I Called In Sick Today

[iZuma 766]

napa, if anything sticks from my comments today it should be that women are whores and the boyfriend doesn't matter. not that I would act on it either but there it is.

[iZuma 766]

hey strat: is the market getting hammered today or just my company?

[Napa Lite 3,281]

Well, obviously I know all women are whores and not worthy of our trust or respect. That's not the problem here. We're talking about me here.

[iZuma 766]

napa you sound like you don't have enough confidence. you should just get over that and start banging a bunch of bitches.

[Napa Lite 3,281]

You're right, Shake. I'm gonna go bang a bitch right now!

[Tiltinagain 977]

I mean, I don't even know how you transition to sex while on a freaking date with a girl, but at work? and especially one that's married so there's no option for the "casual drink after work" thing? it just seems completely impossible to me.

Ugh....Ron Mexico, pick up the red courtesy phone please....

napa, if anything sticks from my comments today it should be that women are whores and the boyfriend doesn't matter.not that I would act on it either but there it is.

Ron Mexico, paging Ron Mexico. PLEASE pick up the red courtesy phone ASAP!

napa you sound like you don't have enough confidence. you should just get over that and start banging a bunch of bitches.

Jesus Christ. The 2 of you could be standing in the lobby of a whore house with pockets full of $100 bills and still chicken out before you got laid.

[iZuma 766]

to be fair though, no woman has ever been attracted to me so it's not all my fault

[Ron_Mexico 4,238]

omg you so crazyso I was just talking with my buddy who's on my new team (were already friends from high school) and apparently every female in the company, married or not, is regularly sleeping with one or more guys here. not me of course, but other ones. first off, I don't even understand the logistics of that. I mean, I don't even know how you transition to sex while on a freaking date with a girl, but at work? and especially one that's married so there's no option for the "casual drink after work" thing? it just seems completely impossible to me.

God I hate you. You and a buddy, I don't know, maybe the fck from high school on your team, agree to a plan for happy hour on Tuesday. You tell him he's going to have drinks after work with you on Friday to chase some ass. Pick a payday so no one can cry poor. He tells a few people in passing, you tell a few, it snowballs. People will go. You know these women so there isn't the awkward cold approach at the bar, let the booze and suit work it's magic. Jesus you fcking fcks suck. I hate you and Clint. In fact, he's gonna lose the Clint nickname soon.

it is? I didn't think married people would be able to do that. I mean I don't ever go out for drinks after work with coworkers so I figured for sure that the married people don't.

Marriage isn't a prison sentence. Kids are. Married people want to get out. Parents need to get out. They look for an excuse. They need a plan, which is why you broach the subject of Friday drinks on Tuesday or Wednesday. Don't do it Monday, nobody will agree to go.

Shake, I wish I could help but I'm afraid to send a guy in my department an email asking he wants to go golfing sometime even though we've talked about it a few times at various company events.

This I get. I have a few new male co workers that seem cool and I need male friends to go out and look at ass with, but I won't approach them.

For example, I ran into the only hot, not married (bf though) mid-twenties chick that works here in the break room while nuking our lunches and she asked how I was coming with the CPA tests and when I told her I had passed them all, she's like "well, why haven't we celebrated? We should celebrate!" but it's like, what am I gonna do? Send out an email and be like "hey, come celebrate how I awesome I am?". Seems kinda lame and douchey and like you'd need to think you'd actually done something worth celebrating. Which I don't think I did.

If you don't champion your own cause, nobody else will. If seems douchey but it isn't. I go with self deprecating approach. Say, "yeah, it's my Bday, or I passed the test, but really it's just an excuse for a gathering."Women always do that. Hell, some bitches pull out the birthday week or birthday month bullshit. You can have a night

Man, Ron Mexico is going to have a heart attack when he reads these last couple of pages.

You know me so well. I read half of this stuff, was pissed, finished what I was doing because I knew I wanted to yell at these dummies and make a real response. And you and Tilt call me out. Very good stuff

[DJ Vu 176]

Jesus Christ. The 2 of you could be standing in the lobby of a whore house with pockets full of $100 bills and still chicken out before you got laid.

I'd be nervous in that setting.

You're right, Shake. I'm gonna go bang a bitch right now!

Results???

[hank213 1,824]

I swear I'm freaking dexter without the murder.

this reminds me...

about to take a practice exam. a full one. good news is if i do poorly there is not much time to learn more stuff.

...you know any good books on evidence collection methods I could read?

Pick a payday so no one can cry poor.

except Shake.

[Tiltinagain 977]

to be fair though, no woman has ever been attracted to me so it's not all my fault

I highly doubt this is true from a physical standpoint. Women are not, however, attracted to guys with no self confidence. Which is more likely the issue.How do you think Ron gets so much ass? From what he says he's not running around as a Brad Pitt look a like. He has confidence. Because of that he gets laid.

Jesus you fcking fcks suck.

Ron always knows just what to say.

I'd be nervous in that setting.

Jesus Christ, don't encourage them.

[hank213 1,824]

I highly doubt this is true from a physical standpoint. Women are not, however, attracted to guys with no self confidence. Which is more likely the issue.How do you think Ron gets so much ass? From what he says he's not running around as a Brad Pitt look a like. He has confidence. Because of that he gets laid.

the self perpetuating spiral: you don't get laid for a while which makes you lose confidence which means you don't get laid which makes you lose confidence....time for a slumpbuster!**or a hoooker.

[ShakeZuma 586]

God I hate you. You and a buddy, I don't know, maybe the fck from high school on your team, agree to a plan for happy hour on Tuesday. You tell him he's going to have drinks after work with you on Friday to chase some ass. Pick a payday so no one can cry poor. He tells a few people in passing, you tell a few, it snowballs. People will go. You know these women so there isn't the awkward cold approach at the bar, let the booze and suit work it's magic. Jesus you fcking fcks suck. I hate you and Clint. In fact, he's gonna lose the Clint nickname soon.

well my buddy is married and won't go out anymore and I don't really know any of the girls in the new department so this is all pretty much useless so THANKS A LOT DUDE.

except Shake.

dude I make more than most of these people. ME.

the self perpetuating spiral: you don't get laid for a while which makes you lose confidence which means you don't get laid which makes you lose confidence....time for a slumpbuster!**or a hoooker.

seriously, I've thought about this. but even here, the "move to a real city you piece of shit" comes into play because we don't have any hookers anywhere near here. well, except black ones and fuck that.but yeah, I was joking with napa earlier about the whole "hey just get some confidence!" thing because that's what people always trot out in these conversations, like it's just that easy to do. confidence is built not just made. you have to actually accomplish something to be confident that you can do it, and if you're rejected by 20 girls in a row, well, it can become difficult to think number 21 is going to be anything different.

[Essay21 2,387]

Don't worry shakey, I'm afraid o talk to girls that I'm pretty sure do like me. Some guys just don't have it. I need the lady to really just tell me wjas going to happen. Cause Ill never do anything

[ShakeZuma 586]

hey, thanks for the empathy, but um, did you just fail the practice exam and get slam drunk afterwards or something? have a stroke maybe?

[DJ Vu 176]

seriously, I've thought about this. but even here, the "move to a real city you piece of shit" comes into play because we don't have any hookers anywhere near here.

But I'm sure your town more than makes up for it in slumpbusters.

[SuitedAces21 2,741]

...you know any good books on evidence collection methods I could read?

not really. when this is over i'll never think about criminal law or evidence again. except for when i take the kansas bar in the winter (or next summer if i fail the missouri this year and have to re-take it in february). but after that never again.

hey, thanks for the empathy, but um, did you just fail the practice exam and get slam drunk afterwards or something? have a stroke maybe?

no i was on my phone and i can't use that thing properly. i did above average on the practice exam. 144 out of 200. which would mean i'd need 116 out of 200 on my essays to pass. which is doable. i just need to bring that multiple choice score up to 160. i do that and its in the bag.

[Tiltinagain 977]

but yeah, I was joking with napa earlier about the whole "hey just get some confidence!" thing because that's what people always trot out in these conversations, like it's just that easy to do. confidence is built not just made. you have to actually accomplish something to be confident that you can do it, and if you're rejected by 20 girls in a row, well, it can become difficult to think number 21 is going to be anything different.

Well this is true. But it can be faked. Ron has mentioned using liquid courage. Or just fake it for a night. Go to a club/bar you've never been to so nobody knows you. Walk in like you own the place. No, you're not the hottest, richest, whateverest guy in the room but you walk in like you are. Like an actor playing a part, you play the part of a confident guy. It's not that hard. When I was in sales I was taught this and it's the only reason I made decent money, let alone didn't starve to death, because I'm not a natural salesman.Sitting around your cabin looking at the stars through the roof isn't going to get you laid, what have you got to lose?

[SuitedAces21 2,741]

shake you need to change everything about yourself and become a different person for the night. it shouldn't be that hard.

[ShakeZuma 586]

why did I never think of that before?!

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

what other planet I'd like to live on?

Venus, obv. Because of all the raping. Not Mars, though. Same reason.

[ShakeZuma 586]

that guy's a closer

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

No, those are the girls at Shake's company.

I'm just disappointed it took shake this long to explain the benefits package at his work. It certainly explains why he's stayed there. Benefits PACKAGE. heh heh heh.

[JubilantLankyLad 1,960]

She's got a boyfriend of 2ish years who is, by all accounts, a pretty cool dude. And I agree, Shake. Even though my friend denies it. I can't rememeber the specifics but she told me "oh, I saw my cousin/her bf last weekend and we talked about you" and that coincided with about the time she stopped coming over to talk to me.

Was this six months ago, by any chance?

[brvheart 1,768]

And she told you she wants to celebrate and yet you did nothing.Man, Ron Mexico is going to have a heart attack when he reads these last couple of pages.

Haha. Seriously. I'm sad that I don't work with Napa and Sal. I would definitely force them into hanging out with people. I mean, what the hell?! Even I go out for drinks with co-workers on a regular basis, and I'm a Jesus-loving, never been drunk-in-my-life, boring sonofabitch. COME ON, GUYS!