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#3764285 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 15 December 2017 - 04:32 PM in General

Anyone ever been jerked off in front of a horse by its owner? I'm not sure if he was jealous, aroused, or both, but it was definitely intense for him, based on the noises he made. Equine cuckolding goes both ways.

#3764283 Things/people That Are Overexposed Or Underexposed.

Posted by David_Sklansky on 15 December 2017 - 04:27 PM in General

View PostBigDMcGee, on 27 September 2017 - 04:51 PM, said:

Apples are over exposed

I would argue that specific breeds of apples are overexposed, but outside of like three or four varietals, almost all apples are wildly underexposed. I had some cornish gilliflowers that changed the way I think about apples, and that's still an extremely sweet dessert apple. You can get real, real weird with apples. I'm thinking about growing my own.

#3761414 The Dan Le Batard Show

Posted by David_Sklansky on 19 September 2017 - 06:25 PM in Entertainment: Television, Movies & Music

View PostBigDMcGee, on 18 September 2017 - 09:31 AM, said:

I only do reddit for pornography.

Reddit is very useful, because if used correctly it's truly the pulse of the mediocre white man. If you want to see what a typical, mid-to-late-20s, college educated white guy who thinks he understands all topics and experiences believes is important, fire up r/news and take it all in.

#3761408 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 19 September 2017 - 03:02 PM in General

I figured I'd pop in to let you guys know I'm in a sexual rut lately. I'd been working on a big comeback fetish, where I was going to make my partner record xer bare feet while driving a manual transmission and put it on the internet, but it turned out that I'm years behind, and that the fetish already exists and that the market is already being served.

Today, like a fat person giving up on jeans and putting on an old pair of sweatpants, I returned to old school cannabutter butt sex. It was a solid run.

#3758454 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 30 May 2017 - 06:50 AM in General

View PostRon_Mexico, on 26 May 2017 - 07:08 AM, said:

Bought a $600 Vitamix blender. Won't be here until Tuesday, which sucks, but I hope it's gonna be awesome.

I think I have that same blender. I always see the same one at smoothie/juice places, so I assume it's good, but I've never actually used it. I know it's lasted a lot longer than cheap blenders.

View PostEssay21, on 26 May 2017 - 08:45 AM, said:

Dogs really don't sound fun to me. But maybe I'm missing out.

I have way too many pets, and honestly the only ones I actually enjoy are the ones who kill pests. But if I woke up single tomorrow, I'd rescue a pitbull puppy or something. They are smart, adorable, easily found because people are scared of them, and having a dog will trick women into thinking you are a real, adult person for some reason.

#3758418 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 29 May 2017 - 02:07 PM in General

One of my earliest interactions with Tilty was implying he and his wife were sexually incompatible, becasue she wouldn't give him anal while his mother was living with them or something. With a little more experience, I get where he was coming from. This weekend, my partner and I were staying with xer family. Everything seemed normal, but then we got to the part of the night where we'd normally jump on Craig's List and find a stranger for xer to bang, xe got all weird and didn't want to do it in xer dad's house. I felt like I was going to explode for like four days.

#3758138 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 22 May 2017 - 08:03 PM in General

View PostTiltinagain, on 22 May 2017 - 03:15 PM, said:

Brvy claims to be the godly one but was probably the biggest ass to me of anyone until recently.

I'm not sure how much this has been discussed, but I'd just like to clear something up. There are a lot of branches of Christianity, but I really break it down into two camps: Calvinist Christians, and losers. There is something desperate and sad about evangelicals. I feel like they are trying to validate themselves all the time. Calvinists don't sweat that validation. Predeterminism frees them from being undignified door-to-door Bible salesman. Don't expect a Winner to Brvy to suck a bunch of dick, because God already took the ball out of everyone's hands.

#3758137 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 22 May 2017 - 07:46 PM in General

View PostInternetExplorer, on 22 May 2017 - 05:33 PM, said:

Not even a mention. This is some bullshit.

I didn't get a mention either. I know this because every time I check in here, the main thing I do is page search my name on the last few pages of this thread. Tilty and I have clashed at times, particularly over the quality of life in Bend, OR. And I assume I've made it known that I didn't approve of his lifestyle. But this has been a pretty cold exit, and I'm kind left bitter about the whole situation.

#3758135 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 22 May 2017 - 07:31 PM in General

Honestly, a lot of why I haven't been around that much is related to how little the posters here will let me in.

#3754916 The Whiskey Thread

Posted by David_Sklansky on 12 March 2017 - 12:20 PM in General

I'm hammered on Elmer T Lee as we speak. I started getting drunk out of a flask on the walk home from church, and have kept the party going.

#3754915 Essay's Top Ten

Posted by David_Sklansky on 12 March 2017 - 12:17 PM in General

View PostCobaltBlue, on 12 March 2017 - 12:02 PM, said:


Asleep at the Wheel is a selftitled album by Austin-based Alt-Country pioneers Asleep at the Wheel. SA was referring to Bob's copy of that album. I agree that he should have capitalized it, but then again I should have italicized it.

#3754907 Essay's Top Ten

Posted by David_Sklansky on 12 March 2017 - 09:53 AM in General

Can we get a top ten items at Panda Express?

#3754906 Daniel Negreanu Stakes Spademan

Posted by David_Sklansky on 12 March 2017 - 09:49 AM in General Poker Forum

I remember when this board was a thriving and supportive place, where people were happy for each other to succeed at the game we all still love and play daily. Now that the money is harder to come by, suddenly that green eyed monster is rearing its ugly head.

#3754905 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 12 March 2017 - 09:40 AM in General

I approve of throwing that $100K scam in her face all the time. I'd do it as a non sequitur at all gatherings.

Re: lumber:

The last person I dated before meeting my partner was weirdly clingy from early on. After only seeing xer a few times, xe invited xerself along after I told xer I had plans with my brother. The plans I had with my brother were to steal lumber from a poorly secured construction site, in order to rebuild his front steps. Xe just sat in the truck while we loaded it up. That wasn't explicitly why we brokeup, but it had to play a role. And if it weren't for the timing of that breakup, I might not have met a person who loves me enough to not judge the way I help my family. The moral of this story is to steal things in front of the gender(s) to which you're attracted, and the ones who are right for you won't have a problem with it.

#3754882 I've Got A Serious Dilemma...

Posted by David_Sklansky on 11 March 2017 - 07:26 PM in General Poker Forum

Spade and I disagree on apples, but it's hard to argue with the poker wisdom of a man staked by DN. This reminds me a bit of an iconic martial arts movie, Karate Kid (2010). When Mr. Han was training Dre, he had him do what seemed like menial chores involving hanging jackets. Dre got frustrated and bored, and felt like Mr. Han was taking advantage of him. He bucked up on him the same way you are doing with us. But in the end, Mr. Han knew better than Dre, and trust, respect and patience get you a lot further than just barreling ahead like Leroy Jenkins. Please slow down and learn to take advice. What you're doing is not working, and what we do is.

"The definition of crazy is doing the same thing again and again, and expecting different results." - Marilyn Monroe.

#3754881 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 11 March 2017 - 07:12 PM in General

View PostNapa_Don, on 11 March 2017 - 04:42 PM, said:

I remember the first time I drove through Columbia and I thought "wow, the SEC makes a lot of sense now". I audited a client in Missouri that was maybe an hour south of the northern border and sitting in the board meeting they were making fun of the dudes from Swamp People for having accents meanwhile me and the other kid can barely make out every fourth word coming from this hillbillies.

Hicks love shows that paint worse off hicks in a negative-but-harmless light. It's like with Blue Collar Comedy Tour, where on the surface the idea of educated, wealthy frauds putting on a white minstrel show and making a mockery of impoverished rural whites seems like it should offend a lot of people, but what actually ends up happening is it provides a way for semi-loser whites to elevate themselves by laughing at the worse off people around them. Stuff like this is to lower-middle class whites as African minstrelsy was to the Irish.

#3754762 Help With Learning The Math

Posted by David_Sklansky on 09 March 2017 - 05:35 PM in No Limit Texas Hold'em Cash Games

Deuces Cracked is great, or at least it was a decade ago or whenever I last had access.

A more holistic approach, though, might be to study for the GED. You'll learn all the math you need for basic poker stuff, and put yourself on the path to learn more complicated ideas down the road, like calculus or combinatorics or whatever.

#3754751 I've Got A Serious Dilemma...

Posted by David_Sklansky on 09 March 2017 - 04:11 PM in General Poker Forum

View PostThe Opulent Gentleman, on 09 March 2017 - 02:17 PM, said:

Listen OP, Sklansky is a well known satan worshipper in this forum, and with satan worshipping comes an irrational fear of apples. So do your best to ignore the well written but largely nonsense post above, and find a dozen apples (at least) and don't forget the wheat also and then eat those two things in any order you like and I think you might experience GOD himself or at the very least a close substitute.

I'm not denying the healing power of apples, we've all heard the expression, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away." But this is further bad advice. An odd number of apples keeps the doctor away, sure, but an even number of apples and you'll incur the wrath of Mephistopheles.

Eritis sicut Deus, Scientes Bonum et Malum. Eritis sicut Deus, Scientes Bonum et Malum. Eritis sicut Deus, Scientes Bonum et Malum.

#3754735 I've Got A Serious Dilemma...

Posted by David_Sklansky on 09 March 2017 - 01:29 PM in General Poker Forum

I can only assume the apple thing is a joke. I don't really know a ton about cereal grains, but apples are kind of interesting. Apples today, especially in the west, are basically all genetic clones of a couple of plants. See, it's difficult to get a palatable apple. If you plant the seeds of an apple, the genetics are totally shuffled around, and the fruit of the tree won't resemble the fruit from which the seeds came. And the vast majority of apples are tart and nearly inedible. For this reason, as hard cider fell from favor in America, apple planters simply began grafting new seedlings with branches from plants known to produce sweet, edible fruit. The result was is a monotonization of the apple, where every varietal is a one-note, overpoweringly sweet tragedy of a fruit, satisfying only the tastes of children and idiots. Compare that to complex, savory antique eating apples of early- and precolonoal Europe, the apple has become a complete joke. I really don't recommend them, and honestly think others are pulling your leg.

#3754733 Creating An Ios + Android App For My Community!

Posted by David_Sklansky on 09 March 2017 - 01:05 PM in General

I recommend against making an android app. You really don't want to waste your time on Android people.

Honestly, as our privacy comes more and more under assault, I'd think about doing what you can to make your community less accessible, not more. Have you thought about migrating your community to TOR? It will be less convenient, but as long as you're still providing the goods, you're still going to get traffic. I mean, it's an addiction just like any drug.

#3753968 Who Died Today?

Posted by David_Sklansky on 26 February 2017 - 05:18 PM in General


#3753958 The Dan Le Batard Show

Posted by David_Sklansky on 26 February 2017 - 01:06 PM in Entertainment: Television, Movies & Music

Came here to mention that Mike Ryan exchange. I've never seen a professional funny man get ethered like that by a civilian. I guess it doesn't help when your brand of comedy is unintentional and self-oblivious.

I've only heard clips of Dan's racially changed anti-Magic agenda, and while it's hard for a long-time listener to suggest he's consciously being racist, he's absolutely super dismissive of Magic's prolonged business success. I don't know how much of this is implicit bias and how much is just his tonedeafness, and I don't think it's worthy of all the attention he's getting, but I'm not here for him on this one. Magic is qualified for this job just because he has AIDS.

#3753683 I Called In Sick Today

Posted by David_Sklansky on 20 February 2017 - 03:13 PM in General

View PostEssay21, on 19 February 2017 - 09:08 PM, said:

Guapy, what the fvck are the Kings doing? I'm all for trading Boogie, but that haul isn't worth a damn.

I held out hope that Vivek was just an excentric with New Owner Syndrome longer than most, but even that died all the way back when they decided to go with Colison over IT. And that was before we knew that IT is actually kind of good.

#3753603 Official Alt-Right Neo Nazi Thread

Posted by David_Sklansky on 19 February 2017 - 04:47 PM in Politics, Economics and News

View PostSpademan, on 22 November 2016 - 10:06 PM, said:

Except for the blisteringly ignorant (that is to say more ignorant that the normal amount of ignorant - where they literally don't know anything about anything at all, and vote without any knowledge about their candidate whatsoever), yes, yes they are.


Again, except for the reality that some people are genuinely too stupid to recognize what they "support" or "vote for", yes, yes it is.

At least theoretically, I accept the possible existence of completely amoral psychos, who don't fear or dislike one race more than any other, and just don't give a shit about them and opertunistically hang minorities out to dry. I think that's way, way rarer than people think, including people like Chomsky who insist that capitalism is not inherently racist, but I accept that it's at least logically possible that some conservatives are just evil, antisocial monsters, and not straight-up racists.

#3753601 Essay's Top Ten

Posted by David_Sklansky on 19 February 2017 - 04:23 PM in General

Any time I play a stratocaster at a music shop, I make sure to play In the Evening. It's not the obvious needle that playing Stairway is, but the guitar will 100% be badly out of tune when I'm done, which is my subtle revenge for making me ask to see the guitar.