thank you Ivan, your understanding is appreciated and suggestions are well taken, but waking the next day i realised that things could be so much worse, i do have a constant battle with myself i am my own worst enemy, constantly battling with the good and bad in my life, but life is short, and rather than living in the negative and making myself feel worse, reading what i had typed the following day, actually woke me upto myself, those things are true but i think i can now get them nailed down, typing it and reading it later, was like a shot in the arm, it is now time to turn things round
