A female friend in need is looking for help and I had my own opinions, but I was prompted to share with this forum community on the issue. She, apparently, loves trolling you guys, but doesn't post. I figured I would go ahead and do this for her.Feel free to respond how ever you feel necessary"Strip Clubs...gahh!!!What if the person you have been dating for two years, who always promotes honesty and tells you that honesty is the very foundation for any relationship, goes to a Strip Club and then lies about it when asked?the story...My girlfriends bf (tim) went away to visit his family back in another state over the holidays. He (tim) told her (jessica) his friend (jeff) wanted to go to a Strip Club but he (tim) says he told his friend (jeff) that he isnt interested in doing that. So his girlfriend (jessica) believes him and trusts him becuase there whole relationship is based on this honesty policy that the two feel so strongly about. After not being able to get an email response back from her bf (tim) one evening, she asks him in the email if he indeed went to the Strip Club. She never gets a response. When he finally gets back into town she asks him again and he says he did not go. The next night she asks him becuase she has this nagging feeling, and he says no and makes it sound like "cant she trust him?". Well, my friend (jessica) got on her facebook site and the friend of her boyfriend (jeff) had posted a blog on how he (jeff) and her boyfriend (tim) WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB!!! ahahaha caught red handed. She called him (tim) on it and told him what she saw and he (tim) continued to deny it until she told him their relationship was OVER!!!! He (tim) started to cry and tell her how much he loves her and he was sorry and how he justified going in his head and blah blah. She is so unsure what to do becuase she loves him and he has just shaken the very core of their relationship. He wants to make it up to her and he isnt telling her to forget what he did and just move on. He wants to work on the relationship with her and she is just so unsure about everything now and very scared to let him back in. Is she making too big a deal about this?Should she forgive him, I think yes she should, however forgivness doesnt mean taking him back right? I know she loves him so much and they are so great together. But this lie..this one stupid lie has shaken everything. Any advice for her?"
1
A Call To The Fcp Community Relationship Advice
Started by jmkiser, Jan 09 2008 12:32 PM
210 replies to this topic
#1
jmkiser
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:32 PM
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue. - Richard Nixon
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
#2
Lolli
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:38 PM
She should have just let him go to the strip club then he wouldnt have lied.Im not condoning his lying at all, just think this is a little petty if infact, she was the one who was barring him from going.I dunno, thats just my opinion since I have no problems with strip clubs.
#3
dapokerbum
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:39 PM
Ah the old strip club scenario. She probably just needs to get to the root of why he lied. Have they talked about him going to strip clubs in the past? Does she think strip clubs are not good for a BF to go to? If so then the only reason he lied was to try to protect her but he forgot that if/when he gets caught it is way worse than just telling her the truth in the first place.My philosophy on things the wife/GF doesn't like is "It is FAR easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission"
There was madness in any direction, at any hour…You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning…. And that, I think, was the handle-that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting-on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave….So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark-that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
#4
LadyGhey
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:40 PM
I think his behaviour was pretty unacceptable. If he had just gone to the strip club and thought it was ok then maybe there would be some leeway, but from your post it seems that he 1) told her beforehand that he wouldn't and 2) lied about it when asked directly. Those 2 additional details signal to me that he didn't just 'justify' it in his mind. He consciously chose to deceive her and hide it from her, and as such he can't be trusted anymore. A lot of girls would consider visits to strip clubs as cheating, and this guy clearly knew that and didn't care enough to respect his girlfriend's wishes.Good luck to her and I hope she makes the right decision.
Well done, Mr Krebbs, well done.
#5
JoeyJoJo
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:43 PM
Good job, Jeff.
Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
#6
Jadaki
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:47 PM
Lolli, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 2:38 PM, said:
She should have just let him go to the strip club then he wouldnt have lied.
#7
speedz99
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:48 PM
Like others said, a lot of this comes down to the conversations they'd had about strip clubs prior to this. Either way, he's an idiot for continuing to lie after she called him out on the myspace story (which he never should have let happen in the first place). He's obviously too dumb to be in a relationship.
You got a date Wednesday, baby!
#8
jmkiser
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:50 PM
Lolli, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 12:38 PM, said:
She should have just let him go to the strip club then he wouldnt have lied.Im not condoning his lying at all, just think this is a little petty if infact, she was the one who was barring him from going.I dunno, thats just my opinion since I have no problems with strip clubs.
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue. - Richard Nixon
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
#9
speedz99
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:55 PM
jmkiser, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 12:50 PM, said:
I, personally, think it's irrelevant.
You got a date Wednesday, baby!
#10
Dogpatch
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:56 PM
jmkiser, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 3:50 PM, said:
From what she tells me, they both agreed that strip clubs were bad places in the relationship long before the incident.As insane as it definitely sounds, Tim was going with Jeff because Jeff wasn't the type to go alone (they're best friends). Does that even matter in this case or not?I, personally, think it's irrelevant.
Making sure someone dies in the Dead Pool since 1989.
#11
dapokerbum
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:59 PM
In that case he probably justified that he was helping his friend. The bottom line is he should have been upfront with her when he got back. I don't think this is anything to break up over ... unless it happened again, in which case he is just a compulsive liar who really likes strippers.What should happen is he needs to tell her what happened at the club, hopefully he didn't get a lap dance, and then they can move past this and the relationship will hopefully be stronger. Now if he says he went to the club and there were women hanging all over him and he was constantly getting titties in his face and loving every minute of it, then they might want to reevaluate the relationship.From what it sounds like though it was an innocent trip to the club and he lied. Can they get past this? Yes, but they need to talk it out and have some make up sex.
There was madness in any direction, at any hour…You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning…. And that, I think, was the handle-that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting-on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave….So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark-that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
#12
jmkiser
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 12:59 PM
speedz99, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 12:55 PM, said:
Hmm.Are you trying to bang the "female friend" in this story?
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue. - Richard Nixon
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
I look at the Senators and pray for this country.
It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country.
#13
hank213
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it takes determination to be a drunk
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:01 PM
NM someone beat me to the punch.Sounds like they both need to gain a little maturity.
Hank's tenure at Soulsuckers, INC, LLC, DBA TBD, had not been long, but it had been distinguished... By drunkenness, hair-trigger violence, and a total lack of performance. I would call it a steady decline in performance, but that would imply that he performed at one point in time. In fact he had not. He was drunk.
QUOTE (Napa_Don @ Monday, August 15th, 2011, 5:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Last week I drink the majority of a twelve pack of light beer out of the cutoff end of a whiffle bat, how's that for cultured, bitches"
#14
Smacciemac
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:02 PM
Haha.. I went through this just a few weeks ago!My stupid boyfried lied to me about going out drinking and told me he was working late. I have no idea why he lied, as I could care less what he does, where he goes or when he comes home. He also has NO idea why he lied.. he just did.. Yep I was pissed.. I don't like being lied to. Especially when there was nothing for him to lie about. He knows he is free to come and go as he pleases.. so it was ironic for him to just blatently lie to me for no apparent reason. Killing the relationship over one lie is a bit much.. If he continues to lie, then he is not trustworthy and she should dump him.. however if it really is the strip club that is bothering her (Which apparently it is since it is an “evil” place according to their conversation about them) then she needs to get over it and move on or dump him. She may be hiding behind the “lie” bothering her but not admitting to it really being the strip club..
dna4ever: She sounds SO Jersey!!!!!
#15
Governator
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:04 PM
They obviously need to work on their trust to move forward. I think not allowing her BF to go to a strip club WITH friend(s) shows how insecure she is to begin with. She obviously never trusted him from the beginning or there would be no discussion about it.
#16
SBriand
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:10 PM
I never understood what the big deal with strip clubs are anyway. But that means nothing. He should not have agreed that Strip Clubs were "bad" in the first place.Edit: Gov hits the nail on the head.
QUOTE (digitalmonkey @ Wednesday, August 18th, 2010, 1:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Steve,
It doesn't matter who you start because you have a horse shoe up your ass so far I'm not really sure how you get through the day. You must be gay.
It doesn't matter who you start because you have a horse shoe up your ass so far I'm not really sure how you get through the day. You must be gay.
#17
speedz99
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:11 PM
Smacciemac, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 1:02 PM, said:
My stupid boyfried lied to me about going out drinking and told me he was working late. I have no idea why he lied, as I could care less what he does, where he goes or when he comes home. He also has NO idea why he lied.. he just did..
You got a date Wednesday, baby!
#18
Smacciemac
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:16 PM
speedz99, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 4:11 PM, said:
Sometimes it's nice to feel like you're doing something dangerous, even if it's going out for a beer when you're not supposed to (even if it's actually not a big deal). Breaks up the monotony.
dna4ever: She sounds SO Jersey!!!!!
#19
Ouch-8s
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:29 PM
jmkiser, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 12:32 PM, said:
A female friend in need is looking for help and I had my own opinions, but I was prompted to share with this forum community on the issue. She, apparently, loves trolling you guys, but doesn't post. I figured I would go ahead and do this for her.Feel free to respond how ever you feel necessary"Strip Clubs...gahh!!!What if the person you have been dating for two years, who always promotes honesty and tells you that honesty is the very foundation for any relationship, goes to a Strip Club and then lies about it when asked?the story...My girlfriends bf (tim) went away to visit his family back in another state over the holidays. He (tim) told her (jessica) his friend (jeff) wanted to go to a Strip Club but he (tim) says he told his friend (jeff) that he isnt interested in doing that. So his girlfriend (jessica) believes him and trusts him becuase there whole relationship is based on this honesty policy that the two feel so strongly about. After not being able to get an email response back from her bf (tim) one evening, she asks him in the email if he indeed went to the Strip Club. She never gets a response. When he finally gets back into town she asks him again and he says he did not go. The next night she asks him becuase she has this nagging feeling, and he says no and makes it sound like "cant she trust him?". Well, my friend (jessica) got on her facebook site and the friend of her boyfriend (jeff) had posted a blog on how he (jeff) and her boyfriend (tim) WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB!!! ahahaha caught red handed. She called him (tim) on it and told him what she saw and he (tim) continued to deny it until she told him their relationship was OVER!!!! He (tim) started to cry and tell her how much he loves her and he was sorry and how he justified going in his head and blah blah. She is so unsure what to do becuase she loves him and he has just shaken the very core of their relationship. He wants to make it up to her and he isnt telling her to forget what he did and just move on. He wants to work on the relationship with her and she is just so unsure about everything now and very scared to let him back in. Is she making too big a deal about this?Should she forgive him, I think yes she should, however forgivness doesnt mean taking him back right? I know she loves him so much and they are so great together. But this lie..this one stupid lie has shaken everything. Any advice for her?"
I'm retired.
#20
renaedawn
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Posted 09 January 2008 - 01:35 PM
jmkiser, on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008, 2:32 PM, said:
A female friend in need is looking for help and I had my own opinions, but I was prompted to share with this forum community on the issue. She, apparently, loves trolling you guys, but doesn't post. I figured I would go ahead and do this for her.Feel free to respond how ever you feel necessary"Strip Clubs...gahh!!!What if the person you have been dating for two years, who always promotes honesty and tells you that honesty is the very foundation for any relationship, goes to a Strip Club and then lies about it when asked?the story...My girlfriends bf (tim) went away to visit his family back in another state over the holidays. He (tim) told her (jessica) his friend (jeff) wanted to go to a Strip Club but he (tim) says he told his friend (jeff) that he isnt interested in doing that. So his girlfriend (jessica) believes him and trusts him becuase there whole relationship is based on this honesty policy that the two feel so strongly about. After not being able to get an email response back from her bf (tim) one evening, she asks him in the email if he indeed went to the Strip Club. She never gets a response. When he finally gets back into town she asks him again and he says he did not go. The next night she asks him becuase she has this nagging feeling, and he says no and makes it sound like "cant she trust him?". Well, my friend (jessica) got on her facebook site and the friend of her boyfriend (jeff) had posted a blog on how he (jeff) and her boyfriend (tim) WENT TO THE STRIP CLUB!!! ahahaha caught red handed. She called him (tim) on it and told him what she saw and he (tim) continued to deny it until she told him their relationship was OVER!!!! He (tim) started to cry and tell her how much he loves her and he was sorry and how he justified going in his head and blah blah. She is so unsure what to do becuase she loves him and he has just shaken the very core of their relationship. He wants to make it up to her and he isnt telling her to forget what he did and just move on. He wants to work on the relationship with her and she is just so unsure about everything now and very scared to let him back in. Is she making too big a deal about this?Should she forgive him, I think yes she should, however forgivness doesnt mean taking him back right? I know she loves him so much and they are so great together. But this lie..this one stupid lie has shaken everything. Any advice for her?"
I keep telling myself I'm moving on
Believing my heart was strong
But every step I take that leads me away
Just circles back to your door
Wishing I didn't love you
What I'd give if I could touch you
Wishing I didn't love you anymore
Believing my heart was strong
But every step I take that leads me away
Just circles back to your door
Wishing I didn't love you
What I'd give if I could touch you
Wishing I didn't love you anymore
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