I am trying to play for a living, but am quite unsure of the path of which I am supposed to take. This past summer, I grinded out $12 000 playing 20/40 live limit and lost it playing 50/100 limit. I've tried to pick up and start again but I hit around 3k and bust out. I only play live and am wondering if this is the best choice now. Everyday there is a new kid my age striking it rich with some online tourny. This constant comparison leads me only to jealousy, possibly envy. This in turn leads me to, well, not 'anxiety' anxiety
, but I do feel somewhat anxious about making it
, soon. When I have my flow on, when I'm on my game, I can feel it and nothing can stop me. This is so much more than simply running good. I haven't been on my game in months. When I'm not on my game, I try and force it and it isn't pretty. I think I'm stuck about $5000. Right now I live at home and am blessed with the absence of responsibility and bills. However, this situation also has me plagued with a silent reminder that I may be living at home
for a long time if things don't change soon. I am terribly unsure of the road to take for a professional player. Do I grind it out for a few years, playing the occasional tourny aiming for a big win? Do I start building a roll online where the possibilities are endless? I just don't know.My losses are weighing on my brain. With each one I am encouraged to go back and improve and play tighter and play with more aggression but with the absence of a win, and the face value being me going to a casino and walking out with less money than I came in with. . .well it's hard to shake the monicker of being a gambling addict.
So far I have loved my journey, the upps, the downs, it's all been good. I've been learning so much but it is taking its toll. I'm not anxious to 'make it' but I am anxious to, at the very least, support myself and/or win consistently.Every night of play brings a glimpse of a familiar opposition - a collection of machines grinding it out on textbook moves, fish with money, and the deeply deluded who are unable to see the leaks and holes in their flawed game. Those who come back for more on high hopes and clouded thinking. I am desperately trying to keep out of this group.If there are any true professionals out there, seasoned professionals on any level of consistent income that can lend advice, please do so.Thanks for reading,JoRaff.