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I Called In Sick Today


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and after 3 days, he is risen!

If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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I'm not sure how I feel about this chick fil a thing. Obviously I think being anti gay is just stupid but I'm not going to get into hissy fit if people keep eating there. I mean those waffle fries man.

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I know exactly how I feel about it. I feel like it proves that every single person in this god damn country is a fucktard moroninator. both sides. pure idiots. stagnant economic growth, continuing high unemployment, a syrian civil war, immigration issues, etc. etc. etc., and we're worried about a fucking chicken restaurant. jesus blue balls christ we're stupid.

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yeah but what's the point. best case scenario she goes out with me a few times and then cheats on me with some douche that likes joel schumacher movies.
there is one acceptable alternate move: ask her if she's ever seen a crisp fifty dollar bill**hourly rates prorated based on not being in a real city you piece of shit
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well she does work with me so, no! she probably hasn't!and I'm pretty sure for any prostitute in this area the best payment method is just to cut out the middle man and give her the meth directly.

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hey loogie: hope you still read here, got a question: I don't get the horse ebooks twitter account. can you please explain?

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The Chinese opening ceremonies were way better than this crappy show going on in London.

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HOW DARE YOU TALK BOUT MURICA LIKE THAT YOU GOD DAMN LIBRAL SONOFABITCHedit: wait, the olympics aren't in america?! when did this happen?

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edit: wait, the olympics aren't in america?! when did this happen?
haha, Shake's dumb.
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haha, Shake's dumb.
I know exactly how I feel about it. I feel like it proves that every single person in this god damn country is a fucktard moroninator. both sides. pure idiots. stagnant economic growth, continuing high unemployment, a syrian civil war, immigration issues, etc. etc. etc., and we're worried about a fucking chicken restaurant. jesus blue balls christ we're stupid.
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So After last night I determined It would be a good idea to lay low for a while. So after recouperating in the room for a while I found my car and made my way over to the shop. Napped at the desk for a few hours under the radar until everyone realized I was back in town. Made a few executive decisions, robbed the petty cash drawer, stole a few items from the warehouse, then headed to Danny counts place for a little sneak peek at his new history channel program. After a cameo appearance... Look for me hanging out in the office with the super hot sexretary... I gambled a little at bellagio before heading to dinner....Here's where it gets weird...I was sitting at a table... Bar was full...with five other patrons enjoying around the fifth beer when a group of women walked by. Now you all know me... While studying their asses one of them slipped a hoof on a wet spot. Spilled beer I suppose. She laughed as women will do and headed off to her assigned tableFast forward fifteen minutes or two beersAll the sudden metro and casino security arrived and commenced interviewing the gal. More and more authorities arrived as the beers flowed until it was obvious she was gunning for more than a free meal... Enter beans stage leftSo yeah, I'm now a prime witness in an upcoming lawsuit. Once my name made its rounds through the airwaves the phone started ringing like crazy. It appears as if I've hit the comp lottery. By the time the dust settles I may write an entire book of hooked stories. Cross your fingers

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Beans, did you buy a house in Florida?http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/07/26/florida-man-kills-door-to-door-salesman-i%E2%80%99ll-kill-anybody-that-steps-on-my-property/#.UBIHQtV334E.reddit

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My sister messed up big time. Neither of the girls are here. Not doing so well with any of the other "talent" here even though Im by far the best dressed here. Sorry I let you down, Essay.

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dont apologize to me ever. i've got to be one of the biggest pussies on earth when it comes to women. although i did kiss a girl tonight. but if you knew the whole story you'd be as ashamed of me as i am of myself. i realize that may seem like an odd thing to say. but trust me, i'm an epic loser.

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Stay schemin' my dude. I mean, I'm losing to dudes with graphic T's tucked into cargo shorts, ffs! I'm wearing a robins egg blue (Not sure if that's right but I've been told it looks great on me) long sleeved shirt with sleeves rolled up, white v-neck undershirt, some Levi 501's and Sperrys. I mean, there's like six girls here, but still.Edit: not that Im making excuses, but one of my sisters married friends kept telling me I looked twelve. Throwing me off what little game I have. Feel like I look 18 at least. Especially with a weeks worth of facial hair. Also, booze is really just hitting me now. Wow.

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in third grade all I used to do, was sniff glue through a tube and play rubics cube. 17 years later i'm as rude as jude, scheming on the first chick with the hugest boobs.guys like us just don't stand a chance out there in the wild. i could tell you otherwise, but i won't lie to you. not you man.

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OMG OMG SUITED THE HOT GIRL I'M IN LOVE WITH'S STATUS MESSAGE IS AN AMERICAN PSYCHO QUOTE OMG OMG I GOTTA BUY A RING
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Stay schemin' my dude. I mean, I'm losing to dudes with graphic T's tucked into cargo shorts, ffs! I'm wearing a robins egg blue (Not sure if that's right but I've been told it looks great on me) long sleeved shirt with sleeves rolled up, white v-neck undershirt, some Levi 501's and Sperrys. I mean, there's like six girls here, but still.Edit: not that Im making excuses, but one of my sisters married friends kept telling me I looked twelve. Throwing me off what little game I have. Feel like I look 18 at least. Especially with a weeks worth of facial hair. Also, booze is really just hitting me now. Wow.
BOoze hitting you Is the best. **** Heh!
334863_356011454468610_1403579844_o.jpgMy favorite belt buckle ever.
Breedin hips, **** yeah Iowa!
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haha jubi was drunk. but that redhead is nice though. well the other one too, but red hair, you know.

dont apologize to me ever. i've got to be one of the biggest pussies on earth when it comes to women. although i did kiss a girl tonight. but if you knew the whole story you'd be as ashamed of me as i am of myself.i realize that may seem like an odd thing to say. but trust me, i'm an epic loser.
tell the fucking story you fucking faggot motherfucker
I mean, I'm losing to dudes with graphic T's tucked into cargo shorts, ffs! I'm wearing a robins egg blue (Not sure if that's right but I've been told it looks great on me) long sleeved shirt with sleeves rolled up, white v-neck undershirt, some Levi 501's and Sperrys. I mean, there's like six girls here, but still.Edit: not that Im making excuses, but one of my sisters married friends kept telling me I looked twelve. Throwing me off what little game I have. Feel like I look 18 at least. Especially with a weeks worth of facial hair. Also, booze is really just hitting me now. Wow.
ok that bitch is a bitch. I'm guessing it was a bitch saying you looked twelve? well either way, your response should have been "hey you're right! and you look like a faggot/cunt!" but in a really nice way.either way, props on the outfit. how are the workouts going?
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man I don't know what this is, but I love it. I might actually mail it to my work email and put it as my avatar at work. then I can IM that girl and just say "hey". then when she responds I'll just say "hey" again. over and over. LOVE ME BITCH.
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