jmkiser 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 A female friend in need is looking for help and I had my own opinions, but I was prompted to share with this forum community on the issue. She, apparently, loves trolling you guys, but doesn't post. I figured I would go ahead and do this for her.Feel free to respond how ever you feel necessary"Strip Clubs...gahh!!!What if the person you have been dating for two years, who always promotes honesty and tells you that honesty is the very foundation for any relationship, goes to a Strip Club and then lies about it when asked?the story...My girlfriends bf (tim) went away to visit his family back in another state over the holidays. He (tim) told her (jessica) his friend (jeff) wanted to go to a Strip Club but he (tim) says he told his friend (jeff) that he isnt interested in doing that. So his girlfriend (jessica) believes him and trusts him becuase there whole relationship is based on this honesty policy that the two feel so strongly about. After not being able to get an email response back from her bf (tim) one evening, she asks him in the email if he indeed went to the Strip Club. She never gets a response. When he finally gets back into town she asks him again and he says he did not go. The next night she asks him becuase she has this nagging feeling, and he says no and makes it sound like "cant she trust him?". Well, my friend (jessica) got on her facebook site and the friend of her boyfriend (jeff) had posted a blog on how he (jeff) and her boyfriend (tim) WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB!!! ahahaha caught red handed. She called him (tim) on it and told him what she saw and he (tim) continued to deny it until she told him their relationship was OVER!!!! He (tim) started to cry and tell her how much he loves her and he was sorry and how he justified going in his head and blah blah. She is so unsure what to do becuase she loves him and he has just shaken the very core of their relationship. He wants to make it up to her and he isnt telling her to forget what he did and just move on. He wants to work on the relationship with her and she is just so unsure about everything now and very scared to let him back in. Is she making too big a deal about this?Should she forgive him, I think yes she should, however forgivness doesnt mean taking him back right? I know she loves him so much and they are so great together. But this lie..this one stupid lie has shaken everything. Any advice for her?" Link to post Share on other sites
Lolli 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 She should have just let him go to the strip club then he wouldnt have lied.Im not condoning his lying at all, just think this is a little petty if infact, she was the one who was barring him from going.I dunno, thats just my opinion since I have no problems with strip clubs. Link to post Share on other sites
dapokerbum 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Ah the old strip club scenario. She probably just needs to get to the root of why he lied. Have they talked about him going to strip clubs in the past? Does she think strip clubs are not good for a BF to go to? If so then the only reason he lied was to try to protect her but he forgot that if/when he gets caught it is way worse than just telling her the truth in the first place.My philosophy on things the wife/GF doesn't like is "It is FAR easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission" Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGhey 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I think his behaviour was pretty unacceptable. If he had just gone to the strip club and thought it was ok then maybe there would be some leeway, but from your post it seems that he 1) told her beforehand that he wouldn't and 2) lied about it when asked directly. Those 2 additional details signal to me that he didn't just 'justify' it in his mind. He consciously chose to deceive her and hide it from her, and as such he can't be trusted anymore. A lot of girls would consider visits to strip clubs as cheating, and this guy clearly knew that and didn't care enough to respect his girlfriend's wishes.Good luck to her and I hope she makes the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyJoJo 20 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Good job, Jeff. Link to post Share on other sites
Jadaki 1 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 She should have just let him go to the strip club then he wouldnt have lied./thread Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Like others said, a lot of this comes down to the conversations they'd had about strip clubs prior to this. Either way, he's an idiot for continuing to lie after she called him out on the myspace story (which he never should have let happen in the first place). He's obviously too dumb to be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
jmkiser 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 She should have just let him go to the strip club then he wouldnt have lied.Im not condoning his lying at all, just think this is a little petty if infact, she was the one who was barring him from going.I dunno, thats just my opinion since I have no problems with strip clubs.From what she tells me, they both agreed that strip clubs were bad places in the relationship long before the incident.As insane as it definitely sounds, Tim was going with Jeff because Jeff wasn't the type to go alone (they're best friends). Does that even matter in this case or not?I, personally, think it's irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I, personally, think it's irrelevant.Hmm.Are you trying to bang the "female friend" in this story? Link to post Share on other sites
Dogpatch 2 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 From what she tells me, they both agreed that strip clubs were bad places in the relationship long before the incident.As insane as it definitely sounds, Tim was going with Jeff because Jeff wasn't the type to go alone (they're best friends). Does that even matter in this case or not?I, personally, think it's irrelevant.Jeff should take one for his bro and just tell the girlfriend that he pressured Tim into going. Which is probably not far from the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
dapokerbum 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 In that case he probably justified that he was helping his friend. The bottom line is he should have been upfront with her when he got back. I don't think this is anything to break up over ... unless it happened again, in which case he is just a compulsive liar who really likes strippers.What should happen is he needs to tell her what happened at the club, hopefully he didn't get a lap dance, and then they can move past this and the relationship will hopefully be stronger. Now if he says he went to the club and there were women hanging all over him and he was constantly getting titties in his face and loving every minute of it, then they might want to reevaluate the relationship.From what it sounds like though it was an innocent trip to the club and he lied. Can they get past this? Yes, but they need to talk it out and have some make up sex. Link to post Share on other sites
jmkiser 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 Hmm.Are you trying to bang the "female friend" in this story? lol no... but I see where you're going with that Link to post Share on other sites
hank213 1,824 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 NM someone beat me to the punch.Sounds like they both need to gain a little maturity. Link to post Share on other sites
Smacciemac 3 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Haha.. I went through this just a few weeks ago!My stupid boyfried lied to me about going out drinking and told me he was working late. I have no idea why he lied, as I could care less what he does, where he goes or when he comes home. He also has NO idea why he lied.. he just did.. Yep I was pissed.. I don't like being lied to. Especially when there was nothing for him to lie about. He knows he is free to come and go as he pleases.. so it was ironic for him to just blatently lie to me for no apparent reason. Killing the relationship over one lie is a bit much.. If he continues to lie, then he is not trustworthy and she should dump him.. however if it really is the strip club that is bothering her (Which apparently it is since it is an “evil” place according to their conversation about them) then she needs to get over it and move on or dump him. She may be hiding behind the “lie” bothering her but not admitting to it really being the strip club.. Link to post Share on other sites
Governator 54 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 They obviously need to work on their trust to move forward. I think not allowing her BF to go to a strip club WITH friend(s) shows how insecure she is to begin with. She obviously never trusted him from the beginning or there would be no discussion about it. Link to post Share on other sites
SBriand 4 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 I never understood what the big deal with strip clubs are anyway. But that means nothing. He should not have agreed that Strip Clubs were "bad" in the first place.Edit: Gov hits the nail on the head. Link to post Share on other sites
speedz99 145 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 My stupid boyfried lied to me about going out drinking and told me he was working late. I have no idea why he lied, as I could care less what he does, where he goes or when he comes home. He also has NO idea why he lied.. he just did..Sometimes it's nice to feel like you're doing something dangerous, even if it's going out for a beer when you're not supposed to (even if it's actually not a big deal). Breaks up the monotony. Link to post Share on other sites
Smacciemac 3 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Sometimes it's nice to feel like you're doing something dangerous, even if it's going out for a beer when you're not supposed to (even if it's actually not a big deal). Breaks up the monotony.It was just a strange thing to happen.. If he called and said I'm going to Hooters with Jeff for beers after work.. I woulda been like.. "Ok.. Make sure you pick a cute waitress". It was just weird..I only even found out or cared because he come home PISS ASS drunk and throwing up. I was laughing at him and teling him it served him right for lying to me about "working"I did however yell at him for driving home in that shape. That was just pure STUPID.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ouch-8s 5 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 A female friend in need is looking for help and I had my own opinions, but I was prompted to share with this forum community on the issue. She, apparently, loves trolling you guys, but doesn't post. I figured I would go ahead and do this for her.Feel free to respond how ever you feel necessary"Strip Clubs...gahh!!!What if the person you have been dating for two years, who always promotes honesty and tells you that honesty is the very foundation for any relationship, goes to a Strip Club and then lies about it when asked?the story...My girlfriends bf (tim) went away to visit his family back in another state over the holidays. He (tim) told her (jessica) his friend (jeff) wanted to go to a Strip Club but he (tim) says he told his friend (jeff) that he isnt interested in doing that. So his girlfriend (jessica) believes him and trusts him becuase there whole relationship is based on this honesty policy that the two feel so strongly about. After not being able to get an email response back from her bf (tim) one evening, she asks him in the email if he indeed went to the Strip Club. She never gets a response. When he finally gets back into town she asks him again and he says he did not go. The next night she asks him becuase she has this nagging feeling, and he says no and makes it sound like "cant she trust him?". Well, my friend (jessica) got on her facebook site and the friend of her boyfriend (jeff) had posted a blog on how he (jeff) and her boyfriend (tim) WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB!!! ahahaha caught red handed. She called him (tim) on it and told him what she saw and he (tim) continued to deny it until she told him their relationship was OVER!!!! He (tim) started to cry and tell her how much he loves her and he was sorry and how he justified going in his head and blah blah. She is so unsure what to do becuase she loves him and he has just shaken the very core of their relationship. He wants to make it up to her and he isnt telling her to forget what he did and just move on. He wants to work on the relationship with her and she is just so unsure about everything now and very scared to let him back in. Is she making too big a deal about this?Should she forgive him, I think yes she should, however forgivness doesnt mean taking him back right? I know she loves him so much and they are so great together. But this lie..this one stupid lie has shaken everything. Any advice for her?"needs (OP) more parenthesis (lots) Link to post Share on other sites
renaedawn 1 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 A female friend in need is looking for help and I had my own opinions, but I was prompted to share with this forum community on the issue. She, apparently, loves trolling you guys, but doesn't post. I figured I would go ahead and do this for her.Feel free to respond how ever you feel necessary"Strip Clubs...gahh!!!What if the person you have been dating for two years, who always promotes honesty and tells you that honesty is the very foundation for any relationship, goes to a Strip Club and then lies about it when asked?the story...My girlfriends bf (tim) went away to visit his family back in another state over the holidays. He (tim) told her (jessica) his friend (jeff) wanted to go to a Strip Club but he (tim) says he told his friend (jeff) that he isnt interested in doing that. So his girlfriend (jessica) believes him and trusts him becuase there whole relationship is based on this honesty policy that the two feel so strongly about. After not being able to get an email response back from her bf (tim) one evening, she asks him in the email if he indeed went to the Strip Club. She never gets a response. When he finally gets back into town she asks him again and he says he did not go. The next night she asks him becuase she has this nagging feeling, and he says no and makes it sound like "cant she trust him?". Well, my friend (jessica) got on her facebook site and the friend of her boyfriend (jeff) had posted a blog on how he (jeff) and her boyfriend (tim) WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB!!! ahahaha caught red handed. She called him (tim) on it and told him what she saw and he (tim) continued to deny it until she told him their relationship was OVER!!!! He (tim) started to cry and tell her how much he loves her and he was sorry and how he justified going in his head and blah blah. She is so unsure what to do becuase she loves him and he has just shaken the very core of their relationship. He wants to make it up to her and he isnt telling her to forget what he did and just move on. He wants to work on the relationship with her and she is just so unsure about everything now and very scared to let him back in. Is she making too big a deal about this?Should she forgive him, I think yes she should, however forgivness doesnt mean taking him back right? I know she loves him so much and they are so great together. But this lie..this one stupid lie has shaken everything. Any advice for her?"Don't be so hung up about trips to the strip club.Guys will automatically lie about that even when they believe that they did nothing wrong because they've had too many experiences and heard too many stories about crazy girlfriends who went all psycho on some poor guy because he stuck a buck in a g-string.Honesty is all great and stuff. It really is and you should never ever lie about the big stuff. The stuff that matters. What that stuff is is different to every couple but each person in the couple knows what the big stuff is without having to make a list. That being said, no relationship that lasts is 100% honest about every single thing. Honesty about the big stuff, about the core values, is what matters. Ask any man or woman who has been married for 20 years or more and they'll tell you this is true.If she flips out about a visit to the strip club, he will continue to lie about a visit to the strip club. He won't stop going. I promise you that. He will just continue to lie about it. And really, in the grand scheme of things, should that be one of your "big" things? I think not. Link to post Share on other sites
vbnautilus 49 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 If she is unwilling to let a relationship survive a single white lie then no relationship she has will last very long. Use it as an opportunity to learn about the root causes. Trust goes both ways... he lied because he wasn't trusted to go to the strip club. Link to post Share on other sites
hank213 1,824 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 needs (OP) more parenthesis (lots)But it was nice of him (OP) to clarify who the pronoun (he, him, her) or adjective (bf, friend) doing the action (told, got on) was. Of course, he (OP) could have (should have) just used proper names (Jeff, Tim, Jessica) throughout the entire (whole) piece thereby, negating the need (to clarify). Link to post Share on other sites
jmkiser 0 Posted January 9, 2008 Author Share Posted January 9, 2008 But it was nice of him (OP) to clarify who the pronoun (he, him, her) or adjective (bf, friend) doing the action (told, got on) was. Of course, he (OP) could have (should have) just used proper names (Jeff, Tim, Jessica) throughout the entire (whole) piece thereby, negating the need (to clarify).I copy pasted the entire thing and I didn't feel like going through and erasing a lot of the pronouns just to enter names.It was faster to click the important spots and throw in some names to clarify where the confusing parts were. Link to post Share on other sites
Mercury69 3 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 The question that needs to be asked is: Why did he lie about the strip club? Was he afraid of his gf's reaction? Was there a previous agreement not to go to a strip club? Did he do something foolish? Once this is determined, then you can get to the next phase: Discussing the subject openly without judgement. Soon, you will both realise that one person must capitulate to the other. Man does not need strip clubs, but man is required, by genetic structure, to objectify women, therefore he must have an outlet (ie: porn, porn or porn, etc). Women are inherently fussy about stuff that doesn't go their way and ,by genetic structure, will make life suck for the man who doesn't "do things the way they should be ought".Once the couple has agreed to disagree, a compromise must be reached. If said compromise is deemed unsatisfactory after an "adjustment" period, then it must be renegotiated.Rinse and repeat. Link to post Share on other sites
fryer98 30 Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 A female friendHow YOOOU doin? Link to post Share on other sites
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