keith crime 8 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I think he's funny but not brilliant but this joke ishe has this friend who is really into porn and he gives him a tape and tells him it is really goodhe filmed the tape himself - it starts with a couple making out for a few minutes and then the guy's parents burst onscreen and start berating him for his porn habits Link to post Share on other sites
Golden 2 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I like the one where you go into a bank, get in line, and tap the guy in front of you. When he turns around, start putting on a pair of gloves and say "Now would be a good time to leave" Link to post Share on other sites
dEv~ 19 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I like the one where you go into a fast food place...go up to the counter, point up @ the board, and order something that's not on the menu.For Example - Going into a KFC and ordering the "Spaghetti Basket"---Or when ur at a bar with a bunch of guys go over to a girl and ask her, "Are you going to walk to your car by yourself later?" and then "I'll be over here watching you all night." Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan 1 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 hot sauce all over my body Link to post Share on other sites
nopunk 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Someone shit on the coats!What?! I hope it wasnt my coat! Link to post Share on other sites
insano 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Go up to someone after they were in an accident."By a round of applause how do you feel?""AHHHH... She's not clapping."Guess you just had to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
dEv~ 19 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 hot sauce all over my bodysorry...but its sweet-sour sauce all over my body.Quick get me some sauce...she wants it her way. Link to post Share on other sites
Azreous 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 "Don't get on the flight."And you know that person's sitting there thinking, "I don't think I should get on this ****in' flight! I think an angel just told me not to get on the flight! Thank you angel wearing jeans!" Link to post Share on other sites
CardWarfare 4 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I like the one where you go into a fast food place...go up to the counter, point up @ the board, and order something that's not on the menu.For Example - Going into a KFC and ordering the "Spaghetti Basket"---i like the version where he asks for the "colonel's chicken fun pack" beter lol Link to post Share on other sites
gkunit20 1 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 I'm sorry, but this one pwns:FONTANA, Calif. - A group of boys who posed as a 15-year-old girl for an Internet prank ended up helping police arrest a 48-year-old man who tried to meet the fictitious teenager for sex, authorities said.The five boys had created a fake profile of a girl on MySpace.com _ a social networking Web site _ to cheer up a friend who had recently broken up with his girlfriend.But soon, a man began sending messages to the "girl" and their conversations began to have sexual overtones, said Fontana police Sgt. William Megenney.The man also sent the "girl" his picture and arranged to meet her at a public park. The boys went to the park and, when the man arrived, they called police.Michael Ramos, 48, of Fontana, was booked into West Valley Detention Center on Monday for investigation of felony attempted lewd and lascivious conduct with a child and for an outstanding warrant, Megenney said.He was being held at the West Valley Detention Center on $105,000 bail, according to the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Web site.A dispatcher who answered the telephone at the center early Tuesday said the facility does not allow phone interviews with inmates. It was not immediately known whether Ramos had a lawyer.Two men were arrested last week in what prosecutors said were the first federal sexual assault charges involving MySpace. The unrelated cases involved Connecticut girls who were 11 and 14, the FBI said. Link to post Share on other sites
Golden 2 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 sorry...but its sweet-sour sauce all over my body.Quick get me some sauce...she wants it her way.On the album, it's "sweet and sour sauce on my pussy" Link to post Share on other sites
SunDrop 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Call the inspiration network on TV and ask to be added to the "protect marriage" thing they are sending to legislature. After you give them your information, tell them your boyfriend would also like to be on the list. Listen to them squirm, but agree. Link to post Share on other sites
loogie 115 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Here's one that I saw him do that I loved.Dane Cook said he was dating a girl once and asked her what her fantasy was. She told him, "I want you to rape me.""You want me to rape you??" Dane replied."Yeah. I want you to rape me."He said he was shocked and perplexed. He didn't know what to do. So he went and crouched behind a large plant in her house and waited silently for her to pass by. Link to post Share on other sites
gkunit20 1 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 That's hilarious and soooooo wrong. Girls like that are -EV. Link to post Share on other sites
kers2 0 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 I'm sorry, but this one pwns:FONTANA, Calif. - A group of boys who posed as a 15-year-old girl for an Internet prank ended up helping police arrest a 48-year-old man who tried to meet the fictitious teenager for sex, authorities said.The five boys had created a fake profile of a girl on MySpace.com _ a social networking Web site _ to cheer up a friend who had recently broken up with his girlfriend.But soon, a man began sending messages to the "girl" and their conversations began to have sexual overtones, said Fontana police Sgt. William Megenney.The man also sent the "girl" his picture and arranged to meet her at a public park. The boys went to the park and, when the man arrived, they called police.Michael Ramos, 48, of Fontana, was booked into West Valley Detention Center on Monday for investigation of felony attempted lewd and lascivious conduct with a child and for an outstanding warrant, Megenney said.He was being held at the West Valley Detention Center on $105,000 bail, according to the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Web site.A dispatcher who answered the telephone at the center early Tuesday said the facility does not allow phone interviews with inmates. It was not immediately known whether Ramos had a lawyer.Two men were arrested last week in what prosecutors said were the first federal sexual assault charges involving MySpace. The unrelated cases involved Connecticut girls who were 11 and 14, the FBI said.This sounds a little bit like what I got arrested for in High School and could not walk the stage for graduation, go to prom, or my baseball banquet. Only we posed as a girl and got our teacher to talk to us over aim and reveal all of his sexual fantasies and about how he jerks off 3x a day. We saved the conversations and emailed them to as many people at the school as we could... unaware of the legal ramifications. Hahaha but at least it was funny. Ahh blackmail Link to post Share on other sites
lvpro 0 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 This sounds a little bit like what I got arrested for in High School and could not walk the stage for graduation, go to prom, or my baseball banquet. Only we posed as a girl and got our teacher to talk to us over aim and reveal all of his sexual fantasies and about how he jerks off 3x a day. We saved the conversations and emailed them to as many people at the school as we could... unaware of the legal ramifications. Hahaha but at least it was funny. Ahh blackmailSounds like it was worth the sacrifice! Link to post Share on other sites
dEv~ 19 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 On the album, it's "sweet and sour sauce on my pussy"correct but I'm quoting his Comedy Central Special thats on the DvD. Link to post Share on other sites
chrozzo 19 Posted March 8, 2006 Share Posted March 8, 2006 Dane Cook is a BAMF fo sho Link to post Share on other sites
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