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I Called In Sick Today


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yeah, I'd bang the crazy lady. probably could too.are those coworkers? (I had already checked out all of the pics long before you even made this post.)
one or two are co-workers, two are former co-workers from a different branch and the others work at different branches, so yeah, in a way, they are co-workers.
that was a lot of stuff for a 'i dont give a shit if you believe me or not' post.
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If you are paying $20 for a haircut, I imagine people assume you did it yourself anyway.

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Pocket change cost me my first and only black girlfriend.   It was in the middle of a roaring poker boom and I was flush in ways most men don't even bother dreaming of. Money, it was like dirt to me

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OH! There it is.Stud can be a very frustrating game when every single draw against you gets there on the river.Caught one of the new chicks at work checking me out yesterday. She's not the hottest of the new bunch but she's reasonably attractive and has, what appears to be, a great set of new york boobs. I'm sure it will go nowhere. Guap, are you guys filming the next A&E "Housewives of..." series or something?SWTB, I don't see any possible way that giving your parents their pre-prepared eulogies could go sideways. NOT ONE.
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PLEASE JUST NAME THE GOD DAMN CAT CHEETO
Hows about you shut your perty little mouth?
I like the h in parentheses (parenthesis?).
es
you have a wedding to go to.
I laughed.
P7060019.jpg
I was going to make some jokes about the pathetic "couger club" thing, but she's actually mildly attractive, in an old, too-overweight-for-speedz, whorish kind of way.
Busy and lost alot of quotes but had to say that I cracked up at this.
Thank you.
Right now, however, I am going to write my parents' eulogies. It sounds macabre, but I've been writing them in my head for about 2 years now, and I want to get them on paper.
I've got them pretty well written in my head, but my parents aren't the sort that would appreciate being eulogized to their faces. Besides, I think over the years I've said enough of it in spits and spurts to be pretty sure they know how I feel.
that was a lot of stuff for a 'i dont give a shit if you believe me or not' post.
Sal made a funny for the first time since he lost his Shakeness, so now you are the one who should shut his perty little mouth.
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god damn I'm still hungover. this is stupid. I woke up at like 9 with a really bad headache but fine other than that. took a bunch of advil and have been laying around eating and stuff and now the god damn nausea starts in. at one oclock in the afternoon. what sense does that make?this getting old stuff is for the birds I tells ya.

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Upon further inspection, two comments about Crazy Lady.1. She's not too fat for me. Close, but it looks like her stomach might be flat enough to help her carry the extra pounds well.2. She looks like she would cheat on her husband. She also looks like she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball*.*I found that joke by googling "joke looks like she could suck the off the". I think it works well because she looks white trashy.

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god damn I'm still hungover. this is stupid. I woke up at like 9 with a really bad headache but fine other than that. took a bunch of advil and have been laying around eating and stuff and now the god damn nausea starts in. at one oclock in the afternoon. what sense does that make?
I only had one beer last night (early morning golf today with my dad). And no tylenol pm. Of course I was unable to fall asleep until around 2:30...I have a problem.While I was lying in bed I thought about how my coworkers might react if, during a staff meeting, I was informed that my family had been killed in a car accident (police officers came to tell me). I ran through how their reactions would differ based on my reaction. Then I ran the same simulation in my head for what they would do if they found out I had died. Then I thought about getting hit by lightning and all of a sudden being amazing at basketball, to the point where I'd be one of the best in the NBA. Would I start talking blacker, or would I stick to my humble, super-white roots? I'd like to think that I wouldn't change much, but who knows.Maybe I have more than one problem.
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It's times like this when I wish someone else would hurry up and post something, anything, already.
granted.tara-reid-anorexic.jpg
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It's amazing what she's done to herself. Bitch be crazy.
i blame society. all this damn pressure we place on these famous people to be perfect. THE PRESSURE IS UNBEARABLE.
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Well not much more. Apparently she is living in someone house rent free as it is going up for foreclosure and has a "Cougar Club*" that she is hanging out with. She is in here late 30's and partying with 40-50 year old women. D tried to make it work for a few weeks, continued counseling until she snapped again. They have been divorced officially for about 4-5 months now. Based on the information we heard, well me through my wife, we have come to the comclusion that she probably went through some post postpartum depression and did not get treatment for it and this just spun out of control. Of course I using my prestigious 4 year degree from Commuter Retard U, very similar to Wang's Retard U, in Finance to come to these conclusions.Here is the crazy lady:P7060019.jpg
Looks dead on my ex-wife. Gives me the chills.
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I only had one beer last night (early morning golf today with my dad). And no tylenol pm. Of course I was unable to fall asleep until around 2:30...I have a problem.While I was lying in bed I thought about how my coworkers might react if, during a staff meeting, I was informed that my family had been killed in a car accident (police officers came to tell me). I ran through how their reactions would differ based on my reaction. Then I ran the same simulation in my head for what they would do if they found out I had died. Then I thought about getting hit by lightning and all of a sudden being amazing at basketball, to the point where I'd be one of the best in the NBA. Would I start talking blacker, or would I stick to my humble, super-white roots? I'd like to think that I wouldn't change much, but who knows.Maybe I have more than one problem.
We share both problems. I don't drink anymore, but I do take diphenhydramine hydrochloride every night. I try not to use Tylenol PM, since the effects of acetaminophin on the liver aren't good, but I think I've slept more than 2 hours without an over-the-counter sleeping pill maybe 5 times in the last 4 years. I've run through a very similar version of that daydream many times. I don't think I've ever gone from death-daydreaming directly to superpowers daydreaming, but I've spent a considerable time thinking about both. I, too, like to think I would remain self-effacing and humble if I were suddenly famously awesome, but sometimes I imagine how awesome it would be to be awesome, and I realize I would use my resources to do awesome stuff. That might involve saying things like, "Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but do you know who I am? Yeah? So why would you think I would ever give a **** about what you are saying right now? How could you possibly have mistaken me for someone who cares?" I'd do sweet stuff with my friends, though. And say uncharacteristic things in interviews. "Yeah, you know, I was standing there, two free-throws to win an NBA championship, and I suddenly thought 'Holy crap, what is the deal with caterpillars? I mean, it's a pretty weird looking thing, and then -- BAM -- chrysalis and flutterby.' Seriously, not enough people talk about that. It comes up in 4th grade science class, and then everybody just stops talking about it. It's like Charles Woodson at Michigan. He was unreal. Everybody should talk about that with his friends at least once a week, but, you know, they don't. Anyway, yeah. So then I made both freethrows." (beat) "Is that what you were asking?" (beat) "Caterpillars, man. Think about it, America."
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I drank whole bunch last night, and I feel fine, currently. At 6:30am this morning, I was sweating, my head hurt and I couldn't sleep. But now, I'm as right as the mailtwo Sierra Nevada Summer Brews (drank fast before we left)one large and one small Call a Cab frozen drinks from Wet Willy's. It's the strongest one they have. Think slushy screwball with tons of booze6 or more miller lites at The Improv3 miller lites at the bar after the improv3 miller lites at the bar by my house, instead of just going homeall with almost no food since 1pm.

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Upon further inspection, two comments about Crazy Lady.1. She's not too fat for me. Close, but it looks like her stomach might be flat enough to help her carry the extra pounds well.2. She looks like she would cheat on her husband. She also looks like she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball*.*I found that joke by googling "joke looks like she could suck the off the". I think it works well because she looks white trashy.
1. She is on the fence for you. She has an ass Sal good appreciate and really nice tits. Pretty much seen it all. If I wanted to swing, they would have been the ones it would have happened with. Problem is I am sorta old fashioned and would really only want the threesome without letting some dude fuck my wife. 2. a) Is now a known fact. B) Yes, yes she could.3.) I wonder how long is too long to suggest the three way thing to my wife. It might make it easier that they don't like each other anymore.EDIT: Wang, try Rozrem. No side effect sleeping aid, but you will sleep for 10 hours solid.
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I drank whole bunch last night, and I feel fine, currently. At 6:30am this morning, I was sweating, my head hurt and I couldn't sleep. But now, I'm as right as the mail
yeah I'm perfectly fine now. feel great. that was one weird hangover. started out normal, got terrible for like an hour, and now BAM, gone. whatever, I ain't complaining.
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Since we had that discussion in here about how you should wear your jeans until they are visibly dirty or smelly before washing them, I have been doing just that and I have discovered 2 things.1. Jeans are at their utmost pinnacle of comfort on the 4th and 5th wearings.2. When I do finally wash a load of jeans, that is the rankest, nastiest smelling load of laundry I ever have to do.

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Since we had that discussion in here about how you should wear your jeans until they are visibly dirty or smelly before washing them, I have been doing just that and I have discovered 2 things.1. Jeans are at their utmost pinnacle of comfort on the 4th and 5th wearings.2. When I do finally wash a load of jeans, that is the rankest, nastiest smelling load of laundry I ever have to do.
Reactionary -- as opposed to proactive -- laundering has always been my policy, so I approve.Unfortunately, I do not approve of the phrase "utmost pinnacle," for reasons that should be obvious. (In case not: it is redundant.) Now that I think about it, I am not even sure if I'd feel comfortable using the word "pinnacle" to describe an clothing-item's comfort-level, but I suppose, on third thought, it's probably okay. In this instance, I just have to imagine a graph, with "comfort level" on th- Hold on. Lemme open MS Paint real quick. BRBB.
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Looks dead on my ex-wife. Gives me the chills.
1. She is on the fence for you. She has an ass Sal good appreciate and really nice tits. Pretty much seen it all. If I wanted to swing, they would have been the ones it would have happened with. Problem is I am sorta old fashioned and would really only want the threesome without letting some dude fuck my wife. 2. a) Is now a known fact. B) Yes, yes she could.3.) I wonder how long is too long to suggest the three way thing to my wife. It might make it easier that they don't like each other anymore.
STOP TALKING ABOUT THE GODDAMMM ****ING WHORE!!!
Since we had that discussion in here about how you should wear your jeans until they are visibly dirty or smelly before washing them, I have been doing just that and I have discovered 2 things.1. Jeans are at their utmost pinnacle of comfort on the 4th and 5th wearings.2. When I do finally wash a load of jeans, that is the rankest, nastiest smelling load of laundry I ever have to do.
YOU TOO!! Oh wait, what? Oh, that reminds me of her too.I have no idea what to cook for dinner tonight. It's 90 degrees, i'm sick of chicken, don't feel like going to the store,I worked in this god forsaken heat all day and well, i'm bitchy. I might even have a beer or 3. I guess colonoscopies have that effect on people.Oh yeah, what the hell are you all getting me for FATHER'S DAY?
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