I Called In Sick Today

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

dammit tilty.

[InternetExplorer 2,620]

Yeah, that's what I can't stand. If he says something ridiculous, he acts like he's not being sincere, then just says something even more absurd to make it "obvious" that he's just trolling libs, so it's hard to engage him in any way. He also does this weird thing where he will make a specific point, and support it by calling attention to something COMPLETELY UNRELATED that a liberal did or said once. It makes any kind of meaningful discussion completely impossible.

 

I'm pretty centrist, but he's the loudest person in there, so it just looks like I'm super liberal, which I'm really not.

I think he's a genuinely nice guy. you just can't take his e-persona at face. having a conversation with him about politics is indeed impossible.

[NickCave 194]

I would respond with "leave the door open so I can watch" mostly because I'd enjoy watching. But hey, you guys gotta live. No point in suffering. Ask her how'd she feel and make her stick to it when the shoe is on the other foot if she says she doesn't care.

 

I'm damaged though, a sexual deviant.

 

Ya, that's what I did. Told her if she's okay with me bringing a woman home, and that if she thinks the situation won't affect our living situation (which is surprisingly civil), I guess it's fine. I figure as long as she gives me some notice, and I at least have the option to clear out, it's fine. That said, there's a 100% chance this goes poorly. It's more likely to go bad for her, though, so whatever.

 

 

All true. I've never been a fan. I was going to respond that Clinton isn't a misogynist, he just loves pussy. There is a difference. But he wouldn't get it. Troll really is the best description. It is funny that all of the liberals got tired of shouting down their bs talking points with facts and just left a few of them to bitch and complain amongst themselves. It's a perfect example of why Fox News and conservative talk radio makes tons of money and the liberal equivalents have crappy ratings and go broke. At least I think so.

 

It's funny when conservatives attack Clinton, because he was really right of center on a ton of issues. His legacy as a liberal president is really spotty, but he stuck a cigar in a chick's hoo-ha, so he's an easy target, even though the criticisms of him are largely irrelevant to his job as president.

 

But some of the stuff the left says in the political forum is misguided, too. I don't mean to single anyone out, but somebody was defending Obama's legacy by throwing stones at Bush, which doesn't make any sense to me. If the only way you can defend President Obama is by saying, "Hey, Bush was horrible, too," aren't you just conceding the original point that Obama sucks?

 

Shit, I saw a video of Hannity shouting down this Obama scandal with the wire tapping and it also had Hannity praising bush for the same thing. Double talk pays the bills. It's why I love Jon Stewart when he breaks out the gotcha video clips.

 

For the record, I don't love the job Obama is doing, but I cannot bring myself to vote for the party that closely aligns itself to the religious right or who is concerned with what people do in their bedrooms.

 

I will never be able to identify with the modern GOP because of all that. Hannity and Beck are just sooo disingenuous. They're hacks who have no interest in furthering the discourse. Even when I agree with them, I hate them.

 

I have no problem with conservatism, but like you I absolutely cannot stand religious conservatism. In some ways, I believe in small government, but the GOP hitched its wagon to the Christian right, so they believe in small government and individual liberty AND the large-scale, intrusionary legislation of objectively Christian morality. Which is the opposite of small government. "Small government except for the stuff we really want."

 

I have no problem voting Republican locally, when conservatives don't necessarily have to appeal to religious groups to raise money and win votes, but I find it really hard to vote Republican in a national election.

 

 

Those bird feeders created an interesting atmosphere. Just too messy for me to maintain

 

Birds. They seem pretty cool, in a kind of general, birdy way. Wouldn't want one for a pet, though. Doesn't seem like they'd be any fun. Might be interesting at first, but after a while I'd just start to feel like there's a bird in my house.

[Ron_Mexico 4,238]

No way, bird owners are always a little off. And have shit on their shoulders.

 

With you on the rest. I'm all for small govt,cutting waste getting people off welfare, etc, but just wishing it ain't good enough

[Essay21 2,387]

There is nothing much better than a woman that gets off easily/quickly. I've mentioned this to my wife a time or two and how all you hear about on the daytime talk shows is about how most women never orgasm and how it's ok blah, blah, blah and her answer is always "sucks for them".

 

[InternetExplorer 2,620]

there's a liquor store in town that has had a pet parrot for years. the thing is awesome, just tons of personality. I would consider a pet parrot, but probably no other kind of bird.

[NickCave 194]

There is nothing much better than a woman that gets off easily/quickly. I've mentioned this to my wife a time or two and how all you hear about on the daytime talk shows is about how most women never orgasm and how it's ok blah, blah, blah and her answer is always "sucks for them".

 

High five, man. I'm really happy that you're pleasing your wife sexually.

 

I've dated women on both extremes. My first serious sexual partner just took a long time. It was at least 20 minutes of warmup followed by 20-30 minutes of actual stimulation before she got home. And I dated a woman a few years ago who was a machine. I'm not the most sexually skilled dude, so it had nothing to do with me, but it was almost like she couldn't NOT have an orgasm. Made things like quickies a lot more satisfying, because I didn't have to feel guilty that I was the only one enjoying myself.

 

I think he's a genuinely nice guy. you just can't take his e-persona at face. having a conversation with him about politics is indeed impossible.

 

He might be nice, but there is zero value in that when he's shouting gibberish about nonsense. It's like if your optometrist's wife is super-nice. "Oh. I guess that's better than her not being nice, but it is of no benefit to me and I do not care at all."

[InternetExplorer 2,620]

He might be nice, but there is zero value in that when he's shouting gibberish about nonsense. It's like if your optometrist's wife is super-nice. "Oh. I guess that's better than her not being nice, but it is of no benefit to me and I do not care at all."

yeah, the politics forum is pointless mostly as a result of his and everyone else's random trolling. I only say he's nice based on my experiences with him over the years. willing to share a story if you ask for it, gives sound advice, etc. I bonded with everyone in the politics forum back in the days when I would sit around reading bloomberg, getting angry about the job market, etc.

[Ron_Mexico 4,238]

Why optometrist there? Why not a GP? Gastroenterologist? Urologist?

[Ron_Mexico 4,238]

back in the days when I would sit around reading bloomberg, getting angry about the job market, etc.

 

Oh the times, they are a changin

[InternetExplorer 2,620]

I do neither of those things anymore. I guess I look at bloomberg sometimes at work when I'm bored for a minute or two, but eh.

[NickCave 194]

Why optometrist there? Why not a GP? Gastroenterologist? Urologist?

 

Because optometrist seemed like the most bland kind of doctor you don't see very often. Using the word "gastroenterologist" would have diminished the point by being too showy, and choosing "urologist" would have done the same by calling to mind penises.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

I spent a week in Vegas with BG and he's nothing like his internet persona in real life, thank god, because iBG is a huge troll.

[NickCave 194]

Oh the times, they are a changin

 

I was going to "like" your post in the politics forum, but then I thought it would, understandably, be perceived as "one lefty sticking up for another" or something, and take away some of the high ground I've earned. So I liked the post I quoted to even things out, even though, you know, it's well below the threshold for clicking the "like" button.

 

And **** you, Shake.

[InternetExplorer 2,620]

old timers at my company are comparing the situation right now to when they did the worst-planned buyout back in like, 2004. they were trying to get rid of people who dated to a time when the job was more accounting than data entry, e.g. their salaries were much higher. they ****ed up the math and mostly employees on reasonable salaries left en masse.

[InternetExplorer 2,620]

how long do people tolerate a higher workload before turnover starts snowballing? like, I know it depends on the job, but I'm sure tilt or jll has seen such a thing happen in their managing over the years.

[hank213 1,824]

So my exgirlfriend just texted me from the bedroom (I was in the kitchen, loudly making food). "So what is the policy about bringing a date back here?"

 

You guys have any thoughts? I can't say I won't be entirely not jealous (I mean, who wants to hear his ex getting plowed in the other room?), but I'm not going to be hurt or anything. What should the policy be?

 

And, Napa, take heart. Absolutely nothing is going on with me and my exgirlfriend, but we still live together.

 

"what, his cardboard box getting fumigated that night or something?"

Next time, respond with:

 

"Have a drink and talk with him? Wait, is this a threesome? Shotgun on your mouth"

"I call shotgun on your mouth".

 

Otherwise it seems like you want to kill her and make it look like a suicide. That usually kills a mood, pun intended

 

dibs. i believe dibs is the term you're searching for. and why, out of all available orifices in that scenario would one call dibs on her mouth? i say up the ante, call dibs on his mouth, let's see how committed they really are to this whole freakshow that is unfolding.

[Ron_Mexico 4,238]

Dibs anus?

[Ron_Mexico 4,238]

Just hit me, Strats new porn name/Internet handle.

 

Rexsum Rectum

[NickCave 194]

"what, his cardboard box getting fumigated that night or something?"

 

 

 

dibs. i believe dibs is the term you're searching for. and why, out of all available orifices in that scenario would one call dibs on her mouth? i say up the ante, call dibs on his mouth, let's see how committed they really are to this whole freakshow that is unfolding.

 

I'm so poor I have to live with my exgirlfriend, so saying that would be like saying I can't watch "Say Yes to the Dress" because the narrator is such a fag.

 

 

And "shotgun" made the joke a lot funnier than "dibs" would have.

[Ron_Mexico 4,238]

saying that would be like saying I can't watch "Say Yes to the Dress" because the narrator is such a fag.

 

 

Liked not for payback but because this is gold. I have to figure a way to work it into a conversation and claim it as my own

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

Dibs anus?

ani

[Tiltinagain 977]

 

I've dated women on both extremes. My first serious sexual partner just took a long time. It was at least 20 minutes of warmup followed by 20-30 minutes of actual stimulation before she got home. And I dated a woman a few years ago who was a machine. I'm not the most sexually skilled dude, so it had nothing to do with me, but it was almost like she couldn't NOT have an orgasm. Made things like quickies a lot more satisfying, because I didn't have to feel guilty that I was the only one enjoying myself.

 

 

This. You have to remember that when I was getting my first opportunities to get naked with girls, there was no internet. My only source of "real" sexual knowledge came from Playboy and Penthouse/Penthouse forums I stole from my old man. I didn't know women DIDN'T always orgasm during sex. I think maybe it was better that way. Not near as much pressure to perform than if I had thought I had to do everything just right for them to get off.

 

I too don't take the credit for my wife's easy time of it. It's just the way it's always been. From the first time I rubbed her through her clothes in a Reno Motel 6 while "babysitting" her young cousins so the parents could go gamble. She was a virgin, swore to everyone she was saving herself for marriage, never let a guy do more than touch a boob over her sweater...once. We did the above 3 weeks after we started seeing eachother. I tease her to this day that the morals didn't stand a chance once she discovered orgasms.

 

 

how long do people tolerate a higher workload before turnover starts snowballing? like, I know it depends on the job, but I'm sure tilt or jll has seen such a thing happen in their managing over the years.

 

Before I was in management I worked as a salesman for a consumer electronics company in Northern CA. Kind of like a Best Buy but not quite. Anyway after I'd been there about 3 years the higher ups decided they were going to get rid of the cashiers and have the sales people ring up their own customers. We were on commission so this took time away from the floor and potential sales so nobody was happy. Then then "reconfigured" the commission plan that equaled an effective 10% pay cut.

 

The first to leave were the best salesman, some of whom had been there 12 - 15 years. Within 90 days of the pay change, on top of adding cashiering to the job duties, there wasn't a single sales person left that had ever been in the top 25% of sales. I learned then and saw the same later that the best people are always the first to leave because they're the most marketable and they know they can get another job quickly. The middle of the roaders that just come in and do just barely enough not to get fired always stay until they're asked to leave. They have no motivation to do a good job at work so why would they have any motivation to try to find a new job.

[Sickinfo2 291]

YES PLEASE

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EHBlnPUW0c

 

 

 

What just kills me is most of my thread time is spent reading on the damn phone. I use the widescreen PC for stuff like parts searching and informative stuff. I did, however, doodle a toon a week or so ago for the displeasure of the thread members.... should hit the pages within the next few days. Wont be as funny now of course... like it ever was to anyone but me in the first place.

 

 

 

For the record, I do post these things to be made fun of. The winner of course, was beans. The spiked shoes and pick was funny.

 

As anyone who is a FB friend saw, I posted a ridiculous picture of myself posing on rocks. Same deal. Gotta make an ass of myself.

 

 

 

In real life I can size up a guy/gal in seconds and tell if a personal insult will be taken as a joke that it was intended as.... here in the world of ones and zeros I tread cautiously. You and a few others I dont hold back on. Ive seen too many hurt feelins and all out personal feuds in the past...

 

 

 

I know all too well what it feels like to be made fun of by people that intend to hurt instead of making them "part of the group"

 

 

 

Its a miracle I dint pull some columbine style stunt between the seventh and eighth grade. Picture the weirdest kid you ever spent time in school with during that era and multiply it times ten. Now imagine the misery I was dealt from the "cool kids"

 

 

 

Im still the strangest guy in the room by far but I stopped caring what others thought by the next school year and live in my own little world to this day. I get more satisfaction from someone shaking their head in disbelief at me more than just about anything else. Yeah, look at that fool will ya.

 

 

 

Letterman told me several times over the years, "Being you is like going back to high school with money"

 

 

 

 

...he also compared himself the same way by subtracting me and adding "show business" to the statement. Ive shared way too cuh. Damn blacknsours

 

 

 

 

 

So my exgirlfriend just texted me from the bedroom (I was in the kitchen, loudly making food). "So what is the policy about bringing a date back here?"

 

You guys have any thoughts?

 

 

 

Look below for my plagiarized response...

 

 

 

"leave the door open so I can watch"

 

 

 

 

 

 

In other news, I got talked into going golfing today. I took a swing at a ball or two. Missed them both. after driving the cart around for a while I got bored and did some fancy maneuvers. Found out they dont go through sand worth a shit. Not as fast as a zero clearance lamn mower, either. The kid running it slowed down a few times and let me catch up while circling the trees behind him though...

 

 

 

Went back to Docs house afterward and rode horses. Wasnt long before we played a game of horse on horseback....

 

 

 

My winning shot was.... "Alright.... left foot on the horses head....beer in the right hand.... lean back with your head resting on his haunch... off the backboard"

 

 

 

 

I dont remeber coming home

[ShakeZuma 586]

I meant to say that I enjoyed your work in that thread. Yeah, he is pretty awful. People excuse him because he tries to play stuff off as being glib but he's a monster troll. Super biased, hugely religious, just the worst.

 

nobody ever likes the troll that trolls them. but make no mistake, balloonguy is one of the best posters on this entire site. he's a troll artist.

 

Next time, respond with:

"Have a drink and talk with him? Wait, is this a threesome? Shotgun on your mouth"

 

this was addressed later but I have to add my own input: who in their right mind would not call shotgun anus? always the anus.

 

I have no problem with conservatism, but like you I absolutely cannot stand religious conservatism. In some ways, I believe in small government, but the GOP hitched its wagon to the Christian right, so they believe in small government and individual liberty AND the large-scale, intrusionary legislation of objectively Christian morality. Which is the opposite of small government. "Small government except for the stuff we really want."

 

I don't want to encourage political talk in the thread because that's pretty verboden, but I had to quote this so say how much I agree with it. anybody who's seen my political posts knows I'm a pretty hard core libertarian, with a strong backbround in conservatism. I'm a big "small, local government" guy, and it never made sense to me how people can be like "government needs to stay out of everybody's lives!!... as long as they love jesus!" like... wat

 

 

but then again, most people are incredibly stupid so I guess I can see how the idea is so widespread.

 

From the first time I rubbed her through her clothes in a Reno Motel 6 while "babysitting" her young cousins so the parents could go gamble.

 

easily the best sentence tilt's ever written.

 

 

 

oh and beans, regarding the logging of my property: that's not an option because the trees/woods are what I enjoy about it. logging it would make it worthless to me. no point in buying it then. hell riding around the property I couldn't even find one tree I was willing to just cut down for fun. couldn't do it. not even the shitty little pines. I'm a tree hugger I guess.