, LLY.
#20
DrawingDeadInDM
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Posted 16 January 2008 - 05:56 PM
Surely none of these people are Atheists under the guise of Christians, passing the time amusing themselves..
QUOTE
Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.
Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
I'm also fed up with the common cold but I just hate to say goodbye.
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