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I Called In Sick Today


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I don't go into measurement specifics because I am probably meeting some of these people someday and I feel like that would be awkward.

 

Sure, because nothing makes things less awkward for potential anonymous meetups than, "My dick is big, but not toooo biiiiig! I'LL NEVER TELL." Or the phrase, "I don't go into measurement specifics because I am probably meeting some of these people someday."

 

I respect your privacy, but under these pretenses, the notion of awkwardness aversion is hilarious.

 

New answer:

 

8"x7". Hog city.

 

Edit: I... am probably out of line. The size of this guy's penis is, I can't believe I'm saying this, obviously not my business. I'm sorry for, I can't believe I'm saying this, speculating as to how gigantic your wang is. It's quite obviously inappropriate.

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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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The last thing mexi-melt took serious was that joke about his calves being small. And then he punched strat in his massive dong

 

Wait, someone picked on my calves? THAT'S crossing the line. My calves are decent.

 

 

 

One of my best friends here in WI is a dentist. He tells everyone to floss, but he doesn't. I haven't had a cavity since I had my baby teeth.

 

also, I'm down 70 since Feb 25th.

 

Eff you on the teeth

 

But seriously, that really is awesome Brv, good for you. The discipline it takes to do all that really is something.

 

You too Strat, although if you did even a little cardio, you wouldn't have had to suffer as much to do it. Congrats though

 

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Sure, because nothing makes things less awkward for potential anonymous meetups than, "My dick is big, but not toooo biiiiig! I'LL NEVER TELL." Or the phrase, "I don't go into measurement specifics because I am probably meeting some of these people someday."

 

I respect your privacy, but under these pretenses, the notion of awkwardness aversion is hilarious.

 

New answer:

 

8"x7". Hog city.

 

I respect Strats quirks, but his logic is flawed. It's not like if I were at a bar having a few with him, I wouldn't mention his enormously pleasing dong to the waitress because I didnt know exactly how big it was. It would definitely get worked into the conversation. Something like, this guy's dick is so big, it gives him lower back problems.

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Yeah, well, I hope your son is....is....unathletic

 

BOOM ROASTED

 

Missed again, didnt I? Dangit

 

Oh well. Maybe I'll empty my clip and haves nap. Those 2 hydrocodone pills kicked in a little.

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new guy, you don't have to worry about pissing me off. I am always pissed off at everyone no matter what.

 

I used the scale this morning to see where I am. said "still got it" as I walked past my mom, then stopped for a second, corrected myself, "still DON'T got it"

 

I briefly lifted weights and stuff but I end up overdoing it and worrying that I'm hurting my shoulder. get a mild pain, almost like stinging, whenever I lift over the course of several days. I never get that with push-ups, so maybe I should switch to just doing push-ups according to some sort of routine.

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yeah, reading over his points, the new dude is right. I'm like 7.5-8 depending on how you want to hold the ruler. no idea on the other measurement and I'm not going to seek out a piece of string to sate your curiosity.

 

the dudes saying you pick up length with weight loss are right.

 

I wonder how I do against naked cowboy? probably not well. I don't mind it though.

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EDIT: NEVERMIND

 

EDIT2: Good for you, bro. Nice penis. High five.

 

EDIT3: I'm gonna lose like 200 pounds, you guys

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Now we need to get into why Strat is the way he is. I mean the thing ruining my confidence is my 5x3.5. If this guy is going 8x7 he should be out there offering it to any woman he sees.

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Now we need to get into why Strat is the way he is. I mean the thing ruining my confidence is my 5x3.5. If this guy is going 8x7 he should be out there offering it to any woman he sees.

 

If I were even 7x6 I'd spend every penny I have on flat front Calvin Kleins. "Why, yes, I AM wearing a 2XL Rashaan Salaam jersey tucked into a pair of flat front slacks. WHAT DO YOU THINK, WHORE?"

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the kind of girl I want to date would not be impressed with an upfront type. like, I'm a chronic under seller in everything else, why should this be any different?

 

Because you have a monster hog.

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If I found out a buddy of mine was rocking a Hoggmeiser, I'd be pretty happy for him. I think everyone should be pumped. InternetExplorer's thunderous wang is cause for celebration, you guys

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If you think we're happy for the good fortune of others you don't know us at all.

 

Having a monster peen is different, though. I want to be perfectly clear that I have no problem with schadenfreude, but when it turns out your boy can make balloon animals out of his organ, it's time to give him an ovation and persuade him to toss it at ever slizzbag on the planet. Be like Stellan Skarsgaard in Good Will Hunting

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That's it for today new guy. If you're still here next week we can talk again.

 

Hey Ronny, you read that article on grant land about going to a marlins game? It was a good piece.

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When the **** did Grantland hire Wesley Morris!? Where have I been!?

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