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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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Just got a snapchat that somebody already swooped my 22" monitor at work. Figures.

 

Well go snatch that bitch back. Don't you know some counter snapchat or something. Let it be known they can't mess with yo chit. bro.

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Yeah, except they can because I'm the lowest ranking employee (aside from bosses son and bosses daughters boyfriend). Not much I can really do except act like I'm not mad and im totally ok with it so they can't get any satisfaction from me. And it's not like I'm some super employee who can go around making waves. I'm highly expendable.

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Yeah, except they can because I'm the lowest ranking employee (aside from bosses son and bosses daughters boyfriend). Not much I can really do except act like I'm not mad and im totally ok with it so they can't get any satisfaction from me. And it's not like I'm some super employee who can go around making waves. I'm highly expendable.

 

1%20milton.jpg

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Yeah, except they can because I'm the lowest ranking employee (aside from bosses son and bosses daughters boyfriend). Not much I can really do except act like I'm not mad and im totally ok with it so they can't get any satisfaction from me. And it's not like I'm some super employee who can go around making waves. I'm highly expendable.

 

Just be the last one at work some night and leave a dagger stuck in the middle of the monitor, then "deny, deny, deny" it was you.

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Yeah, well you need to cool out son. Here's what you really need to do with that tree stump. Put in a fairy door and windows!

 

il_570xN.305086447.jpg

 

This is amazing. My daughter would go bonkers over something like this. Unfortunately my stump is tilted over because the 100 foot pine fell over.

 

 

Heh, my stump

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that video is pretty neat. that snake is the one kind I wouldn't mind keeping as a pet. you see them used in movies and stuff all the time, because they're pretty laid back and friendly to people (I imagine) but are still badass-looking snakes.

 

a spot that I qualify for based on rank and merit (but not on time in position) finally came open. my VP basically said they're not moving me up until company policy forces the issue. so, lol. I had already been applying to stuff off and on, I guess I need to make that my main focus now.

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I have to stay silent at work when people talk about sports at work because there's no point debating with people that are talking out of their ass. So frustrating. And Dane Cook was very funny before he got famous. Not so much now. And Mexi-melt was showing his vag off earlier.

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Yeah, well you need to cool out son. Here's what you really need to do with that tree stump. Put in a fairy door and windows!

 

il_570xN.305086447.jpg

 

Randy, be honest with us: you have a Pinterest page, don't you?

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Okay, let's see. I was about 16 and used to hang at this older guys apartment, well 22 years old or so and my supplier. Anyway, I went with his neighbor to his downstairs apartment and smoked a big doob and then waited while he went and changed clothes. Can't remember where we were going or nothing. First time in his apartment. Mid 20's black hippie dude with small fro, Greg or something. So I'm sitting there a little uncomfortable and paranoid being in a strange apartment, just sitting on his couch chillin' when his pet snake, a Boa about 8 foot long quickly pops up from under the couch and stares me in the face, about 2 feet in front of me, dead level. He wasn't quite as thick as that snake but pretty damn close. I can vividly remember how wide the mouth was, (it was closed) and wondering if my whole head would fit in it.I was too scared to move or even squeak. It was easily a couple minutes before I started trying to quietly yell for him without moving my lips. He came sauntering back in and quickly grabbed it and through it took it to the bedroom or something.. Scared teh **** out of me.

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And Dane Cook was very funny before he got famous. Not so much now.

 

First time I saw a full stand up from Dane Cook was the insomniac tour with Dave Attel. I thought he was really funny, the whole bit about the going to parties not hosting parties and his gf blowing him in front of her parents house. Well done and funny. His problem was he reused and reused his same bits. I saw some clips of him a couple years before that and he did this jokes, slightly different and then a year or two later on SNL he told one of the jokes from that same stand up. That is what totally turned me off. You are on SNL, and you can't make up 30 second of new jokes for your monologue? How hackish is that?

 

When George Carlin died, Louis CK talked about what he meant to him since they have similar styles. He said that when he found out Carlin threw out all his old material every year, it changed his act forever. He said he had been doing the same shitty act for 15 years and it was awful, then he threw it out about 5-6 years ago and his career took off.

 

Here it is.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R37zkizucPU

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