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I Think I May Have Gotten My Girlfirend Pregnant

Started by XXEddie, Jan 26 2007 10:18 PM

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#61 JoeyJoJo

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:17 AM

View PostNikki_N, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 10:22 AM, said:

Also, if you decide for some reason to come on her, keep it away from her ass, thighs, and vaginal area in general. The odds are low, but sperm are highly motivated and you need to keep it far away from the entrance to the promised land.
This one time (yes, at band camp, shut up) I was tittie-fucking this chick and she was all, "Oh baby, I want you to come on me," and I figured why not, it's far enough away. So she was sitting up with my stuff all over her neck and chin and I'm all like, "You're such a dirty little slut, aren't you?" and she was just smiling and it started slowly dripping down between her boobs. I thought, "Look at my guys go," but they kept going lower and lower and they were headed straight for her vagina and I started freaking out a little. I jumped up to get a towel as she did the hand waving thing that indicates she was getting a little panicky. I told her to lie down on her back to try to slow it down, but they kept going. I told her to lie perfectly still thinking maybe they were like t-rexes and were blind without movement and for a long second they did stop. But then they started right back up again and I couldn't find a towel or a sock or anything. Finally, right before they reached the promised land, I grabbed the comforter and smothered her with it like she was on fire, rolling her over and over. I took the comforter off and the stuff was everywhere, but it got it off of her. I threw the blanket on the floor and we shared a good laugh about it. Then we looked down on the floor.The sperm were coming back together from all parts of the blanket, reforming like the T-1000. There was no time to lose. I grabbed the blanket and ran to the fireplace, throwing it into the fire. You could hear the little sperm and their little screams of agony. I felt kinda bad for the little guys, but at least we were safe again.Or were we?We turned our backs for a second and one last sperm leapt out of the fire and attached to her ass. I tried to smack it, but it was too quick. It scurried between her legs and shot up inside her. I'm still paying child support.
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#62 IQCrash

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:24 AM

View PostJoeyJoJo, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 11:17 AM, said:

This one time (yes, at band camp, shut up) I was tittie-fucking this chick and she was all, "Oh baby, I want you to come on me," and I figured why not, it's far enough away. So she was sitting up with my stuff all over her neck and chin and I'm all like, "You're such a dirty little slut, aren't you?" and she was just smiling and it started slowly dripping down between her boobs. I thought, "Look at my guys go," but they kept going lower and lower and they were headed straight for her vagina and I started freaking out a little. I jumped up to get a towel as she did the hand waving thing that indicates she was getting a little panicky. I told her to lie down on her back to try to slow it down, but they kept going. I told her to lie perfectly still thinking maybe they were like t-rexes and were blind without movement and for a long second they did stop. But then they started right back up again and I couldn't find a towel or a sock or anything. Finally, right before they reached the promised land, I grabbed the comforter and smothered her with it like she was on fire, rolling her over and over. I took the comforter off and the stuff was everywhere, but it got it off of her. I threw the blanket on the floor and we shared a good laugh about it. Then we looked down on the floor.The sperm were coming back together from all parts of the blanket, reforming like the T-1000. There was no time to lose. I grabbed the blanket and ran to the fireplace, throwing it into the fire. You could hear the little sperm and their little screams of agony. I felt kinda bad for the little guys, but at least we were safe again.Or were we?We turned our backs for a second and one last sperm leapt out of the fire and attached to her ass. I tried to smack it, but it was too quick. It scurried between her legs and shot up inside her. I'm still paying child support.
:club: :D

#63 LadyGrey

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:26 AM

View PostJoeyJoJo, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 7:17 PM, said:

We turned our backs for a second and one last sperm leapt out of the fire and attached to her ass. I tried to smack it, but it was too quick. It scurried between her legs and shot up inside her. I'm still paying child support.
You think what I think, only better.
We are all so complicated, and then we die. We are a subject one day, with our vanities, our loves, our worries, and then one day, abruptly, we become nothing but an object, an absolutely disgusting pile of shit. We pass very quickly from one stage to the next. It's very bizarre. It will happen to all of us, and fairly soon too. We become an object you can handle like a stone, but a stone that was someone.
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#64 Nikki_N

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:26 AM

View PostLongLiveYorke, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 2:16 PM, said:

Burn.But seriously, you give great advice, Nikki. They should teach this stuff in middle school over and over again so kids know how to do it before they start in High School (because they do start in High School) and so they don't think condoms or KY with Spermicidal lubricant are "icky" when they are having sex.
I learned about condoms in middle school because AIDS was huge in the news at that time and still kind of "new". It wasn't until college that I had a teacher (Human Sexuality) frank enough to really get down to the nitty gritty of sex and contraception. Saying, "USE A CONDOM" isn't enough. If they aren't being used properly, the information isn't very helpful. I also think the taboo needs to be lifted from the subject. I know we don't want to "encourage" young people to ****, but If we can't talk frankly about it, they don't learn and that leads to false information.
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#65 Nikki_N

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:29 AM

View PostJoeyJoJo, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 2:17 PM, said:

This one time (yes, at band camp, shut up) ...I'm still paying child support.
Wow. This was a very entertaining read. I could even picture it in my head. Hilarious.
Valar Morghulis

#66 ShakeZuma

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:37 AM

View PostNikki_N, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 2:10 PM, said:

Have you done it before?
there was this one girl, one time, and she said she didn't hate it.

View PostAmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:

one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon

#67 hank213

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:37 AM

View PostShakeZuma, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 1:37 PM, said:

there was this one girl, one time, and she said she didn't hate it.
how much did she charge?
Hank's tenure at Soulsuckers, INC, LLC, DBA TBD, had not been long, but it had been distinguished... By drunkenness, hair-trigger violence, and a total lack of performance. I would call it a steady decline in performance, but that would imply that he performed at one point in time. In fact he had not. He was drunk.

QUOTE (Napa_Don @ Monday, August 15th, 2011, 5:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Last week I drink the majority of a twelve pack of light beer out of the cutoff end of a whiffle bat, how's that for cultured, bitches"

#68 ShakeZuma

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:42 AM

View Posthank213, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 2:37 PM, said:

how much did she charge?
dude, whatever, it wasn't like that20 bucks

View PostAmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:

one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon

#69 hank213

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 11:47 AM

View PostShakeZuma, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 1:42 PM, said:

dude, whatever, it wasn't like that20 bucks
well then tell me what it was like...in great detail...slowly...sloooowly....
Hank's tenure at Soulsuckers, INC, LLC, DBA TBD, had not been long, but it had been distinguished... By drunkenness, hair-trigger violence, and a total lack of performance. I would call it a steady decline in performance, but that would imply that he performed at one point in time. In fact he had not. He was drunk.

QUOTE (Napa_Don @ Monday, August 15th, 2011, 5:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Last week I drink the majority of a twelve pack of light beer out of the cutoff end of a whiffle bat, how's that for cultured, bitches"

#70 ShakeZuma

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 12:04 PM

View Posthank213, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 2:47 PM, said:

well then tell me what it was like...in great detail...slowly...sloooowly....
you know, this does remind me of a funny story. one time, me and 2 of my buddies were running a train on this girl, and even though I was first (thats how I roll), she was impressed with my performance the most. that was an ego boost, you know, cause she had a lot to compare to.

View PostAmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:

one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon

#71 bleacherbum3

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 12:25 PM

View PostJoeyJoJo, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 1:17 PM, said:

This one time (yes, at band camp, shut up) I was tittie-fucking this chick and she was all, "Oh baby, I want you to come on me," and I figured why not, it's far enough away. So she was sitting up with my stuff all over her neck and chin and I'm all like, "You're such a dirty little slut, aren't you?" and she was just smiling and it started slowly dripping down between her boobs. I thought, "Look at my guys go," but they kept going lower and lower and they were headed straight for her vagina and I started freaking out a little. I jumped up to get a towel as she did the hand waving thing that indicates she was getting a little panicky. I told her to lie down on her back to try to slow it down, but they kept going. I told her to lie perfectly still thinking maybe they were like t-rexes and were blind without movement and for a long second they did stop. But then they started right back up again and I couldn't find a towel or a sock or anything. Finally, right before they reached the promised land, I grabbed the comforter and smothered her with it like she was on fire, rolling her over and over. I took the comforter off and the stuff was everywhere, but it got it off of her. I threw the blanket on the floor and we shared a good laugh about it. Then we looked down on the floor.The sperm were coming back together from all parts of the blanket, reforming like the T-1000. There was no time to lose. I grabbed the blanket and ran to the fireplace, throwing it into the fire. You could hear the little sperm and their little screams of agony. I felt kinda bad for the little guys, but at least we were safe again.Or were we?We turned our backs for a second and one last sperm leapt out of the fire and attached to her ass. I tried to smack it, but it was too quick. It scurried between her legs and shot up inside her. I'm still paying child support.
:club:


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#72 fleung22

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 12:32 PM

View PostJoeyJoJo, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 11:17 AM, said:

This one time (yes, at band camp, shut up) I was tittie-fucking this chick and she was all, "Oh baby, I want you to come on me," and I figured why not, it's far enough away. So she was sitting up with my stuff all over her neck and chin and I'm all like, "You're such a dirty little slut, aren't you?" and she was just smiling and it started slowly dripping down between her boobs. I thought, "Look at my guys go," but they kept going lower and lower and they were headed straight for her vagina and I started freaking out a little. I jumped up to get a towel as she did the hand waving thing that indicates she was getting a little panicky. I told her to lie down on her back to try to slow it down, but they kept going. I told her to lie perfectly still thinking maybe they were like t-rexes and were blind without movement and for a long second they did stop. But then they started right back up again and I couldn't find a towel or a sock or anything. Finally, right before they reached the promised land, I grabbed the comforter and smothered her with it like she was on fire, rolling her over and over. I took the comforter off and the stuff was everywhere, but it got it off of her. I threw the blanket on the floor and we shared a good laugh about it. Then we looked down on the floor.The sperm were coming back together from all parts of the blanket, reforming like the T-1000. There was no time to lose. I grabbed the blanket and ran to the fireplace, throwing it into the fire. You could hear the little sperm and their little screams of agony. I felt kinda bad for the little guys, but at least we were safe again.Or were we?We turned our backs for a second and one last sperm leapt out of the fire and attached to her ass. I tried to smack it, but it was too quick. It scurried between her legs and shot up inside her. I'm still paying child support.
:D LOLthis guy kills me :club:

#73 ChrisRichey

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 12:34 PM

Awesome story Joey. :club:

#74 Fubar The Sperm

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 12:42 PM

View PostJoeyJoJo, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 2:17 PM, said:

This one time (yes, at band camp, shut up) I was tittie-fucking this chick and she was all, "Oh baby, I want you to come on me," and I figured why not, it's far enough away. So she was sitting up with my stuff all over her neck and chin and I'm all like, "You're such a dirty little slut, aren't you?" and she was just smiling and it started slowly dripping down between her boobs. I thought, "Look at my guys go," but they kept going lower and lower and they were headed straight for her vagina and I started freaking out a little. I jumped up to get a towel as she did the hand waving thing that indicates she was getting a little panicky. I told her to lie down on her back to try to slow it down, but they kept going. I told her to lie perfectly still thinking maybe they were like t-rexes and were blind without movement and for a long second they did stop. But then they started right back up again and I couldn't find a towel or a sock or anything. Finally, right before they reached the promised land, I grabbed the comforter and smothered her with it like she was on fire, rolling her over and over. I took the comforter off and the stuff was everywhere, but it got it off of her. I threw the blanket on the floor and we shared a good laugh about it. Then we looked down on the floor.The sperm were coming back together from all parts of the blanket, reforming like the T-1000. There was no time to lose. I grabbed the blanket and ran to the fireplace, throwing it into the fire. You could hear the little sperm and their little screams of agony. I felt kinda bad for the little guys, but at least we were safe again.Or were we?We turned our backs for a second and one last sperm leapt out of the fire and attached to her ass. I tried to smack it, but it was too quick. It scurried between her legs and shot up inside her. I'm still paying child support.
I actually didn't find the story funny at all. Am I the only one?

#75 ShakeZuma

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 12:45 PM

View PostFubar The Sperm, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 3:42 PM, said:

I actually didn't find the story funny at all. Am I the only one?
no, I agree completely. this was a very serious cautionary tale. you people should pay attention, this could happen to you.

View PostAmScray, on 30 August 2010 - 12:41 PM, said:

one cannot possibly ascribe themselves to the larger (D) philosophy without first being a poon

#76 HangukMiguk

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 01:41 PM

View PostFubar The Sperm, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 3:42 PM, said:

I actually didn't find the story funny at all. Am I the only one?
It was you, wasn't it? I think JJJ is now entitled to sue your ass.

#77 Ron_Mexico

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 01:50 PM

View PostXXEddie, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 1:18 AM, said:

and yes, I used a condom every time
What about the other guys she's banging?
I make $31,000 dollars a year and I have a home.

#78 fleung22

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 01:56 PM

View PostRon_Mexico, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 1:50 PM, said:

What about the other guys she's banging?
man's got a point (no pun intended)

#79 chrozzo

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 01:57 PM

View Postfleung22, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 3:32 PM, said:

:D LOLthis guy kills me :club:
that definitely is a keeper
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#80 ChrisRichey

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Posted 27 January 2007 - 02:33 PM

View PostRon_Mexico, on Saturday, January 27th, 2007, 1:50 PM, said:

What about the other guys she's banging?
Oh, nice hand. :club:
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