56 replies to this topic

[nutzbuster]

O.K., made it thru another week. congrats to everyone who still has a pulse.

First a few factoids...

• Most of you reading this right now are naked (quit looking down)
  
• Over half a million gallons of coffee are consumed on any given morning in America. Consequently, just as many gallons of water are used to flush american toilets approximately one half hour after said coffee is consumed. Meh...
  
• Some of you will lose money today, but that's O.K., because Poker is a game for life, and what this means is....ummm..............................what was I saying?

One more factoid...I have a dilemma.


This weekend is the wifey's birthday. She is 45 (but she only looks like, 42...or 35 ... maybe) . Anyway, she heard about some cool shopping places in L.A. and since she has her own business and a tax i.d. number she wanted to take a break and go shopping there for this weekend. I resisted hard core, but she who must be obeyed won out, and so we are going to L.A. for a 3 day weekend. (Sorry Balloon, I know I said we were maybe gonna hit Palm Springs and play golf, but...well, your married so I'm sure you 'get it' ).


There is a point here folks, so stay with me. I'll be asking for help in a bit...


My wife also made the mistake of telling her sister that she was going, and of course she wanted to go too, so my wife bought her a ticket and now she is gonna be hanging on with us. THEN, her sisters daughter found out and wanted to go, so my wife bought her a ticket too!, and NOW I'm gonna have 3 hotties on my arm all weekend! (o.k., the niece is heavily tattoo'd and pregnant, and her mom looks like a freaking scarecrow, so really only one hottie truth be told).

ANYWAY.....these 3 are gonna want to go shopping, eat copious amounts of grub and hang out at Venice beach ogling the human carnival all weekend.


But I will only be thinking of one thing ........ COMMERCE.


I need you guys to don your best tin foil hat, drink you best game juice, do what ever you have to do, but get creative and tell me the best way you can think of to ditch these 3 and get a session in?

Keep in mind this is HER BIRTHDAY WEEKEND, so I am dancing thru a mine field here. I need to be very careful/covert/creative/evil/dastardly/devious/despicable/etc.

I have several plays I can make to get her to feel super guilty enough to release me for a few hours, but.....I think some of you folks are way more creative, so I'm open to all suggestions (as long as they don't involve the use explosives or energy drinks).


Get crackin' yo!

...and thanks in advance.

[quadaces]

Huh?

[nutzbuster]

Huh?

exactly....

[terradawg]

ahh, the life of a married man. something i am all too familiar with. this one's easy though...women know that men hate to shop (unless of course you are a metrosexual which many posters here keeping outing themselves as 100% metros in the challenge thread). sooo, let them set up a big day of shopping. tell them you don't want to shop all day. tell them to drop you off at commerce and pick you up when they're done. be grateful that the other women came along to fill in for you while your wife shops.

[Balloon guy]

Much as I want to help you, truth is you're screwed.

Try to find a homeless guy that has one of those shopping carts near by so you can push it around behind them and not get a cramp from lugging 40 packages with you.


Or do what I do and leave out CIA brochures all the time and tell your wife you've always had this crazy dream to help the CIA by being a covert op with no visable ties to the company. Then whenever I need some me time, I tell her I got a phone call and I need to 'help a buddy' if she knows what I mean. If she loves her country she will say: "I'll be here waiting for you, be safe."

But this takes years of prep work, you are plain screwed.

Try not to stare too long in the Fredricks of Hollywood store, you'll look like a prevert

[20TN40]

This is soooooooo simple, are you guys really that clueless? Set your wife up for a simply awesome spa treatment...........massage, mani, pedi, make up consult, light lunch, body wrap and fake tan. Your wife will be soooooo surprised that you thought of this (make sure you say things like "I'm doing this for you because you work sooooooooo hard and after a big day of shopping you'll need some ME time") and then she'll make appointments for the other two and...................TA DA!!!! You're free for about 6-8 hours!!!!

Golly.........you guys are so........easy.

[Balloon guy]

Here's some helpful phrases for you this weekend:

Happy Birthday honey.

No, this is fun.

No, I'm having a good time.

No, I will not try on that dress

Here, let me carry that.

No, that dress doesn't make you looks fat

No, that dress doesn't make you look skinny

No, you shouldn't spend $250 on a dress that only fits you when you're pregnant

Sure, I'll wait right here

[Zippy Cootie]

ditto to the spa day

I'm married and I'm a woman, this would be my pick...

[Figger]

Ok, here goes.

1. Get a can of corned beef hash.
2. Tomorrow morning take it into the bathroom, open it and take a big glob in your mouth and chew it (Don't swallow).
3. Kneel in front of the toilet and pretend to throw up. Make sure some gets on the side of the toilet and the floor.
4. Call the Mrs. in to witness the carnage and tell her that you're not feeling well and she and the girls should go shopping without you.
5. Call a cab and shuffle up and deal.
6. If she finds out that you went, just tell her that you laid down for an hour and was feeling much better.

[nutzbuster]

Much as I want to help you, truth is you're screwed.

Try to find a homeless guy that has one of those shopping carts near by so you can push it around behind them and not get a cramp from lugging 40 packages with you.
Or do what I do and leave out CIA brochures all the time and tell your wife you've always had this crazy dream to help the CIA by being a covert op with no visable ties to the company. Then whenever I need some me time, I tell her I got a phone call and I need to 'help a buddy' if she knows what I mean. If she loves her country she will say: "I'll be here waiting for you, be safe."

But this takes years of prep work, you are plain screwed.

Try not to stare too long in the Fredricks of Hollywood store, you'll look like a prevert

I actually did this, and it was working perfectly!...until True Lies came out. Damn you Shwarzenegger...

Here's some helpful phrases for you this weekend:

Happy Birthday honey.

No, this is fun.

No, I'm having a good time.

No, I will not try on that dress

Here, let me carry that.

No, that dress doesn't make you looks fat

No, that dress doesn't make you look skinny

No, you shouldn't spend $250 on a dress that only fits you when you're pregnant

Sure, I'll wait right here

I actually look pretty good in Coutour... (and Diesel)

ditto to the spa day

I'm married and I'm a woman, this would be my pick...

Def. on the radar, but with 3 of them this could get 'spensive....

[biggswolll]

definately go with the spa, they love that, and you dont even have to feel guilty.

[nutzbuster]

Ok, here goes.

1. Get a can of corned beef hash.
2. Tomorrow morning take it into the bathroom, open it and take a big glob in your mouth and chew it (Don't swallow).
3. Kneel in front of the toilet and pretend to throw up. Make sure some gets on the side of the toilet and the floor.
4. Call the Mrs. in to witness the carnage and tell her that you're not feeling well and she and the girls should go shopping without you.
5. Call a cab and shuffle up and deal.
6. If she finds out that you went, just tell her that you laid down for an hour and was feeling much better.

If I put that crap in my mouth there would be actual vomitting, so yes, this is an option! Danke.

[The_Grim_Reaper]

My wife also made the mistake of telling her sister that she was going, and of course she wanted to go too, so my wife bought her a ticket and now she is gonna be hanging on with us. T

Just say "are we gonna do a threesome, or should I go play poker?"


It's win-win.

[Figger]

If I put that crap in my mouth there would be actual vomitting, so yes, this is an option! Danke.

Ok, substitute split pea soup, but make sure you eat something green the night before. And not that green stuff that Capt. Kirk eats or you'll really be in trouble.

[20TN40]

This is soooooooo simple, are you guys really that clueless? Set your wife up for a simply awesome spa treatment...........massage, mani, pedi, make up consult, light lunch, body wrap and fake tan. Your wife will be soooooo surprised that you thought of this (make sure you say things like "I'm doing this for you because you work sooooooooo hard and after a big day of shopping you'll need some ME time") and then she'll make appointments for the other two and...................TA DA!!!! You're free for about 6-8 hours!!!!

Golly.........you guys are so........easy.

Read that part again......sheesh, us womens are telling you how to escape! She's already bought them both tickets so she'll def have them join her at the spa.

Who ya gonna trust...........us women folk who are telling ya how to get to her heart or a guy who blows balloons for a living! Now I know why we are the superious sex

[ThePhoenix88]

Just tell her she can buy whatever she wants and she'll be so giddy she probably won't notice you are not there. It's -ev in the long run though.

[ThePhoenix88]

Just tell her she can buy whatever she wants and she'll be so giddy she probably won't notice you are not there. It's -ev in the long run though.

Sorry for the double post.

[fitzinabox]

buy your wife a 5 hour massage somewhere and just ditch the rest of the family. Say u forgot something at the car and then come up with some elaborate crazy plan that you had to save someones life, drove a dying perosn to the hospital and are now a hero throughout LA.

[JoeyFinngars]

You mentioned that you are there for three days so for two of the three days make it about you and her and for one of the days tell her it is a girl's day on the town...possibly setup a lunch reservation for the three of them, go the spa route and then your set for a better part of the day to play some cards.

[JoeyFinngars]

Read that part again......sheesh, us womens are telling you how to escape! She's already bought them both tickets so she'll def have them join her at the spa.

Who ya gonna trust...........us women folk who are telling ya how to get to her heart or a guy who blows balloons for a living! Now I know why we are the superious sex

...it's not due to your spelling.