16 replies to this topic

[CrackofmyACE]

If you're my myspace friend you would know, based on my recent shameless bulletins, that I have decided to quit smoking. Cold turkey is the tough guy way to do it, and I'm not scared to admit that I'm too much of a pussy to even attempt to conquer this horrible addiction without some kind of chemical aid. I tried it for two days and upon my first heated phone conversation with Toyota regarding an unauthorized charge to my debit card I knew that I would need help with this. I was literally reaching for my smokes following my abrupt hangup with the service manager. When they were nowhere to be found, I nearly hurled my 32" Sharp Aquos off my balcony onto the flower garden below. This is bad. I need help quitting.

Anyhoo, nicotine gum is helping. A lot. When I need a cigarette I pop a piece in, chew it 15 times and then place it in between my cheek and my gums in order to absorb the nicotine - then repeat for an hour or so. According to the instruction manual this is the correct and only way to chew nicotine gum in order to get the full desired effect. Whatever - its a Godsend.

So I ran out of the shit earlier today and decided that after a few other errands I'd drop by CVS to grab another pack and a roll of quarters for laundry. I walk into the store only to discover the flamboyantly gay dwarf (excuse me, little person) all the locals know as Patsy ringing the lone open register as a line formed across the front of the store and down the toiletry aisle. I wait in line patiently, as the nicotine withdrawal urge crept up my spine like a rabid racoon ready to sink its teeth into my face, and positioned myself to claim the first spot in the new line when he called the pimple faced, snaggle tooth teenager Sandy, to come open up another register.

Sandy comes up to her register - swings open her little gate: "Can I help the next person please?" I cut the pregnant woman with her arms full in front of me. "Hi. I'd like the $10 20 pack of Nicorette in the orange box please. Its on the third shelf from the top all the way down on the right." Now all of the nicotine gum is kept behind the counter, probably due to the fact that it contains nicotine and can't be sold to minors. There are a lot of choices. You've got your CVS generic stuff in all its flavors and quantities, the Nicorette brand, and a seemingly endless selection of various stop smoking aid products mixed throughout. However, this does not exempt Sandy from being able to follow simple instructions and know the difference between up and down and left and right. Upon my request she turned around and stared directly at the middle of the shelves, frozen like a dear in headlights. I sigh and repeat myself. "Its on the third shelf from the top, last box on the right." She walks over to the vicinity (getting warmer Sandy) and reaches up for the $49 100 pack box on the 2nd shelf. "No the third shelf... 1, 2, 3." I say. She freezes. Then looks down at the third shelf and starts going to the left. "No your other right". At this point she is clearly flustered and knocks over a box creating a domino effect. Sweet.... 5 boxes tumble to the floor. She hates me, as does the woman I cut, but I'm having fun now. She turns around "WHAT DO YOU WANT AGAIN!?!?". I calmly say (passive aggressively pushing her buttons harder), "I want the little orange 10 pack box on the 3rd shelf from the top all the way down on the right." She picks up the spilled boxes, visible sweat appearing on her forehead, and heads back down to the correct area. Stares at the shelves like a statue. I am silent now... waiting for her next move. "3rd shelf down... Its right in front of you. Orange box." EUREKA!! PROMOTE THIS GIRL! She finds it. Wait, not so fast. There is a 4 mg box and a 2 mg box. I need the 2 mg since I smoked less than 1 pack a day. I wait until she is starting to handle one of the 2 correct choices, and then drop the bomb on her. "There are 2 choices. The 2 mg and the 4 mg. I need the 2mg. It says it on the lower left corner of the box in little white letters." She freezes again. Poor Sandy has been pushed to her limit. She is a powderkeg waiting to erupt in a cracky voice whiney shriek for her manager. I remain calm. She grabs a box that is illegible to me given the 20 foot distance between us and returns to the counter with a sigh of relief. I look down and see 4 mg in italicized letters. I cackle. "Umm Sandy. This is the 4 mg. I need the 2." Here it comes.... "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!? 2 OR 4?????". "2 Sandy." I say unphased. She stomps back over, determined to get it right this time to show me how much of a jerk I am, switches the boxes, marches back to the counter and slams it down in front of me. "10.99 please, and I need your ID." I want to see how I can confuse her further but decide that my nicotine urge is too powerful and the possibility of me losing my cool is now very real. "No problem." I reach into my wallet, grab my ID and debit card and begin using the self service debit device in front of me.

Her work is done, or so she thinks. Oops I forgot I need quarters. "Sandy, any chance you can sell me a roll of quarters?" I pull out a 10 dollar bill. A look of pure terror mixed with comtempt and frustration comes over her pimply face. Stuttering: "I I don't have any quarters in my registerr I can'ttt." I feel bad now. I am evil. "I know you don't", I say. "What I need you to do is call your manager over and have her open the safe with her key. Then you can exchange my $10 bill for the roll of quarters and you won't even have to touch your register." At this point her eyes are starting to swell up with tears. 30 seconds goes by and Sandy is still unresponsive. Oh man, what have I done. "S-s-s-s-amantha to the f-f-front." she weakly cries into the microphone. Heehee I'm laughing inside again. Her inability to perform a task as simple as speaking into a microphone to pass off a responsibility to her superior fills my heart with pure joy. Again I remind myself that I am a horrible person. The manager walks over and greets me with a smile. I tell her what I need to spare Sandy the embarrassment of another fumble in front of a store full of impatient, but definitely entertained customers. "No problem", she says. Unlocks the safe, removes the roll, takes my ten, end of transaction. Quickly and painlessly with two normal functioning minds teaming up to get the job done. Sandy, head down, hands me my receipt and tells me to have a nice day. I tell her the same as I stroll out of the store a new man - enlightened.

Poor Sandy. May God have mercy on her soul. I wonder if Ms. South Carolina would have had as much trouble. Maybe she would've started muttering nonsense about South Africa mid task. Who knows. The point is, let this serve as a lesson to all of you....... ............. ............ .... . Shit I don't have a lesson here. CVS just hires idiots, plain and simple.

[Spademan]

I already used the word "ensues" today on the forums.

Other than that, good stuff.

[Nikki_N]

I like to see how many of those CVS loyalty coupons I can use in one transaction. I'm all about the CVS and Speedway coupons. I don't much bother with others.

[CrackofmyACE]

I like to see how many of those CVS loyalty coupons I can use in one transaction. I'm all about the CVS and Speedway coupons. I don't much bother with others.

Ha. Well Sandy it looks like you guys actually owe me money here (handing her 39 coupons).

Silence from Sandy......

[profxavier9]

wow poor little sandy, why were you being such a jerk?? and way to hold up the whole store.we are all glad you had such an exciting day.

[Shimmering Wang]

I like to think that if I'd never been born, this topic would've been very different.

Wang

[BigDMcGee]

If you're my myspace friend you would know, based on my recent shameless bulletins, that I have decided to quit smoking. Cold turkey is the tough guy way to do it, and I'm not scared to admit that I'm too much of a pussy to even attempt to conquer this horrible addiction without some kind of chemical aid. I tried it for two days and upon my first heated phone conversation with Toyota regarding an unauthorized charge to my debit card I knew that I would need help with this. I was literally reaching for my smokes following my abrupt hangup with the service manager. When they were nowhere to be found, I nearly hurled my 32" Sharp Aquos off my balcony onto the flower garden below. This is bad. I need help quitting.

Anyhoo, nicotine gum is helping. A lot. When I need a cigarette I pop a piece in, chew it 15 times and then place it in between my cheek and my gums in order to absorb the nicotine - then repeat for an hour or so. According to the instruction manual this is the correct and only way to chew nicotine gum in order to get the full desired effect. Whatever - its a Godsend.

So I ran out of the shit earlier today and decided that after a few other errands I'd drop by CVS to grab another pack and a roll of quarters for laundry. I walk into the store only to discover the flamboyantly gay dwarf (excuse me, little person) all the locals know as Patsy ringing the lone open register as a line formed across the front of the store and down the toiletry aisle. I wait in line patiently, as the nicotine withdrawal urge crept up my spine like a rabid racoon ready to sink its teeth into my face, and positioned myself to claim the first spot in the new line when he called the pimple faced, snaggle tooth teenager Sandy, to come open up another register.

Sandy comes up to her register - swings open her little gate: "Can I help the next person please?" I cut the pregnant woman with her arms full in front of me. "Hi. I'd like the $10 20 pack of Nicorette in the orange box please. Its on the third shelf from the top all the way down on the right." Now all of the nicotine gum is kept behind the counter, probably due to the fact that it contains nicotine and can't be sold to minors. There are a lot of choices. You've got your CVS generic stuff in all its flavors and quantities, the Nicorette brand, and a seemingly endless selection of various stop smoking aid products mixed throughout. However, this does not exempt Sandy from being able to follow simple instructions and know the difference between up and down and left and right. Upon my request she turned around and stared directly at the middle of the shelves, frozen like a dear in headlights. I sigh and repeat myself. "Its on the third shelf from the top, last box on the right." She walks over to the vicinity (getting warmer Sandy) and reaches up for the $49 100 pack box on the 2nd shelf. "No the third shelf... 1, 2, 3." I say. She freezes. Then looks down at the third shelf and starts going to the left. "No your other right". At this point she is clearly flustered and knocks over a box creating a domino effect. Sweet.... 5 boxes tumble to the floor. She hates me, as does the woman I cut, but I'm having fun now. She turns around "WHAT DO YOU WANT AGAIN!?!?". I calmly say (passive aggressively pushing her buttons harder), "I want the little orange 10 pack box on the 3rd shelf from the top all the way down on the right." She picks up the spilled boxes, visible sweat appearing on her forehead, and heads back down to the correct area. Stares at the shelves like a statue. I am silent now... waiting for her next move. "3rd shelf down... Its right in front of you. Orange box." EUREKA!! PROMOTE THIS GIRL! She finds it. Wait, not so fast. There is a 4 mg box and a 2 mg box. I need the 2 mg since I smoked less than 1 pack a day. I wait until she is starting to handle one of the 2 correct choices, and then drop the bomb on her. "There are 2 choices. The 2 mg and the 4 mg. I need the 2mg. It says it on the lower left corner of the box in little white letters." She freezes again. Poor Sandy has been pushed to her limit. She is a powderkeg waiting to erupt in a cracky voice whiney shriek for her manager. I remain calm. She grabs a box that is illegible to me given the 20 foot distance between us and returns to the counter with a sigh of relief. I look down and see 4 mg in italicized letters. I cackle. "Umm Sandy. This is the 4 mg. I need the 2." Here it comes.... "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!? 2 OR 4?????". "2 Sandy." I say unphased. She stomps back over, determined to get it right this time to show me how much of a jerk I am, switches the boxes, marches back to the counter and slams it down in front of me. "10.99 please, and I need your ID." I want to see how I can confuse her further but decide that my nicotine urge is too powerful and the possibility of me losing my cool is now very real. "No problem." I reach into my wallet, grab my ID and debit card and begin using the self service debit device in front of me.

Her work is done, or so she thinks. Oops I forgot I need quarters. "Sandy, any chance you can sell me a roll of quarters?" I pull out a 10 dollar bill. A look of pure terror mixed with comtempt and frustration comes over her pimply face. Stuttering: "I I don't have any quarters in my registerr I can'ttt." I feel bad now. I am evil. "I know you don't", I say. "What I need you to do is call your manager over and have her open the safe with her key. Then you can exchange my $10 bill for the roll of quarters and you won't even have to touch your register." At this point her eyes are starting to swell up with tears. 30 seconds goes by and Sandy is still unresponsive. Oh man, what have I done. "S-s-s-s-amantha to the f-f-front." she weakly cries into the microphone. Heehee I'm laughing inside again. Her inability to perform a task as simple as speaking into a microphone to pass off a responsibility to her superior fills my heart with pure joy. Again I remind myself that I am a horrible person. The manager walks over and greets me with a smile. I tell her what I need to spare Sandy the embarrassment of another fumble in front of a store full of impatient, but definitely entertained customers. "No problem", she says. Unlocks the safe, removes the roll, takes my ten, end of transaction. Quickly and painlessly with two normal functioning minds teaming up to get the job done. Sandy, head down, hands me my receipt and tells me to have a nice day. I tell her the same as I stroll out of the store a new man - enlightened.

Poor Sandy. May God have mercy on her soul. I wonder if Ms. South Carolina would have had as much trouble. Maybe she would've started muttering nonsense about South Africa mid task. Who knows. The point is, let this serve as a lesson to all of you....... ............. ............ .... . Shit I don't have a lesson here. CVS just hires idiots, plain and simple.

I approve of this post. Nothing like a nicotine withdrawal to yank your inner sadist out of the closet.

[chrozzo]

Ha. Well Sandy it looks like you guys actually owe me money here (handing her 39 coupons).

Silence from Sandy......

you were an *******

i like

[onlyme386]

you were an *******

i like

you always have liked *******

[Miguel McHarris]

Good read. Good luck with the gum, I did the 4mg and managed to not smoke for a good 6 months. Nothing else works and going cold turkey will pack on the pounds and turn you into a god damn wild animal. Someday I will quit, but until then I blame society.

[scram]

I have nothing to add to this post.
I would like to say that one time, I was really drunk, banging this deaf chick when old Jack Daniels decided to make a grand re-entry and I vomited mushroom and shrimp egg foo young all over her naked body.

She got really mad and started flailing her barf covered arms while making those high pitched noises that deaf people make. I initially felt bad, but then I started laughing at her... then, for some reason that I still do not know to this day, I started mocking her... Oh man, she was so pissed! She wiped off most of the puke with my flannel shirt and on her way out the door, she said something that was clearly intended to be "fuck You", but it sounded more like "Faaaah Hooo!".

I turned on an Allman Brothers CD and went to sleep in a puddle of my own vomit.

[Miguel McHarris]

I have nothing to add to this post.
I would like to say that one time, I was really drunk, banging this deaf chick when old Jack Daniels decided to make a grand re-entry and I vomited mushroom and shrimp egg foo young all over her naked body.

She got really mad and started flailing her barf covered arms while making those high pitched noises that deaf people make. I initially felt bad, but then I started laughing at her... then, for some reason that I still do not know to this day, I started mocking her... Oh man, she was so pissed! She wiped off most of the puke with my flannel shirt and on her way out the door, she said something that was clearly intended to be "fuck You", but it sounded more like "Faaaah Hooo!".

I turned on an Allman Brothers CD and went to sleep in a puddle of my own vomit.

bye bye raundry discount

[mase_gotsem]

I have nothing to add to this post.
I would like to say that one time, I was really drunk, banging this deaf chick when old Jack Daniels decided to make a grand re-entry and I vomited mushroom and shrimp egg foo young all over her naked body.

She got really mad and started flailing her barf covered arms while making those high pitched noises that deaf people make. I initially felt bad, but then I started laughing at her... then, for some reason that I still do not know to this day, I started mocking her... Oh man, she was so pissed! She wiped off most of the puke with my flannel shirt and on her way out the door, she said something that was clearly intended to be "fuck You", but it sounded more like "Faaaah Hooo!".

I turned on an Allman Brothers CD and went to sleep in a puddle of my own vomit.

lmao just had a convo with a friend a few weeks ago about doing a deaf chick he said i think it wld be hard to keep it up with her retarded sounds and he mocked a deaf person tone and i loled so hard every one in the resturaunt looked over i know its mean but damn i had a good luagh

[BigDMcGee]

I have nothing to add to this post.
I would like to say that one time, I was really drunk, banging this deaf chick when old Jack Daniels decided to make a grand re-entry and I vomited mushroom and shrimp egg foo young all over her naked body.

She got really mad and started flailing her barf covered arms while making those high pitched noises that deaf people make. I initially felt bad, but then I started laughing at her... then, for some reason that I still do not know to this day, I started mocking her... Oh man, she was so pissed! She wiped off most of the puke with my flannel shirt and on her way out the door, she said something that was clearly intended to be "fuck You", but it sounded more like "Faaaah Hooo!".

I turned on an Allman Brothers CD and went to sleep in a puddle of my own vomit.

Have you ever seen the movie "In the Company of Men?" You'd love it..

[sandwedge]

I have nothing to add to this post.
I would like to say that one time, I was really drunk, banging this deaf chick when old Jack Daniels decided to make a grand re-entry and I vomited mushroom and shrimp egg foo young all over her naked body.

She got really mad and started flailing her barf covered arms while making those high pitched noises that deaf people make. I initially felt bad, but then I started laughing at her... then, for some reason that I still do not know to this day, I started mocking her... Oh man, she was so pissed! She wiped off most of the puke with my flannel shirt and on her way out the door, she said something that was clearly intended to be "fuck You", but it sounded more like "Faaaah Hooo!".

I turned on an Allman Brothers CD and went to sleep in a puddle of my own vomit.

I had trouble reading this entire post, due to the fact I was laughing so hard.

[fitzinabox]

good post, that's pretty sad she couln't follow simple directions. People like that are frusterating as hell.

[Nikki_N]

Good read. Good luck with the gum, I did the 4mg and managed to not smoke for a good 6 months. Nothing else works and going cold turkey will pack on the pounds and turn you into a god damn wild animal. Someday I will quit, but until then I blame society.

I quit cold turkey in 1997. I went from 2 packs a day to zero. It totally sucked. I then didn't touch a cig for six years. I can now have an occasional smoke without making it a habit again. It's lovely.