Week One Challenge

[strategy 4]

.

[Voldemort 0]

I actually would give a small edge to Wang.

TWSS!

[fryer98 30]

So f'n awesome.

[grocery_mony 8]

My favorite Scram story is when he was talking about the time he had 14 Fillet O Fish

It was 14I had initially ordered 2, then decided I would get two for later, so I asked the negress working the register to add 2 more. She copped an attitude- you know, that I *dare* add something to the order she had already worked so hard to complete- so I waited for her to add the two, then I said "OK, now add 10 more..." just to spite her. She got angry and asked the manager "can he do dat?" and the manager, to her chagrin, said yes.They weren't willing to honor my special "varying degrees of extra tartar sauce from sandwich to sandwich" requests, so they just filled up the Grimace cup with tartar sauce and let me apply it on my own.

I was standing at the counter and was able to see them make the sandwiches.After they had made them and put them into bags, I then dumped the bags on the counter and counted them, out loud, in front of her.NOW LET'S SEE. THAT WAS FOURTEEN, RIGHT? THE FIRST TWO, PLUS THE NEXT TWO, PLUS TEN MORE.LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE. ONETWO THREEFOURFIVESIXSEVENEIGHTNINETENELEVENTWELVETHIRTEENFOURTEENI'm an asshole in real life, too.

[AmScray 355]

Wang is an obvious favorite for the story.You're an obvious favorite for the cartoon.The sal photoshop is a toss-up. It's not like it would be difficult for Wang to figure out how to put sal's head on someone else's body. And he gets a big advantage for knowing sal better than you. I actually would give a small edge to Wang.

He's not an obvious favorite for the story. He is a wash, or even a 45/55 dog. We're basically racing here. The cartoon, duh. 0% chance anyone on this forum takes this from me. The Sal photoshop contest; he does know Sal better than I do and that would give him an edge on the 'inside' stuff (which may play better with the judges), but conceptually, I guarantee I could devise a better total effort that would sit best with the masses. I'll be generous and say we're flipping here, too.So, it's two flips and one lock for me in a race to three. I'm hugely +ev in this spot.

[timwakefield 68]

Since past stories are allowed, I'm posting my critically-acclaimed Saga of Mike the Wigga (and his bro Nicky). Part I - The saga beginsPart II - The saga continuesPart III - "Festive"Beansian attributes:-multiple parts-some classic-Beans-spacing in part 3-drinking/drugs-very weird people-casinoExcerpt:

They're both wearing oversized wigga shirts which they are very proud of. Mike asks me how much I think his shirt cost, and I thought he was trying to say how smooth he was at getting a good deal on such a horrific piece of clothing so I said $20, and he was like 'nah nigga, this shit was $45, this is my favorite shirt yo.' Ok.

[speedz99 145]

He's not an obvious favorite for the story. He is a wash, or even a 45/55 dog. We're basically racing here.

This is only true in your head, but ok.If anything, I might swing back towards giving you an edge because you'd be a favorite to be top 3 in the story even if you don't win it, while he probably wouldn't be a favorite to be top 3 for the cartoon.

[Sal Paradise 57]

so is this going to be a contest of who can say that they'd be the best at it without ever actually competing?

[speedz99 145]

so is this going to be a contest of who can say that they'd be the best at it without ever actually competing?

No...if that was the case JJJ could just give me the prize now.

[Voldemort 0]

Since past stories are allowed, I'm posting my critically-acclaimed Saga of Mike the Wigga (and his bro Nicky). Part I - The saga beginsPart II - The saga continuesPart III - "Festive"Beansian attributes:-multiple parts-some classic-Beans-spacing in part 3-drinking/drugs-very weird people-casinoExcerpt:

God, I remember reading these and laughing my ass off.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

I'm a huge fan of Scram, but I think Wang is a story favorite.But both of you are just lucky RodReynolds doesn't seem to post here anymore.Sleeper picks: loogie, Dirtydutch, LadyGrey, navybuttons, qyayqi, and keith crime.I'm not sure about some of their artistic talents, however.I think we have to discount Scram a little because he might be banned before the contest is over.Is it ethical for the judge to be listing his favorites?

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Is it ethical for the judge to be listing his favorites?

p.s. I'm not the only judge and I pledge to be as objective as I can.However, all bribes should be sent to my attention.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

Sal,You're not winning anymore, you big loser.

Since past stories are allowed, I'm posting my critically-acclaimed Saga of Mike the Wigga (and his bro Nicky).

I don't think I read this before; it was entertaining.

[Tactical Bear 3]

He's not an obvious favorite for the story. He is a wash, or even a 45/55 dog. We're basically racing here. The cartoon, duh. 0% chance anyone on this forum takes this from me. The Sal photoshop contest; he does know Sal better than I do and that would give him an edge on the 'inside' stuff (which may play better with the judges), but conceptually, I guarantee I could devise a better total effort that would sit best with the masses. I'll be generous and say we're flipping here, too.So, it's two flips and one lock for me in a race to three. I'm hugely +ev in this spot.

This entire discussion is moot, because Scram will never enter the contest. Much like me, he's in a bad spot where, by relative degree, losing is worse than winning is good. Plus he's the classic "critic," his talents best-suited for outside, ex post facto analysis than participation.That being said, what I lack in skill, I make up for in:- tenacity- sheer force of willScram is almost certainly the hypothetical favourite in the cartoon and photoshop categories, but he doesn't have me crushed. Sure, I have no artistic talent whatsoever, and I don't even know what a Photoshop is, but:- do any of you doubt that I have friends I could lean on to help with the execution?- do any of you doubt that, if I were dead-set on winning, I wouldn't pin my ears back and unload all over Scram's face? Metaphorically? I'm still leaning towards not competing, mostly because I honestly feel like it would be taking advantage on too many levels. I mean, my name is on one of the prizes. It would not be a stretch to suggest the judges would struggle to remain unbiased. I may, however, submit a mock-entry nonetheless as a kind of template, so Joey can openly critique it and give everyone an ideas as to what he's looking for. Also, I will be editing my foreword (2nd Edition!!!) before the final print, and may consider adding some kind of runner-up prize. Or, since it's coming from me, a zonk-type prize for the last place competitor. Or perhaps a spirit award?

[Sal Paradise 57]

I don't think I was winning even when I was the only one participating.

[SBriand 4]

Some of my friends used to work at the Second City in Detroit. They were waiters and bartenders in the adjoining restaurant. We would all get together toward the end of the night and then the place would close down and we could all sit around the bar and have a few drinks with the comedians and the staff. This one night we were all having a good time and one of the local hobos came in to try and panhandle for some change and some drinks. We all denied him any booty and the bar manager escorted him back out of the building. About 5 minutes later one of the waitresses started freaking out because her purse was gone. She had it slung over the back of her chair. She had about $300 in tips that would allow her to pay rent that month. She's crying and doing that crazy thing women do with their hands like trying to dry her tears the minute they come out. It only took a few minutes to realize that it was the hobo that most likely stole it so my friends and I decided to be hero's and run out into the crap hole of Detroit at 2:45am in the morning looking for a black hobo who just robbed a young girl.Kurt and Craig went around the one of the building and Corey and I went around the other side. After turning the next corner Corey and I saw the hobo and started after him. We chased him to the next corner where he met up with Kurt's forearm. Nothing more normal in the middle of Detroit than 4 white guys standing over a black guy screaming obscenities at him.He had no purse on him that we could find but we did find an unopened bottle of Nighttrain which I promptly took and put in my back pocket. Corey grabbed his Tigers cap and threw it over the fence onto I-75. We got him on his feet and started interrogating him with no success. He was crying and freaking out and blathering on an on about his bottle of hooch I took. I told him I would give it back but only if he tells me where the purse is or the money. He said he had no idea what we were talking about and then turned to God to try and help him out. The Fox Theater was around the corner and down the street about a block and a half and they have a security guard on duty so we planned on taking him there. We told him to come with us and he refused and pulled the limp leg act so we decided to drag him.Again, 4 white guys now dragging a black guy down the streets of Detroit.We were lucky through all of this to not have had anyone come by as this all went down but our luck was about to change. As we are dragging him to the corner a Ford Escort pulls up with tinted windows and the car is low to the ground. You would think it was because it was one of those low riders but it was mainly because of the 4 large black men that came out of it that made it ride so low. "What the fuck is going on here!?!?!""Uh, well, this guy just snatched one of our friends purses and we caught him over here and now we are trying to take him to the Fox and call the police"They all looked at each other and then one of them said..."Fuck the police, let's beat that motherfucker down!""No, no, no, no, we got it, thanks though"So they shrugged it off and got back in their Escort and took off. Whew...As we turn the corner we are still dragging him and he is screaming for God to save him and such and another black man on a bike rides by and the hobo sees him and starts begging him to save him.The guy on the bike rides by and says:"Naw, man, doesn't look like even God will be able to save what is going to happen to you."We finally get him to the Fox and many of the waitstaff are there and the girl who lost her purse comes running up to the guy screaming for her money and the guy just continues to pray out loud. Craig pushes everyone aside and gets in his face and starts going batshit crazy, screaming at the guy, telling him he knows the money is on him and he is going to bet that it is down him pants and he has 10 seconds to give it up or he will stick his hands down his pants if he has too. This freaks out the hobo and he starts screaming and such and then security finally showed up and sadly stopped us from seeing Craig grab this guys junk.Kurt, Corey, and I head back where we found him to see if we can locate the purse. We found the purse by the dumpsters along with another nice find. Two large garbage backs filled with about 12 fifths of various bottles of liquor. Seems the dishwashers of the restaurant were loading up the bags and pretending to take out the "trash."So Kurt tells me to go to my car and park it on the south side of the building and him and Corey will transport the bags to my trunk. So we do that and then head back to find the police have yet to show up and the girl is still crying worrying that her rent won't be paid. She gets angry again and has to be restrained by us to stop her from attacking the guy. Police show up and we tell the story and he tells his, saying we lynched him and he just wants to get some bus fare and get back to where he lives and how I stole his bottle of hooch.The cops search him and find the $300 exactly where Craig thought it was. Down his pants. So she gets her rent money back, though a little soiled with hobo scrotum sweat, and we look like heros in her eyes and find about $500 worth of free liquor.All in all, one of the few rewarding nights one can have in downtown Detroit.

[speedz99 145]

And now, a few thoughts.

hobo's

Hmm. Whatever, not a big deal. It's not like this contest is about grammar.

hero's

Ok, relax. Obviously he has a problem with putting apostrophes in inappropriate spots. Don't be the ass that points it out. Just move on.

Kurts

RAGE

[SBriand 4]

I will admit, well do I really need to admit it, it's clearly obvious, that I have serious issues with apostrophe's. (probably fucked up in this sentence as well)Oh well, what can I do? I had no chance anyway but felt like participating. I think Liz has photoshop on her computer so I can still play along and at least entertain myself.

[Sal Paradise 57]

I'm back in the lead!just kidding, I haven't read it yet. saving it for my after work poop.

[speedz99 145]

I will admit, well do I really need to admit it, it's clearly obvious, that I have serious issues with apostrophe's. (probably fucked up in this sentence as well)Oh well, what can I do? I had no chance anyway but felt like participating. I think Liz has photoshop on her computer so I can still play along and at least entertain myself.

All you have to do is go back and read beans' stories, find some apostrophical errors, and post them to prove that you were just ripping his style*. Though, I suppose that would prove difficult if you don't know which are correct and which are uncorrect.but at least you probably caught "uncorrect", right?*this is most likely not an actual phrase

[bleacherbum3 9]

Hey folks, I cannot tell you how excited I am about this new promotion! One of y'all is in for an exceptional treat, thats for sure! LOL!Frankly, lets just put the past where it belongs....in the past! LOL!I know that some of y'all are still a mite upset or uneasy with getting behind me (LOL!) after my previous attempts (Weekend With Beans, the PACT poker room, the Shafted Member campaign, the El Cortez poker room ambassador, etc) but this is gonna be much, much, much different....I PROMISE!.... LOL!Frankly, I cannot imagine a better points structure for a promotion than the one that Mr. Shabadoo is offering. I mean, FIVE POINTS for first place! COME ON! You'd have to be crazy not to love that! LOL! It just gives so much more action. And take a peek at second place....FOUR POINTS! UNREAL! Those of you that follow my blog at www.fullyshitfaced.com know that Im somewhat of a promotion points geek, so its no accident that I was asked to be on the points committee from the very beginning of this thing. So let me just add in a few thoughts here. I can assure you guys that you WILL want to sign up for this contest. No doubt. Whatsoever. Fact. Huh. The entries will be judged without any favoritism or bias whatsoever. You have my word on thatI cant tell y'all what the bonus prize is since its strictly confidential at this moment, but lets just say y'all dont wanna be a missin out...LOL!So get out there, drink like hell, get the room a spinnin real good and get to postin those entries!LOL!

Winner.

[bleacherbum3 9]

Since past stories are allowed, I'm posting my critically-acclaimed Saga of Mike the Wigga (and his bro Nicky). Part I - The saga beginsPart II - The saga continuesPart III - "Festive"

1st time I read this story.Excellent.

[LadyGrey 6]

Well, since I'm bored I guess I'll retype a story with some Beansian formatting and call it my entry. Hopefully it will encourage others to submit some entries because I'd like to read some good stories. I don't think I have a shot at winning, but maybe JJJ and Beans will see how much effort I put in and come up with some kind of cool runners-up prize for me (hint, hint). It all started when I was in Kansas, spending the night at JeffStrat's apartment. No, not doing that.... this is JeffStrat we're talking about. I was attempting to get a good night's sleep since I had class at 9am the next day, and had fallen into a nice, log-like slumber. However, my repose was interrupted at around 2am by JeffStrat tossing, turning, moaning, groaning, and so forth.My immediate reaction was unsympathetic..... I personally suffer frequent bouts of illness, be it migraines, tummyache, post-abortion soreness, backache, and many other minor ailments. Certainly anything JeffStrat was experiencing couldn't compare to my medical problems. My immediate diagnosis was that he was just being a whiny baby and needed to shut up and let me sleep. I offered a few words of advice along the lines of "Scnurf nerf lumpfle grun", rolled over, and recommenced my 40 winks, starting where I had left off at 14 winks.It was to no avail.... JeffStrat continued his grumbling, clutching and his chest and writhing like a baby in a microwave. I asked what the problem was and he explained that he was having pains in his chest, and it felt like there was a big weight pressing down on it. At first I was unconcerned, expecting that he would soon fall asleep and wake up feeling fine. He moved to the couch, continuing his groaning.... I relished the opportunity to spread out in bed and ignore his plight. Finally I couldn't take his complaining any longer. Grouchily I challenged him "Do you want to go to hospital, then?" and to my surprise he replied that the did. I had to take him seriously now, especially after he phoned his parents and they agreed that a trip to the ER was merited. He proceeded to wake up his roommate and request a ride to the hospital. We all pulled on additional layers of clothing and put shoes on, got into the car, and drove around the corner to the hospital.After driving around several times to find the correct entrance we made it into the ER, which was empty due to it being the middle of the night. We shuffled up to the desk and the young man behind it began to question JeffStrat on the nature of his problem. As the questioning went on the sense of urgency faded..... the deskboy didn't seem worried, and was more interested in playing "Guess who", as it turned out he recognised our poor invalid from high school. Unfortunately for him, JeffStrat was in an even more antisocial and unfriendly mood than normal due to his firm belief that he was suffering some serious cardiac failure.... Deskboy's attempts at light chit-chat were roundly unsuccessful.Within a few minutes of the questioning and arrival form completion, JeffStrat was ushered into the treatment area... his roommate and I were left to wait in the aptly named 'waiting area'. I searched the tables for any magazine of interest.... interior design, cookery, fashion, porn, gossip... but no, all they had were sports and parenting magazines. So I settled down with 'Parents' magazine and looked for any helpful information on abortions (as if there's anything I don't already know).Around 45 minutes later, an intriguing character entered the room and approached the desk. It was impossible to ignore him... he was a black man... seemingly homeless... wearing a blanket on top of his clothes... a hat... mirrored sunglasses... and waving a twig around like a fairy wand. Deskboy asked him what was wrong, but he could offer nothing more specific than "Ah need help... I'm crazy, man!... Ah can't read, write or spell.... ah needs help!" which he repeated several times in between his incoherent rambling.Several minutes into his ranting and twig-waving, a security guard appeared discreetly and slowly approached the crazy black man. At this point, our colourful friend broke into an impressive freestyle rap, before repeating his mantra "I'm crazy.... ah can't read, write or spell.... ah need help!". The guard then escorted him behind the scenes, where I assumed he would wave his magic twig to cure JeffStrat of his chest pains and we would all be able to go home.Well, it didn't quite happen that way..... Soon after, JeffStrat's parents arrived and were allowed to go backstage and check on him. They came back after a while to tell us that he was fine and we should go home. By the time I had been dropped off at my dorm room it was around 5am and I decided not to go to class. After a long sleep I got up and checked the sick thread, only to find that my dear boyfriend had been struck down with that serious, fatal affliction..... heartburn.

[JoeyJoJo 18]

He moved to the couch, continuing his groaning.... I relished the opportunity to spread out in bed and ignore his plight. Finally I couldn't take his complaining any longer. Grouchily I challenged him "Do you want to go to hospital, then?" and to my surprise he replied that the did.

Excellent. This was my favorite part.SBriand, I liked your story too.

[dolfan 0]

It was impossible to ignore him... he was a black man... seemingly homeless... wearing a blanket on top of his clothes... a hat...

If you'd have made this a Tigers cap, you'd have to at least get a nod for "Best Plot Twist".